This being the Friday of the start of the Labor Day holiday weekend, governments around the nation, and indeed the world, are using the day for an especially large dump of stories they’d like to see buried and gone. Let’s take a quick survey:
- Robert Mueller’s ever-widening probe into Russian collusion has now snared the Vatican. Mueller has indicted Pope Francis on charges of Russian collusion. Mueller’s lawyers have been seen in company with former pontiff Benedict, likely putting pressure on Benedict to turn on Francis. Of course, we all know that Benedicts have a habit of turning, particularly around the hollandaise.
- Pope Francis has countered by seeking protection from Donald Trump and has offered to coronate him as the new Holy Roman Emperor. Trump tweeted in reply “I’m a great Cathlic, I really love the Cathlics. And the new casino next to St. Peter’s will be the best.
- Former FBI Director James Comey tweeted: “Good. I’ll bet Mueller will love some covfefe with his eggs Benedict.”
- Meanwhile, it has been revealed that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has died. In fact, it was discovered that she had really died three weeks before, but due to advances in CGI, with an assist from Abyss Creations, a leading company in realistic recreational robots, had managed to have her soul transferred into a new doll. RBG has been thus ruled “immortal”, and is now the first permanent Justice on the court. She has already inked a book deal for her autobiography, simply to be called Ruth.
- Abyss Creations announced, however, that a failed prototype RBG clone bot, simply called Ruth, had escaped their lab and even succeeded in obtaining a California driver’s license. “Ruth” has already been booked for speaking engagements on multiple college campuses, and has signed a book deal for her autobiography, to also be called The Book of Ruth. The original RBG, or at least the authorized RBG is suing for royalties.
- As it turns out, Pope Francis is also suing for copyright infringement, claiming The Book of Ruth is, in fact, already trademarked by The Vatican. The 9th Circuit Court has issued a preliminary injunction against the book’s publisher while the mess is sorted out. The 9th Circuit has itself meanwhile inked a book deal to document the case, with the working title of Ruthless.
- Lastly: In response to the growing threat of anti-trust action from the Trump administration, and in response to allegations of biased search results, blacklisting members, and shadow-banning posts, Twitter, Google, and Facebook have, again with the assistance of Abyss Creations, combined their AI algorithms into a giant mechanical robot called TwitBoogle, which was last seen starting forest fires in southern California.
- In response, both RBG and “Ruth” have revealed their secret identities as superheroines and are doing battle with the TwitBoogle monstrosity. Disney / Marvel reportedly already have a screenplay in the works. Robert Mueller has indicted Disney / Marvel on Russian collusion charges, and Abyss Creations is suing for copyright.