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The Existential Crisis That Wasn’t
This week has been particularly draining; I had a stomach virus hit on Sunday night and here I am on Friday afternoon, still not feeling even 50% better. While I’m normally pretty skilled at juggling a lot of balls; working, homeschooling, keeping my house in somewhat working order with fresh fruit and vegetables… This week it just hasn’t really happened outside of the absolute bare minimum. We skipped a lot of activities because I didn’t feel physically up to them, and my kids have been living off of granola bars. Normally I have at least some (a few minutes a day) downtime between all of these things to have a few minutes of “me” time, but that hasn’t really happened this week. The constant drain of work and home has sapped that totally, and it got me thinking about all the things I want to do on a good week, which this week has certainly not been.
In the homeschool world I occupy, it’s called “Mother Culture” and other moms are learning brush strokes, keeping nature journals, etc. I know two things: I am never going to be that mother, and also, the face that people put on social media is mostly a lie. Their beautiful brushstroke paintings are happening in a madhouse, nobody has their lives together. But they are, it seems, getting something done besides just the grind of work and home. And that’s what I aspire to. I’d like to learn Korean. That’s my vision of “mother culture.”
I thought of this recently when I walked into my daughter’s dance class. There was a father there who normally stands off to the side, aloof, listening to music and wearing Chuck Taylors. I have been trying to decide all year if he’s hip or a total manchild. But nevertheless, I’ve been jealous of how he can just stand and listen to music, without keeping little boys occupied like I spend her dance classes doing. This week, however, he was hard at work with a notebook and a textbook when we walked in, and he never looked up.
It got me thinking: am I wasting the time I spend in these classes? Could I be multi-tasking more during this hour of my week and be more productive? Has he gone back to school? What is he studying? Is he going to use his education to make more money for his family? Should I be doing something different? Should I be doing something else?
And so on. An hour of an existential crisis because I saw a guy working in a notebook with a textbook.
As I was walking out, I sheepishly walked by him. Here he was studying, and I spent the hour checking my email and making sure my young sons didn’t interrupt class, intermittently chatting with them. But I took a peek at the textbook he was using.
Dungeons and Dragons. He was studying a video game.
Just like that, I realized: Maybe I’m doing okay after all.
Published in General
I was a stay-at-home mom who also worked from home while we brought up our three kids. This was in the eighties during the “mommy wars”–the moms who worked outside the home versus the stay-at-home moms. :-) The women who worked outside the home accused the stay-at-home moms of watching soap operas all day; the stay-at-home moms accused the working mothers of using work to escape taking care of their kids.
I read a comment at that time that settled the issue once and for all for me: People who work constantly will do so no matter where they are, at home or at the office. The same mom who was inactive in the home would be inactive in the office too. And the same mom who was working really hard at home would be working really hard at an office job too. It’s the amount of drive and ambition inside the person–and those are unique to that person.
I hope you feel better soon. The one disadvantage to living in the world of children is that they are little germ factories and dispensaries. :-)
No, he was preparing for his weekly multihour session for practicing teamwork, leadership, and creativity in a nonjudgmental environment of his peers. You should try it sometime; it’s quite a lot of fun.
Objection!
D&D is a pen-and-paper game first and foremost, and given that this guy was nose-deep in the Monster Manual it seems much more likely that he’s going to get together with his friends to play in person, not on some video game spinoff.
Sometimes we are called to do what needs to be done in the moment and give it as much attention as it takes. You are doing what you do for the sake of your family. Take heart. This too shall pass.
I just love how this demonstrates why the gamers didn’t buckle under when attacked by SJWs: we’re already instant punchlines. We have no social status to lose. Calling us a bunch of meanies and losers and threatening to shun us has no effect when we’re already insulted and shunned.
Belike he playes with his whole family.
You gotta be careful with that sort of thing. One of the regulars at Magic, he brought his daughter to the game store?
Yeah, she stomped me with her dinosaur deck.
Hopefully they were big dinosaurs. It’d be embarrassing to get stomped by a bunch of compies.
When I started playing DnD, American society largely regarded us as borderline Satanists. So being regarded as a meanie and a loser is a positive step! Wahoo! We’ve moved up a rung!
Her dinosaurs were definitely bigger than mine. The deck I was playing at the time is named “Senor Stompy rides again!”. It worked
very nicelyokay to stomp on things lower in the food chain.Relax, Bethany. As they say in AA: let go, let G-d. And Shabbat shalom.
You mean home school moms don’t have substitute teachers? ;) Hope you feel better. :)
This is classic.
It reminds me of a great little scene in Stargate: Atlantis in which the very attractive Dr. Elizabeth Weir is trying to distract the very nerdy Dr. Bill Lee by pretending to be a World of Warcraft player.
Lee excitedly explains that he’s a level 75 Mage specializing in engineering and jewelling, and asks her race.
“Mage.”
So you’re saying high Wisdom, low Charisma?
Charisma is a dump stat anyway.
Hey now! My last character maxed out her charisma to great effect as an actress who became a ship’s captain. No combat abilities whatsoever, but lots of leadership bonuses for my crew.
At least a good will save.
I needed to hear this today. I hope you get feeling better!
Not that it couldn’t work in a video game format.
Having high charisma is fine, as long as I’m not expected to roleplay it.
. . . was in about 1977. Do I win?
You win nerd-cred and our respect.
In all seriousness, the controversies over D&D probably made it more popular and more profitable to Wizards of the Coast.
Thanks. I can’t take credit for discovering it myself. My stepson Sam loved D&D and we played, as a family, quite a bit. Haven’t played for years.
Well I am personally a Strands of Fate fanboy but it is always a great hobby.