Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Have Fun Stormin’ the Air Force Base

 
Greeting the aliens, from the 1997 film, Contact.

The word has gone out (through a joke Facebook post) to swarm around Area 51 in the Nevada desert on September 20 and storm the gates of this no-longer-very-secret but still highly-classified US Air Force base. Several thousand respondents to the Facebook post may be taking the joke seriously because close to 1 million of these future Darwin Award recipients have pledged to show up. They want to finally see for themselves that the government has, for many years now, been harboring or preserving deceased extraterrestrial beings and their interstellar or intergalactic spacecraft, and also discover how the Air Force has learned how to build incredible new aircraft based on alien technology. Which is why we also have flying cars, Teflon, Velcro, Super Glue, and Mark Zuckerberg.

Surrounding any military base in the United States and storming its gates with the stated objective of overrunning it and invading it, is not a good idea. Military personnel have a duty to protect any military installation from being taken over. They do this by using deadly force, meaning that they point weapons that fire bullets at would-be invaders that will penetrate the bodies of said-invaders and kill them.

Of course, there may be hundreds of courageous UFO conspiracy theorists willing to take a bullet and die for their beliefs and the cause of finally bringing the truth about the government’s decades-long cover-up. If they are, it would be best if they have upon their persons some current and valid identification, so next-of-kin can be contacted to make the necessary arrangements to have their loved one’s bodies transported back to their home communities for funeral and/or memorial services.

Otherwise, American taxpayers will no doubt be stuck with the bill of collecting and temporarily storing the massacred, which would be problematic because getting a Democrat-controlled House of Representatives to authorize the funding for such an effort is likely to be very challenging, not to mention the cost of scrambling cold-storage containers to the area, since most of the cold-storage in use in Area 51 is already packed with extraterrestrials.

Oops! I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.

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There are 62 comments.

  1. Susan Quinn Contributor

    Brian Watt: since most of the cold-storage in use in Area 51 is already packed with extraterrestrials. Oops! I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.

    Nice going, Brian. Now they’ll have to kill you.

    • #1
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:25 AM PST
    • 11 likes
  2. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Post author

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Brian Watt: since most of the cold-storage in use in Area 51 is already packed with extraterrestrials. Oops! I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.

    Nice going, Brian. Now they’ll have to kill you.

    Well, they’ve already been conducting experiments on me which explains a lot!

    • #2
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:28 AM PST
    • 14 likes
  3. Muleskinner, Weasel Wrangler Member

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Brian Watt: since most of the cold-storage in use in Area 51 is already packed with extraterrestrials. Oops! I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.

    Nice going, Brian. Now they’ll have to kill you.

    Well, they’ve already been conducting experiments on me which explains a lot!

    Do those probes make it hard to sit down?

    • #3
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:32 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  4. Barfly Member

    Anybody who’s ever driven the ET Highway, seen the black mailbox (not really black), and hiked to Tikaboo Peak can predict how this’ll go. Do people have any idea just how vast that space is? In September they’ll need significant water – by that I mean they have to carry so much water it becomes the limiting factor. Mean country it is. I doubt any of these snowflakes will last long enough to die from lead poisoning.

    • #4
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:34 AM PST
    • 16 likes
  5. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Post author

    Muleskinner, Weasel Wrangler (View Comment):

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    Brian Watt: since most of the cold-storage in use in Area 51 is already packed with extraterrestrials. Oops! I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.

    Nice going, Brian. Now they’ll have to kill you.

    Well, they’ve already been conducting experiments on me which explains a lot!

    Do those probes make it hard to sit down?

    Classified and highly sensitive information.

    • #5
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:35 AM PST
    • 10 likes
  6. MichaelKennedy Coolidge

    What a great idea ! I assume a large share of invaders will be active or potential Antifa members.

    I have a bug zapper on my patio with a blue light that draws bugs to be zapped.

    I had never thought before of a human equivalent.

    • #6
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:36 AM PST
    • 14 likes
  7. James Gawron Thatcher

    Brian,

    You know back when I went to university (during the Paleolithic era) they had an intramural softball league. One of the teams was called the “Stoned Rangers”. They actually could hit pretty good but they couldn’t remember which direction to stand when they were in the outfield. They also couldn’t remember which inning it was. I think they’d fit right in with this crowd.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #7
    • July 15, 2019, at 10:37 AM PST
    • 11 likes
  8. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher

    How dare they even threaten to put our military into the position to have to fire on fellow citizens. 

    We have seen the monsters, and truly they are us. 

     

    • #8
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:07 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  9. Stad Thatcher

    My apologies. I didn’t see your post when I posted mine.

    • #9
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:31 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  10. Aaron Miller Member

    50 years ago, it could be assumed that our soldiers would sooner crack heads than surrender state secrets. Today, a large enough gathering could probably scare politicians and generals to let the hippies in. 

    Remember, we live in an era when satire is often trumped by unbelievable reality.

    • #10
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:35 AM PST
    • 16 likes
  11. Arahant Member

    Brian Watt: Oops! I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.

    Damnit, Brian! That’s it. Clearances revoked.

    • #11
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:55 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  12. Arahant Member

    Brian Watt (View Comment):
    highly sensitive

    What he said. Ouch!

    • #12
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:56 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  13. Arahant Member

    MichaelKennedy (View Comment):

    What a great idea ! I assume a large share of invaders will be active or potential Antifa members.

    I have a bug zapper on my patio with a blue light that draws bugs to be zapped.

    I had never thought before of a human equivalent.

    This really could be a great idea.

    • #13
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:57 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  14. Arahant Member

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):
    Today, a large enough gathering could probably scare politicians and generals to let the hippies in.

    New Conspiracy Theory: They moved all the good stuff out before they let us in.

    • #14
    • July 15, 2019, at 11:58 AM PST
    • 12 likes
  15. Full Size Tabby Member

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Anybody who’s ever driven the ET Highway, seen the black mailbox (not really black), and hiked to Tikaboo Peak can predict how this’ll go. Do people have any idea just how vast that space is? In September they’ll need significant water – by that I mean they have to carry so much water it becomes the limiting factor. Mean country it is. I doubt any of these snowflakes will last long enough to die from lead poisoning.

    This is part of my first thoughts, too. So-called Area 51 is in the middle of the Nevada desert. And it’s a big area – many square miles a long ways from potential supply depots. There are probably dozens if not hundreds of buildings scattered over a lot of real estate. And, if the government really is hiding information, that information is going to be in hidden and underground locations that will be hard to find. It’s not like storming a university president’s office. 

     

    • #15
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:08 PM PST
    • 9 likes
  16. Full Size Tabby Member

    They won’t get to the gates to storm them. A million people heading north from Las Vegas (they have to start in Las Vegas – it’s the only place with enough hotel rooms) is likely to encounter a pre-emptive visit from some overhead Air Force assets long before they get to the gate.

    [I see that the “organizer” has made several statements that his plan is a joke, but it seems some people want actually to attempt this. Should be fun to watch if anyone does come out.]

    • #16
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:16 PM PST
    • 9 likes
  17. Shawn Buell (Majestyk) Contributor

    So, this is one of those fantasies you have when you first hear about Area 51… Get a bunch of friends, crash the fence, see what they’re really doing out there.

    Then, the thought begins to hit you (before the bullets do) that I’d like to go second.

    • #17
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:19 PM PST
    • 12 likes
  18. B. W. Wooster Member

    Space. The final frontier.

    • #18
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:23 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  19. Aaron Miller Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):
    Today, a large enough gathering could probably scare politicians and generals to let the hippies in.

    New Conspiracy Theory: They moved all the good stuff out before they let us in.

    Cloaking technology is the best!

    • #19
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:31 PM PST
    • 9 likes
  20. Full Size Tabby Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):
    Today, a large enough gathering could probably scare politicians and generals to let the hippies in.

    New Conspiracy Theory: They moved all the good stuff out before they let us in.

    Definitely. 

    • #20
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:32 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  21. She Thatcher
    She

    lol. That’s my 65th birthday, an eerie and Twilight-Zone worthy experience in its own right.

    I, however, have bigger fish to fry. I shall be attending the US premiere of the Downton Abbey movie on that day.

     

    • #21
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:35 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  22. Vance Richards Member

    Brian Watt: through a joke Facebook posting

    “Mulder, the Internet is not good for you.”

    Maybe they just want to make sure that the alien children are not being separated from their parents?

    • #22
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:37 PM PST
    • 9 likes
  23. Susan Quinn Contributor

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):
    And, if the government really is hiding information, that information is going to be in hidden and underground locations that will be hard to find. It’s not like storming a university president’s office. 

    Party pooper.

    • #23
    • July 15, 2019, at 12:39 PM PST
    • 5 likes
  24. Seawriter Member

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Barfly (View Comment):

    Anybody who’s ever driven the ET Highway, seen the black mailbox (not really black), and hiked to Tikaboo Peak can predict how this’ll go. Do people have any idea just how vast that space is? In September they’ll need significant water – by that I mean they have to carry so much water it becomes the limiting factor. Mean country it is. I doubt any of these snowflakes will last long enough to die from lead poisoning.

    This is part of my first thoughts, too. So-called Area 51 is in the middle of the Nevada desert. And it’s a big area – many square miles a long ways from potential supply depots. There are probably dozens if not hundreds of buildings scattered over a lot of real estate. And, if the government really is hiding information, that information is going to be in hidden and underground locations that will be hard to find. It’s not like storming a university president’s office.

    Back in the day, the Shuttle launched a satellite with an RTG (Radioactive Thermal Generator) for power. (We used them in the Apollo program to power experiments left on the Moon.) The radioactive component was plutonium.

    A bunch of eco-nuts planned to chain themselves to the launch pad to prevent it from launching so as to protect space from e-e-evil plutonium. The only unfenced way to reach the pad was to go through about six miles of swamp, untouched since the Bermudez brothers piloted the first Spanish expedition up the Florida coast in the early 1500s.

    When the public affairs officer at KSC was asked about how NASA planned to stop the protesters from using that route, he reportedly said, “We don’t. They have to go through six miles of virgin jungle that is filled with gators, poisonous snakes, and predatory mammals. We figure it is not worth the risk to our security personnel. If protestors want to take that route, we will let nature take its course and rescue any survivors when they make it out.”

    He may have been exaggerating, but no one tried to storm the launch pad on the day of launch.

    • #24
    • July 15, 2019, at 1:18 PM PST
    • 20 likes
  25. Arahant Member

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    we will let nature take its course and rescue any survivors when if they make it out.”

    Fixed that for him.

    • #25
    • July 15, 2019, at 1:31 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  26. Mark Camp Member

    I used to think all this stuff about Area 51 was just conspiracy theories put out by cranks. Suddenly when I was reading Brian’s post, it hit me like a bolt of lightning.

    51 is exactly 3 times 17!

    Coincidence? Maybe.

    But you’d have to prove it to me. Tell me the ratio of the height of the Great Pyramid to the base, then see where the shadow of the tip of the Washington Monument is at the summer solstice, and prove that there is no connection between this and 3. Or 17.

    • #26
    • July 15, 2019, at 2:04 PM PST
    • 9 likes
  27. Seawriter Member

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    we will let nature take its course and rescue any survivors when if they make it out.”

    Fixed that for him.

    It is when, not if. Why? The word “survivors.” If you don’t get out you did not survive. It’s like the old joke: Q. If an airplane crashed on the border of two countries, where would they bury the survivors? A. Nowhere. You don’t bury survivors.

    • #27
    • July 15, 2019, at 2:12 PM PST
    • 10 likes
  28. Bishop Wash Member

    • #28
    • July 15, 2019, at 2:20 PM PST
    • 8 likes
  29. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Post author

    Seawriter (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Seawriter (View Comment):
    we will let nature take its course and rescue any survivors when if they make it out.”

    Fixed that for him.

    It is when, not if. Why? The word “survivors.” If you don’t get out you did not survive. It’s like the old joke: Q. If an airplane crashed on the border of two countries, where would they bury the survivors? A. Nowhere. You don’t bury survivors.

    Yes, but if a flying saucer crashes in the desert, where would they hide away the survivors where they could be studied and observed before our atmosphere or human germs killed them off? 

    • #29
    • July 15, 2019, at 2:23 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  30. TBA Coolidge
    TBA

    I love myth. It is tasty food for my somewhat poetic soul. 

    Area 51 was a cold war testing area around which some mostly whimsical myth has grown. It is unlikely anything there (by which I mean war technology developed in ~ ’50s – ’80s) as by now it would have been moved, destroyed as fruitless, or put into quotidian use. 

    I suspect the military keeps the land guarded in hopes of giving moths a single false moon to batter themselves against instead of any number of other facilities where more interesting (but not alien) things are doubtless going on. 

    • #30
    • July 15, 2019, at 3:22 PM PST
    • 9 likes