No Planet Left Behind

 

PlutoTomorrow is Earth Day, and once again I will be boycotting everything associated with the holiday.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the Earth (I grew up an hour away from here) and it’s not that I don’t support conservation because as a gun owner, I contribute far more to the preservation of wildlife than the most vocal of Sierra Club members. Rather, I am turning my back on the celebration of one single planet in our solar system until a great interplanetary injustice is made right, namely, the designation of Pluto as a “dwarf” planet.

First off, let’s talk about the obviously troubling label of “dwarf” planet, as the correct term for planets such as Pluto is “circumferentially challenged.” Secondly, the designation as a so-called  “dwarf” planet was imposed on Pluto without any consultation with Pluto itself, which is indication of the xenophobia towards the outer planets that is so typical of planets that are inside the bubble of the asteroid beltway. I mean, for all we know, Pluto self-identifies as a gas giant and therefore deserves as much as respect as Uranus does.

Until Pluto is liberated from the shame and degradation of “dwarf” planet status and returned to its rightful place as a full member of the solar system, I will not join in the celebration of the just one planet, and I urge everyone to use the following hashtags to raise awareness of Pluto’s plight and join me in this (literally) astronomical undertaking to restore Pluto’s dignity and rightful place within the solar system.

#noplanetnopeace
#justiceforpluto
#endearthpriviledgenow

And remember, all planets matter, not just Earth.

Published in Humor
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There are 22 comments.

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  1. TJSnapp, Multi Pass holder Member
    TJSnapp, Multi Pass holder
    @Kaladin

    Couldn’t agree more.  The reasoning was that we’d have to classify a few other things as planets.  And? Everyone would rather have more planets than less.  What did we really accomplish here?

    A way for a-holes at parties to be like, “well actually Pluto isn’t a planet”.  Science for the sake of smugness I say.

    • #1
  2. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Well done! I particularly liked the ‘inside the asteroid beltway’ conceit. 

    • #2
  3. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Kevin Creighton: deserves as much as respect as Uranus does.

    Hm.  I’ll have to think about this one.

    • #3
  4. Kevin Creighton Contributor
    Kevin Creighton
    @KevinCreighton

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    Kevin Creighton: deserves as much as respect as Uranus does.

    Hm. I’ll have to think about this one.

    Let it sit for awhile. 

    • #4
  5. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    Kevin Creighton: deserves as much as respect as Uranus does.

    Hm. I’ll have to think about this one.

    The reason being Pluto is dwarfed by Uranus.

    • #5
  6. Postmodern Hoplite Coolidge
    Postmodern Hoplite
    @PostmodernHoplite

    Kevin Creighton: the obviously troubling label of “dwarf” planet, as the correct term for planets such as Pluto is “circumferentially challenged.” Secondly, the designation as a so-called “dwarf” planet was imposed on Pluto without any consultation with Pluto itself, which is indication of the xenophobia towards the outer planets that is so typical of planets that are inside the bubble of the asteroid beltway. I mean, for all we know, Pluto self-identifies as a gas giant and therefore deserves as much as respect as Uranus does.

    Okay, just to be clear: I’m shamelessly STEALING this to use in my 7th Grade Science class, the next time one of my students asks about Pluto as a “dwarf” planet! (Emphasis added.)

    (Yeah, I’m STILL laughing over this!)

    • #6
  7. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Jimmy Carter (View Comment):

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    Kevin Creighton: deserves as much as respect as Uranus does.

    Hm. I’ll have to think about this one.

    The reason being Pluto is dwarfed by Uranus.

    Is that what they’re calling it now?

    • #7
  8. Fritz Coolidge
    Fritz
    @Fritz

    • #8
  9. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    I don’t celebrate Earth Day because it’s a commie holiday — like Labor Day and Kwanzaa. 

    • #9
  10. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    Western Chauvinist (View Comment):

    I don’t celebrate Earth Day because it’s a commie holiday — like Labor Day and Kwanzaa.

    I don’t celebrate earth day, labor day, or kwanzaa, because…. well, They ain’t holidays.

    • #10
  11. Eustace C. Scrubb Member
    Eustace C. Scrubb
    @EustaceCScrubb

    Western Chauvinist
     I don’t celebrate Earth Day because it’s a commie holiday — like Labor Day and Kwanzaa. 

    What about this one? 

    • #11
  12. MaggiMc Coolidge
    MaggiMc
    @MaggiMc

    Being the petty and juvenile sort, for Earth Day I turn on all the lights in the house then drive up to Sonic and leave the engine running while we have Coke floats. Fire in the backyard fire pit to top it all off with a sprinkling of extra carbon emissions.

    • #12
  13. aardo vozz Member
    aardo vozz
    @aardovozz

    MaggiMc (View Comment):

    Being the petty and juvenile sort, for Earth Day I turn on all the lights in the house then drive up to Sonic and leave the engine running while we have Coke floats. Fire in the backyard fire pit to top it all off with a sprinkling of extra carbon emissions.

    I’m assuming that everything you eat that day will be out of styrofoam containers with plastic utensils, all nonbiodegradable of course😛

    <sarcasm off>

    <cynicism always on>

    • #13
  14. Gossamer Cat Coolidge
    Gossamer Cat
    @GossamerCat

    That’s funny.  Just yesterday I was telling a colleague about a rebuttal by an anatomist objecting to the newest “organ”, the interstitium.  Naturally, it brought us to the topic of Pluto.  After all these years,  it was obvious that emotions were still raw;  we still hadn’t “healed”.   So we thought that it was time to organize a March on Washington for Pluto.  A million nerd march.  Of course, hashtags are a lot easier and cheaper.

    • #14
  15. Hartmann von Aue Member
    Hartmann von Aue
    @HartmannvonAue

    If Pluto gets to be a planet again, Ceres gets to be a planet, too. It’s only fair. 

    • #15
  16. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    Pluto is a planet.  After all, size isn’t important, right?

    • #16
  17. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    Kevin Creighton: self-identifies as a gas giant

    With this mash-up, I am now complete.

    • #17
  18. BalticSnowTiger Member
    BalticSnowTiger
    @BalticSnowTiger

    Stad (View Comment):

    Pluto is a planet. After all, size isn’t important, right?

    Always matters, one way or the other. Small and slender enough to fit into that dive tunnel, tall enough to reach the controls, … but then size wise, you really want that Rheinmetall 130 mm L/51 to deter T14s.

    See, two days of tide pod dessert diet and the main feed output is washed.  

    • #18
  19. BalticSnowTiger Member
    BalticSnowTiger
    @BalticSnowTiger

    Eustace C. Scrubb (View Comment):

    Western Chauvinist
    I don’t celebrate Earth Day because it’s a commie holiday — like Labor Day and Kwanzaa.

    What about this one?

    Simply replace with the original April 30th Night of Walpurgis with fire and a dance into the night around the heathen ‘Maibaum’, followed by hangover repentance at a two hour church service for the holy Valborg of Wessex, sanctified anglo-saxon abbess. Why chose the socialist mutilation of popular northern European tradition of spring festival?

     

    • #19
  20. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    Kevin,

    Damn it, Kevin. Pluto is larger than Jupiter and has over 237 moons. Also, there are huge fields of cottage cheese at both poles.

    I have a reliable source for these facts. Howard Zinn’s guide to the Solar System.

    harrumph!

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #20
  21. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    No wonder we’re not interested.  Cottage cheese?

    • #21
  22. TedRudolph Inactive
    TedRudolph
    @TedRudolph

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    No wonder we’re not interested. Cottage cheese?

    When you get that far outside the Beltway, planets are much slower to adapt to change. Hence Pluto is still following 1970s dieting fads.

    • #22
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