Vatican Proposes New Design for Notre Dame Cathedral

 

(April 17, 2019, Rome)

The Holy See has unveiled a more contemporary and relevant design for the cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris that was recently gutted by fire. Without waiting for the final analysis on the stability and integrity of the structure, His Holiness, Pope Francis has expressed that this would be the perfect time to simply replace the tired, old gothic cathedral emblematic of a dark and superstitious age of fear and oppression to a much more relevant and welcoming edifice that is reflective of today’s Catholic Church and its ongoing mission of inclusiveness and diversity. The Vatican will work closely with a diverse group of architects, designers, and craftspeople of every race, ethnic and gender preference, the French government, and other wealthy benefactors and celebrities to make sure that funds donated for the restoration of Notre Dame are well spent.

* The preceding might be satire.

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There are 24 comments.

  1. Burwick Chiffswiddle Member

    At the minute, I’m in the world of architecture.

    You’re absolutely right to fear Notre-Dame’s desecration.

    • #1
    • April 17, 2019, at 5:23 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  2. DonG Coolidge

    That design has too much Jesus. Maybe some grapes and wheat as they are more gentle symbols.

    • #2
    • April 17, 2019, at 6:10 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  3. namlliT noD Member

    Needs solar panels.

    Especially on the north side.

    • #3
    • April 17, 2019, at 6:37 PM PDT
    • 18 likes
  4. Aaron Miller Member

    Burwick Chiffswiddle (View Comment):

    At the minute, I’m in the world of architecture.

    You’re absolutely right to fear Notre-Dame’s desecration.

    There will apparently be a competition for designing Notre Dame’s new spire (or whatever). Maybe it will be great. But will it include a cross? Or will it be a minaret?

    • #4
    • April 17, 2019, at 8:17 PM PDT
    • 12 likes
  5. Brian Watt Member
    Brian Watt Post author

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):

    Burwick Chiffswiddle (View Comment):

    At the minute, I’m in the world of architecture.

    You’re absolutely right to fear Notre-Dame’s desecration.

    There will apparently be a competition for designing Notre Dame’s new spire (or whatever). Maybe it will be great. But will it include a cross? Or will it be a minaret?

    Well, it should definitely have a rollercoaster and some other rides, a gourmet restaurant and cocktail lounge and a casino. That is if they really want to do it right.

     

     

    • #5
    • April 17, 2019, at 9:30 PM PDT
    • 11 likes
  6. namlliT noD Member

    Giant “TRUMP” sign.

    Make Notre Dame great again.

     

    • #6
    • April 17, 2019, at 9:35 PM PDT
    • 7 likes
  7. Gossamer Cat Coolidge

    What’s not to love? Kind of a Disney World meets Football Stadium Edifice meets Neo-Post Modern-Deconstructionist-Intersectional pablum.

    I

    • #7
    • April 17, 2019, at 11:19 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  8. dnewlander Member

    Brian Watt (View Comment):

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):

    Burwick Chiffswiddle (View Comment):

    At the minute, I’m in the world of architecture.

    You’re absolutely right to fear Notre-Dame’s desecration.

    There will apparently be a competition for designing Notre Dame’s new spire (or whatever). Maybe it will be great. But will it include a cross? Or will it be a minaret?

    Well, it should definitely have a rollercoaster and some other rides, a gourmet restaurant and cocktail lounge and a casino. That is if they really want to do it right.

     

     

    Gah. That’s probably the right architectural metaphor.

    I visited Vegas several times while the Stratosphere was being built. As a result, I will never go up it.

    They didn’t really bother getting any permits before starting construction. (A neat side-effect of being in unincorporated “Paradise”, Nevada.)

    And they didn’t really have much in the way of plans to start.

    So they just built. And built. And built. With the unstated intention of building the tallest building in the world.

    Until the FAA said, “Um, you know… You’re building in the flight path for McCarran. So… STOP.”

    And they did.

    And I will never go up there.

    • #8
    • April 17, 2019, at 11:28 PM PDT
    • 5 likes
  9. Hang On Member

    Big breasts. Gotta have big breasts on Notre Dame. 

    • #9
    • April 18, 2019, at 5:14 AM PDT
    • Like
  10. Hugh Member

    They could make part of it into one of those micro-room hotels! Wow! So cool!

    • #10
    • April 18, 2019, at 12:12 PM PDT
    • Like
  11. Stad Thatcher

    Why do I think this isn’t a joke?

    • #11
    • April 18, 2019, at 12:13 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  12. PHenry Member

    The name has to be changed first. Dame is sexist. 

    • #12
    • April 18, 2019, at 12:52 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  13. Joseph Stanko Member

    PHenry (View Comment):

    The name has to be changed first. Dame is sexist.

    Good catch: Notre Personne

    • #13
    • April 18, 2019, at 12:56 PM PDT
    • 9 likes
  14. Stad Thatcher

    Joseph Stanko (View Comment):

    PHenry (View Comment):

    The name has to be changed first. Dame is sexist.

    Good catch: Notre Personne

    But what is the preferred pronoun of the church? Notre Zee? Notre Zir? Perhaps France will hold a referendum . . .

    • #14
    • April 18, 2019, at 12:58 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  15. Richard Easton Member

    It needs a big coexist sign.

    • #15
    • April 18, 2019, at 1:00 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  16. Stad Thatcher

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    It needs a big coexist sign.

    Good point. The rainbow cross alone is not sufficiently inclusive . . .

    • #16
    • April 18, 2019, at 1:06 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  17. Manny Member

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):

    Burwick Chiffswiddle (View Comment):

    At the minute, I’m in the world of architecture.

    You’re absolutely right to fear Notre-Dame’s desecration.

    There will apparently be a competition for designing Notre Dame’s new spire (or whatever). Maybe it will be great. But will it include a cross? Or will it be a minaret?

    My thought exactly, but my thought wasn’t satirical. I’m truly wondering.

    • #17
    • April 18, 2019, at 2:33 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  18. Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patrio… Member

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    It needs a big coexist sign.

    But without the t.

    • #18
    • April 18, 2019, at 3:59 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  19. Full Size Tabby Member

    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patrio… (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    It needs a big coexist sign.

    But without the t.

    That “coexist” bumper sticker has long struck me as one of the dumbest proclamations I’ve seen on a vehicle.

    Only one of the letters represents a philosophy or worldview that has a problem with the existence of any of the others.

    All of the other letters represent philosophies or worldview whose followers would like to persuade people to follow one of the “letters,” but they are generally willing to tolerate the existence of the other “letters.” 

    And the statement of the bumper sticker itself is an effort to persuade to a particular philosophy or worldview. So the bumper sticker philosophy is an invisible letter.

    So, the bumper sticker doesn’t have a problem with 6 of the 7 letters in the bumper sticker. The wearers of the bumper sticker have a problem with only one of the letters. So it undercuts their argument to seemingly equate 6 letters with which they have no problem with the one letter with which they have a problem. 

    • #19
    • April 18, 2019, at 6:58 PM PDT
    • 6 likes
  20. Manny Member

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patrio… (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    It needs a big coexist sign.

    But without the t.

    That “coexist” bumper sticker has long struck me as one of the dumbest proclamations I’ve seen on a vehicle.

    Only one of the letters represents a philosophy or worldview that has a problem with the existence of any of the others.

    All of the other letters represent philosophies or worldview whose followers would like to persuade people to follow one of the “letters,” but they are generally willing to tolerate the existence of the other “letters.”

    And the statement of the bumper sticker itself is an effort to persuade to a particular philosophy or worldview. So the bumper sticker philosophy is an invisible letter.

    So, the bumper sticker doesn’t have a problem with 6 of the 7 letters in the bumper sticker. The wearers of the bumper sticker have a problem with only one of the letters. So it undercuts their argument to seemingly equate 6 letters with which they have no problem with the one letter with which they have a problem.

    I personally can’t stand that bumper sticker. 

    • #20
    • April 19, 2019, at 5:36 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  21. Vance Richards Member

    Brian Watt: * The preceding might be satire.

    But the truth might be even worse

    • #21
    • April 19, 2019, at 8:56 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  22. Bishop Wash Member

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    Jerry Giordano (Arizona Patrio… (View Comment):

    Richard Easton (View Comment):

    It needs a big coexist sign.

    But without the t.

    That “coexist” bumper sticker has long struck me as one of the dumbest proclamations I’ve seen on a vehicle.

    Only one of the letters represents a philosophy or worldview that has a problem with the existence of any of the others.

    All of the other letters represent philosophies or worldview whose followers would like to persuade people to follow one of the “letters,” but they are generally willing to tolerate the existence of the other “letters.”

    And the statement of the bumper sticker itself is an effort to persuade to a particular philosophy or worldview. So the bumper sticker philosophy is an invisible letter.

    So, the bumper sticker doesn’t have a problem with 6 of the 7 letters in the bumper sticker. The wearers of the bumper sticker have a problem with only one of the letters. So it undercuts their argument to seemingly equate 6 letters with which they have no problem with the one letter with which they have a problem.

    I want to ask the driver of a car with that sticker, “You realize that the ‘C’ wants to kill you?”

    • #22
    • April 19, 2019, at 8:59 AM PDT
    • 3 likes
  23. Stad Thatcher

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):
    That “coexist” bumper sticker has long struck me as one of the dumbest proclamations I’ve seen on a vehicle.

    Have you seen the alternative version?

    • #23
    • April 20, 2019, at 5:32 AM PDT
    • 5 likes
  24. Jimmy Carter Member

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):

    Burwick Chiffswiddle (View Comment):

    At the minute, I’m in the world of architecture.

    You’re absolutely right to fear Notre-Dame’s desecration.

    There will apparently be a competition for designing Notre Dame’s new spire (or whatever). Maybe it will be great. But will it include a cross? Or will it be a minaret?

    It’s France. It will be a white flag. 

    • #24
    • April 20, 2019, at 5:42 AM PDT
    • Like