The New Normal? It’s Rude and I Don’t Like It!

 

This week in my Twitter feed, I saw Stormy Daniels and comedienne Kathy Griffin posing and “flipping the bird”; their caption using an obscene hashtag directed towards Donald Trump. Now, both women have been in some hot water for past vulgar criticisms of the sitting President, but this particular act went without reprimand and even received praise.

Earlier in the week, I opened my Twitter app and immediately had a picture of a man with a bearded face staring back at me with an intense glare, raising his middle finger. That man was Pennsylvania House Representative, Brian Sims, and his gesture was not towards me personally, but to Vice President, Mike Pence.

While I felt as if I had to choose between the lesser of two evils in the 2016 election, I would not go as far as to say I am a “Never Trumper.” I certainly have my reservations about him; however, I have been pleasantly surprised with some things, too. This is not my point, and I do not have a problem with criticism towards any political figure. My problem is with the lack of tact in recent years. Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but since when has it been acceptable for women such as Daniels and Griffin, to earn praise for acting like … well … “Nasty Women?”

I am not saying I am perfect, in fact, I do swear often, but there are times and places where the language and gesticulations are disgusting, rude, and uncalled for. I am 36 years old, and if my mother heard me talk like that, or make an offensive motion – let alone in the public square – she would be mortified and very angry with me. Mr. Sims’s act is even more egregious, as he is supposed to be a representative for the people. I obviously do not live within his district, but if I did, I would not want him to be speaking for me even if I agreed with him politically.

The number one place where I do not want to hear copious amounts of profanity and political criticism? The office.

I work in a legal office, where tempers and frustrations run high. I have been in this career for about a dozen years, and am no stranger to hearing someone drop an expletive now and then. It is possible I am more aware of it now that I am older, or because I am working on a postgraduate degree and trying to “increase my word power,” or because I have always been of the mind that there are millions of other words one could use in place of that one. Nevertheless, it seems like the filler word “like” has been replaced with an obscenity most, if not all, of the time.

Further, I was taught throughout my life (and again, I am not that old) that politics and religion were “taboo” outside of the home. While I do understand that more people have an interest in the political atmosphere, and I think that is a good thing, there is still a time and a place where it is highly inappropriate.

For example, the day after the election, I was in the kitchen area putting my lunch in the shared refrigerator, when two attorneys were getting coffee. One said to the other, “It is a sad day, today,” and went on to say that anybody who voted for Trump was an “idiot” and “had no critical thinking skills.” Of course, I took offense to this because it was my demographic he was talking about, but I did not want to out myself. I strongly feel that my political affiliations are not my coworkers’ business (nor do I want to know about theirs). Regardless of my leanings, it was still uncomfortable for me and the other attorney in the kitchen. I simply said, “I really do not think this is an appropriate topic for the office.” I knew that was going to give him a hint, but frankly, I just was tired of hearing his monologue. Surprisingly, the other attorney (who I know for a fact was a huge Hillary Clinton supporter) agreed with me, saying, “That’s actually a good point, let’s get back to work.” This only further proved to me that there is still a notion that we should keep opinions to ourselves in certain settings.

In a meeting on Tuesday, we were jovially talking about the weather and the delicious lunch, among other things, when the same person began talking about his recent vacation to see his grandchildren. He said that his granddaughter had a doll she named “Donna Trump.” Another coworker made the comment, “Is that the doll that kills all the other dolls?” I could have made a snarky comment like, “No, that’s her Hillary doll,” but why should I? Again, it draws attention to where I stand, which is nobody’s business, and it has nothing to do with the meeting. Furthermore, I am certain that if I had made a comment like that, I would be the one reprimanded in the boss’s office later, like I was for sending an officewide email out to collect magazines for the troops (but I digress).

My long-winded point here is that we are faced with classless remarks regardless of whom it is aimed towards. Nobody acts with an ounce of decorum anymore, and I for one am sick and tired of the free for all. Not only does it appear to be a double standard for Conservatives, it is just plain tiresome and unpleasant constantly these days.

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  1. Franco Member
    Franco
    @Franco

    I agree it’s obnoxious behavior. The assumption that everyone agrees is what bothers me most. Actually what bothers me most is they know you can’t say anything. It’s a hit and run.

    • #1
  2. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    These people are far more bloviating, rude, obnoxious and intolerant than the person to whom they so strenuosly object and accuse of the very same.

    They are an example of how not to be. 

    My tack: keep quiet when in their presence, let them continue as they wish. As they say, November’s coming.

    Every button I push will be my Civil Responsibility and Constitutional FU. 😀

    • #2
  3. Jon1979 Inactive
    Jon1979
    @Jon1979

    People who tend to believe they’re smarter than everyone around them and therefore deserve to tell everyone around them what they should think and how to live their lives tend to also get angry when people fail to do that. That’s when you end up with the types who, upon hearing a different ideological point of view, make it their goal not simply to argue with that person over the merits, but to destroy that person, usually by forcing them out of their job and in some cases by trying to make them into a pariah in society.

    And that habit is far more prevalent on the left, where you had the Kevin McHale vs. GQ/ESPN writer kerfuffle from two days ago, where Nathaniel Friedman went to the trouble of searching out the former Boston Celtic star’s image in the crowd at Trump’s Duluth rally, and then tweeted out McHale should never be allowed to work in the NBA again (he then tried to deny the words he said meant what he said when called on his comment. But Friedman’s mindset is common on the left, and when you have that mindset in a person with the ability to cause problems in others’ careers or lives, people with less defenders than Kevin McHale tend to simply keep quiet and save their revenge for the ballot box on Election Day).

    • #3
  4. Dorrk Inactive
    Dorrk
    @Dorrk

    About 15 years ago a friend of mine brought his girlfriend to dinner to meet our social circle for the first time. I’m fairly sure he — a despondent Nader voter in 2000 — told her beforehand that most of us were moderates-to-conservatives.

    She wore a big black button on her sweater thad said “F@#K BUSH!” (Character substitutions mine. The button was in plain English.)

    They’re married now, but, thankfully, have moved to a different state.

    It’s hard to offend me, but I’m often surprised at the lack of filters some people have in situations where I would never dream to say anything profane. This same friend once volleyed a series of F-word laden reprimands at his mother, in front of me, for no good reason whatsoever.

     

    One last little anecdote, which happened recently: my daughter just completed 8th grade. She has a fun group of friends who are all boys. I know what boys are like at that age (well, maybe not post-millennial boys), but they all have nice parents and are extremely respectful toward our daughter. Occasionally we hear an off-color joke from one of them, but it doesn’t bother me at all.

    They had some school projects due near the end of the year and one of her male friends made a video presentation. She helped him out by acting in it. His dad sent us the video file a few days before it was due. I don’t think he had watched it. While there was nothing questionable in the content of the video, the very opening title said, “Sex Candles Presents…” with porny music playing behind it.

    While I might well have made a similar joke at age 14 I would NEVER have put that title on something that a teacher or parent would see. This kid is so quiet and reserved that it came as a double surprise. We pointed this bit out to his dad, and I think it was changed before it was turned in, but, really. The floodgates appear to have opened to the point that there is now no general sense of appropriate settings.

    • #4
  5. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    no filters for context. None. 

    • #5
  6. AltarGirl Member
    AltarGirl
    @CM

    ErinGoBoro: My problem is with the lack of tact in recent years. Perhaps I am old fashioned, but since when has it been acceptable for women such as Daniels and Griffin, to earn praise for acting like… well… “Nasty Women”?

    This is a result of my age group entering the political domain. This is the crude and crass speech covered by Free Speech that was fringe in late 90s but was embraced by high schoolers and college kids. We are in our mid to early 30s now and it’s our crude and crass nastiness you get.

    Kathy Griffin’s nastiness is about on par with the girl who claimed a desire to want to shove her bloody feminine hygiene product down our boss’s throat to high fives and applause. Your welcome.

    • #6
  7. Guruforhire Inactive
    Guruforhire
    @Guruforhire

    Its been an escalation since the bush admin.

    I think the left learned a lot of terrible lessons from the Iraq war, and the resulting political discord.

    • #7
  8. Vectorman Inactive
    Vectorman
    @Vectorman

    Jon1979 (View Comment):
    And that habit is far more prevalent on the left, where you had the Kevin McHale vs. GQ/ESPN writer kerfuffle from two days ago, where Nathaniel Friedman went to the trouble of searching out the former Boston Celtic star’s image in the crowd at Trump’s Duluth rally.

    I went to a George McGovern  rally at my University in 1972. I voted for Nixon that year. Does Mr Friedman think that all people at the rally agree with the speaker? How about the left-wing news reporters? What if Kevin McHale came with a good friend of his?

    The older I get, the more I find leftism is populated by people who have the mental wisdom of a 12 year old.

    • #8
  9. E. Kent Golding Member
    E. Kent Golding
    @EKentGolding

    Most people’s restraint starts off as either ” friends and family will find out, and I don’t want to have to  explain this”  or ” God will observe this, and I don’t want to have to try to explain this”.    As people grow older, they internalize the rules,  and want to think of themselves a kind,  decent, well spoken people.  However,  if there is no fear of the judgement of God or Family or Friends or Community,   and the media are egging them one,  there is little hope for growth into maturity.

    Stormy Danials,  Kathy Griffin,  David Hogg, and Peter Fonda are all women who have gotten rich or famous by being nasty.   They don’t need friends or community, they have money.   I doubt they think they need God or want His presence.

    • #9
  10. DonG Coolidge
    DonG
    @DonG

    People are complete uncontrolled jerks online.  They act like distance gives them permission to go unhinged.  Furthermore, there is almost a contest to see who can be the most insulting and demeaning.  This has now merged with the real world.  This is getting dangerous.  Humans will use moral license from virtue signaling to do the most horrible things imaginable.  Nothing is more destructive than a mob “without conscience”.  I don’t know what the fix is, but those of us who are not deranged need to push back with calls for civility until this fever breaks.

    • #10
  11. MKM Inactive
    MKM
    @Badgawfer

    Their monumental level of unselfawareness is awe inspiring. For people who never miss a chance to tell every one how intelligent and skilled at nuance that they themselves are, how could they not understand that they trivialize themselves when they try to out vulgar the vulgarian? We can comfort our selves knowing that know one is really listening. They are only preaching to the choir. 

    • #11
  12. RushBabe49 Thatcher
    RushBabe49
    @RushBabe49

    How about this.  Delete Twitter.  Is there anything there that you simply cannot live without?  I am not on Twitter or Facebook, and I think I am happier for it.  There is probably nothing you can do to change those peoples’ behavior, so just deny them your piece of the audience.

    • #12
  13. ErinGoBoro Inactive
    ErinGoBoro
    @ErinGoBoro

    RushBabe49 (View Comment):

    How about this. Delete Twitter. Is there anything there that you simply cannot live without? I am not on Twitter or Facebook, and I think I am happier for it. There is probably nothing you can do to change those peoples’ behavior, so just deny them your piece of the audience.

    Certainly I can delete social media (I’m only on Instagram and Twitter), but what about the second half of this? Am I expected to not leave my house? 

    Do we think that because of social media, people now feel it is okay to take the attitude elsewhere in life, now?

    • #13
  14. RushBabe49 Thatcher
    RushBabe49
    @RushBabe49

    I should have said “deny them your piece of the audience online”.  The Left has been doing their best to get rid of the twin concepts of “shame” and “stigma”, and it is mostly working, due to their dominance of the media and the public schools.  

    • #14
  15. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    I don’t think “the normal” has changed much where I live.  I haven’t noticed an uptick in profanity.  There is a lot more political conversation at work the last two years, but it’s just from one person.  My boss (and stepdad) is a Donald Trump superfan so I usually get a morning update on whatever Fox News has proclaimed to be an outrage in the last 24 hours.  Other than that outlier, I don’t hear people bringing up politics more than 30 years ago.

    • #15
  16. ErinGoBoro Inactive
    ErinGoBoro
    @ErinGoBoro

    AltarGirl (View Comment):

    Kathy Griffin’s nastiness is about on par with the girl who claimed a desire to want to shove her bloody feminine hygiene product down our boss’s throat to high fives and applause. Your welcome.

    to high fives and applause. Why? Unless he was harassing women or worse, I cannot understand this. You’re proving my point precisely – I may not like a boss (there is one that I really don’t), but I complain “he has the worst time management skills,” or “his office is a pigsty,” not personal attacks (or threats!). So why is this now the acceptable way to behave? I feel like I’m in a room with a bunch of children who never got one iota of discipline in their lives.

    • #16
  17. ErinGoBoro Inactive
    ErinGoBoro
    @ErinGoBoro

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    I don’t think “the normal” has changed much where I live. I haven’t noticed an uptick in profanity. There is a lot more political conversation at work the last two years, but it’s just from one person. My boss (and stepdad) is a Donald Trump superfan so I usually get a morning update on whatever Fox News has proclaimed to be an outrage in the last 24 hours. Other than that outlier, I don’t hear people bringing up politics more than 30 years ago.

    Randy, maybe it’s time for me to move… as I  live in the People’s Republic of California. I’m hoping, particularly if we won’t be allowed to flush and shower, we can learn to get along better. Obviously I’m joking, but I do find myself saying, “We need to move,” a lot more often the last year or so. This gives me hope that the rest of the country isn’t as intense. I visited my hometown area in upstate NY at Christmastime, and it seemed more evened out, but that could just be because I was around family who all tend to lean the same way.

    • #17
  18. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    ErinGoBoro: Nobody acts with an ounce of decorum anymore, and I for one am sick and tired of the free for all.

    I was bothered years ago when a court ruled against laws prohibiting cursing in public, particularly around children.  Kids should learn bad words the old fashioned way – from the other kids in school.

    But seriously, public behavior has hit new lows.  Did you see the picture of a couple in an airplane, in their seats, having sex?  From the pic, you can’t actually tell, but the person who took (and posted) the photo swears they were (probably from the sounds and what they were saying).

    I don’t see how we can reverse this trend, *&#$^%^#@!

    • #18
  19. Doctor Robert Member
    Doctor Robert
    @DoctorRobert

    Stad (View Comment):

    ErinGoBoro: Nobody acts with an ounce of decorum anymore, and I for one am sick and tired of the free for all.

    But seriously, public behavior has hit new lows. Did you see the picture of a couple in an airplane, in their seats, having sex? From the pic, you can’t actually tell, but the person who took (and posted) the photo swears they were (probably from the sounds and what they were saying).

    I’ve done this, on a nighttime flight (DeGaulle–>Logan), with the lights out and everyone weaning blankets and sleeping.  An important key is to keep quiet.

    • #19
  20. JudithannCampbell Inactive
    JudithannCampbell
    @JudithannCampbell

    Doctor Robert (View Comment):

    Stad (View Comment):

    ErinGoBoro: Nobody acts with an ounce of decorum anymore, and I for one am sick and tired of the free for all.

    But seriously, public behavior has hit new lows. Did you see the picture of a couple in an airplane, in their seats, having sex? From the pic, you can’t actually tell, but the person who took (and posted) the photo swears they were (probably from the sounds and what they were saying).

    I’ve done this, on a nighttime flight (DeGaulle–>Logan), with the lights out and everyone weaning blankets and sleeping. An important key is to keep quiet.

    lol, I don’t know whether you are joking or serious, I would bet you are joking, but it is funny either way :)

    • #20
  21. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    E. Kent Golding (View Comment):

    Most people’s restraint starts off as either ” friends and family will find out, and I don’t want to have to explain this” or ” God will observe this, and I don’t want to have to try to explain this”. As people grow older, they internalize the rules, and want to think of themselves a kind, decent, well spoken people. However, if there is no fear of the judgement of God or Family or Friends or Community, and the media are egging them one, there is little hope for growth into maturity.

    Stormy Danials, Kathy Griffin, David Hogg, and Peter Fonda are all women who have gotten rich or famous by being nasty. They don’t need friends or community, they have money. I doubt they think they need God or want His presence.

    This seems to me to be the attitude that directs the behavior. Would this not closely relate to the overall reduction in the percentage of adult population married and having children. And even among those married with children, many have spent their early adult years single in the city and married later in life than before.

    Randy Weivoda (View Comment):

    I don’t think “the normal” has changed much where I live. I haven’t noticed an uptick in profanity. There is a lot more political conversation at work the last two years, but it’s just from one person. My boss (and stepdad) is a Donald Trump superfan so I usually get a morning update on whatever Fox News has proclaimed to be an outrage in the last 24 hours. Other than that outlier, I don’t hear people bringing up politics more than 30 years ago.

    ErinGoBoro (View Comment):
    Randy, maybe it’s time for me to move… as I live in the People’s Republic of California. I’m hoping, particularly if we won’t be allowed to flush and shower, we can learn to get along better. Obviously I’m joking, but I do find myself saying, “We need to move,” a lot more often the last year or so. This gives me hope that the rest of the country isn’t as intense. I visited my hometown area in upstate NY at Christmastime, and it seemed more evened out, but that could just be because I was around family who all tend to lean the same way.

    It does appear to have much to do with where one lives. Most of what we get in media is from media producers located in just a few areas of the country. And the voting patterns from the last elections confirm. Hillary Clinton’s never-ending claims that she got a majority resulted solely from this pattern.

     

    • #21
  22. kelsurprise Member
    kelsurprise
    @kelsurprise

    ErinGoBoro: I simply said, “I really do not think this is an appropriate topic for the office.” I knew that was going to give him a hint, but frankly, I just was tired of hearing his monologue.

    Good for you! 

    I’ve been working in the support group at a NY law firm for years.  It’s an open floor plan and back when I was on the overnights, a lot of the “conversation” consisted of various one-note diatribes against Republicans.  Since I was lone occasional dissenter in the “yea, verily yea” chorus there, I got outed pretty early as “one of them” (which is the precise phrase I heard my supervisor use one night, while rolling her eyes in disdain, to refer to a conservative columnist).   Back in those days, some of my co-workers would occasionally engage, ask intelligent questions about my alternate take on things — we remained friends and ended up having a few fairly good debates.  

    But a very ugly chill has descended on the place now.  Nobody asks me anything any more.  I’m “one of them” — so of course, they know without asking what I think, where I stand, how I vote and why.  (And judging from a few conversations I’ve overheard, they’re usually dead wrong on all counts.)  

    I work days now and they’ve moved some attorneys onto our floor so while the rhetoric is a bit more muted in volume, it’s grown exponentially in vileness and vitriol.   Most of what I heard come of the mouths of co-workers of mine the day after the election can’t be repeated here.   

    I used to find it amusing that these self-proclaimed champions of peace, love and understanding would brand the likes of me with a scarlet “R” for my affiliation with the “party of hate” when the only hate and angry rhetoric I heard was coming from them.  But it’s not the least bit amusing to me any more.   I may be off the overnights now — but that job’s become a more dark and lonely place for me, some days.  

    • #22
  23. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    @kelsurprise,

    I’m sorry you’re work place is that way. Kill ’em with kindness in every area you can, and skip the poli-talk.

    For so many don’t have the courage or dignity to offer the tolerance they be so woke about. 

    • #23
  24. Ansonia Member
    Ansonia
    @Ansonia

    Does anyone remember the good old days when, if you put up your middle finger, someone was certain to ask: ” Is that your age, your I.Q., or your number of legal parents ? ”

    People like Brian Sims are pandering to the most ignorant, most lacking in impulse control, and stupidest among us by acting that way. (Well, and especially trying to appear “cool” to less promising people between 18 and 22, I suppose.) What scares me is their shameless willingness to do that.

    • #24
  25. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    ErinGoBoro: My long-winded point here is that we are faced with classless remarks regardless of whom it is aimed towards. Nobody acts with an ounce of decorum anymore, and I for one am sick and tired of the free for all. Not only does it appear to be a double standard for Conservatives, it is just plain tiresome and unpleasant constantly these days.

    While I was growing up, my mom was scrupulously non-vulgar, at least curse-word-wise. She both expressed and lived a distaste for vulgarity. She considered resorting to vulgarity a failure to express one’s self clearly and compellingly. This is my ethic, too. Her reason made too much sense to me. I do occasionally breach my own rule, usually in a stressful situation, which elicits raised eyebrows and a friendly “cool down, there, cowboy,” from a co-worker afterwards.

    Like the author, I work in a politically-hostile environment. In fact, within my trial 90 days, the manager whom hired me announced my voting political party affiliation to a room of my co-workers, mine being the sole membership. He thought he was being cute. I thought he was a class-A jerk. Oh, the outrage had the tables been turned, but the irony is lost on him.

    • #25
  26. DrewInWisconsin Member
    DrewInWisconsin
    @DrewInWisconsin

    I know conservatives tend to stay quiet when all around them are spouting off nasty leftist invective. But what if we didn’t. What if we just started identifying ourselves. I wonder if just simply stating “Yes, I voted for President Trump and plan to do it again in 2020” would have any effect? What if the great silent masses of Trump voters started making themselves visible. What if they started having to put their caricature of conservatives up against those silent conservatives they know?

     

    • #26
  27. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    DrewInWisconsin (View Comment):
    What if we just started identifying ourselves. I wonder if just simply stating “Yes, I voted for President Trump and plan to do it again in 2020” would have any effect?

    I do now, but I follow the author’s guidance on tact, regardless. I don’t show up at work to debate. Going back to my first 90 days, I’m confident that I wouldn’t have held my job, and the job market was far tighter in 2013. The left is happy to act on wrong-thinkers. It’s, in fact, a mantle of honor.

    • #27
  28. PedroIg Member
    PedroIg
    @PedroIg

    BTW, this behavior is not coming only from Progressives.  I’ve seen several Libertarian (and even some conservative) FB posts rife with uncivil language and the accompanying vulgarisms.  I think it’s just the current state of our political discourse.  Or should I say discourse, full stop?  I don’t know what happens when some people get behind a keyboard, but it seems to transform otherwise decent people into feral creatures.

    • #28
  29. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    DrewInWisconsin (View Comment):
    What if the great silent masses of Trump voters started making themselves visible.

    What if the impending blue wave is just buffoonery, because people start reacting to the hatefulness of the left. Whatever their “principles,” clearly the Left demonstrates only those whom they choose will benefit. 

    Their willingness to discriminate, and not see the dichotomy they create with their beloved Civil Rights movement is a chilling thought that will cause me to vote against them, without reservation.

    • #29
  30. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    #FeralCreatures

    Love that.

    • #30
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