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Your Government Inaction: TSA and Beer
I just returned from visiting family and friends in New Mexico. On these trips, I always have an extra suitcase so I can bring back brews not available in The Great State of Texas.™ In order to not lose any of the precious liquid, I wrap the individual beer cans in newspaper, put them in quart Zip-Lock® bags, then put three or four at a time in gallon freezer bags.
I’ve been doing this for several years without incident or spillage. In March, the Southwest Airlines® desk agent asked why my case was so heavy. When I showed him, he bawled me out for not putting enough padding around the cans. He made me wrap my clothing around the gallon bags and slapped a “FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE” sticker on the side of my suitcase.
So this time, I put the double-bagged cans in padded carriers. When I arrived home and opened the suitcase, everything fell out in a heap. All of the cans of beer had been removed from the closed carriers and sealed bags, then returned higgity-piggity. None of the plastic bags had been resealed, and the zippered partition between the halves of the suitcase had not been closed. There was a slip of paper in the case stating, “You’ve been inspected, have no fear.” Apparently, TSAIGA is not concerned about beer spilling all over the interior of the airplane cargo hold.
This begs the question: Are these the kind of people you want managing your healthcare?
Published in Humor
My thing was to bring back a 6 pack of the good local stuff, distinct from my home region’s good stuff, to share with friends.
That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.
“Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”
“But . . . it’s beans.”
“[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”
“Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”
“But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”
[I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]
“Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”
. . . .
“Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”
In the early days of the TSA, the pervert behind the scanner objected to something I had in my bag. It was a liquid of some kind, I don’t remember what. The TSA pervert told me that I couldn’t take it on the plane, and tossed it in the nearby trash can. I asked him, if he thought it was so dangerous, why was it safe in the trash can? Of course I didn’t expect, and he didn’t give, an answer. I think the perverts improved their security theater to be a bit less transparent since.
My favorite story was watching them confiscate a pair of nail clippers from the woman in front of me because it had the little fold-out nail file. Couldn’t have been 2″ long. This was at DFW.
Once on the other side and heading to my gate, the thought occurred to me – “Hey, I wonder if they sell those nail clippers in the Hudson News stand!” Sure enough.
My wife reminded me that we had the Southwest Airlines agent seal the box at the check-in counter.
I had a TSA agent explain to me that a person can’t take a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich through security because it’s a “gel” – unless they freeze it before they come through security. Because then it’s not a gel anymore. Even though it will thaw out before the flight is over.
He agreed that this was stupid.
I’ve never had the motivation to actually try it and see.
Theater of the Absurd. Not what a serious people would tolerate.
What the world needs is an international Pack Your Coffee In Your Checked Baggage Day.
Whether we suffer theft, destruction, or disarray, the fact is that we are paying taxes for institutionalized contempt.
I’m…I’m falling in love.
A PB&J will receive no justice in a country that regularly indicts ham sandwiches.
Not at all the same thing, related enough, and a fun story.
Back in the late 80s, one of my cousins (We’ll call her “Beth”, because that’s her name) spent a semester in Germany. Another cousin (We’ll call him “Eric”, for the same reason) was travelling through on a visit shortly before Beth was returning. Beth sent a suitcase home with Eric to reduce the amount of stuff she had to take when returning home herself.
Eric gets home, buys about 30 pounds of powdered sugar, repackages it into plastic bags and puts the bags in Beth’s suitcase before dropping it off at her house. Eric was also Type 1 diabetic, so he threw a few syringes and needles in for good measure.
Hilarity ensued.
As did a *lot* of baking, to use up the powdered sugar.