On Leaving Portland

 

Some of you know, but many may not, that @1967mustangman and I have left Portland, OR, for the greener pastures of Dayton, OH. While there are many things about Portland I miss (the food, Mustang’s family, my coworkers, the food, the mountains, the food…) it surprised me what a sense of relief I felt as we left the city limits. Driving a 22-foot diesel moving van was a learning experience — one which required asking @davecarter many questions on Facebook — but actually driving across this beautiful country helped remind me that there is life outside the dreary angst that progressives have created in Oregon. Wyoming and Nebraska were especially beautiful.

Perhaps the most noticeable difference is the lack of homeless people in Dayton. The winter weather is fairly inhospitable for living on the streets, and Dayton doesn’t really cotton to having homeless hanging out on street corners. Since we moved here, I have seen maybe four people asking for money on street corners. This is in stark contrast to the tent cities of Portland, where vagrancy is not only tolerated but accepted and supported. Because of that permissiveness, the freeways and under bridges are littered with trash, making the city look like a cross between Idiocracy and District 12 from The Hunger Games. Lest anyone think the homeless are harmless, I would invite you to read this, where the victim in question is my own sweet husband. To be fair, Ohio does have some of the highest heroin use in the country, but serious efforts are in place to stop the influx of drugs by the cartels. Meanwhile, at my hospital in Portland, a patient who denied any street drug use finally owned up to doing meth because, as he said, “I mean…everyone does a little meth…”

Since settling into our new place a month ago, my stress level has decreased dramatically. Oregon drivers are their own brand of special, and I’m no longer constantly angry and frustrated every time I drive down the street. I can get anywhere in the greater Dayton area in 20 minutes, as opposed to the 45 minutes it took me to commute to work at 6 am. Houses in Dayton are affordable, and the lots they’re built on are generally larger than the standard 8,000-square-foot lot in the suburbs of Portland. Why is that? Because there is no government-imposed urban growth boundary that causes people to be packed in like New Yorkers on a subway during rush hour. This also means that you can park your cars in your own driveway instead of on the street. A Portland building code makes garages and driveways just barely too small to fit two cars abreast. It is done to encourage people to give up one of their cars and utilize public transportation instead. I used to use the bus and Max system when I first moved there but had to stop when the bus going the hospital just didn’t show up a few mornings. You see the problem there. Because of the narrow driveways and garages, two car households are forced to park on the grass or on the street. The result is narrow streets that are a virtual slalom course when opposing traffic approaches. Driving in Portland is its own experience — there is a timidity to Oregon drivers that is infuriating to the rest of us. It is not at all uncommon for Oregonians to drive five miles under the speed limit on the freeway in the left lane! However, Ohio drivers are maniacs, a puzzling inconsistency with how nice everyone is.

People are nice here. I mean, very nice. Talk to you in the grocery store nice. Calling customer service at a local business and people are genuinely helpful nice. The kind of nice that people on the coasts don’t understand or value. When we broke the news of our impending move to friends of our in Portland, they also informed us of their move to Spain this summer. When we described how nice people in the Midwest are, the wife responded “It kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies. Plus I wouldn’t fit in, and I like my ethnic food too much. I think I would have a harder time adapting to Ohio than I would Spain.” When I explained how my new hospital had rolled out the red carpet for me during my interview, she said “Of course they did. There’s nothing else to look at amidst the flatness…” As someone who largely grew up in the South, it is that kind of dismissive contempt from coastal leftists that always made me feel like that girl in 7th grade with the headgear. The pretentiousness and false tolerance in Portland created a high-school-like environment of cool kids and losers.

Part of being new to Portland includes establishing one’s leftist bona fides — tattoos, unnatural hair colors, lefty bumper stickers, driving a Subaru, participating in marches, hiking, biking to work, and drinking kombucha. Ok, so I might drink kombucha … but I definitely did not measure up to Portland’s exacting standards of what’s acceptable. In fact, the mere fact that I came from the South and was open about my church attendance caused some coworkers to label me a racist, homophobic bigot without ever having one conversation with me. But as a college friend posted on Facebook this morning, that’s perfectly ok- conservatives do not deserve tolerance by the left. Since we left, Portland has continued its downward spiral into madness when 200 bikes at multiple Biketown stations were vandalized by a group saying “Our city is not a corporate amusement park.” Excuse me while I take some ibuprofen for my headache — it’s because of all the eye rolling. There’s no winning with the leftists of Portland. I guess being that woke precludes the ability to ever have any fun. It’s a miracle they ever emerge from their apartments- being that triggered at all times must be exhausting. But now I get to sit back and watch the crazy from afar, from the comfort of my new city where the traffic is light, people smile, and the children play in the yards of their houses that sit on an acre. So long, Portland!

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  1. Kephalithos Member
    Kephalithos
    @Kephalithos

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    • #1
  2. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    • #2
  3. Columbo Member
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    • #3
  4. Locke On Member
    Locke On
    @LockeOn

    Congrats on your escape!  As a refugee from California to Idaho four years ago, I can tell you it will do marvels for your blood pressure – and cost of living!

    • #4
  5. Whistle Pig Member
    Whistle Pig
    @

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    @judgemental is produced by a tree?

    • #5
  6. Spin Coolidge
    Spin
    @Spin

    #MRGA!

    • #6
  7. Pony Convertible Inactive
    Pony Convertible
    @PonyConvertible

    The article your linked about conservatives do not deserve tolerance is one of the most bigoted articles I have ever read.  The entire basis of the article is that conservatives don’t accept people for what they are.   If this were true, she would have a point.  It’s not, which why I say it is a bigoted article.  It accuses a group people of being something they are not, simply because she doesn’t understand them, or even care to try.

    Apparently Judge Mental is correct.  Not all people in the Buckeye State are nice.  The bigoted article was written by someone from Ohio State University.

    • #7
  8. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

     

    • #8
  9. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Pony Convertible (View Comment):

    The article your linked about conservatives do not deserve tolerance is one of the most bigoted articles I have ever read. The entire basis of the article is that conservatives don’t accept people for what they are. If this were true, she would have a point. It’s not, which why I say it is a bigoted article. It accuses a group people of being something they are not, simply because she doesn’t understand them, or even care to try.

    Apparently Judge Mental is correct. Not all people in the Buckeye State are nice. The bigoted article was written by someone from Ohio State University.

    Well, most anyone in academia is going to be a progressive nutcase.

    • #9
  10. Fritz Coolidge
    Fritz
    @Fritz

    Great post. While I continue to endure the left coast attitude here in Washington state, I was reminded of my wife’s and my suspicious reactions at first when, having just moved for grad school from Philadelphia to Indiana, the cashier at the grocery greeted us warmly (!), and then, after checking our purchases, said “Thank you“.

    So different from the surly cashiers in the city who would wordlessly throw your change down like a challenge.

    Enjoy the heartland!

    • #10
  11. Jules PA Member
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    My most favorite post in a long time. (Not that there aren’t tonnes of posts I’ve enjoyed.)

    You bring happiness wherever you go. Leave the Portlanders to their own special crazy.

    • #11
  12. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Jules PA (View Comment):

    My most favorite post in a long time. (Not that there aren’t tonnes of posts I’ve enjoyed.)

    You bring happiness wherever you go. Leave the Portlanders to their own special crazy.

    Awww, that’s so sweet of you!

    • #12
  13. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

     

    That is very impressive!

    • #13
  14. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Whistle Pig (View Comment):

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    @judgemental is produced by a tree?

    I’m not hairless.  Except for where it’s supposed to be, I’m shockingly hairy.

    • #14
  15. Columbo Member
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

     

    Best Damn Band In The Land

    • #15
  16. livingthenonScienceFictionlife Inactive
    livingthenonScienceFictionlife
    @livingthehighlife

    There are worse places to live than Ohio, but not many.  ;-)

    I haven’t spent much time in Portland proper, but I absolutely love that part of the country.  Some of the best days I’ve ever had fishing has been on the Metolius and Deschutes rivers.  We’d go there for summer vacation if it weren’t almost 2000 miles away.

    • #16
  17. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    I’m so glad you guys are settling in. I worried for your safety after hearing some of your commutes to work. I guess if you couldn’t come to N.C., Ohio is ok. 

    • #17
  18. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I’m so glad you guys are settling in. I worried for your safety after hearing some of your commutes to work. I guess if you couldn’t come to N.C., Ohio is ok.

    Let me know if you ever feel like pointing the RV in our direction.

    • #18
  19. 1967mustangman Inactive
    1967mustangman
    @1967mustangman

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    I’m told I should walk into a room and yell O H and I will get an IIIOOOOO in response.

    • #19
  20. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    1967mustangman (View Comment):

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    I’m told I should walk into a room and yell O H and I will get an IIIOOOOO in response.

    It does seem like the Midwest version of Roll Tide.

    • #20
  21. Mark Camp Member
    Mark Camp
    @MarkCamp

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    Yes, Welcome to Ohio.

    We’re not all nice.

    But other than the Judge, and one lady I know, but she’s nice after her first cup of coffee, we actually are all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which is not proven by us laughing at ourselves, because once you get to know us, you will realize that it doesn’t not take a strong sense of humor to laugh at us.  You’ll see what I mean next time you wait for someone, anyone, to go first at a four-way stop sign.  Or see a sign “right lane closed one mile ahead” and notice that the right lane is empty in front of you for one mile, and someone let’s you in, but also lets the two cars behind you in, just to be nice.

    • #21
  22. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I’m so glad you guys are settling in. I worried for your safety after hearing some of your commutes to work. I guess if you couldn’t come to N.C., Ohio is ok.

    Let me know if you ever feel like pointing the RV in our direction.

    I do need to take Marty to the Air Force museum. 

    • #22
  23. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I’m so glad you guys are settling in. I worried for your safety after hearing some of your commutes to work. I guess if you couldn’t come to N.C., Ohio is ok.

    Let me know if you ever feel like pointing the RV in our direction.

    Hey, we were just up in Michigan.  We could’ve stopped off in Dayton, darn it!

    OTOH, we could drive up again . . .

    Or you two could visit NC and SC if you ever have the time . . .

    In any case, welcome to America!  (With all due respect to those on the Left Coast)

    • #23
  24. Spin Coolidge
    Spin
    @Spin

    Vicryl Contessa: caused some coworkers to label me a racist, homophobic bigot without ever having one conversation with me

    VC – Do you know they did this?  And if so, how?  Just curious…

    • #24
  25. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Spin (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa: caused some coworkers to label me a racist, homophobic bigot without ever having one conversation with me

    VC – Do you know they did this? And if so, how? Just curious…

    I knew by their comments to me and things I was told others said by coworkers who became friends. One person would also never do what I asked (her job was supporting the nurses), even though I was polite as all get out. 

    • #25
  26. Vicryl Contessa Thatcher
    Vicryl Contessa
    @VicrylContessa

    Blondie (View Comment):

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    Blondie (View Comment):

    I’m so glad you guys are settling in. I worried for your safety after hearing some of your commutes to work. I guess if you couldn’t come to N.C., Ohio is ok.

    Let me know if you ever feel like pointing the RV in our direction.

    I do need to take Marty to the Air Force museum.

    Yes!! Sounds like a plan. I have yet to go. Mustang has been, and said it was really cool.

    • #26
  27. Spin Coolidge
    Spin
    @Spin

    Vicryl Contessa: conservatives do not deserve tolerance by the left

    At least she is honest.  Frankly, I find the notion of “tolerance” to be quite silly.  First, to tolerate something, in the common use, means to put up with something you don’t like.  Nobody “tolerates” a chocolate pie.  My wife tolerated m,y cigar smoking up until a few weeks ago.  Second, we don’t put up with every kind of opinion, person, behavior.  For example, I don’t tolerate the intolerance of the left.  If ever I met Hannah Jones (assuming “she” is a real person), I’d let her have it about her silly notion of conservatives.  

    Anyway…

    • #27
  28. Columbo Member
    Columbo
    @Columbo

    1967mustangman (View Comment):

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    I’m told I should walk into a room and yell O H and I will get an IIIOOOOO in response.

    You will!

    • #28
  29. Richard Easton Coolidge
    Richard Easton
    @RichardEaston

    Vicryl Contessa (View Comment):

    1967mustangman (View Comment):

    Columbo (View Comment):

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    Kephalithos (View Comment):

    Welcome to the Buckeye State!

    We’re not all nice.

    And we have a good sense of humor, which includes laughing at ourselves.

    The state tree is the Buckeye … which produces a “hairless nut without much value.”

    Welcome to O …. H …. I …. O!

    I’m told I should walk into a room and yell O H and I will get an IIIOOOOO in response.

    It does seem like the Midwest version of Roll Tide.

    I spent four very happy years in Cincinnati.  You will probably continue to like it in Ohio in spite of some harsh weather in the winter.

    • #29
  30. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Spin (View Comment):
    My wife tolerated my cigar smoking up until a few weeks ago.

    I guess smoking in the hot tub was the last straw for your wife . . .

    I don’t mind being banned to the front porch by my wife.  It gives me a chance to smoke a fine cigar while I enjoy nature, a fine adult beverage, and get caught up on my podcasts:

    • #30

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