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Quote of the Day: The Perfect Lady
“Don’t curse. Lovely girls do not have foul mouths.” — My great-grandmother
To anyone who knew her, from neighbors to friends, acquaintances to relatives, my maternal grandmother’s mother was known as srey krub leak (the virtuous woman). Great-grandma was warm, gentle and loving. And she was kind to everyone. She also had impeccable manners and etiquettes.
Several basic etiquettes and advice from great-grandmother Yâng:
Neatness brings content.
Chew your food quietly. No slurping, especially when eating noodles.
A woman does not rustle her skirt and drag her feet when she walks.
Do not partake in rumors/gossip.
A woman does not talk/laugh loudly.
Do not eat/drink while walking.
Learn people’s names.
When visiting someone, do not show up empty-handed.
A woman does not show her teeth when she smiles.
Always strive to be pleasant.
Be generous according to the situation.
On April 17, 1975, the Khmer Rouge marched into Phnom Penh triumphantly. A few weeks later, my great-grandmother would be killed along with two of her daughters. She was in her early 70s.
Published in General
The world is mostly cruel and stupid. If it only be like your great grandmother.
Lovely quotes. Will keep them in mind. Especially about the foul mouth.
But a tiger does.
Is that what’s been holding me back?
A universal truth. Less likely to choke or spill stuff on your clothes.
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Thanks, LC. This was really lovely, and the mention of the manner of great-grandmother Yâng’s passing hit me hard.
Beautiful sentiments and a terrible thing that happened in that country and to your family – she lives on in you and what you just shared – thanks.
LC, what a wonderful memorial to your wise/strong/unforgotten great-gram! Now, she lives for all of us, too…Thank you!
Lidens, do you know by any chance Great Grandmother’s opinion of Sita – and of Rama? I suspect it would be instructive.
My grandmother always says a proper Khmer girl should always strive to be like Sita. She still represents the ideal woman in Khmer culture.
They say that in India too. But it doesn’t sound Iike much fun.
Agreed. It can be stifling. Not every woman can mold herself into the image of Sita or my great-grandmother. Khmers don’t use the word srey krub leak very lightly. And being known as a virtuous woman brings immense honor to her parents. If she’s married, she elevates her husband’s status in the eyes of his coworkers, bosses, clients, relatives and friends.
Those etiquette rules reminded me of a old composition book we found when cleaning out my great-grandmother’s house. Among other things, it included a list of etiquette for young ladies, written in my grandmother’s impeccable handwriting, when she was still a young girl. It included some of the ones you mentioned above. A few more my sisters and I loved:
A lady does not cross her legs (except at the ankles) in public.
A lady does not call out to someone (especially a young man) on the street.
A lady does not accept a gift from a date more personal than flowers or a box of bon bons.
So … lingerie and a bottle of tequila is out?
It’s really good tequila. Got a worm in the bottle and everything …
Lingerie is out, but how about a blue dress?
Yesterday I was summoned home by my parents to possibly say my final good-byes to my grandma who is in the hospital and the docs are dumbfounded about how to treat her frail 94-year-old body. I spent all last night tossing and turning thinking about her and how awful the world will be without her. She is my last surviving grandparent. Losing the others was terrible as well but there is something cold and dark about losing this last of that generation.
My grandma doesn’t hate people better off than her and doesn’t despise those who were worse off.
She has never been entitled. She appreciates her blessings and is too wrapped up in the responsibilities born of them to be wrapped up in her own “rights”.
Her faith informs in her the realization of her own need for a savior. She laughs at the concept of creating in oneself a positive self esteem.
She has conviction. That conviction gives her confidence in both good and evil and the discernment to judge between the two.
There just aren’t very many people like her anymore. I’ve met many good people but they are only good compared to others far beneath her. What kind of women watches her husband go off to war and then moves to the big city to build landing ships in a loud, dangerous factory, ships that she knew were being built to carry her husband and brothers off to some blood-soaked beach? What kind of woman bears the ravages of decades of factory work with dignity while loving and taking care of her husband as he is brutally destroyed by black lung and dementia in his final years? I try to be like her and like my other grandparents. We should be learning from them and getting better. Yet, I feel we are getting worse. I can’t seem to live up to her and their examples. It seems so lonely, the thought of her leaving.
Live life in her footsteps. Live long enough and well enough to be the one that others look up to.