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To Succeed In Life, You Need Three Things….
“A wishbone, a backbone, and a funnybone.”
Criminently that’s a clever quote! Do you know who said it? Reba McEntire. Yes, it turns out that the red-headed country singer with an Okie drawl is a damned good cracker-barrel philosopher.
As McEntire suggests, and I’m with her on this, if you’re going to leave a mark behind as you pass through this vale of tears, you’re going to need a dream (the wishbone), a lot of grit (the backbone), and a sense of humor (the funnybone).
In my mind, the funny bone is the most important of the three. In fact, medical science recommends daily doses of laughter. Scientists say (don’t you love that phrase?) that laughter activates the body’s natural relaxation response and triggers the release of endorphins, and that generates a mild euphoria. Laughter also lowers one’s blood pressure.
I’ve always liked to laugh. I had a spunky student ask me, smack-dab in the middle of a British literature class, if I took anything seriously. I think she was annoyed with me and was trying to tell me, in a polite sort of way, that I ought to rein in my smart-alecky ways and my fondness for satiric asides. I told her I’d try to be more serious. (I had my fingers crossed behind me, however, and as we all know, that means you can lie like crazy without it counting against you in the final reckoning.)
But whereas I used to laugh at literary pretenders, artistic frauds, and the self-important suits in the administration building, now that I’m retired I’ve lowered my sights. I laugh at creatures even lower on the evolutionary scale: Bob the dog and Democrats.
Bob is just one funny pooch. He has a baked-in smile on his face, he bounces straight up and down when I hold up a treat, and when he trots down the street ahead of us, his little corgi-like legs and furry butt are just as cute as cute can be. I also laugh at Marie the bounteous, but she’s just not as funny as Bob.
I also laugh at the parade of twits and lunkheads that make up the passing show of humanity. I know that sounds harsh, but criminently, there 
are some funny people out there! AOC, for instance. Think of AOC and her posse as comic characters in a farcical play and it all makes sense. Really now, are we to take seriously their plans to remake society? AOC wants to abolish capitalism. give an income to even those who don’t want to work, do away with ICE (and thus in effect open our borders), do away with gas and oil and cars, and eat faux-burger patties wrapped in lettuce. To pay for her plans, she wants to tax the hell out of those who have achieved some measure of success in life. She never reveals her ideal states, but her plans for us resemble the socialist dystopias of Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Cuba.
Criminently, ten circus clowns, all crammed into a tiny car, one clown with a pencil and a sheet of paper to record their proceedings, could come up with a better plan than AOC and her socialist, semi-socialist, and quasi-socialist compatriots are pushing.
The Left is a great source of comedy, so let’s laugh at ‘em. When we throw shade their way, they only brag to their lefty pals that their ideas have been legitimized by the opposition of mean-spirited conservatives. But they can’t so easily shake off satire and humor. No one likes to be laughed at. When Lawrence O’Donnell put on his serious face to apologize for claiming that two — yes, two! — Russian oligarchs co-signed a loan for Trump, we need to cool the moral outrage and instead make fun at O’Donnell’s discomfort.
But we’re pretty good at it already. Have you noticed that on that Fox show called The Five, the token liberal, usually a black guy like Juan Williams or a black woman like Donna Brazile, is full of righteous indignation, the default emotion of liberals, whereas the conservatives are full of wit and humor?
In the writing of this piece, I’ve become more aware of what makes me laugh. This morning, as a little experiment, I tried to keep track of things that caused me to laugh. Criminently, Ricochet people, I laugh all the time. You probably do too.
Here are a couple of instances. Marie and were running errands in the car when I ran over a speed bump without slowing up. We both bounced up a bit and laughed. No biggie, I know, but that bounce got a little laugh out of us. Later, back home, I made a mildly disparaging comment about Marie’s soup. Marie stuck her tongue out at me. We both laughed at that. It’s been something of a revelation to keep track, even for a few hours, all the circumstances that elicit a laugh from me.
Try it yourself. Keep track of what makes you laugh. Even a little “tehee” counts. You might be surprised. (You can, of course, overdo laughter. My mother-in-law used to laugh at everything, including a little tehee snort at the of every sentence she uttered. Annoyed the hell out of me.)
Postscript 1: Perhaps you noticed that I used the curious and rare word, “criminently,” a few times in this essay. Mrs. She is to blame. She’s been using a variant of the word in her posts lately. And when I read the word, it brought back a memory of my own use of the word when I was a young lad.
Maybe you’ve noticed that I steal words whenever I come across a really good one. I stole “harsh my mellow” from Doc Jay. (Whatever happened to Doc Jay?) and have used it in my posts ever since, including in a series: What Harshes My Mellow, Part 1, Part 2, and so forth.
Postscript 2: You might come up with another quality that makes for “success” in life. I added “doggedness.” Any more? Do you agree with me about the importance of laughter in our lives?
Postscript 3: Here’s more of what I find funny:
• Young guys who wear their pants down near their thighs. I’ve heard you have to suffer a bit to stay up with urban fashions, but when your “styling” causes you to waddle, it’s time to back off. I laughed so hard one time as we followed a young guy with pants midway down his butt that Marie told me to stop it before the guy came back and beat the snot out of me.
• Young girls who use “like” and “goes” to replace, “says.” I’ve just changed my mind: I think I’m more annoyed than amused. Forget that one.
• Sid Caesar and Imogene Coca. (That tells you right there that I’m older than dirt.)
• Old men who wear sweatsuits to weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. Wait a second. That’s me. Forget that one too. Besides, I’ve never been invited to a Bar Mitzvah. But if I am ever invited to one, I’m wearing my sweatsuit. I’ve heard that old Jewish men are terribly fond of sweatsuits, so I should fit right in.
• Cats that leap for the table, miss, hang onto the ledge for a second, and then fall backwards onto the rug. Cats think they’re so cool, so I enjoy seeing them make fools of themselves.
I believe you’re looking for Crimenutely!
Edit: “Criminently” is the real word, after all.
You must have been driving in Portland. And they’re called homeless now.
What sort of bone would represent that? A wishbone, a backbone, a funnybone, and a rawhide bone.
Hah hah. Perfect, Al, though I think I’ll go back and correct that typo.
A fashion trend started by an old white guy:
Criminently, Arahant, I don’t know how you remember these things. Now that you’ve brought it up, I too remember Stringbean and his low-hung trousers.
Arahant, I think you’re right. Mrs. She uses some kind of screwy variant of “criminently” that she spells “crimenutely,” just as you have suggested. I don’t know what’s going on. Perhaps her spelling is some kind of British usage. She loves her British things, you know.
Another good old word is “copacetic.”
I’ve always liked “copacetic.” That word comes right out of my Okie background. I think rural folk like that word.
Crimenutely, you plagiarist.
“Crimenutely” was a favorite saying of my favorite boss. A very bright and shrewd fellow, his tongue would occasionally get the better of him, and he was prone to sometimes very funny malapropisms, like the Mrs. herself. (You know, about her unrivaled (heh, an inside baseball joke) mangling of the language, I’m sure.) Sometimes, my boss would talk about “the crust of the matter,” and “bringing plans to futrition.” Very often, the word he’d use was so much better than the real one that it became part of my vocabulary. Thus, crimenutely. I don’t really care what the real word is.
I love reasons to laugh, although that may be hard to believe with all my serious posts. In fact, I don’t need reasons to laugh–I just do it. I seem to have become particularly good at acting silly and saying stupid things (now don’t go there!). Jerry is not the type to laugh uproariously, but I can tell when I tickle him. Doing my happy dance is a guarantee for his grinning and shaking his head. There is too much awful to give in to it. Laughing is critical to a happy life! Thanks,Kent
Oh by the way, I’ve never heard anyone else say this, but I believe copacetic is a derivative of a Hebrew phrase: Kol B’seder–which means everything is in order or everything is okay. Can you hear the similarity?
I can. That’s interesting, Susan. I would like to see you happy dance.
Life would be dull without humor and made up words that sound better than the originals.
It would definitely make you happy! Maybe at a Ricochet meetup sometime!
Being easy on the eyes and singing well helps also.
Kent, I’ve always believed that handsome and pretty people have a strong advantage over the rest of us. I don’t know about the singing voice.
I hope you are not describing me, @ekentgolding! Trust me!
I’ll take your word for it, although I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before (for what that’s worth).
Ah, thank you for reminding me of Sid Caesar and Imogene Coca! Now I get to fish for their stuff and have a hearty laugh. I did that a couple of weeks ago with Burns and Allen, to mark the anniversary of Gracie’s passing. This, and cat pictures, are the real reason for the Internet. I can almost forgive the existence of Twitter when I can pull up a classic Ernie Kovacs schtick and use it to utterly destroy a young friend who has never heard of him.
Old What’s My Line? shows from the 50’s are great.
A post in which you mention Bob the dog requires pictures of Bob the dog. We’re waiting…😕
He’s Bob the Cat now. We converted him after the last post.
Bob is no pussy!
Bob is woke! He’s bypassed transgender, and gone straight for transspecies!
I have no idea about your singing voice.
Of course it is! The Sheriff of Nottingham used it in Disney’s Robin Hood.
I always hear it Pat Buttram’s voice.
This made me LOL today: