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Badges, Tabs, and Doodads
In the Army, one wears the badges, tabs, and doodads on one’s uniform. It kind of tells people where you’re at, where you come from, and what you’ve done.
When two Army guys meet, there’s an immediate assessment of each on the other according to his badges, tabs, and doodads. This immediate, line-of-sight sizing up is officially known as “butt-sniffing.”
On the right sleeve, you wear the patch of whichever unit you’ve been to combat with; if you’ve been to combat with multiple units, you pick whichever you want (usually, it’s the one that will give you the best props during butt-sniffing). On the left sleeve, you wear the patch of the unit to which you are currently assigned. Also on the left sleeve, one wears (up to three, only) the tabs to which one is entitled to wear through the application of blood, sweat, and tears. There’s the Ranger tab (Hoowah!), the Special Forces tab (we’re pulling down max per diem for this gig, right?), the Airborne tab (All The Way!), and the Sapper tab (I know nothing about this tab, but I think it’s suspect).
Esoterica: If one is airborne qualified, one wears his airborne badge on his chest, which badge is dependent upon one’s jumping experience. There’s the parachutist badge, the senior parachutist badge, and the master parachutist badge (otherwise known as the “master blaster”). The airborne tab on one’s sleeve denotes that one is currently assigned to an airborne unit. So, one can be airborne qualified, but not in an airborne unit, in which case one only wears the badge. One can be a dirty, nasty leg (i.e., non-airborne qualified) but assigned to an airborne unit, in which case one wears the tab. If you got both, you wear both.
Other badges one may see on the butt-sniffee one is assessing are the Combat Infantryman’s Badge (a musket with a wreath around it), the Expert Infantryman’s badge (just a musket), the Combat Diver badge (Waves, tides, and currents shall not affect the combat diver! Your last breath of air is like no breath at all!), The HALO badge (High Altitude/Low Opening jump), the Combat Action Badge (I’m not an Infantryman, but I got shot at), and the Pathfinder badge (also know as the patch-finder badge). And by the way, may I just mention that if one graduates from the Special Forces Qualification Course, one is a qualified and certified pathfinder, but one does not get to wear the purty badge. That’s because Infantrymen are chauvinists.
On the combat duty uniform (BDU, ACU, multi-cam, spectral cam; they’re changing uniforms so fast, on can hardly keep up), all of the “badges” are cloth images, sewn onto the left side of the chest (of the tunic; you hardly ever have to sew the badge onto your actual chest anymore).
If one is an overachiever (or a masochist), one can earn the right to wear the Airborne, Ranger, and Special Forces tabs stacked up on one’s left sleeve. This display is known colloquially as the “tower of power.”
After 9/11, Special Operations Forces became famous for wearing ball caps. First, ya can’t wear a Kevlar/MICH/ACH helmet all day, every day on a long-term deployment (well, unless you’re Big Army, then suck it up, buttercup). Too, the initial ball caps made a statement. Most were NYPD, FDNY, or Yankees ball caps. You want to mess with us? Americans? Okay, doom on you. ‘Mericans being the blessed capitalists that they are, there soon became suppliers for ball caps with Velcro on the front (to put the badge, tab, or doodad of choice on), a long strip of Velcro on the back (for a name tape or a blood-type tape), and a wee square of Velcro on the top (for a swatch of GLINT tape, so the AC-130 knows who not to kill).
I’m done with that now. No more badges, no more tabs, no more doodads. No more butt-sniffing–threat assessments in the Walmart parking lot as to who is and isn’t a threat isn’t butt-sniffing.
It’s time for me to chill out.*
I still have an affinity for ball caps, though.
But I found the perfect tab for me, now. So I’ll walk around proudly wearing this, instead of the tower of power (which I’d never do on a ball cap, anyway, on accounta that’s kind of douche-y).
*Yeah. I know. Husha yo mouf.
Published in General
Doing what? Aiming your gun at the pilots so they fly straight through the flak while others jump? If one is assigned to an airborne unit, is he necessarily scheduled for parachute qualification?
Sapping the life out of a room, like a good soldier?
My grandpa picked up a nice one in North Africa.
Very cool. No dithering, there.
Usually. But a sustainment guy or gal can zig or zag out of it, if he/she really wants to.
In most airborne units, one cannot hold a leadership position unless one is airborne qualified.
Nobody can touch the Soviets on this one.
I remember going to the Air War College in Montgomery Al. They had a ton of foreign students n the base, each in their national uniform. Rule of thumb was the more elaborate the uniform, the worse the military was at fighting. In order to clear up the confusion, they would have them wear equivalent US rank pinned to their uniform.
As a fresh Butter Bar ( 2nd Lt) I was always ready to snap off a salute. I was just about to snap one off for a guy who looked like he was a freaking 4 star general. He had 4 pips on his shoulders, multiple stripes at his cuffs, lots of badges etc. Then I looked closely and saw the 2 little stripes that marked him as a corporal.
I have seen a lot of Stolen Valor type videos on YouTube where vets call out guys who are faking it. Guess they weren’t aware of how closely people might sniff their butts, so to speak . . . hopefully not literally.
Dad was attached to the 82nd Airborne during WWII, despite never going through jump training. He was Signal Corps. Got to the European theater late – just in time for the end of the Battle of the Bulge. (His combat experience consisted of trading obscenities with his German opposite numbers over the radio, according to him. Kind of like flame wars today and usually just as deadly.) He also related his sole aerial experience – a practice drop in a glider in France preparatory for a later-cancelled airborne operation in Germany.
He came so late he ended up in the occupation forces after the war, coming back to the US in 1946 after serving in the MPs in Berlin.
I have a First Airborne Army patch and a Fifteenth Army patch of his from the war. I believe he wore the First Airborne Army patch on his right sleeve in the 1950s during his ROTC days at the University of Michigan. Bet that impressed the hell out of the kids too young to have been in The Big One, even though all he did was man a battalion radio.
Driving into Wright-Patterson AFB most mornings, I really wanted a placard for the car that read “I’m a civilian, dammit! Wave, don’t salute.” The number of 18-year-olds guarding the gate who were straight off the bird from Lackland and threw me salutes was one sure way of telling when a new bunch had arrived.
When it comes to salutes, the best philosophy is “when in doubt, whip it out.”
The Commanding General of a Basic Training unit is going to address the current class. Knowing the General is inbound, a drill sergeant posts a trainee outside the auditorium at the curb, with the admonition to let him know ASAP when the General showed up.
The General ran late (as generals are wont to do). Three or four times, the agitated drill sergeant comes out to ask (in that touchy feely drill sergeant kind of way) if the trainee had seen any sign of the general.
Finally, a staff car pulls up, the driver jumps out, and opens the door for the General.
The trainee asks, “Are you the General?”
General says, “yes, son, I am.”
“Well then, you better get your ass in there. The Drill Sergeant is looking for you, and he’s pissed. “
Boss, love your posts! I have had a “Regular Guy” patch Velcro-ed to my laptop for ages. Love it as it does seem to draw a few looks from some folks. My service was in the 70s and 80s and it truly embarrasses me to get a “Thank you for your service” from a current soldier. What I did was very small stuff compared to the last 18 or so years (did go to Grenada in ’83 but that was exciting rather than actually dangerous). My nephew(’12 USMA grad) is in Afghanistan now with the 82nd so some of it runs in the genes…
You didn’t mention ribbons. In the Navy (at least 20 years ago) that was prime area for butt sniffing.
Me too. I was a mechanic/chemist on a ship in the North Arabian Sea as “naval presence” during the Iran/Iraq war.
But… From just li’l ol’ me… Thank you for your service.
And thank your nephew for me.<– Sorry. Inappropriate request.From Rick Lobbes, fellow fan of the late Neptunus Lex (another milblogger):
True.
But ribbons are worn only on the Class A and B uniforms (Army talk). I have diligently eschewed any job that would require Class B uniform wear. When the Army changed the Class A uniform from greens to blues, I didn’t even bother to buy the accoutrements necessary to downshift to Class B’s. I figured if I had to wear B’s, I was screwed anyway.
TD battalion?
Guy in my squadron had been an ALO (Air liaison officer) for a ground unit in Germany during the Cold War in the 70’s. A position loathed by Fighter Pilots. One day during a REFORGER he was sitting near a fire trying to get warm and dry off from the endless rain feeling very sorry for himself. He hears a guy say ” mind if I sit down and join you Soldier ?” He fires off, ” I don’t give a cr#p buddy”. Guy quietly sits down and my buddy looks up and sees Alexander Haig, 4 star general, commander of US forces and NATO…..
Hey, man, you signed a blank check to the USA; you’re not even overdrawn if the amount means you die. That’s nothing to ever be embarrassed about.
But, yeah, I got that embarrassment thing going on, too, when someone says “Thank you for your service.”
Again, my butter bar friends would go to Pensacola Naval Air Station on weekends when we were at the AWC in Montgomery to hit the beaches. We were all confused by the naval insignia, and as Boss Mongo pointed out when in doubt we would whip a salute out. Soon, one of the Navy petty officers took us aside and admonished us for embarrassing ourselves by saluting all the Naval NCO’s we were passing.
Yeah, but the Navy can kiss my grits. I’m expected to know (or figure out) both rank and rate? Nah. Ain’t got the time.
And the only way to tell the officers ranks is to look at the gold braid on their shoulders? And I’m supposed to remember how many gold stripes means what the rank is? Pass.
The one thing I know is when you see all gold epaulets, salute with both hands.
Y’all are just going to have to live with the embarrassment then, because the gratitude is heartfelt.
Yeah, under Patton. I’ve got that tank destroyer insignia and armored division insignia, which my grandpa stitched while laid up for shrapnel. They thought he was dead in the mud for a while.
I never understood how the shrapnel travelled through his bloodstream without killing him sooner than it did, about age 70. It went in his legs and he picked it out of his hands.
I understand. Hard for the Army guy to figger out.
But… I work on an Air Force base, and I got the rates and ranks down to properly address the heavily armed gate police. Occasionally the CCMS (?) is out there in the weather with his people.
Sometimes a Butter Bar
or LT 
. Go ahead and “sir” the young feller (or “ma’am” the gal).
Because, as he will tell you if you do . . .”he works for a living.“
Exactly!
I dunno, I thought the Norks do pretty well.
My understanding is that they are saluting the car decal.
That’s a nice formulation; sometimes even the most REMF of REMFs gets killed.
That’s what they should be doing. We SP were trained to look at the decal; blue meant a salute, any other color a wave through. Though I went directly to K9 school after the SP school, so I didn’t stand nearly as many gates as my classmates.
My dad retired with two rockers. They offered him a third if he’d extend two years.
Actually, that’s a pretty good theory.