Calvin the Wonderbeagle’s Review of Suicide of the West


I have turned this account over to my loyal dog, Calvin the Wonderbeagle, who said I didn’t have to walk him this morning if he could post a book review. Please forgive the interruption. — Jon Gabriel, Editor-in-Chief

Hi, humans. I am dog. My name is Calvin. I can read. My owner can read too. He read book called Suicide of the West by dingo-owner Jonah Goldberg. Then my owner sleep next to whiskey bottle. He do this a lot. The book fell on floor and I read it. I wrote review.

It smells boring. Mostly paper smell. The back cover kind of smelled like Funyuns so I lick the back cover. My owner eat Funyuns. I rub my back on it so it smell good now. It smell like Calvin. That is my name.

There is no chasing in book. There is no bacon in book. There is no tennis ball in book. I like books with chasing and bacon and tennis ball. This book has thing called political philosophy on many pages. Poodle-human named Jean-Jacques Rousseau and bulldog-human named John Locke disagree on political philosophy. I have thoughts on this.

I explain now. Rousseau political philosophy is about “general will” of nation and Locke about primacy of individual. Rousseau think precondition for dependence upon collective contra nature, individual, or class, require voluntary and total surrender by each individual of all his rights and powers. This make Rousseau philosophy bad because every dog know that common good is primarily the aggregate of private interests writ…

[Bark, bark, howl. Bark. Bark bark. Bark.]

Someone try to attack Jon’s house. I scare him away.

I do not remember what I writing.

Do you know how long Jon will keep up with stupid conceit that his dog is writing book review? It is getting very old.

Anyway. You should buy Suicide of the West by dingo-owner Jonah Goldberg. And buy tennis ball.

There are 12 comments.

  1. Coolidge

    Calvin’s review is shorter than mine. Same conclusion though, so his is probably the better one.

    Edited to add link.

    • #1
    • May 8, 2018 at 10:57 am
  2. Member

    What a cute pooch! Does the book come with whiskey and Funyums? I’m in!

    • #2
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:07 am
  3. Thatcher


    Calvin emailed me about this web page (see below) today. He said he couldn’t find your credit card and asked if he could ‘borrow’ mine. All seriousness aside Jon, I’d watch Calvin, if you know what I mean. They don’t call him the wonder beagle for nothing.


    Luckily Calvin can’t type that fast with his nose or you’d be in really major trouble.



    • #3
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:18 am
  4. Thatcher

    Any chance Jonah (the old laugh a paragraph non-scold Jonah) will put a Calvin blurb on the paperback? Please.

    • #4
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:18 am
  5. Thatcher

    Hi Calvin.

    If you see Jean-Jacques Rousseau, could you do me a favor and bite him in the butt?

    Good boy!

    PS — Hegel too, if you get a chance. Here’s a Funyun. There’s more where that came from.

    • #5
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:25 am
  6. Thatcher

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Someone try to attack Jon’s house. I scare him away.

    It was probably the UPS guy with Jon’s latest shipment from “Coffee of the Month Club” . . .

    • #6
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:46 am
  7. Contributor

    So when does Calvin get his own podcast? 

    • #7
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:51 am
  8. Contributor

    The review surprised me. I would have thought a pack animal such as Calvin would be more sympathetic to Rosseau’s arguments. 

    • #8
    • May 8, 2018 at 11:54 am
  9. Member

    I love Calvin. Can we dog sit him? For free?

    • #9
    • May 8, 2018 at 12:32 pm
  10. Coolidge

    Some will wonder why Calvin the Wonder Beagle is so popular, with members.

    To that I give you the words of a great Kentucky poet: “Ain’t but three things in this world that’s worth a solitary dime, but old dogs, children and watermelon wine.”

    Tom T. Hall, 1972.

    • #10
    • May 8, 2018 at 1:55 pm
  11. Member

    If that doesn’t convince you to buy the book, nothing will.

    • #11
    • May 8, 2018 at 2:55 pm
    • Like
  12. Member

    Jonah writes books to convince those on the left that the right is correct, according to Jonah. Is it you or your pooch who is on the left and needs convincing? I wonder how many on the left actually buy his books?

    • #12
    • May 8, 2018 at 2:58 pm
    • Like