Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. 5 Bulletproof Reasons ‘Die Hard’ Is No Christmas Movie

 

I’m saving the ultimate, unimpeachable reason for last, but let’s get right to it:

  1. It’s Not a Christmas Movie: Anyone claiming it is a Christmas movie is either having us on, or they’re as clueless as Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson. That’s enough to settle the matter, but I’ll go on.
  2. F Words and Nudity: If a certain word starting with “F” is in the movie, it’s not a Christmas movie. Also, if you are a free, American adult, you have a choice of watching Christmas movies or watching movies with topless girls. What you cannot do, by the immutable laws which govern the present universe, is have both in the same film. You know why. “But,” you might respond, “I saw an edited version once! So that version was definitely a Christmas movie!” Well, first of all, see #1, and secondly, how can it be a Christmas movie, if it can’t be shown on an airplane without edits? I’ll calculate the last digit of pi as you struggle to craft an answer.
  3. Year-round Viewing: Suppose, on a lazy evening in August, you call a friend of yours, and inquire what they’re up to. “Watching Die Hard,” they reply. What is your response? You’re not going to say “In August?” or “But it’s not Christmas!” No, you’re not going to say that. And you know you’re not. QED, not a Christmas movie. Die Hard, being an action flick rather than a Christmas flick, is something people are likely to watch any time they want some action-fueled escapism. If you come home, and your roommate is watching Die Hard, you don’t have to check the calendar. If your friend were watching It’s a Wonderful Life in April, you probably would remark on their viewing it “out of season,” even though it’s a fine film for all times of year, and only the finale is set during Christmas. But it’s so much closer to being a Christmas movie than Die Hard, that most people would remark on the perceived oddity of viewing IWL in summertime. Also, see #1.
  4. An Action Hero Does Not a Baby Jesus Make: I needn’t get so deep (because see #1), but I suppose someone will propose that Die Hard is a film in which all seems lost, until a hero arrives, to set all things right. Messiah McClane enters our darkness, punishes the wicked, and redeem the captives. Why, Nakatomi Plaza might as well be a stable and a lowly manger. Well, OK, but now you’ve made every action film a Christmas film.
  5. And now, the final point, and the one that will force the Die Hard diehards to their knees, and force them to confess the truth. Were this a Christmas movie, you know those Japanese guys would be eating some KFC. Are those Japanese guys eating KFC? No, they are not.

If that last point doesn’t clinch it for you, I don’t know what to tell you.

There are 93 comments.

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  1. Columbo Inactive

    I still think that the Oriental world’s fascination with KFC on Christmas started with A Christmas Story

    • #1
    • December 14, 2018, at 7:54 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  2. Vance Richards Member
    Vance RichardsJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    But . . . 

    • #2
    • December 14, 2018, at 7:54 AM PST
    • 10 likes
  3. Circe Inactive

    I hear a cry as of a woman in labor,
    a groan as of one bearing her first child—
    the cry of Daughter Zion gasping for breath,
    stretching out her hands and saying,
    “Alas! I am fainting;
    my life is given over to murderers.”

    Jeremiah 4:31

     

     

    • #3
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:08 AM PST
    • 9 likes
  4. Bryan G. Stephens Thatcher
    Bryan G. StephensJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    It is OK to be wrong. 

    If It’s a Wonderful Life is a X-mas movie, then this one can be. 

    I consider Trading Places one too.

    • #4
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:10 AM PST
    • 12 likes
  5. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… Thatcher

    I rest my case:

    • #5
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:25 AM PST
    • 11 likes
  6. Bishop Wash Member

    Joshua Bissey: It’s Not a Christmas Movie: Anyone claiming it is a Christmas movie is either having us on

    I think it is a whole lot of that. That’s primarily my basis for calling it a Christmas movie. The first time I remember Die Hard being referenced as a Christmas movie was in a National Review article from many years ago, which I’m having a hard time locating so that I can link to it, comparing Democrats and Republicans at Christmas. The movie comparison line was Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street. Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life. Conservative Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard.

    • #6
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:27 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  7. Stina Inactive

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):
    The movie comparison line was Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street. Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life. Conservative Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard.

    Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street? Really? It’s a movie all about faith and belief in the unprovable.

    Die Hard is only a christmas movie because of setting. That’s all. And I think that’s funny.

    • #7
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:36 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  8. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk andJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):

    Joshua Bissey: It’s Not a Christmas Movie: Anyone claiming it is a Christmas movie is either having us on

    I think it is a whole lot of that. That’s primarily my basis for calling it a Christmas movie. The first time I remember Die Hard being referenced as a Christmas movie was in a National Review article from many years ago, which I’m having a hard time locating so that I can link to it, comparing Democrats and Republicans at Christmas. The movie comparison line was Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street. Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life. Conservative Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard.

    Social Justice Democrats’ favourite Christmas movie is An Inconvenient Truth, because Christmas is a tool of the patriarchy and that’s the only movie anybody would ever be allowed to watch at any time of year if they had total control over society.

    • #8
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:44 AM PST
    • 11 likes
  9. Bishop Wash Member

    Stina (View Comment):

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):
    The movie comparison line was Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street. Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life. Conservative Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard.

    Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is Miracle on 34th Street? Really? It’s a movie all about faith and belief in the unprovable.

    Die Hard is only a christmas movie because of setting. That’s all. And I think that’s funny.

    I couldn’t find the original article. It had to at least fifteen years ago, maybe twenty. The version I found didn’t credit NR and was posted two years ago. Those were the movies in that list. Maybe it’s because Miracle of 34th Street is about Santa Claus and Democrats believe that there is someone out there to give them free stuff. As another joke goes, Republicans become Republicans when they stop believing in Santa Claus; Democrats are Democrats because they still believe in Santa Claus.

    • #9
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:45 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  10. Valiuth Inactive
    ValiuthJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    A Christmas movie has to be about the themes and messages of Christmas. It can’t just be set at Christmas time. By that standard a movie about Washingtons raid on the Hessians at Princeton would also be a Christmas movie.

    Is lethal Weapon 2 also a Christmas movie? Gremlins? Come one people get your heads on straight. 

    • #10
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:45 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  11. Bishop Wash Member

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    A Christmas movie has to be about the themes and messages of Christmas. It can’t just be set at Christmas time. By that standard a movie about Washingtons raid on the Hessians at Princeton would also be a Christmas movie.

    Is lethal Weapon 2 also a Christmas movie? Gremlins? Come one people get your heads on straight.

    • #11
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:47 AM PST
    • 22 likes
  12. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk andJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    A Christmas movie has to be about the themes and messages of Christmas. It can’t just be set at Christmas time. By that standard a movie about Washingtons raid on the Hessians at Princeton would also be a Christmas movie.

    I think that would be a fine setting for a Christmas movie.

    • #12
    • December 14, 2018, at 8:49 AM PST
    • 12 likes
  13. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White MaleJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Joshua Bissey: Also, if you are a free, American adult, you have a choice of watching Christmas movies, or watching movies with topless girls.

    Topless girls would totally improve most Hallmark Christmas movies. Most of the chicks in those things are *hot*.

    • #13
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:06 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  14. Hang On Member
    Hang OnJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Who cares? Die Hard is a good movie.

    • #14
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:15 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  15. Guruforhire Member

    Its not only a Christmas film, it is the MOST Christmas film. The movie is nothing other than a story of man’s sacrificial love for his family and friends. The giving of ones self. Its a manly expression of the holiday sentiment.

    If you consider the entire die hard story arch in general, it is also a deep and interesting parable on the fruitlessness of salvation through works. Dude saves his wife from terrorists on christmas TWICE, saves thousands of people, and lives as a broken divorced drunkard despised by everybody with severe and untreated PTSD. Nothing you do can ever save you other than gods infinite grace, and the manifestation of the savior that we celebrate on christmas.

    So that is what we celebrate on christmas, love for our family, love for friends, and gods infinite love towards man kind and the birth of a savior which is the only true path to eternal salvation.

    Jon McLane is the embodiment of everything christmas was or will be.

    • #15
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:20 AM PST
    • 18 likes
  16. HankRhody Freelance Philosopher Contributor

    Joshua Bissey: 5 Bulletproof Reasons Die Hard Is No Christmas Movie

    Joshua Bissey:1. It’s Not a Christmas Movie:

    No comment on the rest of the debate, I just want to highlight this excellent example of question-begging.

    • #16
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:29 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  17. Hoyacon Member

    It’s Not a Christmas Movie

    Wait. Your thesis is that it’s not a Christmas movie and one of your reasons is that it’s not a Christmas movie? That could stop the discussion right there, but . . .

    F Words and Nudity

    When I’m in the mood for a great Christmas movie and settle on Die Hard, I watch the edited for television version.

    Year-round Viewing

    Next thing you’ll be telling me that I can’t watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation in June. Or that Iron Man 3 isn’t a New Year’s Eve movie.

    An Action Hero Does Not a Baby Jesus Make

    It has a happy ending and a Christmas party. Case closed.

    KFC

    Die Hard is not set on Christmas Day, so why would we expect fried chicken? Case further closed.

    • #17
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:29 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  18. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White MaleJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I’m trying to remember the nudity in Die Hard. I know there’s some in Under Seige, which is basically Die Hard On A Boat…but is definitely not a Christmas movie (Under Seige, I mean)

    • #18
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:38 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  19. Guruforhire Member

    Miffed White Male (View Comment):

    I’m trying to remember the nudity in Die Hard. I know there’s some in Under Seige, which is basically Die Hard On A Boat…but is definitely not a Christmas movie (Under Seige, I mean)

    There is a topless calendar which is used as a landmark. Which offers an interesting contemplation on the chasing of cheap and passing thrills of crass consumerism and hollow relationships. It stands in stark contrast to Jon McLane literally walking over broken glass for his ESTRANGED wife, who isn’t even all that attractive.

    The movie further prompts you to consider what love is and what love should be. Tawdry thrills, or deep spiritual commitments to self-sacrifice.

    Die Hard even manages to use boobs to teach us the true meaning of christmas.

    • #19
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:42 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  20. Larry3435 Member

    So I suppose a hot dog isn’t a sandwich either? Unless it’s being served by topless girls? And, by the way, I don’t remember any topless girls in Die Hard. Am I forgetting something?

    • #20
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:49 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  21. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk andJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Hoyacon (View Comment):
    When I’m in the mood for a great Christmas movie and settle on Die Hard, I watch the edited for television version.

    Indeed, all the great Christmas movies are consumed almost exclusively via television.

    Die Hard was originally released in theatres in July of 1988. It was a summer blockbuster.

    Today it is most often watched at home during the Christmas season. It has become a Christmas movie.

     

    • #21
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:54 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  22. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk andJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Someone mentioned Lethal Weapon II.

    Actually, it was the first Lethal Weapon movie that was set at Christmas.

    Lethal Weapon was written by Shane Black.

    Nearly every movie written and/or directed by Shane Black is set at Christmas.

    There are specific reasons for that:

    • #22
    • December 14, 2018, at 9:56 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  23. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk andJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    “The meaning of Christmas is the idea that Christmas has meaning.”

    • #23
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:02 AM PST
    • 7 likes
  24. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt BartleJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Guruforhire (View Comment):
    There is a topless calendar which is used as a landmark.

    Thanks – I couldn’t remember where the nudity was, either.

    But does that even count?? It’s a picture of a picture. If he walked by a classical nude statue, would that make it a movie with nudity?

    • #24
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:03 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  25. Guruforhire Member

    Misthiocracy, Joke Pending (View Comment):

    Someone mentioned Lethal Weapon II.

    Actually, it was the first Lethal Weapon movie that was set at Christmas.

    Lethal Weapon was written by Shane Black.

    Nearly every movie written and/or directed by Shane Black is set at Christmas.

    There’s specific reasons for that:

    Now that is persuasive.

    • #25
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:06 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  26. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk andJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    It is OK to be wrong.

    If It’s a Wonderful Life is a X-mas movie, then this one can be.

    I consider Trading Places one too.

    Heck, Die Hard is more of a Christmas movie than Frosty The Snowman is.

    • #26
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:10 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  27. Spin Inactive
    SpinJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    A million percent agree.

    That said…”it’s a Christmas movie” is subjective. The events happen on or around Christmas, and lots of folks will consider it something they want to watch on or around Christmas as a tradition. So for them, it’s a Christmas movie.

    Look, if gender is fluid, then so is the definition of “Christmas movie”.

    • #27
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:14 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  28. Columbo Inactive

    There are previous Rico conversations on this. Let’s go to a few of the archives ….

    @cliffordbrown has the definitive take on Die Hard being a Christmas movie …

    “Die Hard” is to Christmas movie discussions as “FREE BIRD!” is to any music venue (excepting Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts).

    And an attempt at a serious conversation about it all quickly went off the rails …

    • #28
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:19 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  29. Randy Webster Member

    Bishop Wash (View Comment):
    As another joke goes, Republicans become Republicans when they stop believing in Santa Claus; Democrats are Democrats because they still believe in Santa Claus.

    “I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

    God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God’s heavenly country club.

    Santa Claus is another matter. He’s cute. He’s nonthreatening. He’s always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he’s famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.” PJ O’Rourke

    • #29
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:21 AM PST
    • 5 likes
  30. Spin Inactive
    SpinJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Columbo (View Comment):
    And an attempt at a serious conversation about it all quickly went off the rails …

    Because it’s a movie and the conversation is about a subjective “fact”. Like whether grapefruit tastes good (it doesn’t).

    • #30
    • December 14, 2018, at 10:25 AM PST
    • 1 like

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