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Why Do We Cry When Celebrities Die Young?
Until his suicide, I never heard of Anthony Bourdain. Since I’m male and have no interest in purses, it’s more understandable that I never heard of Kate Spade, who also took her own life. I am surprised at the outpouring of grief by many including conservative writers, and not just youngish ones. Rob Long in a recent podcast said he was affected by Bourdain’s end, saying Bourdain lived the life he dreamed of living.
Bourdain was a stranger, or near stranger to all of them, as was Spade. In Spade’s case, I’m not even sure she was on television all that much, it’s just that many women had bought her high-end purses, or had been gifted one at a young age.
I was old enough when JFK got assassinated to remember it, but not old enough to know its real significance (I was 3 months shy of 7 years old). But that event was in the shadows as I grew up as he became a secular saint. I’ve read how older people at the time acted — the tears, the crying.
My personality is such that I don’t get too worked up over people I don’t know when bad things happen to them. Frankly, I felt that way about Martin Luther King Jr., and Robert F. Kennedy. In MLK’s case, I may not have been aware of who he was, and most white children probably didn’t until he became martyred. RFK was living in the shadow of his brother, so you couldn’t escape his presence.
I’m not immune as I originally thought, however, to strangers who have bad things happen to them. I was a daily listener of Rush Limbaugh as he went deaf. I was affected by that and relieved when he found a way to overcome that disability.
We can’t get worked up over every person’s misfortune, whether it’s starvation in Africa or the too-frequent teen suicides of every person we don’t know. We’d all be emotional wrecks if we did.
So why do we care so much for some complete strangers? They’re actually exceptions to the rule of not getting worked up about people we don’t know.
It’s irrational to me.
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The only celebrity death I have ever cried over was Lee Thompson Young. But I had been watching him since we were teenagers and he was on Disney.
Robin Williams’ death hit pretty hard, too. But he was iconic.
You might recognize Kate’s husband who did a lot of 7-up or Sprite commercials. I am surprised by the response to these deaths, too.
If they had died in accidents, of health reasons, or even acts of violence, I think few would have cared. However, because they seemingly had everything folks think would make them happy, their suicides wounded people in a profound way. They were, as Rob Long said, seemingly living lives we wish we had. But there was a hole so profound that they couldn’t tolerate it anymore.
Now folks are in panic-stricken grief. Our lives are crappy in comparison! We’re anxious about money and hate the careers we take for that pittance, so what hope is there for us?
The less relatable aspect to it is that people are sharing “life lessons” from people who just took their own lives. I want to take lessons from happy people! That part just doesn’t compute.
I think we feel wounded when anyone dies young. But there’s always going to be a sense of morbid curiosity and we center around it until something else distracts us.
Somerimes in the case of celebrity it might be selfishness. Ooo, I liked X’s singing and now his death will rob me of new things.
I am trying to figure this out also. I can understand a certain about of “oh, this is sad” but 24/7 outpouring is just annoying. Perhaps because I have disdain for most celebrities?
I did have a small tear at Krauthammer’s news. I was 17 when President Kennedy was killed and cried then but I think it was more because it was the first death that seemed to affect me personally. I think that I will cry when Vin Scully dies because I have been invested in his work for 30+ years and loved him almost as if I have known him.
But the public grief and renting of garments is really beyond me. Too much emphasis is placed on celebrity.
PS – I live under a rock and even I know who Bourdain is!
I guess my rock is bigger.
I may be a little hard hearted, but I do not care about the suicides of Bourdain or Spade. Not that I am glad they killed themselves, but they do not affect me emotionally. Suicides closer to home, that is friends of friends, or relatives of friends have more effect on me. I think most people are this way. And yes, I knew who these people were before the news of their suicides was broadcast.
I don’t get emotional about the deaths of celebrities, but my reaction varies depending on the level of personal loss I feel. In the case of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I didn’t feel any personal loss because neither of them were part of my life. I’m not saying that their stories aren’t sad; certainly they are. But I did not feel a personal loss, so my reaction wasn’t personal.
It’s different when it’s a celebrity whose work is important to me. Even then I wouldn’t say that I grieve the way I would if someone I was close to died. But, for example, when George Harrison died it wasn’t just “oh, that’s a sad story” but also “well, damn, I guess I won’t get to hear any more new music from him.” (I was wrong about that, actually, since there was one more posthumous album int he works, but that’s beside the point.)
I didn’t interpret Rob Long’s reaction to Bourdain’s death as grief so much as introspection. Because he admired Bourdain and aspired to be like him, Bourdain’s death prompted some contemplation about the nature of success and happiness. I think that’s perfectly rational when you hear a story that resonates with you, whether it’s about a celebrity or anyone else.
It matters that both Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade committed suicide. Suicide rates have been going up for a while, and part of the preoccupation with celebrity suicides may be people trying to wrap their heads around why anyone would do this, and how do we help those who are tempted to? Also, I never thought about it before, but many celebrities live in my mind as friendly acquaintances, even though they don’t know me, but I kind of know them, I at least know of them, and I feel a similar kind of sadness when they die that I would feel for a friendly acquaintance whom I didn’t know very well. I have never wept over a celebrity death, but I get a sinking feeling whenever anyone dies young, especially if it was a suicide.
I guess it is the shock, of people who seemed to have it all – fame, talent, fortune and even family and children, and it was not enough to stop them. We’ve watched Bourdain for years, and just like many musicians, comedians and others you grow fond of that also died young, its a shock. The lifestyle has something to do with it, but I felt so sad for Bourdain and Spade because they chose such a heinous act – hanging – a terrible pain their children will never escape. It amplifies a human condition – depression, and how serious of a health issue it is. I feel terribly sad when I hear it about anyone, who chooses suicide.
The first answer I had to this was about not understanding celebrity culture, however I shed tears for the death of Indycar driver Dan Wheldon in 2011. I suppose around Indianapolis it’s a little different because the drivers are part of the community, even if they don’t live here full time.
For some, the deaths reflect something in their lives, and so it may have very little to do with the celebrity. Rather, the celebrity’s death or circumstances surrounding it act as a trigger. Social media wise, I’m connected to many people involved in travel and there seemed no lack of reverence for Bourdain. I had a different opinion, but nonetheless enjoyed his work from time to time.
At one level or another, these individuals brought some happy moments into lives, a laudable accomplishment. Looked at that way, I can understand the tears.
If I might move into the biology of it, celebrities are part of our circle of known people. They don’t know us, but we have invited them into our homes. This is only intensified with being able to bring them on their screens into out bathrooms and bedrooms easily. We see the face over and over, hear the voice, and they take on meaning in our lives.
The thing is, it is the character we see that makes them so, not them. We don’t see all the warts and stuff (unless that is part of their fame, but even then, we get s story). These celebrities have meaning to us and our lives because the circuits in our brains are tricked into it.
Some more than others, but we all end up with affection for celebrities at some level. I am happy Fred Rogers really was that sort of man.
A lot of celebrities who mourn in public over celebrity deaths (Twitter appears to be the medium of the day) are, IMO, fulfilling a need in themselves for attention. I know it’s harsh, but, in a sense, they are latching on to the death. This is not to say that what they profess to feel isn’t genuine, but, let’s face it, they could keep that genuine feeling to themselves and friends. In fact, that’s what most of us do.
I’ve mixed feelings about him. When you watched him talk to children, you were seeing the genuine Fred Rogers. What annoyed me about him is he talked to adults that way too, at least from what I could see with his rare public appearances in adult settings.
While I admired him, I’m not sure I would have liked him enough to want to be around him a lot.
As a kid, I never really liked the Mr Rogers show; he was a very nice man, but I found him boring. Still, I did watch the show from time to time. One day, my Dad came home from work and found me watching Mr Rogers. He walked up to the tv and turned it off, then he sighed, and very calmly explained to me that he simply could not allow me to watch Mr Rogers anymore, because no one, he said, is that nice in real life and he didn’t want me to develop unrealistic expectations about what most people are really like. It was so funny, it always cracks me up think about it, and like I said, I found the show kind of boring anyway, so I was totally fine with being forbidden to watch it. :)
As we can see, the famous often provoke some sort of emotional response, and I tried to pick a really nice one.
I had great regard for Mr. Rogers, and Jim Henson. These are two entertainers who were often unflaggingly positive in their public persona as well as their entertainment product. It’s the same reason Bob Ross has a cult following, he invited you to share the joy. That, I think, was true of Dan Wheldon as well.
Anthony Bourdain did it at times, and other times he dared you to not join his unhappiness, treating others with mockery. I am sorry he was unhappy, and appreciate the times of joy he shared. When he was on a good tear, spiritually, he may have been closest to the old “Adventure Bound with Alby Mangels,” by far my favorite travel entertainment ever. He (Bourdain) was a sort of role model for encountering new things, and his reactions were mixed. Human. Oh, so human.
Why do we cry when celebrities die young? I dunno. But perhaps it is because some of us do buy into the myth that they lead charmed lives, and that the vicissitudes that affect mere mortals such as ourselves do not apply to them, and, when they take their own lives as a result of some despair that we didn’t see, it’s a nasty reminder that, perhaps, that isn’t actually the case.
Is it too much to express an appreciation for someone’s work after they pass away?
I’m pretty active on Twitter, but I sure didn’t see any weeping or crying over the deaths of Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain. What I saw was a lot of expression of regret that they ended their lives too young and appreciation for the work they did.
Perhaps someone can point me to these examples of “weeping” and “renting of garments”. It’s possible I don’t hang out in the same crowd as my fellow members.
This is far from the crisis of our times, but why is it necessary beyond one’s personal circle of friends? I will admit to having some blind spots on celebrity culture, but encomiums in the form of well-written obits used to be enough, perhaps supplemented by gatherings a la John Lennon. This is the age of Twitter, but query the degree to which another sign of our times–virtue signaling–is involved for some (many?). I want the world to know how sad I am.
Oh come on. Seriously? Virtue-signaling?
Twitter, Ricochet and others provide a place for fans like me to express appreciation. And that’s wrong? I just don’t get it.
I’ve never mourned a celebrity death but I did feel really bad hearing about Charles Krauthammer’s impending death. When the race car driver Dale Earnhardt died in a crash my brother reacted like he’d lost one of his best friends.
Please keep in mind that I didn’t accuse you of anything, and apologies if I gave that impression. I am, however, surprised that, in the era of “look at me,” you find it odd to suggest that some of the weeping and gnashing on Twitter isn’t designed to enhance the author as much as the decedent.
Tom Petty was a major pop talent for me–skilled and unassuming. I felt his loss, discussed it with friends, and, in fact, still have difficulty listening to his music (as of now). I appreciated him and was sorry for his loss, but didn’t feel any the worse for not being able to tell the world. But I’m rather sure that it’s probably a generational thing.
Yeah, I have to agree with this, @hoyacon. There is a not-so-close family member who fishes for these things all the time. I’m not sure if it’s more about the validation (from the likes, etc) or the drama. In many instances, the reaction to anything seems proportionate with how often the person posts. I don’t know if it is the rule or the exception, but would tend to think the latter. It just seems like the former because these people post so much.
I liked your post, and honestly. That was a segment I hadn’t forgotten and why I found him a mixed bag. It’s excellent and appreciated.
What would have been funnier is if you had rebelled and watched Mr Rogers anyway. Because we all know what a rebel Mr Rogers was.
That reminds me of how scholars believe the Greek Tragedies were received by their audience; pity and fear.
That selfishness is my go-to position. I don’t know any celebrities. Pretty much no one knows celebrities, we just think we do. It feels dishonest to maintain that I will miss someone I have never met, to do so is to claim a part of a person that simply isn’t mine and it smacks of secular transubstantiation.
I do regret a human passing, and the ending of good product.
Sure the suicide of a famous person brings with it a wide interest in the topic of suicide, but it seems almost cruel to make celebrities into poster boys…twice.
btw, this isn’t meant to be a pointed comment or any other kind of attack.
I’m trying to think of a celebrity’s death that I mourned. I imagine there have been some, but so far I’m drawing a blank. Until I come up with a few, it’s hard for me to take a stab at the OP question.
Probably the celebrity death that moved me the most was Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter. He so obviously loved life, and to have died in such a freak way. I loved his show, and I credited him with helping me get over my snake phobia to some extent. What a loss.
I, too, had never heard of Anthony Bourdain.
And I think it’s “rending” of garments.
To repurpose an old Stalin quote…
When my grandmother dies, that’s a tragedy. When some celebrity dies, that’s a statistic.
Maybe that sounds cold, but I have to know someone personally to feel anything more than a transitory sadness. It’s where we all end up, deserved or not.