The Oscars, According to My Husband

 

Last night was the 2018 Oscars – also known as “The Academy Awards.” I don’t know what happened when I mentioned the Oscars were on tonight, but my husband Scott unleashed a tirade of … well, after a grilled burger and a couple Coronas, he let loose as follows and it ain’t pretty:

Our society is so screwed up! Millions are spent on awards shows. They’re all the same…. Tonight we’ll roll out yet another red carpet, so overpaid actors and actresses in their designer duds and diamonds can strut down and bark their latest opinion to the rest of America. I’d rather watch paint dry somewhere!

Oh, he was just getting started….

People like Meryl Streep who have it so hard — we roll out an actual red carpet for people like Robert DeNiro and Alec Baldwin who just bash America and our President. Every awards show is another political whinefest with the latest complaint taking center stage instead of gracefully accepting a gold statue for your performance and thanking your lucky stars that you’re in a free country where you can express your endless dissatisfaction with [fill in the blank] the headline of the day.

It’s the same way with these overpaid, bloviating, opinionated athletes — we pay them millions to take a knee and talk about civil rights, while they park their Mercedes or Ferrari in front of their mansions — how are they suffering? What are they doing for struggling communities — the drugs and poverty — taking a knee while taking their millions to the bank? Oh right … that’s someone else’s job.

Why can’t we have an awards show and roll out the Red Carpet for soldiers who diffused a bomb in a war zone, or stopped a car from blowing up in a public square, or who picked up a wounded child from an attack and administered CPR? We never hear about that! They deserve to walk down a Red Carpet and be applauded and receive an award!

We roll out the Red Carpet for people who have no idea what a tough day is. How about an awards show where we roll out a red carpet for the best doctors and researchers who are making progress in fighting cancer and other life-threatening diseases? They deserve to walk the red carpet. You never hear about them. They quietly go about their lifesaving research behind the scenes.

How about EMTs who pull people out of car wrecks, or save a drowning victim, or firefighters who rush into a burning building at their own risk to pull out a family and the family pets? Do they get to walk a red carpet? Hell no!

I’d rather watch paint dry until Hollywood gets its priorities straight!

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  1. Doug Watt Moderator
    Doug Watt
    @DougWatt

    First of all Corona’s and burgers is what I call therapy, they taste good, are cheaper than a therapist, who says that’s interesting, and then asks why Corona.

    My wife likes to watch the Red Carpet run-up to the big show, I usually grab a book as she watches the beautiful people, and I do listen to some of the nonsense in acceptance speeches. Not all actors are airheads, but I really don’t care for Jimmy Kimmel, who alternates between laughter and crying jags on his nighttime show.

    • #1
  2. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Doug Watt (View Comment):
    First of all Corona’s and burgers is what I call therapy, they taste good, are cheaper than a therapist, who says that’s interesting, and then asks why Corona.

    My wife likes to watch the Red Carpet run-up to the big show, I usually grab a book as she watches the beautiful people, and I do listen to some of the nonsense in acceptance speeches. Not all actors are airheads, but I really don’t care for Jimmy Kimmel, who alternates between laughter and crying jags on his nighttime show.

    Poor Jimmy!

    • #2
  3. Ekosj Member
    Ekosj
    @Ekosj

    Mrs Ekosj and I are watching the Knicks.    That’s kind’a like watching paint dry.    Except drying paint sometimes plays defense.

    We did watch some of the Red Carpet stuff.    I liked Christopher Plummer’s navy blue tuxedo/grey shirt.     But the show itself?  No thanks.

    • #3
  4. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    I don’t like Jimmy Kimmel and I’m not interested in hearing him insult everything conservative, Republican and Trump. [yawn]

    • #4
  5. RushBabe49 Thatcher
    RushBabe49
    @RushBabe49

    You have one smart husband.  Give him a hug or ten.

    • #5
  6. PHCheese Inactive
    PHCheese
    @PHCheese

    Who is Jimmy Kimmel?

    • #6
  7. CarolJoy Coolidge
    CarolJoy
    @CarolJoy

    Stonewall Jackson stated on my twitter feed:

    “I was remote channeling through the TV stations and came up with the Oscars but luckily I had a fork in my hand so I shoved it up my bum.”

    And that is why my TV will remain off tonight – I know the type of pain it takes to not feel the pain of the Oscars.

    • #7
  8. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    Hollywood won’t ever get $1mil out of me. With Netflix at $10.99 per month, they will be waiting about about 7583 years. LoLz.

    I’m pretty sure Meryl Streep will be dead, or fully demented by then.

    I don’t know how to reform Hollywood, so I just walk away.

     

    • #8
  9. Jules PA Inactive
    Jules PA
    @JulesPA

    Great post FSC!

    • #9
  10. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf

    The Oscars is the Superbowl for gay people.

    As with the superbowl I like to wait until the next day to find out who won, file it away with other trivia, and move on with real life.

    • #10
  11. Michael Brehm Coolidge
    Michael Brehm
    @MichaelBrehm

    PHCheese (View Comment):
    Who is Jimmy Kimmel?

    He was a comedian who was the pudgy sidekick to Adam Carolla on “The Man Show” back in the day. The show featured a segment called “Girls on Trampolines” which tells you just about all you need to know. Adam moved on to bigger and better things (a popular podcast, hanging out with Dr. Drew Pinsky and Dennis Prager). Alas the same can’t be said for lil Jimmy…

    • #11
  12. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    So much whining. Why do you care how much they make or what they say? Nothing like resenting the rich for being human.

    • #12
  13. Stad Coolidge
    Stad
    @Stad

    I think I’ll grill some burgers and down some Corona’s as a toast to Mr. FSC!

    • #13
  14. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    So much whining. Why do you care how much they make or what they say? Nothing like resenting the rich for being human

    Hrm. Interesting way to flip this on its head. Yet, I’m with FSC’s husband, and, while my rant was different, don’t like being preached to by people as fallible as I am, only they have unimaginably greater resources, a microphone, a glitzy stage, and a national audience from which they may condescend to us rubes.

    I’m not sure “take your lumps and like it” makes sense, either.

    • #14
  15. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Michael Brehm (View Comment):

    PHCheese (View Comment):
    Who is Jimmy Kimmel?

    He was a comedian who was the pudgy sidekick to Adam Carolla on “The Man Show” back in the day. The show featured a segment called “Girls on Trampolines” which tells you just about all you need to know. Adam moved on to bigger and better things (a popular podcast, hanging out with Dr. Drew Pinsky and Dennis Prager). Alas the same can’t be said for lil Jimmy…

    It should have been named The Thirteen-Year-Old Boy Show. It would have killed in the eighth grade.

    • #15
  16. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    The only acceptable response is to only buy and watch pirated versions, then pass them along.

    • #16
  17. Unsk Member
    Unsk
    @Unsk

    The Academy insulted a huge slice of America by having it’s award show hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, who has admitted he wouldn’t give a damn  if no more Republicans watched his show after his over the top  leftie behavior.

    Jimmy didn’t fail to insult on the show, and he was not funny.  He even at the beginning asked people to demonstrate for gun control in the aftermath of Parkland.

    Meanwhile, the Academy saw fit to give numerous awards, including Best Picture and Best Director, to The Shape of Water, a film with serious anti-American sentiments. It gave Best Song to Coco’s “Remember Me” a distinctly terrible song about diversity with a huge adoration of Mexico’s sick Day of the Dead fetish thrown in. And to top things off it gave an Academy award to the narcissistic rapist Kobe Bryant for his horrid Dear Basketball ode to himself.  All in all, another wretched Academy Awards show.

    • #17
  18. Tedley Member
    Tedley
    @Tedley

    Great rant!

    • #18
  19. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Oscars Eye New Low in Early Numbers

    That’s just so sad.

    • #19
  20. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    So much whining. Why do you care how much they make or what they say? Nothing like resenting the rich for being human

    Hrm. Interesting way to flip this on its head. Yet, I’m with FSC’s husband, and, while my rant was different, don’t like being preached to by people as fallible as I am, only they have unimaginably greater resources, a microphone, a glitzy stage, and a national audience from which they may condescend to us rubes.

    I’m not sure “take your lumps and like it” makes sense, either.

    They can only condescend to you if you listen to them. My theory is that conservatives love to hate these liberal movie stars because deep down inside we like to indulge our inner Jacobin. It reeks of petty jealousy, because it is always accompanied with slights against the work they do. Oh look at those “over payed” actors or athletes, like anyone here could actually do their jobs? They are paid so much because they are by and large uniquely talented, and those of them who aren’t really tend to fall into obscurity rather fast.

    • #20
  21. Paul Dougherty Member
    Paul Dougherty
    @PaulDougherty

    High point of the night:

    “I’m proud to have served there for 12 months with Alpha Company of the 39th Infantry. Anyone else?” Studi asked, to silence.

    I always liked Wes Studi. Now I know why.

    • #21
  22. Manny Member
    Manny
    @Manny

    I love it!  I completely agree with your husband.

    • #22
  23. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Valuith – Wealth and talent are not the issue.  Do you think the forums that many of these awards shows have taken, along with sports, have become drone-like and depressing, instead of accepting achievement with honor?  These causes  usurp the ceremonies, sports events, etc.  because so many seem unhappy about something. It’s become a forum for complaining – the Grammies were the same.  No wonder they’re losing viewers, advertisers and subscribers.

    • #23
  24. TBA Coolidge
    TBA
    @RobtGilsdorf
    
    

    Valiuth (View Comment):

     

    They can only condescend to you if you listen to them. My theory is that conservatives love to hate these liberal movie stars because deep down inside we like to indulge our inner Jacobin. It reeks of petty jealousy, because it is always accompanied with slights against the work they do. Oh look at those “over payed” actors or athletes, like anyone here could actually do their jobs? They are paid so much because they are by and large uniquely talented, and those of them who aren’t really tend to fall into obscurity rather fast.

    I don’t have an inner Jacobin.

    I admire actors for the work they do (it’s a lot more demanding than we assume), the pleasure they bring in entertainment, and frankly, they’re beautiful – unless they’re ugly in which case they tend to be magnificently ugly.

    It’s their easy access to a microphone and to a not-particularly-critical audience. It’s their bubble-lives, their tout le beau monde certainty about their non-considered opinions.

    I can take anything from the eloi but a lecture.

     

     

     

     

    [Edit: removal of accidental block quote]

    • #24
  25. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    Front Seat Cat: I’d rather watch paint dry until Hollywood gets its priorities straight!

    What channel is this “paint dry” show on. I think I’ll stream it and then save it for watching during next years Oscars.

    Never in history have so many phoneys expected so much for so little.

    Thanks for the post FSC.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #25
  26. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):
    Valuith – Wealth and talent are not the issue. Do you think the forums that many of these awards shows have taken, along with sports, have become drone-like and depressing, instead of accepting achievement with honor? These causes usurp the ceremonies, sports events, etc. because so many seem unhappy about something. It’s become a forum for complaining – the Grammies were the same. No wonder they’re losing viewers, advertisers and subscribers.

    I’ve never really watched award shows, and I don’t now. I do from time to time watch sports, or did when I had cable and roommates, but most prodcast don’t focus on the Anthem or what players do during it, or I tune in after all the pomp and tune out before it start again.

    The Academy awards are their awards, and frankly I think if the recipients wish to make statements that’s their prerogative, and if their statements ruin the experience for you you can stop watching. But the complaints raised boil down to I don’t like their politics, and I think their lives are too easy, and because of that they should shut up.

    • #26
  27. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    TBA (View Comment):

    
    

    Valiuth (View Comment):

    They can only condescend to you if you listen to them. My theory is that conservatives love to hate these liberal movie stars because deep down inside we like to indulge our inner Jacobin. It reeks of petty jealousy, because it is always accompanied with slights against the work they do. Oh look at those “over payed” actors or athletes, like anyone here could actually do their jobs? They are paid so much because they are by and large uniquely talented, and those of them who aren’t really tend to fall into obscurity rather fast.

    I don’t have an inner Jacobin.

    I admire actors for the work they do (it’s a lot more demanding than we assume), the pleasure they bring in entertainment, and frankly, they’re beautiful – unless they’re ugly in which case they tend to be magnificently ugly.

    It’s their easy access to a microphone and to a not-particularly-critical audience. It’s their bubble-lives, their tout le beau monde certainty about their non-considered opinions.

    I can take anything from the eloi but a lecture.

    [Edit: removal of accidental block quote]

    Do you think their opinions would be different if they were more considered? Plenty of liberals out there with well considered opinions. Plenty of conservatives out there with non-considered opinions too.

    • #27
  28. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    Do you think their opinions would be different if they were more considered? Plenty of liberals out there with well considered opinions.

    They are still wrong; they just work harder at being wrong.

    • #28
  29. Paul Dougherty Member
    Paul Dougherty
    @PaulDougherty

    It’s amusing to watch them roil and boil under the rules that they have created for themselves. I also tried to pick out the Adam Carolla influenced jokes and how they fell like a dud to the audience.

    A couple of interesting instances (and by interesting, I mean uncomfortable for the audience):

    Joke:  The stage is adorned with 10,000 Swarovski crystals, each one represents humility. (Crickets)

    When Christopher Walken presents an award a couple of weeks after the reopening of the Natalie Wood investigation. (Aawwkward).

    Pixar film Coco winning awards and no mention of John Lassiter in thank you. (Return of the blacklist era?)

    Warren Beaty stepping all over Faye Dunaway’s lines every time she tried to speak was downright impolite as well as amusingly ironic to cap the event.

    • #29
  30. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    James Gawron (View Comment):

    Front Seat Cat: I’d rather watch paint dry until Hollywood gets its priorities straight!

    What channel is this “paint dry” show on. I think I’ll stream it and then save it for watching during next years Oscars.

    Never in history have so many phoneys expected so much for so little.

    Thanks for the post FSC.

    Regards,

    Jim

    That’s funny – a station that shows paint drying – just in case.  Another of his suggestions has been a TV station that only reports good news.  Would people tune in?

    • #30
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