Wisdom from My Granny

 

I had my last conversation with Granny (my mother’s mother) not too long before she died. She was in her late eighties at the time, almost bedridden from the arthritis that had plagued her for decades, and mentally, she was getting a little bit woolly. The past, though, was still clear in her mind, and she spent much of her last days there. And so I heard this story for the first time.

Before I get started (it couldn’t just be that easy, right? This is me after all), you should know that Granny and Grandpa were married in April 1926. The groom was handsomely attired in morning suit and top hat, and I’ve always thought the bride looked to be glowing with happiness (don’t ask me what that thing is she has on her head. I’m guessing a silk cap adorned with lace). Knowing Granny, I am sure the flowers were absolutely lovely.

They lived most of their life at “104,” their rambling home in Handsworth Wood in Birmingham, and seemed content and at peace with themselves and the world. And yet, they were prone to verbal spats, and then there was always that picture hanging on the kitchen wall, covering up the dent underneath–the result, family legend has it, of Grandpa once throwing the blue enamel teapot at his bride. Every year, without fail, until it became physically too difficult, they would pile into the family car (the 1947 Rover, license plate GOV 141) and head down to Cornwall for a week, a trip of about 250 miles which never took less than twelve hours to accomplish.

I probably benefited from my position as the oldest, and for several years, the only grandchild. Both grandparents adored chocolate, Granny keeping hers in the top right-hand drawer of the dresser by her bed (mostly Cadburys, the homegrown favorite), and Grandpa keeping his (little bags full of chocolate buttons) in his pockets. So I could always be sure of a handout there, as I found at Granny and Grandpa’s some of the stability and sense of belonging that wasn’t always front-and-center during my peripatetic and exciting, but often quite disrupted, early childhood.

So, here I am with Granny, not long before she died in 1988. By that time, she’d been widowed for fifteen years, and had stayed on at 104, in a house that was far too big for her and in which it was becoming increasingly difficult to move around. “I’m not moving,” she’d insist. “They’ll have to carry me out feet first.” And they did. A very determined lady in her old age, my granny, once she got the bit between her teeth. Imagine that.

At some point in the conversation, she looked at me and said, “I almost got married to someone else, you know. Not your grandpa.”

“No!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t know that. What happened?”

“I loved him very much,” she said. “But he was two inches shorter than me. My mother said I could never marry a man who was shorter than I was. So she made me give him up.”

(Stipulate here that my great-grandmother could have given Violet, the Dowager Countess, a run for her money any day of the week, so it’s not surprising she prevailed over her daughter’s intentions.)

And then Granny paused for a few seconds, looked at me again, and said

“That was very foolish of me. I shouldn’t have listened to her. It didn’t matter that he was shorter than me. I should have just run off with him. Who can give a law to love?”

My poor Granny. A hard lesson learned, and one that, as far as I know, she never told another soul about.

(This post was written for what would have been Granny’s 120th birthday, April 16, 2018. It’s a bit late. Granny wouldn’t mind, she could procrastinate for England when she felt like it.)

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  1. Nanda Panjandrum Member
    Nanda Panjandrum
    @

    Happy belated natal anniversary to your indefatigable Gran, @she!…You do her credit in wit, wisdom, and fondness for chocolate. 

    • #1
  2. Patrick McClure, Mom's Favori… Coolidge
    Patrick McClure, Mom's Favori…
    @Patrickb63

    A great story, she. I love true Tales of our ancestors past

    • #2
  3. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    One day maybe I’ll write about it, but my grandfather’s family did not approve of the woman he brought home. They told him so.

    The woman went on to be my grandmother. I would give anything to have been present for his response to their disapproval. It must have been epic.

    Excellent, She. Your digressions beat my posts any day.

    • #3
  4. Gary McVey Contributor
    Gary McVey
    @GaryMcVey

    Another fine post, She. Thank you for it!

    • #4
  5. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    I love your stories and your family! The headdress she wore for her wedding is, I think, charming. Very stylish in that time, I’ll bet. Thanks, @she.

    • #5
  6. B. Hugh Mann Inactive
    B. Hugh Mann
    @BHughMann

    When one is young, one thinks their small world is the way the world is.  I grew up thinking verbal spats were part and parcel to how adoration was shown to a beloved mate.  

    Loving tribute.  Lovely post.  

    • #6
  7. She Member
    She
    @She

    Thank you all for the lovely comments.

    Percival (View Comment):

    One day maybe I’ll write about it, but my grandfather’s family did not approve of the woman he brought home. They told him so.

    The woman went on to be my grandmother. I would give anything to have been present for his response to their disapproval. It must have been epic.

    Oh, please do write about this . . .

    Excellent, She. Your digressions beat my posts any day.

    Aw, @percival I’d call you sweet, except the last time someone did that, I seem to recall you went on a bit of a rampage.

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):

    I love your stories and your family! The headdress she wore for her wedding is, I think, charming. Very stylish in that time, I’ll bet. Thanks,

    Thanks, @susanquinn.  Yes, I think she was quite en vogue for the times.  I have a photo from a wedding at which Mr. She’s mother was matron of honor, from 1918, and in that one, the bride looks as if she is wearing a headdress that could put you into radio contact with the moon.  Funny how styles change.

    • #7
  8. Sash Member
    Sash
    @Sash

    If she did mention it, possibly more than once, to your grandfather, it might explain the dent in the wall.  

    • #8
  9. She Member
    She
    @She

    Sash (View Comment):

    If she did mention it, possibly more than once, to your grandfather, it might explain the dent in the wall.

    Good point.

    • #9
  10. 9thDistrictNeighbor Member
    9thDistrictNeighbor
    @9thDistrictNeighbor

    She: …don’t ask me what that thing is she has on her head. I’m guessing a silk cap adorned with lace….

    With White Russian emegrees flooding France after the revolution and civil war, there were a lot of Russian women who found work in some of the Paris fashion houses where they put their embroidery skills to good use. Your Granny’s veil looks to be a sort of Juliet cap decorated in the style of a traditional Russian girls headdress called a kokoshnik, something that was very fashionable. The style was also to wear any hat or veil very low on the forehead. 

    If the wedding was written up in a local newspaper there would be an exact description of what the bride wore, the flowers she carried and what her attendants wore.

    • #10
  11. She Member
    She
    @She

    9thDistrictNeighbor (View Comment):

    She: …don’t ask me what that thing is she has on her head. I’m guessing a silk cap adorned with lace….

    With White Russian emegrees flooding France after the revolution and civil war, there were a lot of Russian women who found work in some of the Paris fashion houses where they put their embroidery skills to good use. Your Granny’s veil looks to be a sort of Juliet cap decorated in the style of a traditional Russian girls headdress called a kokoshnik, something that was very fashionable. The style was also to wear any hat or veil very low on the forehead.

    If the wedding was written up in a local newspaper there would be an exact description of what the bride wore, the flowers she carried and what her attendants wore.

    Thanks, that’s great information (and yet another reason I love Ricochet).  Don’t know if the family has, or if I can find, the newspaper report, but I will see if I can dig something up.

    • #11
  12. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    You slipped right onto the Main Feed right quickly. My grandmother told my mother on her wedding day to my father, “You’re making a mistake, you know?”

    My mother had been wavering and thinking about pulling out, but that just made her angry enough that she said, “Maybe so, Mother, but it’s my mistake.” She went through with the wedding, and here I am today, along with my two elder brothers, and her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.


    This conversation is part of the Group Writing Series under this month’s theme of “The Course of Wisdom.” We still have a couple of future openings available, or we would be happy to have anyone who wants to share wisdom fill in some of the empty slots from the past. Why not sign up right now?

    • #12
  13. ST Member
    ST
    @

    A very determined lady in her old age, my granny, once she got the bit between her teeth. Imagine that.

    FYI:  I was quite surprised to read this.

    • #13
  14. ST Member
    ST
    @

    Sash (View Comment):
    If she did mention it, possibly more than once, to your grandfather, it might explain the dent in the wall.

    too funny

    • #14
  15. ST Member
    ST
    @

    Sash (View Comment):

     

    duplicate comment.  my bad.

    • #15
  16. She Member
    She
    @She

    She: Every year, without fail, until it became physically too difficult, they would pile into the family car (the 1947 Rover, license plate GOV 141) and head down to Cornwall for a week, a trip of about 250 miles which never took less than twelve hours to accomplish.

    My relationship with Granny and Grandpa is unassailable evidence, if any such were ever needed, that the importance and long-lasting nature of a relationship, in terms of affection and memory, has very little to do with the time spent together, and everything to do with the quality of that time and the love shown during it.

    I traveled with them to Cornwall on these trips a couple of times to (what was then) the little village of Mousehole (pronounced Muzzle).  I don’t know if it’s still as it was over half a century ago, or if it’s just a tourist trap, these days.

    But we would set out at crack of dawn in the Rover, loaded to the gills with luggage and provisions, and we’d stop at least three times by the side of the road (there were no motorways, so this wasn’t a high-speed trip), lay out blankets on the grass, take out the picnic hampers and tea thermos, and go to town.  The grand finale was often a visit behind a sheltering tree.

    I get the same sort of vibe remembering those trips as I do when I think about the early days of commercial plane travel.  It was a gentler, slower, kinder time.  Not sure we’re better off today in that regard, in spite of our ability to zip round the world in far less than the proverbial 80 days.

    She: and then there was always that picture hanging on the kitchen wall, covering up the dent underneath–the result, family legend has it, of Grandpa once throwing the blue enamel teapot at his bride

    Reminded me of another Granny and Grandpa vignette which has passed into family lore, of Granny, after becoming exasperated for the umpteenth time with Grandpa’s unparalleled ability to ignore anything she said, particularly while watching golf or cricket on the television, almost never starting a conversation with him until she was sure she’d got his attention, which she did by beginning almost every such, addressing him sharply with the words “Tom?  Tom!!  Are you listening Tom???  She wouldn’t go on until she’d got a reaction.

    Perhaps this partially explains the blue enamel teapot.

    • #16
  17. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    She (View Comment):
    I traveled with them to Cornwall on one of these trips a couple of times to (what was then) the little village of Mousehole (pronounced Muzzle). I don’t know if it’s still as it was over half a century ago, or if it’s just a tourist trap, these days.

    Too funny. I passed through there and the whole south Cornwall coast with my grandparents around that time. We were specially going to Penzance which isn’t far, but with a name like Mousehole, it’s hard to forget when we passed through. Would continue going through the area for decades to come. One of my favorite places in England.

    Here is a video that’s two years old and it has grown some but is still not a tourist trap (unlike Land’s End).

    • #17
  18. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    She (View Comment):
    Reminded me of another Granny and Grandpa vignette which has passed into family lore, of Granny, after becoming exasperated for the umpteenth time with Grandpa’s unparalleled ability to ignore anything she said, particularly while watching golf or cricket on the television, almost never starting a conversation with him until she was sure she’d got his attention, which she did by beginning almost every such, addressing him sharply with the words “Tom? Tom!! Are you listening Tom??? She wouldn’t go on until she’d got a reaction.

    I never met the grandmother listed above. She died almost a year before I was born. When I was born, the news that he had a grandson had to wait until after midnight — he was proposing to his second wife that evening. 

    I was present for one memorable incident. Grandpa and I were watching the Cubs. Anne was venting about something or other and in mid-rant left the room. Grandpa reached up and stuck his pinkie in one ear, gave a twist, stuck the other pinkie in the other ear, gave another. He was turning down his hearing aids. He saw me grinning at him, shushed me, and went back to watching the game.

    • #18
  19. She Member
    She
    @She

    Hang On (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):
    I traveled with them to Cornwall on one of these trips a couple of times to (what was then) the little village of Mousehole (pronounced Muzzle). I don’t know if it’s still as it was over half a century ago, or if it’s just a tourist trap, these days.

    Too funny. I passed through there and the whole south Cornwall coast with my grandparents around that time. We were specially going to Penzance which isn’t far, but with a name like Mousehole, it’s hard to forget when we passed through. Would continue going through the area for decades to come. One of my favorite places in England.

    Here is a video that’s two years old and it has grown some but is still not a tourist trap (unlike Land’s End).

    Such a small world.  I agree with you about Land’s End.   Cornwall is such a beautiful part of the world, as can be seen in both Poldark and Doc Martin, in both of which series Cornwall functions pretty much as an extra character in the cast.

    Then there’s the whole King Arthur vibe.

    • #19
  20. She Member
    She
    @She

    Percival (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):
    Reminded me of another Granny and Grandpa vignette which has passed into family lore, of Granny, after becoming exasperated for the umpteenth time with Grandpa’s unparalleled ability to ignore anything she said, particularly while watching golf or cricket on the television, almost never starting a conversation with him until she was sure she’d got his attention, which she did by beginning almost every such, addressing him sharply with the words “Tom? Tom!! Are you listening Tom??? She wouldn’t go on until she’d got a reaction.

    I never met the grandmother listed above. She died almost a year before I was born. When I was born, the news that he had a grandson had to wait until after midnight — he was proposing to his second wife that evening.

    Wonderful stories.  Thanks for sharing them.

    I was present for one memorable incident. Grandpa and I were watching the Cubs. Anne was venting about something or other and in mid-rant left the room. Grandpa reached up and stuck his pinkie in one ear, gave a twist, stuck the other pinkie in the other ear, gave another. He was turning down his hearing aids. He saw me grinning at him, shushed me, and went back to watching the game.

    My dad used to do the same thing with my mother!

    • #20
  21. ST Member
    ST
    @

    She (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):
    Reminded me of another Granny and Grandpa vignette which has passed into family lore, of Granny, after becoming exasperated for the umpteenth time with Grandpa’s unparalleled ability to ignore anything she said, particularly while watching golf or cricket on the television, almost never starting a conversation with him until she was sure she’d got his attention, which she did by beginning almost every such, addressing him sharply with the words “Tom? Tom!! Are you listening Tom??? She wouldn’t go on until she’d got a reaction.

    I never met the grandmother listed above. She died almost a year before I was born. When I was born, the news that he had a grandson had to wait until after midnight — he was proposing to his second wife that evening.

    Wonderful stories. Thanks for sharing them.

    I was present for one memorable incident. Grandpa and I were watching the Cubs. Anne was venting about something or other and in mid-rant left the room. Grandpa reached up and stuck his pinkie in one ear, gave a twist, stuck the other pinkie in the other ear, gave another. He was turning down his hearing aids. He saw me grinning at him, shushed me, and went back to watching the game.

    My dad used to do the same thing with my mother!

    I thought all men were provided with a ‘selective listening’ device early on during their first marriage.  Something must have gone haywire with both of these dudes apps.

    • #21
  22. She Member
    She
    @She

    ST (View Comment):
    I thought all men were provided with a ‘selective listening’ device early on during their first marriage. Something must have gone haywire with both of these dudes apps.

    You’re probably right. I think, as with much else in life,  performance and sensitivity must degrade over time.  The technology merely assists with the ability to restore the function to its original state; I don’t think it changes much otherwise.  

    • #22
  23. ST Member
    ST
    @

    She (View Comment):
    You’re probably right. I think, as with much else in life, performance and sensitivity must degrade over time. The technology merely assists with the ability to restore the function to its original state; I don’t think it changes much otherwise.

    Oh that was cruel!

    P.S.  Messing.

    • #23
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