“As the Father of Daughters…” Is Out; Sarah Sanders’ “As a Parent…” Is In

 

I’m so old, I remember when men were told to never say “As the father of daughters” when discussing their feelings of sexual abuse and misconduct. When Weinstein’s abuses were exposed, Vulture wrote,

Something happens when a dude has a daughter: Women, once mystifying, vexing creatures with shoe racks, eyelash curlers, and vagina holes become fully formed three-dimensional human beings. The mere and sudden fact of fatherhood pushes men into a new realm of cognizance: They have to care about what happens to women — but only some, and only if they’re of a certain race, class, or status — and maybe even take misconduct against them a little personally. A daughter gives them skin in the patriarchal, sexist game they once could look past. I know this because every time a man is accused of something bad, or when someone he knows is accused of something bad, the same quote surfaces: “As a father of daughters, I …

So it’s sexist to feel more protective over women when you become responsible for one. Bustle gathered up some of the most outraged tweeters chaffing against the “father of daughters” line, explaining how sexist it is to care about women or have one’s perspective changed upon becoming a dad,

As a whole, the “father of daughters” argument suggests that it takes fatherhood or marriage to truly sympathize with women. (Until then, I suppose, women are viewed as living, breathing Barbie dolls.)

Alright, so men aren’t allowed to view anything through the prism of their fatherhood. Got it.

So here’s what I’d like to know: If it’s sexist for men to care about women in a different way after becoming a father, why is it that the Press Secretary is expected to view the news and do her job through the prism of her motherhood?

There is more to the female experience than motherhood, which is why the Press Secretary is able to form an opinion about what is going on independent of her reproductive history. This is the infuriating double standard about which feminists have largely been silent (notable exception being my editor at the Forward):

https://twitter.com/bungarsargon/status/1007358165988626433

The implication of the question is this: women have to walk through lives thinking and behaving as mothers first and foremost, even in their jobs.

I’d like to see a Venn diagram of those hitting women of the administration; Ivanka, Sanders, etc., about how they are silent on the situation at the border as mothers with those who decry any discussion from men about being the father of daughters. It’s sexist for men to think about women’s issues taking into account the insights they’ve gained as fathers, but it’s apparently totally acceptable to expect women to think and feel only as a mother, day and night, at home and at work.

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  1. TheSockMonkey Inactive
    TheSockMonkey
    @TheSockMonkey

    That Vulture quotation is more than a little crude, don’t you think? Must we go there?

    But you raise a good point.

    • #1
  2. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    Being a parent and grandparent can provide  a different view of the future, of our country, of freedom, of education etc. and if the children include daughters and granddaughters  that’s another  awareness.  Caring about women in the abstract is different than the real world of having wives, daughters, granddaughters and daughter’s in law.  But that’s true of everything.  It’s not an automatic lesson.  I know people who have never been anything but academics who are overwhelmed by their wives and daughters, not to mention most other real world things.

    • #2
  3. DrewInWisconsin Member
    DrewInWisconsin
    @DrewInWisconsin

    Bethany Mandel: I’m so old, I remember when men were told to never say “As the father of daughters” when discussing their feelings of sexual abuse and misconduct.

    I had never heard that was verboten.

    But “as the father of daughters,” I don’t really think such preludes are necessary at all. I’ve tried very hard to remove those qualifiers from my writing because I think they’re obnoxiously dismissive. The point is to say “I have more authority on this position than you” and delegitimize all other views.

    I don’t need to be the father of daughters to have a valid view on sexual abuse and misconduct. Just like I don’t need to be a woman to have a view about abortion. I just need to be human with a working moral compass.

    It is true that certain experience give one more background knowledge — the job of being a parent is something no non-parents can really understand — but I am hesitant to use stuff like that to prove my authority to speak on an issue.

    • #3
  4. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill
    @EJHill

    Actually the bottom line to this is that the Press Secretary is not responsible for policy. For a reporter to act that way is to be the west end of an east-bound horse.

    • #4
  5. Kozak Member
    Kozak
    @Kozak

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Actually the bottom line to this is that the Press Secretary is not responsible for policy. For a reporter to act that way is to be the west end of an east-bound horse.

    Why exactly does Playboy have press credentials for the White House?

    And I’m sick of the entire faux issue.

    Don’t try and smuggle your kids into the US and you won’t be “separating families”

    Don’t shove your unaccompanied minors across the border and expect us to take care of them.

    • #5
  6. TheSockMonkey Inactive
    TheSockMonkey
    @TheSockMonkey

    Kozak (View Comment):

    Don’t try and smuggle your kids into the US and you won’t be “separating families”

    Don’t shove your unaccompanied minors across the border and expect us to take care of them.

    Paul Manafort was sent to jail today. Or, as Rush Limbaugh phrased it, he was “separated from his family.”

    • #6
  7. Guruforhire Inactive
    Guruforhire
    @Guruforhire

    What new insight am I supposed to have as a father?  That the nonegalitarian hellscape that is the harsh reality of human sexuality has a lot of unseemly corners that I would prefer my children avoid?

    Ya know, having been a few places, seen a few things, I haven’t met a whole lot of sisters that didn’t worry about the skeezy sluts THEIR little brother was dating.

    Maybe…. ya know people are crappy sometimes and we would all prefer if our children avoid the crappy parts?

    Having a daughter didn’t make me suddenly realize that.  Trust me I worry about my son too, because I know exactly how women are going to abuse him too.

    • #7
  8. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Bethany Mandel: So it’s sexist to feel more protective over women when you become responsible for one.

    Nope, it’s normal.  I know those aren’t your thoughts, but . . .

    I was, to put it plainly, a male jerk growing up when it came to dating and how I treated women.  Once my wife and I adopted three girls however, everything changed.

    Yes, it’s kinda-sorta sexist for men to be more protective of daughters, but that’s because it’s so right.  Girls are different from boys (surprise!).  I made sure my daughters knew all the things guys do (from my personal experience, but I never told them that) so they would be armed once they went out into the world.

    So far, so good.  One daughter dropped a boyfriend who started to become abusive.  Another daughter ditched a girlfriend who had become toxic by trying to bring said daughter down into her private hellhole.  My daughter said, “Uh-uh, no way.”  They haven’t spoken for the last four years.

    So yes, children of both sexes need to have a strong sense of self, but I believe it’s more important for daughters than sons.

    • #8
  9. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    The press secretary shares and publicizes the positions of the administration. The press secretary’s personal views are irrelevant in the press box. 

    This is why sane people hate the manipulating trolls that pose as journalists of the White House press corps.

     

    • #9
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