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Understanding Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer jokes. They are very common. They are hardly the only jokes by profession. There are jokes for every sort of musician and singer, for instance.
Q. What does a violinist use for birth control?
A. His personality.Q. How can you tell the stage is level?
A. The bass player drools out of both sides of his mouth.
So, why are lawyer jokes so popular? Is it because there is some grain of truth to them? Is it because lawyers promulgate them? Is it because everyone has experience of lawyers at some point in their lives?
Lastly, do you have any good lawyer jokes?
Special thanks to @garyrobbins for the inspiration to write this.
Edit: Look through before posting. The joke about the young lawyer arriving at the Pearly Gates and being told they thought he was older based on billable hours has been told…and told…and told…
Published in Group Writing
Metaphysically speaking, why are there more lawyer jokes than jokes about used car salesmen?
Don’t answer that.
@amyschley, @michaelhenry, @cliffordbrown
A new client arrived to see a famous lawyer. “Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”
“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”
Ricochet has a lot of lawyers. Call them into the thread.
Edited. I obviously have no idea where I am anymore.
You understand that you cannot go to heaven now, right?
Heaven is a state of mind, Henry, and I am usually there.
There’s the oldies but goodies:
and
plus my favorite
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to to really want to change.
How can you tell if your accountant is an extrovert?
He looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you, instead of his own.
Lawyer jokes can be funny, but not if they call for killing a class of people.
What do you call a man in a three piece suit in 118 degrees?
A lawyer.
Why is the singer standing on the porch in the rain?
She can’t find the key and she doesn’t know when to come in.
@patrickb63 is another lawyer. I know I am missing so many of them.
Try substituting “Jews,” “blacks,” “gays,” or your ethnic background into those “jokes” and see if they are still so funny.
How do you get a musician off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey got the toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey had the first choice.
A funny joke, but it doesn’t extend to dead therapists.
It was so cold the other day, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A funny joke but it does not include dead accountants.
So, give us more live lawyer jokes.
The thread seems to be deteriorating. I was about to post a doctor joke but I guess I won;t.
Q: What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
A young child returned from his first music lesson on the tuba.
“How did it go?” asked his father.
“Great,” said the child. “I learned how to play a ‘C’.”
The next week the child took another lesson and his father asked about the lesson.
“Terrific,” said the child. “I learned how to play a ‘G’.”
The following week the child didn’t come home. The father was frantic with
worry when the child didn’t come home until 2:00 AM.
“Where in heck have you been ,” shouted the father.
“I had a gig!!” answered the son.
What is the difference between God and a Doctor?
God knows he is not a Doctor.
Huh?
Lighten up, Francis. Unlike race or sex or where you are born, people choose to become lawyers, so the two are not remotely the same.
I have never seen a lawyer take so much offense at a lawyer joke in my life. Thicken up your skin man. You just look peevish.
Nah, go ahead.
When Arizona became a State, the three largest counties each wanted to have the statewide public facilities, so they drew straws. Pinal County won, so they choose to have the State Prison located there. Maricopa County (Phoenix, etc.) came in second, and they choose the Insane Asylum. Pima County (Tucson) took the remaining state wide facility, the University of Arizona.
The inspiration for this thread was that Gary was less than enthusiastic about lawyer jokes that include lots of dead lawyers.