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Salvage Job

 

Hollywood — Legendary television producer Tom Werner announced this morning that, in light of Bill Cosby’s conviction for sexual assault, they are recasting “The Cosby Show” in an effort to salvage 197 episodes of syndicated programming. Because of advances in digital technology, they are replacing Cosby with the late crooner Bing Crosby.

“First off, it’s just an additional letter. And we’re getting an Academy Award-winning actor,” said Werner, “who looks fantastic in a sweater.”

Asked if it would seem strange to have Crosby surrounded by a wife and children of color, Werner said he saw it as an opportunity to push the concept of non-traditional casting to the next level. “Bing was very progressive when it came to race. We know he contributed to the defense of the Scottsboro Boys, and the things he did on behalf of Louis Armstrong are well documented.”

The only reporter in the room old enough to remember who Bing Crosby was asked if they had considered the unproven child abuse allegations from Bing’s late son, Gary, an impediment. “Oh heck, no. Dr. Huxtable was threatening to kill Theo every other week so we see that as a plus.”

Ricochet Entertainment contacted Phylicia Rashad who played Cosby’s wife, Claire, on what she felt about the new digital recasting. “Oh, baby, he can croon me good night any day of the week!”

In reality, it was announced today that Bill Cosby’s name and bust would be removed from the Television Academy’s Hall of Fame. “All references to Mr. Cosby were removed from the website,” a spokesperson for the Academy told Deadline. It’s no longer enough to acknowledge the faults of others, the Stalinization must begin apace and all traces of the impure and fallen must be erased from history.

Published in Humor
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There are 24 comments.

  1. Thatcher

    Frightening…Despite the fact that Bing looks great.

    • #1
    • May 2, 2018 at 7:25 pm
    • 4 likes
  2. Member

    It would finally explain why the two older girls look partially white.

    • #2
    • May 2, 2018 at 7:32 pm
    • 16 likes
  3. Thatcher

    Is that second part of your post true? 

    • #3
    • May 2, 2018 at 7:42 pm
    • 2 likes
  4. Podcaster
    EJHill Post author

    Yes. The second part is indeed true.

    For what it’s worth, Cosby was a real force in television, not just with the role of Dr. Huxtable. He was the first black lead in a drama series on “I Spy.”

    • #4
    • May 2, 2018 at 7:49 pm
    • 29 likes
  5. Member

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Yes. The second part is indeed true.

    Too bad. A big asterisk with a short explainer would have been a better solution.

    • #5
    • May 2, 2018 at 7:53 pm
    • 10 likes
  6. Thatcher

    Did they erase Phil Spector’s existence from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, in umbrage, too? Just wondering….

    • #6
    • May 2, 2018 at 9:23 pm
    • 5 likes
  7. Podcaster
    EJHill Post author

    Phil Spector and OJ Simpson are still in their respective Halls of Fame. 

    • #7
    • May 2, 2018 at 9:36 pm
    • 4 likes
  8. Coolidge

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Phil Spector and OJ Simpson are still in their respective Halls of Fame.

    Only because the SJWs are too young to remember either their work or their downfalls

    • #8
    • May 2, 2018 at 9:56 pm
    • 3 likes
  9. Member

    I wrote about Bill Cosby here a few years ago, when all of this started. 

    I feel sorry for him. And I feel sorry for all of the people related to him and associated with him who have been hurt by this ongoing revenge fest. It’s also hard for me to feel too much sympathy for the people speaking out against him. There was a window of opportunity for them to make a case, and that window closed years ago. 

     

    • #9
    • May 2, 2018 at 10:20 pm
    • 7 likes
  10. Member

    I learned the story of Noah from Cosby at a very tender age. (How long can you tread water?) I played that album until I had to buy my mom a replacement because the vinyl wore 0ut. Today his stuff is accessible from all of my devices.

    I have not even tried to keep up with the stories, it’s like finding out that your oddball uncle who gave great presents was a pederast. The latest headlines I’ve noticed say he has a case headed for sentencing.

    Lord, have mercy.

    • #10
    • May 2, 2018 at 11:34 pm
    • 13 likes
  11. Thatcher

    Too funny, EJ, too funny!

    • #11
    • May 3, 2018 at 5:43 am
    • 2 likes
  12. Thatcher

    If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

    -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

    • #12
    • May 3, 2018 at 5:44 am
    • 18 likes
  13. Member

    The comedy was good. The TV show was good — not just entertaining, but good-natured. His professional works are still enjoyable. 

    We should embrace goodness from any source. Half of Hollywood actors spew hatred, envy, and confusion on a regular basis. We watch their films anyway. This is only an exceptional story because Cosby promoted goodness in his public life. 

    I hope justice is done. Erasing Cosby from our thoughts is not a part of that. 

    • #13
    • May 3, 2018 at 7:47 am
    • 11 likes
  14. Thatcher

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Yes. The second part is indeed true.

    For what it’s worth, Cosby was a real force in television, not just with the role of Dr. Huxtable. He was the first black lead in a drama series on “I Spy.”

    They’ll probably remove his star from the Hollywood Walk of Fame too . . .

    • #14
    • May 3, 2018 at 8:37 am
    • 2 likes
  15. Member

    First record I ever bought, To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With.

    • #15
    • May 3, 2018 at 8:39 am
    • 8 likes
  16. Member

    Bryan G. Stephens (View Comment):

    If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

    -Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

     Interesting. That was sort of the message of the late-Soviet film, To Kill A Dragon. The film was ok, but not the best of Mark Zakharov’s work, imo.

    • #16
    • May 3, 2018 at 8:54 am
    • Like
  17. Member

    Joe Flaherty does a superlative Bing Crosby impersonation — if you can bring him on-board with the project idea, it just might get real-world legs!…

    • #17
    • May 3, 2018 at 8:54 am
    • 2 likes
  18. Thatcher

    EJHill: In reality, it was announced today that Bill Cosby’s name and bust would be removed from the Television Academy’s Hall of Fame. “All references to Mr. Cosby were removed from the website,” a spokesperson for the Academy told Deadline. It’s no longer enough to acknowledge the faults of others, the Stalinization must begin apace and all traces of the impure and fallen must be erased from history.

    EJ,

    Just another day at the office.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #18
    • May 3, 2018 at 9:05 am
    • 5 likes
  19. Member

    Judge Mental (View Comment):

    It would finally explain why the two older girls look partially white.

    This is exactly what I was thinking.

    • #19
    • May 3, 2018 at 9:17 am
    • 2 likes
  20. Thatcher

    EJHill:

    “First off, it’s just an additional letter. And we’re getting an Academy Award-winning actor,” said Werner, “who looks fantastic in a sweater.”

    The only reporter in the room old enough to remember who Bing Crosby was asked if they had considered the unproven child abuse allegations from Bing’s late son, Gary, an impediment. “Oh heck, no. Dr. Huxtable was threatening to kill Theo every other week so we see that as a plus.”

    Wonderfulness.

    • #20
    • May 3, 2018 at 9:47 am
    • 3 likes
  21. Member

    MarciN (View Comment):

    I wrote about Bill Cosby here a few years ago, when all of this started.

    I feel sorry for him. And I feel sorry for all of the people related to him and associated with him who have been hurt by this ongoing revenge fest. It’s also hard for me to feel too much sympathy for the people speaking out against him. There was a window of opportunity for them to make a case, and that window closed years ago.

     

    It’s human nature to want revenge on a guy who drugged and raped them. Obviously the window to press charges against this piece of human garbage (which is what he called black kids in his infamous “Pull Up Your Pants Speech”) was still open. He’s had a reputation for being a cantankerous womanizing jerk for years. Seems he’s getting his comeuppance.

     

    • #21
    • May 3, 2018 at 10:16 am
    • 1 like
  22. Member

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Yes. The second part is indeed true.

    For what it’s worth, Cosby was a real force in television, not just with the role of Dr. Huxtable. He was the first black lead in a drama series on “I Spy.”

    Obviously, they should re-shoot the scenes- but featuring EJ Hill- who has been the surrogate for Der Bingle throughout the life of Ricochet. 

    • #22
    • May 3, 2018 at 1:11 pm
    • 4 likes
  23. Member

    TedRudolph (View Comment):

    EJHill (View Comment):

    Phil Spector and OJ Simpson are still in their respective Halls of Fame.

    Only because the SJWs are too young to remember either their work or their downfalls

    Hey, all OJ did was kill white folks; it’s not like he ‘raped’ anybody.

    • #23
    • May 3, 2018 at 1:39 pm
    • 3 likes
  24. Member

    thelonious (View Comment):
    Seems he’s getting his comeuppance.

    To the extent that he’s being written out of history, he’s not getting his comeuppance.

    • #24
    • May 4, 2018 at 8:20 am
    • 3 likes