If I’m Ever Arrested, I Hope It’s For Something Like This

 

I’m 64 years old. I’ve never been much of a drinker, but I’ll cop to having been a bit sloshed a few times in my life, most of them in the distant past. As I get older though, the stuff has more of an effect on me, which is why it’s probably a good thing that I don’t imbibe all that often. Because I do like the taste of good Scotch, and fine Rye. Usually, when I have a nightcap, I’m at home, and I follow it shortly thereafter by making a beeline for bed, where I enjoy a good night’s sleep and wake up none the worse for wear. If I’m out somewhere, I try not to make too much of an [expletive] of myself, and if worst comes to worst, I trust to kind and discreet friends to look after me and see me home. So far so good. Mostly.

But when I saw this story on one of the websites I peruse occasionally in pursuit of “good news” stories, or funny news clips, I laughed out loud: Drunk Woman With Suitcase Full of Cats Arrested in Stafford.

I’m glad they rounded her up, actually. For the sake of the kitties. Lord knows what she had planned for them (she said she was taking them to the SPCA). They’re OK and at the local shelter.

If I’m ever arrested for public intoxication, I do hope there’s a good story that goes with it (“Drunk Woman With Car Trunk Full of Unfinished Knitting . . . “), and not just because I’m puking into my shoe, or making a nuisance of myself by singing bawdy songs on a street corner.

Fingers crossed.

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There are 15 comments.

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  1. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Oh, I don’t know. How’s your repertoire of bawdy songs?

    • #1
  2. Rick Poach Member
    Rick Poach
    @RickPoach

    She: Drunk Woman With Suitcase Full of Cats Arrested in Stafford.

    hate when that happens.

    • #2
  3. She Member
    She
    @She

    Percival (View Comment):

    Oh, I don’t know. How’s your repertoire of bawdy songs?

    Thanks to my mother, it is both wide and deep.

    • #3
  4. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    The woman was drunk, huh?  She should have said, “I thought my sweaters felt a little scratchy when I packed them.”

    • #4
  5. Fritz Coolidge
    Fritz
    @Fritz

    Having in my past wrestled various housecats (one at a time) into a carrier for a trip to the vet, I want to know how this woman could have ever gotten three cats into a single bag.

    Also, the condition of her forearms.

    Of course, liquor is a useful anesthetic, so there’s that. . .

    • #5
  6. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Fritz (View Comment):

    Having in my past wrestled various housecats (one at a time) into a carrier for a trip to the vet, I want to know how this woman could have ever gotten three cats into a single bag.

    Also, the condition of her forearms.

    Of course, liquor is a useful anesthetic, so there’s that. . .

    For the cats, or the cat wrangler?

    • #6
  7. She Member
    She
    @She

    Percival (View Comment):

    Fritz (View Comment):

    Having in my past wrestled various housecats (one at a time) into a carrier for a trip to the vet, I want to know how this woman could have ever gotten three cats into a single bag.

    Also, the condition of her forearms.

    Of course, liquor is a useful anesthetic, so there’s that. . .

    For the cats, or the cat wrangler?

    Yes.

    • #7
  8. Fritz Coolidge
    Fritz
    @Fritz

    Percival (View Comment):

    Fritz (View Comment):

    Having in my past wrestled various housecats (one at a time) into a carrier for a trip to the vet, I want to know how this woman could have ever gotten three cats into a single bag.

    Also, the condition of her forearms.

    Of course, liquor is a useful anesthetic, so there’s that. . .

    For the cats, or the cat wrangler?

    To ask, is to answer.

    Cheers!

    • #8
  9. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Three cats do not fill up a bag.

    • #9
  10. Arthur Beare Member
    Arthur Beare
    @ArthurBeare

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Three cats do not fill up a bag.

    And how might you know that?

    • #10
  11. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    Arthur Beare (View Comment):

    Basil Fawlty (View Comment):

    Three cats do not fill up a bag.

    And how might you know that?

    I’m not letting the cat out of the bag.

    • #11
  12. danys Thatcher
    danys
    @danys

    So, I’m picturing the police opening the suitcase. Three very unhappy cats spring out, dash throughout the store with cops in pursuit.

    • #12
  13. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    I’m glad someone rescued those poor cats – now if someone could rescue that poor woman!

    • #13
  14. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    danys (View Comment):

    So, I’m picturing the police opening the suitcase. Three very unhappy cats spring out, dash throughout the store with cops in pursuit.

    I just know there’s a radio code for that. 

    • #14
  15. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    She:

    If I’m ever arrested for public intoxication, I do hope there’s a good story that goes with it (“Drunk Woman With Car Trunk Full of Unfinished Knitting . . . “), and not just because I’m puking into my shoe, or making a nuisance of myself by singing bawdy songs on a street corner.

    Fingers crossed.

    Follow your bliss. 

    • #15
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