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Group Writing: Small Beer
Words. I enjoy words, I enjoy writing, I enjoy wordplay, nicknames, puns, and a well-told story; what I do not enjoy is the formal English language. And anyone like me who has formally studied foreign languages realizes just how much they don’t know about their own language and, upon further examination, just how hard English really is.
Years ago, I took an English class and wondered if I was in the right class as they started talking about present past participles — clearly this is a physics or chemistry term. Later followed by a discussion on gerunds which, as we all know, are in the same family as gerbils. It was only a matter of time until the nightmares began, being caught in a blackened forest of subordinate clauses and chased by infinitives and sentence fragments as I slowly sink into the primordial ooze of objective, subjective, and possessive cases.
The only things I know with any amount of certainty is due to my misspent childhood on Saturday mornings watching Schoolhouse Rock and those, of course, are conjunctions (we got and, but, and or … they’ll get you pretty far…) and interjections (Interjections! Hey! show excitement, Yow! or emotion, Ouch!). Now that’ll be in your head for a while.
I am a verb man myself. After spending the better part of four decades in and around the military I am always looking for the verbs. Action words they tell what to do and what is to be done. I also found as I learned languages to learn the verbs as fast as you can because again — you can get things done.
Speaking of learning languages, I am sure English is no picnic (translate that…). I had a discussion with one of my Filipino instructors about this very thing. I was griping about some nuance, probably tone, while learning Tagalog. Tone is out of the question for most relying instead on context — if you’ve learned a tonal language you know what I mean (no ma’am I did not hear the difference in those two words despite 15 tries…).
Anyway, she started to tell me about words like write and right and all the meanings therein, particularly with the latter. Don’t even get me started on silent letters. Really? All I can picture is a bunch of English majors getting liquored up and maniacally plotting how to mess with people (I’ve got an idea, let’s spell this with silent letters…). And idiomatic phrases like “make yourself at home.” Seems simple enough but if you take that apart word by word and look at it as a non-native speaker, it makes no sense.
Conversely idiomatic phrases that cross cultures are entirely entertaining. For example “piece of cake,” denoting something was uber-easy, can be translated into Polish as “małe piwo” or “small beer” — I love that and use it all the time.
Then there are the things that do not translate so well. There was the amusing story of one of my classmates taking Thai. He came out laughing one day and said his teacher had given them yet another spot quiz. When my classmate questioned the teacher on why there were so many quizzes, the teacher responded “no pants.”
Wait — what? My classmate asked what he was saying and the reply was “you know — no slacks, no pants!” One of our common military sayings is no slack referring to climbing, and climbing ropes and getting no slack, which further translates to “this isn’t getting any easier nor will we make it easier” (if you want slack we can cut the rope as the saying goes). Clearly this did not translate. We spent the rest of the course saying “no pants” and enjoying the sideways looks we’d get from those not in on the joke.
In the end, I am grateful I learned (have a working knowledge of…) English first, then other languages. I shudder to think what it would have been like the other way around. Word.
Published in Group Writing
Roger that…English has so many parents, it headed to the orphanage in self-defense. :-D
I am laughing so hard. “No pants!”
This conversation is part of our ongoing Group Writing Series under May’s theme of The Power of Words. In June, our theme will be Now That’s Imagination! If you have tall tales to tell, have imaginary friends, or have been around those who do, come sign up to share your encounters with imagination. Group Writing was devised to widen the topics on Ricochet and make it easier for everyone, including newer and shyer members, to have something to write about that is within their experience.
And let’s face it, Group Writing has inspired some of the funniest essays on Ricochet. It’s not just small beer (the English meaning of the phrase, not the Polish).
Talking English good is fairly easy, but speaking English well is damn near impossible.
I just finished one of my regular two-week immersions in French, this time for one of my wife’s family reunions. Interestingly, I received many compliments on my French from party-goers, and many corrections from my immediate in-laws. Typically on one or more nuances of shared English/French vocabulary, and especially the faux-amis — the ones that no longer mean the same thing at all.
Heck of a party, BTW. Three multi-course meals stretching over about a 40-hour period, with a raucous crowd (~ 110 attendees), loud music, drinking, dancing, and a million kisses on the cheeks. (-:
I forget which word it is but it’s only either two or three letters and it has something like 27 meanings. Got it in a email sometime back.
I have been to many parties like this in my time. All I’ll say is that you’re not wrong . . .
You think you have nightmares? I married a copy editor.
I guess I was doomed from the start. We lived next to Grandma and Grandad Skinner. Grandad Skinner was raised by his Grandad Skinner and learned to speak authentic hillbilly. Naturally, I follered him around a bunch, and picked dat up, and as soon as I could talk I was agoin’ here and adoin’ dat. Mamma Skinner didn’t like that and tried endlessly to correct my language. One day when I was four or so, I overheard mamma talking to her mother about how her efforts seemed to be all for nought. Grandma said, “Well if he’s still speaking that way when he gets to school, you can have him take elocution lessons.” To me that conjured up an image of someone sticking my finger in a light socket every time I declared dat I be afixin’ to go do something. Fear is a wonderful teaching aid.
[I don’t know how this will come across written, but it is rather funny verbally]:
Years ago I heard a comedian talking about words,
“You know how when Yer talking on the phone and Yer spelling something for someone, You say the letter and a word that begins with that letter: ‘That’s k as in king. P as in Peter.’ I like to use silent lettered words. ‘Yeah, that’s k as in knock. P as in psychiatry.’ And how come We don’t do that with numbers? ‘That’s 1 as in 136. 2 as in 23,788. 6 as in 6,734,512.'”
One of my favorite examples of the quirks of the English language is that “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing. So if someone asks me what our chances are about something, I reply, “Slim and fat.”
My English grammar has stuck with me, but if you ask me about grammar rules or parts of speech, I’d be in big trouble. Nouns, pronouns, adjectives and maybe split infinitives but most of the other labels rest in a gloppy mess in my grade school memories . . . .
https://youtu.be/Q8mD2hsxrhQ
Sorry for the link only – I can’t figure out how to paste a video from You Tube.
Click on the “linked chain” icon (above) paste the address in the box, then click on the “return arrow” to apply…Hope it helps. :-)
My favorite comment about English is this one:
I envy people who have an easy time learning new languages. I am not one of those people. As you say, English is hard enough.
Stay away from the small links (youtu.be). If it’s youtube.com, it should resolve itself.
Outstanding. Great post.