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Trump Takes the Cake
Have you ever seen such bravery? This bakery claims to “Welcome All Races.” I know, there are so many businesses these days that say, “I won’t serve you, you’re Asian,” but this place won’t stand for that. I believe even Eskimos could buy a cupcake here.
But that’s not all. They welcome, “All Religions.” So if you went in and said, “I worship Molech and our temple has a big sacrifice coming up. We’re going to slaughter a dozen younglings. Do you think you could bake a special cake for that?” It would not phase them in the least. “All Countries of Origin” are welcome as well. I bet if you tell them you’re not in the country legally you probably wouldn’t even have to pay for your knish.
“All Sexual Orientations” and “All Genders” are also welcome. I know, that one really set all you bigoted readers back. You probably work in an auto parts store where a woman comes in and you’ll say, “I’m sorry ma’am, we can’t sell this gasket to you. But we’d be happy to sell it to your husband.” Or you work at a fast food joint, and by policy, before you sell anyone a burger, you must first inquire about the guest’s views on bestiality. Not this bakery. Whatever freaky thing you do in the sack, they’re still willing to sell you a babka.
But I noticed something was left off their list. There’s nothing on the sign about “Political Orientation.” I’m sure this was just an oversight that the owners would be happy to rectify. And here’s where we, as cake eating and buying customers, can be of service.
If you have a bakery in your neighborhood with a sign like this in their window, why not give them some business? Go in and order a cake with the proud inscription, “Vote Trump in 2020.”
Now I’m sure that any bakery would be happy to bake such a cake, putting all their passion and creativity into baking the best cake possible. But what if they don’t? Here are some possible scenarios:
- They refuse to bake the cake. Unfortunately, there is only one option in such a situation, as we have learned from the news cycle over the last several years. You can’t go to another bakery down the street, that just doesn’t seem to be an option. You must take them to court. Yes, it will mean bringing in a team of lawyers and wasting an incredible amount of money, time, and resources on something that really doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things. But I think we’ve learned from a variety of petty activists and bureaucrats there is no other option.
- They bake the cake but intentionally do a sloppy job. There are a couple of options here. We can try to sue but proving the case might be a little more difficult than when they flat out refuse to serve. But it is an option. Another option is to photograph the final product and take to social media pointing out the poor quality of this bakery’s product. If you get lucky, you might get your cake pic in Cakewrecks.com.
- They bake the cake and do a beautiful job. Such good work must be acknowledged. Again, go to social media and proclaim, “Sanctimonious Bakers did such a fine job on my Vote Trump cake! They obviously are part of the Team Making America Great Again! Please give them business!” I’m sure their allies will be excited about the good work this bakery did and will let them know.
Any of these outcomes would be, well, amusing at least. So, are you willing to take on some more calories to better the pastry industry of the U.S. of A.? (And do you have other cake slogan ideas that might inspire the patisserie?)
Published in Culture
We take anyone’s money, that’s how great WE are.
Such a good idea!
Trump 2020—-in rainbow colors! That way, if they ask, I can tell them about Richard Grennel’s push to decriminalize homosexuality worldwide!
I’d be leery of any such cake baked by a shop with that sign in the window. Jack Phillips’s Christianity would probably keep him from adulterating a cake, but I’m not sure about the owners of the “All races” bakeshop.
Hmmm…I can’t find a bakery within driving distance having a sign like that: Guess I’ll just have to smoke ’em out by ordering the suggested cake from each of them.
Triggered! Can’t say “Eskimo”.
Here in Eugene, OR a lot of folks have yard signs saying essentially the same thing. Just a little “virtue signalling?”
That makes even less sense than the usual “coexist” bumper sticker.
Slow on the uptake
Hmmm…I can’t find a bakery within driving distance having a sign like that: Guess I’ll just have to smoke ’em out by ordering the suggested cake from each of them.
More cake – always a good thing.
I’ll see you one sign, and raise one more.
Eskimo? Why?
They won’t serve Louis Farrakhan?
So which one does pro-life fall under?
I’d tell ’em I was from Vatican City, but they probably wouldn’t have a problem with that these days.
Stopped by the Bird Watchers’ General Store today to get some birdseed. They had a sign by the door that said:
Wear a MAGA hat in there and see who is bigoted.
I wonder what they would do if a former North Korean prison guard came in and ordered a cake which read, “I Love Torture!”
I can’t wait to see the order for a “Pedophilia Rocks” cake . . .
The bakery sign in the OP is insulting.
I think that everyone knows why. It implies that a bunch of people are not safe elsewhere. That is a lie.
The bakery sign in the OP is also malicious.
I think that most people don’t know this. It is placed in service of an ideological argument that takes away genuine freedoms (like speech), and promotes explicit discrimination in favor of certain groups, based on the assertion that such people are not “safe.”
It is principally aimed at undermining everything that is decent and good.