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On Leaving Portland
Some of you know, but many may not, that @1967mustangman and I have left Portland, OR, for the greener pastures of Dayton, OH. While there are many things about Portland I miss (the food, Mustang’s family, my coworkers, the food, the mountains, the food…) it surprised me what a sense of relief I felt as we left the city limits. Driving a 22-foot diesel moving van was a learning experience — one which required asking @davecarter many questions on Facebook — but actually driving across this beautiful country helped remind me that there is life outside the dreary angst that progressives have created in Oregon. Wyoming and Nebraska were especially beautiful.
Perhaps the most noticeable difference is the lack of homeless people in Dayton. The winter weather is fairly inhospitable for living on the streets, and Dayton doesn’t really cotton to having homeless hanging out on street corners. Since we moved here, I have seen maybe four people asking for money on street corners. This is in stark contrast to the tent cities of Portland, where vagrancy is not only tolerated but accepted and supported. Because of that permissiveness, the freeways and under bridges are littered with trash, making the city look like a cross between Idiocracy and District 12 from The Hunger Games. Lest anyone think the homeless are harmless, I would invite you to read this, where the victim in question is my own sweet husband. To be fair, Ohio does have some of the highest heroin use in the country, but serious efforts are in place to stop the influx of drugs by the cartels. Meanwhile, at my hospital in Portland, a patient who denied any street drug use finally owned up to doing meth because, as he said, “I mean…everyone does a little meth…”
Since settling into our new place a month ago, my stress level has decreased dramatically. Oregon drivers are their own brand of special, and I’m no longer constantly angry and frustrated every time I drive down the street. I can get anywhere in the greater Dayton area in 20 minutes, as opposed to the 45 minutes it took me to commute to work at 6 am. Houses in Dayton are affordable, and the lots they’re built on are generally larger than the standard 8,000-square-foot lot in the suburbs of Portland. Why is that? Because there is no government-imposed urban growth boundary that causes people to be packed in like New Yorkers on a subway during rush hour. This also means that you can park your cars in your own driveway instead of on the street. A Portland building code makes garages and driveways just barely too small to fit two cars abreast. It is done to encourage people to give up one of their cars and utilize public transportation instead. I used to use the bus and Max system when I first moved there but had to stop when the bus going the hospital just didn’t show up a few mornings. You see the problem there. Because of the narrow driveways and garages, two car households are forced to park on the grass or on the street. The result is narrow streets that are a virtual slalom course when opposing traffic approaches. Driving in Portland is its own experience — there is a timidity to Oregon drivers that is infuriating to the rest of us. It is not at all uncommon for Oregonians to drive five miles under the speed limit on the freeway in the left lane! However, Ohio drivers are maniacs, a puzzling inconsistency with how nice everyone is.
People are nice here. I mean, very nice. Talk to you in the grocery store nice. Calling customer service at a local business and people are genuinely helpful nice. The kind of nice that people on the coasts don’t understand or value. When we broke the news of our impending move to friends of our in Portland, they also informed us of their move to Spain this summer. When we described how nice people in the Midwest are, the wife responded “It kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies. Plus I wouldn’t fit in, and I like my ethnic food too much. I think I would have a harder time adapting to Ohio than I would Spain.” When I explained how my new hospital had rolled out the red carpet for me during my interview, she said “Of course they did. There’s nothing else to look at amidst the flatness…” As someone who largely grew up in the South, it is that kind of dismissive contempt from coastal leftists that always made me feel like that girl in 7th grade with the headgear. The pretentiousness and false tolerance in Portland created a high-school-like environment of cool kids and losers.
Part of being new to Portland includes establishing one’s leftist bona fides — tattoos, unnatural hair colors, lefty bumper stickers, driving a Subaru, participating in marches, hiking, biking to work, and drinking kombucha. Ok, so I might drink kombucha … but I definitely did not measure up to Portland’s exacting standards of what’s acceptable. In fact, the mere fact that I came from the South and was open about my church attendance caused some coworkers to label me a racist, homophobic bigot without ever having one conversation with me. But as a college friend posted on Facebook this morning, that’s perfectly ok- conservatives do not deserve tolerance by the left. Since we left, Portland has continued its downward spiral into madness when 200 bikes at multiple Biketown stations were vandalized by a group saying “Our city is not a corporate amusement park.” Excuse me while I take some ibuprofen for my headache — it’s because of all the eye rolling. There’s no winning with the leftists of Portland. I guess being that woke precludes the ability to ever have any fun. It’s a miracle they ever emerge from their apartments- being that triggered at all times must be exhausting. But now I get to sit back and watch the crazy from afar, from the comfort of my new city where the traffic is light, people smile, and the children play in the yards of their houses that sit on an acre. So long, Portland!
Published in General
Did you ever confront them?
Your article reminded me of the time when a friend, who grew up in southern California, came to Indiana to visit. We went to the grocery store, and the bag boy started pushing the cart out of the store. He looked at me in shock and said, “Is he stealing our groceries?”. I laughed and said, “No, he is just taking them to my car.” He was even more amazed when it put them in the car for me.
Last time I saw legs like that they were on the grill!
@vicrylcontessa, you “like” this? After all the stuff you gave me the other day? I’m hurt!
Hey! I may be an expatriate Portlander with his own special kind of crazy, but I’m not … wait, was there a third thing?
I will gladly give anyone a talking to about smoking. It does depend on how frequent the cigar smoking is. Once a month- ok, have fun. Daily or several times per week- slow your roll, Loretta. Frequent or daily smoking is bad for your lungs, bad for your head and neck, and impairs wound healing (ahem *cough*).
Great story – and sad for Portland. When will they ever see the writing in the wall!
Dayton has a Waffle House. Does Portland have a Waffle House?
So much for Portland.
Portlandia is a documentary, not a comedy. Great city to be a police officer. Lots of interesting people and situations. A wonderful place to hone a sarcastic sense of humor, satisfy your sense of wonder, and enjoy a good beer as you sort out everything you’ve seen.
Ideas, newsletter, etc.
Yes, Portland has a Waffle House, even Portlanders who look like they’ve fallen face into a tackle box eat at Waffle House.
Linda is from the Great State of Ohio!
No. There was a whole thing that happened with another employee and it went to HR. I had to give a statement and blah blah blah.
Portland even has Cracker Barrel now!
It looks like the Waffle House closest to Portland is in Ft. Collins, CO — about 1200 miles away.
Yep, that’s what it looks like. Portland does have the Original Pancake House, which has a store here in Dayton. I’ve never been. @1967mustangman will tell you I make delicious pancakes from scratch. Now I want pancakes.
I’m talking about real Waffle Houses, Doug, not one of those sniffy little progressive pancake emporiums where the silver dollar pancakes are only the size of silver dollars and the waitress is some churlish emo with a tattoo of Patrice Lumumba on one shoulder and Rosa Luxemburg on the other.
Original Pancake House is awesome. There’s two here in Utah. Order the Dutch Baby.
Just don’t forget, if you really need that taste (or smell) of Portland, Ohio does have some enclaves. Yellow Springs (not far from you) is home to that bastion of [redacted reference to bat excrement] crazy, Antioch College (look ’em up and cringe). Or there’s Oberlin (should you get up near Cleveland), or Athens, Ohio. In fact, if you get into the south-east corner of the state, the hills and gorges ought to give you a taste of home, terrain-wise.
And yes, Ohio State University is both a football team and an actual university, not just a state-religion (easy to get confused – you’ll learn about the team by osmosis even if you never watch a game). But don’t plan anything in north-central Columbus on a home-game day unless you know the roads a bit better.
Cincy is beautiful, Columbus used to be a quiet cow-town but is now rather… ambitious? Toledo is pure rust-belt but holding on with grim determination (and still has a large Lebanese community), while Cleveland is in a bit of an existential crisis (both have fantastic art museums). Youngstown is where the Mafia is (I’m serious), Marietta is picturesque, Akron’s freeways are lethal. And do be sure to get up to Lake Erie, the only naturally occurring lake anywhere in the state (all other standing bodies of water are either man-made, mistakes, or both).
I have never been more scared of white people than an afternoon walk through Pioneer Square. Congrats on your move.
That “conservatives do not deserve tolerance” article was pretty hilarious.
A few logical holes, but let’s not worry about that, here.
Worst part about living in Dayton? Easy: it’s a _much_ longer drive to the occasional 2-family Yakima meetup. :(
This map shows red and blue areas of Massachusetts, where I live. In any state, no matter how red or blue, there are liberal and conservative enclaves; I live in a red area of Western Mass, where there are lots of pickup trucks and gun owners-you only have to drive twenty minutes up the road to be in Northampton, which is a different universe.
Which is all just to say, just because someone lives on the coast doesn’t mean they are a coastal elite-many, many of our local elites don’t even come from here originally. :)
I had a similar scare there too. But the most scared I’ve been was in by Voodoo when a homeless guy pulled a knife on another homeless guy right in front of me. Of course, because of the gun laws, I was not carrying.
Welcome to Ohio. Please get out and take in a Dragons game (IF you can get tickets) or see the Redlegs at GABP. Anything you need, just let us at the Ohio Ricochet Chamber of Commerce know.
(Not all mine)
You will now have way farther to drive for our chili party.
I know! Andrew was just saying the other day how upset he was that we only decided right at the end to come up for the weekend. That is a major downside to Ohio.
I live in the orange spot, but refuse to acknowledge the existence of football.
That is absolutely true. Eastern Oregon, much to the dismay of those in Portland, Salem, and Eugene, is very conservative. Unfortunately, much like other coastal states, the liberal cities dictate policy for the rest of the state. Hence why so many have called for breaking up California.
I do admit some consternation. I have a love of Portland and a love of Oregon as only someone born and raised there can have. For all its craziness, it remains a home to me. For the first time in decades I now live in a state that’s so red we have to kindly remind the Lefties not to wave us around like a flag because we’re not that kind of red. Indeed, it’s so red and business friendly that much of the West has been moving here. It’s not just business friendly, it’s middle-class friendly which is something the West Coast is losing rather quickly around the municipalities if they haven’t lost it altogether. I do love the food, the beer, the wine, the distilleries, the gorgeous coast. I even love the things people don’t like as much, like the strange population and the weather (oh how I miss the weather!)
Portland dominates much of the state politics any more, sadly. And the parts it doesn’t are dominated by the public employee unions – the state is presently the largest employer in the state, by the way. The two forces have done their best to make Oregon a one-party state. Cities like Portland that lurch hard are on a path to decline until the ultimate suicide by good intentions or put on life-support by electing a Guilliani who’s just right-leaning enough to keep things alive just a little longer.
It’s doubtful the city and its inhabitants realize just how bad things will get. The Port of Portland is losing shippers due to a Longshoreman’s union that has been known to go on strike just so their employers understand who’s in charge. My heart broke my last visit to Oregon as I drove through the city and found more and more tent enclaves around. It can’t be safe and residents who pass through are fooling themselves if they think it’ll last long without incident. The traffic through the city is so egregious, it won’t be long before people figure out bypassing Portland entirely is far less costly than trying to slog through its outdated freeway system.
Of course, the freeways are worse when the professional protestors are in full rant, which lately is almost always. The protestors have enjoyed a tacit and an overt support of the city council, getting their way until things get a bit too rambunctious.
And yet I still love the place. I loved the roses by the roadside as I drove to work. I loved the bridges in view. From my work’s break area window, I loved watching the ships come in during Fleet Week. I love the memories I have of the places, even though I’m finding that it’s all I have left of the place, just memories of wandering the streets with friend, free pints at a corner pub, and new discoveries every week. I guess that was twenty years ago, and the foolish policies back then have yielded rotten fruit.
I miss my home, for all its flaws.
Well unless Voodoo Donuts forbids carry in their place of business as long as you have a permit you can carry anywhere in Oregon, and Oregon is a shall issue state. Private property owners are allowed to forbid carry on their property. That’s the rule across the country.
The “South”?
No part of Ohio is the “South”.