Your Government Inaction: TSA and Beer

 

I just returned from visiting family and friends in New Mexico. On these trips, I always have an extra suitcase so I can bring back brews not available in The Great State of Texas.™ In order to not lose any of the precious liquid, I wrap the individual beer cans in newspaper, put them in quart Zip-Lock® bags, then put three or four at a time in gallon freezer bags.

I’ve been doing this for several years without incident or spillage. In March, the Southwest Airlines® desk agent asked why my case was so heavy. When I showed him, he bawled me out for not putting enough padding around the cans. He made me wrap my clothing around the gallon bags and slapped a “FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE” sticker on the side of my suitcase.

So this time, I put the double-bagged cans in padded carriers. When I arrived home and opened the suitcase, everything fell out in a heap. All of the cans of beer had been removed from the closed carriers and sealed bags, then returned higgity-piggity. None of the plastic bags had been resealed, and the zippered partition between the halves of the suitcase had not been closed. There was a slip of paper in the case stating, “You’ve been inspected, have no fear.” Apparently, TSAIGA is not concerned about beer spilling all over the interior of the airplane cargo hold.

This begs the question: Are these the kind of people you want managing your healthcare?

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  1. Clifford A. Brown Contributor
    Clifford A. Brown
    @CliffordBrown

    Skyler (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody-Badenphipps Esq (View Comment):

    OkieSailor (View Comment):

    Not sure about the cost but might UPS be a better way to get things safely delivered to oneself? As a way to avoid the overbearing idiots charged with keeping us safe in the air?

    UPS has rules against shipping plutonium.

    I mean beer. They probably have rules against shipping beer.

    Really, it’s hard to imagine any beer is worth that effort. There are so many beers that are good and available in every state that it hardly seems necessary to go to such effort.

    My thing was to bring back a 6 pack of the good local stuff, distinct from my home region’s good stuff, to share with friends.

    • #31
  2. kelsurprise, drama queen Member
    kelsurprise, drama queen
    @kelsurprise

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once.  So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here. 

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane.  It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans.  I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things.  They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.” 

     . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag.  “And next time, check the beans.” 

     

     

    • #32
  3. Skyler Coolidge
    Skyler
    @Skyler

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”

    . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”

     

     

    In the early days of the TSA, the pervert behind the scanner objected to something I had in my bag.  It was a liquid of some kind, I don’t remember what.    The TSA pervert told me that I couldn’t take it on the plane, and tossed it in the nearby trash can.  I asked him, if he thought it was so dangerous, why was it safe in the trash can?  Of course I didn’t expect, and he didn’t give, an answer.  I think the perverts improved their security theater to be a bit less transparent since.

    • #33
  4. The Great Adventure! Inactive
    The Great Adventure!
    @TheGreatAdventure

    Skyler (View Comment):

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”

    . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”

     

     

    In the early days of the TSA, the pervert behind the scanner objected to something I had in my bag. It was a liquid of some kind, I don’t remember what. The TSA pervert told me that I couldn’t take it on the plane, and tossed it in the nearby trash can. I asked him, if he thought it was so dangerous, why was it safe in the trash can? Of course I didn’t expect, and he didn’t give, an answer. I think the perverts improved their security theater to be a bit less transparent since.

    My favorite story was watching them confiscate a pair of nail clippers from the woman in front of me because it had the little fold-out nail file.  Couldn’t have been 2″ long.  This was at DFW.

    Once on the other side and heading to my gate, the thought occurred to me – “Hey, I wonder if they sell those nail clippers in the Hudson News stand!”  Sure enough.

    • #34
  5. Vectorman Inactive
    Vectorman
    @Vectorman

    Vectorman (View Comment):

    I took wine from Napa CA back on Southwest in a box from the winery. It had Styrofoam inserts that protected the $30 – $50 bottles very well, and was not opened by the TSA. You may wish to find something similar for beer cans.

    My wife reminded me that we had the Southwest Airlines agent seal the box at the check-in counter.

    • #35
  6. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”

    . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”

     

     

    I had a TSA agent explain to me that a person can’t take a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich through security because it’s a “gel” – unless they freeze it before they come through security.  Because then it’s not a gel anymore.  Even though it will thaw out before the flight is over.

    He agreed that this was stupid.

    I’ve never had the motivation to actually try it and see.

     

     

    • #36
  7. Clifford A. Brown Contributor
    Clifford A. Brown
    @CliffordBrown

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”

    . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”

     

     

    I had a TSA agent explain to me that a person can’t take a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich through security because it’s a “gel” – unless they freeze it before they come through security. Because then it’s not a gel anymore. Even though it will thaw out before the flight is over.

    He agreed that this was stupid.

    I’ve never had the motivation to actually try it and see.

     

     

    Theater of the Absurd. Not what a serious people would tolerate.

    • #37
  8. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    When my sister and I visited France many years ago, she got addicted to some local coffee our hosts had and was charmed by the quaint little tin that it came in, so she bought several of them to take back home.

    Concerned about the tins’ getting crushed, however, she decided to pour all the coffee into plastic bags, which she packed in her checked duffel bag, then she took the empty tins home in her carry-on.

    Upon arrival, the duffel bag never appeared. We filed a report and a couple days later, it was delivered to my apartment with the contents clearly disturbed and a “we searched your bag” notice inside.

    And that’s when it hit me: “Congratulations,” I told my sister, “on totally punking the TSA!”

    “??”

    “I don’t think your bag was just searched,” I told her. “I think your bag has spent two days being mauled by every drug-sniffing dog in the tri-state area, because the TSA thought you just had to be hiding something under all that coffee!”

    What the world needs is an international Pack Your Coffee In Your Checked Baggage Day. 

    • #38
  9. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    JosePluma (View Comment):

    Vectorman (View Comment):

    I took wine from Napa CA back on Southwest in a box from the winery. It had Styrofoam inserts that protected the $30 – $50 bottles very well, and was not opened by the TSA. You may wish to find something similar for beer cans.

    I actually had a couple of those because I’d brought some Texas wine to give to friends. Unfortunately they only fit one can each. These were also opened, the plastic bags were not resealed, and the twine I’d used to hold the tops and bottoms together had been retied. With granny knots.

    Whether we suffer theft, destruction, or disarray, the fact is that we are paying taxes for institutionalized contempt. 

    • #39
  10. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”

    . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”

    I’m…I’m falling in love. 

    • #40
  11. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    Hank Rhody, on the blockchain (View Comment):

    You don’t appreciate the real purpose of carry-on luggage.

    …That’s four 0z or less.

    That stupid rule went into effect while I was visiting family in Oklahoma, once. So of course I got yanked out of the security line on my way back here so an agent could rifle through my bag and pull out the cans of beans I’d picked up on the way to the airport to bring back for a fellow Okie, who was pining for some local fare she couldn’t find here.

    “Ma’am, you can’t take these on the plane. It’s over the liquid limit.”

    “But . . . it’s beans.”

    “[shaking the can] . . . with liquid.”

    “Yeah, but it’s mostly beans. I doubt you’d get 4oz total liquid if we drained those things. They’re more dangerous as missiles than liquid!”

    “But it’s still a 10oz container . . . with liquid in it, so . . .”

    [I had a flight to catch, so I picked up my carry-on and dumped out the rest of the contents.]

    “Find the can opener,” I said, “and I’ll surrender the beans.”

    . . . .

    “Have a nice flight,” he said, as he shoved the cans back in my bag. “And next time, check the beans.”

     

     

    I had a TSA agent explain to me that a person can’t take a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich through security because it’s a “gel” – unless they freeze it before they come through security. Because then it’s not a gel anymore. Even though it will thaw out before the flight is over.

    He agreed that this was stupid.

    I’ve never had the motivation to actually try it and see.

    A PB&J will receive no justice in a country that regularly indicts ham sandwiches. 

    • #41
  12. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    kelsurprise, drama queen (View Comment):

    When my sister and I visited France many years ago, she got addicted to some local coffee our hosts had and was charmed by the quaint little tin that it came in, so she bought several of them to take back home.

    Concerned about the tins’ getting crushed, however, she decided to pour all the coffee into plastic bags, which she packed in her checked duffel bag, then she took the empty tins home in her carry-on.

    Upon arrival, the duffel bag never appeared. We filed a report and a couple days later, it was delivered to my apartment with the contents clearly disturbed and a “we searched your bag” notice inside.

    And that’s when it hit me: “Congratulations,” I told my sister, “on totally punking the TSA!”

    “??”

    “I don’t think your bag was just searched,” I told her. “I think your bag has spent two days being mauled by every drug-sniffing dog in the tri-state area, because the TSA thought you just had to be hiding something under all that coffee!”

    Not at all the same thing, related enough, and a fun story.

    Back in the late 80s, one of my cousins (We’ll call her “Beth”, because that’s her name) spent a semester in Germany.  Another cousin (We’ll call him “Eric”, for the same reason) was travelling through on a visit shortly before Beth was returning.  Beth sent a suitcase home with Eric to reduce the amount of stuff she had to take when returning home herself.

    Eric gets home, buys about 30 pounds of powdered sugar, repackages it into plastic bags and puts the bags in Beth’s suitcase before dropping it off at her house.  Eric was also Type 1 diabetic, so he threw a few syringes and needles in for  good measure.

    Hilarity ensued.

    As did a *lot* of baking, to use up the powdered sugar.

     

     

     

    • #42
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