The Oscars, According to My Husband

 

Last night was the 2018 Oscars – also known as “The Academy Awards.” I don’t know what happened when I mentioned the Oscars were on tonight, but my husband Scott unleashed a tirade of … well, after a grilled burger and a couple Coronas, he let loose as follows and it ain’t pretty:

Our society is so screwed up! Millions are spent on awards shows. They’re all the same…. Tonight we’ll roll out yet another red carpet, so overpaid actors and actresses in their designer duds and diamonds can strut down and bark their latest opinion to the rest of America. I’d rather watch paint dry somewhere!

Oh, he was just getting started….

People like Meryl Streep who have it so hard — we roll out an actual red carpet for people like Robert DeNiro and Alec Baldwin who just bash America and our President. Every awards show is another political whinefest with the latest complaint taking center stage instead of gracefully accepting a gold statue for your performance and thanking your lucky stars that you’re in a free country where you can express your endless dissatisfaction with [fill in the blank] the headline of the day.

It’s the same way with these overpaid, bloviating, opinionated athletes — we pay them millions to take a knee and talk about civil rights, while they park their Mercedes or Ferrari in front of their mansions — how are they suffering? What are they doing for struggling communities — the drugs and poverty — taking a knee while taking their millions to the bank? Oh right … that’s someone else’s job.

Why can’t we have an awards show and roll out the Red Carpet for soldiers who diffused a bomb in a war zone, or stopped a car from blowing up in a public square, or who picked up a wounded child from an attack and administered CPR? We never hear about that! They deserve to walk down a Red Carpet and be applauded and receive an award!

We roll out the Red Carpet for people who have no idea what a tough day is. How about an awards show where we roll out a red carpet for the best doctors and researchers who are making progress in fighting cancer and other life-threatening diseases? They deserve to walk the red carpet. You never hear about them. They quietly go about their lifesaving research behind the scenes.

How about EMTs who pull people out of car wrecks, or save a drowning victim, or firefighters who rush into a burning building at their own risk to pull out a family and the family pets? Do they get to walk a red carpet? Hell no!

I’d rather watch paint dry until Hollywood gets its priorities straight!

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  1. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Paul Dougherty (View Comment):
    It’s amusing to watch them roil and boil under the rules that they have created for themselves. I also tried to pick out the Adam Carolla influenced jokes and how they fell like a dud to the audience.

    A couple of interesting instances (and by interesting, I mean uncomfortable for the audience):

    Joke: The stage is adorned with 10,000 Swarovski crystals, each one represents humility. (Crickets)

    When Christopher Walken presents an award a couple of weeks after the reopening of the Natalie Wood investigation. (Aawwkward).

    Pixar film Coco winning awards and no mention of John Lassiter in thank you. (Return of the blacklist era?)

    Warren Beaty stepping all over Faye Dunaway’s lines every time she tried to speak was downright impolite as well as amusingly ironic to cap the event.

    Billy Crystal used to do a great job. I do remember political statements from time to time, or someone refusing the award on some personal grounds. That Weinstein guy needed to go a long time ago, yet they saddled up to him, took his money at fundraisers for decades, and out of all the grievances, no one blew the whistle until now?

    Last year, people were too white, minorities too ignored, now get rid of guns and everything is too male…. quite frankly, the quality of movies is so low nowadays, the themes are all the same, comic book, horror, or political statement.  The romance of Hollywood is really gone. All the glittery dresses won’t bring it back.  It was once magnificent and magical.  Can we Make Hollywood Great Again?

     

    • #31
  2. TRibbey Inactive
    TRibbey
    @TRibbey

    Valiuth (View Comment):

     

    They can only condescend to you if you listen to them. My theory is that conservatives love to hate these liberal movie stars because deep down inside we like to indulge our inner Jacobin. It reeks of petty jealousy, because it is always accompanied with slights against the work they do. Oh look at those “over payed” actors or athletes, like anyone here could actually do their jobs? They are paid so much because they are by and large uniquely talented, and those of them who aren’t really tend to fall into obscurity rather fast.

    @Valiuth I don’t begrudge celebrities the money they are paid, I certainly don’t have their abilities. I don’t have the talets that my mechanic or tax account do either but in both cases I am not going to ask their professional opinion on items outside their purview. It’s the same with celebrities (or experts) of any stripe, competence in one area does not transfer automatically to another.

    • #32
  3. ST Member
    ST
    @

    lovely rant.

    Maybe this would be about as good a time as any to give Bollywood a second look?

    • #33
  4. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    TBA (View Comment):

    
    

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    They can only condescend to you if you listen to them. My theory is that conservatives love to hate these liberal movie stars because deep down inside we like to indulge our inner Jacobin. It reeks of petty jealousy, because it is always accompanied with slights against the work they do. Oh look at those “over payed” actors or athletes, like anyone here could actually do their jobs? They are paid so much because they are by and large uniquely talented, and those of them who aren’t really tend to fall into obscurity rather fast.

    I don’t have an inner Jacobin.

    I admire actors for the work they do (it’s a lot more demanding than we assume), the pleasure they bring in entertainment, and frankly, they’re beautiful – unless they’re ugly in which case they tend to be magnificently ugly.

    It’s their easy access to a microphone and to a not-particularly-critical audience. It’s their bubble-lives, their tout le beau monde certainty about their non-considered opinions.

    I can take anything from the eloi but a lecture.

    [Edit: removal of accidental block quote]

    Do you think their opinions would be different if they were more considered? Plenty of liberals out there with well considered opinions. Plenty of conservatives out there with non-considered opinions too.

    Yes there are conservatives out there with non-considered opinions. They don’t have a forum but if they did, I wouldn’t want to listen to them either.

    • #34
  5. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    ST (View Comment):
    Maybe this would be about as good a time as any to give Bollywood a second look?

    Oh my. I’d rather watch this, any day, over some 24 year old pervert hitting up on a kid.

    • #35
  6. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    Percival (View Comment):
    Oscars Eye New Low in Early Numbers

    As Ben Shapiro called out today, Kimmel tipped Hollywood’s hand last night. They don’t care about ratings. They care about agitating the unwashed rabble.

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/jimmy-kimmel-jokes-call-me-by-your-name-probably-upset-mike-pence-watch/article/2650664

    • #36
  7. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):

    Percival (View Comment):
    Oscars Eye New Low in Early Numbers

    As Ben Shapiro called out today, Kimmel tipped Hollywood’s hand last night. They don’t care about ratings. They care about agitating the unwashed rabble.

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/jimmy-kimmel-jokes-call-me-by-your-name-probably-upset-mike-pence-watch/article/2650664

    Yeah, but it is hard to propagandize people who are ignoring you. The unwashed rabble were somewhere else.

    • #37
  8. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    Percival (View Comment):
    Yeah, but it is hard to propagandize people who are ignoring you. The unwashed rabble were somewhere else.

    It sure wasn’t us. We watched some mediocre Netflix show. Still better than the Oscars.

    • #38
  9. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):

    ST (View Comment):
    Maybe this would be about as good a time as any to give Bollywood a second look?

    Oh my. I’d rather watch this, any day, over some 24 year old pervert hitting up on a kid.

    They’ve even invented their own physics.

     

    • #39
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