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Apparently #nottherealroblong has been working on a new sitcom that takes place where? In a bar! No shocker there . . .
Anyway, here is a sample from his new show, Jeers!:
[Opens with theme song:]
Being a lib in the USA
Takes everything you’ve got.
So take a break from all your protests,
Hoping Trump gets shot.
Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where every leftist knows your name.
And everybody thinks the same.
You want to be where you can see
Republicans take the blame.
You want to be where nobody knows you’re lame.
Announcer: Jeers! was filmed before a woke audience.
Opening scene: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders are tending the bar.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Sure is quiet. Is there a strike going on?
Bernie Sanders: No, it’s because the life of the party hasn’t shown up yet. He should be here any minute.
[The door opens and Paul Krugman walks in. Audience approves with jazz hands.]
All cast members and audience: Kruuuuuuuug!
AOC: The usual, Krug?
Paul Krugman [walking toward empty stool]: Better make it a proletariat pilsner. I had a helluva day.
BS [filling a glass]: On boy, the last time you had a PP was when Trump won. That’ll be $5.50 with a one dollar surcharge for white privilege.
Krug [takes the glass]: Just put it on my SNAP EBT.
John Kasich [sitting next to Krug]: What’s got you so down today, Paul old buddy?
Krug [takes swig]: It’s my latest column. I finally had to admit capitalism is the most superior economic system there is.
[AOC, BS, and bar patrons gasp, audience stands and turns their backs on Krug]
AOC: Say it ain’t so, Krug! Capitalism sucks! Just the other day, I found out I pay myself 78% less than Bernie. Now I have to sue myself for discrimination!
JK: My dad was a mailman, and—
BS: We know, we know—your dad was a mailman. The whole world knows!
JK: Anyway, this dog on Dad’s route bit him, and he sued the owner.
AOC: Did he win?
JK: Heck no. The guy hired John Yoo. Not only did he get the guy off, he countersued and Dad ended up having to pay the guy’s vet bills for a year.
Audience [chanting]: Eff Yoo! Eff Yoo! Eff Yoo!
Ilhan Omar [carrying a tray of drinks]: We will make Yoo pay for this attack on the working class! Infidel!
JK: Who, me?
Ilhan Omar [still carrying a tray of drinks]: Not you. Yoo.
[Kasich has a confused look on his face as Omar walks off to serve drinks.]
BS: So Krug, what do you think will happen when your column is published?
Krug: Oh, it’s not going to be published. It goes against the narrative.
AOC: Then why are you so down on yourself?
Krug: How would you feel if you realize something you believed all your life wasn’t true? Furthermore, how much worse would you feel if you realized it on your own? I got to go to the bathroom. Be right back.
AOC [after Krug disappears into the gender-neutral bathroom]: We have to do something. He’s our most powerful economic voice, as well as one of our best customers.
BS: We need an intervention. But what? And how?
JK: Most importantly, who?
AOC [snaps her fingers]: I have it! [AOC takes her cell and makes a call as Krug returns]
Krug: I need a refill.
BS: That’s $5.50, plus a dollar to fight man-made global climate change. I know, put it on your EBT card.
[AOC returns, a smile on her face]
BS [whispering]: Well?
AOC [whispering]: She’ll be here soon.
[As Krug and Kasich chat, the door opens and in walks Marianne Williamson. Audience responds with jazz hands.]
AOC: Hey Krug, look who’s here.
[Williamson walks over and sits next to Krug.]
Krug: I . . . I . . . I don’t believe it! I’m a big fan! I can’t wait for the primary so I can vote for you!
Marianne Williamson [gently places her hand on Krug’s forearm]: Why thank you, Paul! Not every Democrat Presidential candidate can double her support in one day.
AOC: What’ll you have? Consider it a campaign donation.
MW [looking at AOC]: You have such a forceful aura today. I feel the choice should be yours. You are pro-choice, aren’t you?
AOC: Did Bernie honeymoon in the USSR? Fictitious-Christian-place called Hell, yes! I’ll whip up something special for you.
MW [Turning to Krug]: Now your aura looks troubling. What’s bothering you?
Krug: I just discovered capitalism rocks.
MW: Tsk tsk tsk. Your second chakra is unbalanced. The best way to rebalance it is to make love.
Krug: My wife is out of town.
MW [stands and pulls Krug off the barstool]: I suggest we go somewhere quiet. Perhaps we can come up with an alternative solution together.
Williamson locks arms with Krug, who winks at Kasich as they walk out of Jeers! together.
AOC [holding a filled cocktail glass]: Guess she didn’t need her passion fruit daiquiri after all.
JK: Lucky guy. Nothing like that ever happens to me, the son of a mailman.
[Ocasio-Cortez quickly downs the daiquiri. She looks at Kasich and walks over to him.]
AOC: You know, I find sons of the working class very attractive.
JK [sits bolt upright]: You do?
AOC: Certainly! You know, my boyfriend is out of town too. How about we go over to my place and look at pictures of mailmen on my computer?
JK: ¡Caramba! Works for me!
[Ocasio-Cortez and Kasich leave together]
BS [shaking his head]: What am I? Chopped liver?
Ilhan Omar [batting her eyes]: No, but you’ll do. My brother left me, so I need a new husband. But first, we kill Yoo!
BS [looks into the camera with a shocked expression]: Kill me? Oy vey!
[Audience stands and approves with jazz hands. Theme music starts, then fades out.]
Announcer: Jeers! is a Rhino Squish Production.