An Open Letter from Ex Tex-Mex, Vigilant Consumer

 

Dear Belluminati,

You might be masquerading as a hilariously gimmicky marketing campaign for cheap fake Mexican food, but I’m onto you. Taco Bell might like us to believe that the Belluminati are the world’s least secret “secret society”, one that anyone with a buck and a hankering for el-cheapo meato frito can join. But I know what you’re really about. You’re the same old Illuminati, mocking us by “hiding in plain sight”!!!

Can you deny your “parent company is 100% owned by the world elite”? That your “owners are part of supra-national elite organizations such as the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations and the Bilderberg group”? No, I didn’t think you could.

Can you deny that you’re part of an insidious conspiracy to addict people to empty calories? No, I didn’t think you could! Gut flora influence food cravings – that’s not just some theory, it’s 100% proven scientific fact!!! Yeah, that’s right, you’re the napalm for our microbiome that burns away all that is good and natural, leaving our viscera denuded and defenseless against the Illuminati’s food-addicting, mind-controlling microbial minions!

I’d like to see you deny the havoc you wreak on our gut-brain axis. I bet you can’t.

Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”? Of course you can’t! Everyone with half a brain can decipher that one hump of the capital B stands for “New” and the other hump stands for “World”. That “B” is the globalist two-humped camel, with its nose well and truly under America’s tent.

Can you deny that the whole purpose of the Belluminati ad campaign is to stupefy the sheeple with cheap eats, to keep them too fat, happy, and dumb to see that your Illuminati jokes are all on them?

Sure, make fun of all of us who can see the Belluminati for what they are, make us the laughingstock, while clogging the unwary masses’ pie-holes with refried Soylent Bean. We know there’s no faster way to discredit the Truth than by laughing at it. Ask Christopher Columbus why they all laughed at him when he said the world was round. Well, who’s got the last laugh now?

Oh, right, you’ve got the last laugh. Now and always. Because you’re in the globalist elite, and us peon consumers aren’t.

Finally, can you deny the Bell logo is a giant reptilian eye, and that our Reptilian overlords cover up their presence on earth by grinding the corpses of their deceased into cheap taco meat? It’s some sort of Satanic perverted communion ritual – a sneaky reverse blood-libel, the way the Lizard People con us into partaking of their substance! And we know you and your transnational-conglomerate backers won’t rest until every American consumer is “of the body”fed on the mind-controlling microbes of corrupt Reptilian flesh!!!

Of course you’ll never deny any of this to our satisfaction. Don’t even try. The Belluminati campaign, with its Masonic symbols and occult rituals, gives your game away, though, to those of us in the know.

…Why aren’t there more of us in the know? Please don’t ask that question, but now that I’ve got your attention, would you please watch my RuClip video? Pretty please? I swear the “Ru” in “RuClip” doesn’t stand for “Russia”, and even if it did, that doesn’t make me a Russia-sponsored troll:

Maybe you can’t deny it, but I bloody well can!

Sincerely,
Ex Tex-Mex, Vigilant Consumer

There are 29 comments.

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  1. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    We all understand that you’re forced to pretend this is satire, but it’s good that the truth is finally getting out.

    • #1
  2. livingthenonStarWarslife Inactive
    livingthenonStarWarslife
    @livingthehighlife

    • #2
  3. Hank Rhody, Bombast Savant Contributor
    Hank Rhody, Bombast Savant
    @HankRhody

    Fnord

    • #3
  4. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Hank Rhody, Bombast Savant (View Comment):
    Fnord

    Something went wrong; your comment is blank.

    • #4
  5. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Tracking IP Address now…


    This conversation is part of our Group Writing Series under January’s theme of “An Open Letter…” It’s a ridiculous and parodic take on the normal open letter published in newspapers and such. In February, our theme will be “We Need a Little Summer,” because why should the Southern Hemisphere have all the fun of having summer in February? Sign up to help us celebrate summer next month.


    …And traced.

    • #5
  6. Nick H Coolidge
    Nick H
    @NickH

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: That “B” is the globalist two-humped camel, with its nose well and truly under America’s tent.

    This is the point I started laughing out loud. Very nicely done.

    Also, I’m totally not posting this compliment because my Illuminati masters told me to do so. It has nothing to do with their annoyance at having one of their subsidiaries revealing secrets in a marketing campaign and wanting to send a signal to the Bell by supporting your ranting.

    • #6
  7. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Nick H (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: That “B” is the globalist two-humped camel, with its nose well and truly under America’s tent.

    This is the point I started laughing out loud. Very nicely done.

    Also, I’m totally not posting this compliment because my Illuminati masters told me to do so. It has nothing to do with their annoyance at having one of their subsidiaries revealing secrets in a marketing campaign and wanting to send a signal to the Bell by supporting your ranting.

    Oh, totally not ;-)

    And “Bell” totally doesn’t begin with “B”, either ;-)

    • #7
  8. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    All restaurants are Taco Bell.

    • #8
  9. Nick H Coolidge
    Nick H
    @NickH

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Nick H (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: That “B” is the globalist two-humped camel, with its nose well and truly under America’s tent.

    This is the point I started laughing out loud. Very nicely done.

    Also, I’m totally not posting this compliment because my Illuminati masters told me to do so. It has nothing to do with their annoyance at having one of their subsidiaries revealing secrets in a marketing campaign and wanting to send a signal to the Bell by supporting your ranting.

    Oh, totally not ;-)

    And “Bell” totally doesn’t begin with “B”, either ;-)

    We’re all living in a New World ‘ell.

    • #9
  10. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Nick H (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Nick H (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: That “B” is the globalist two-humped camel, with its nose well and truly under America’s tent.

    This is the point I started laughing out loud. Very nicely done.

    Also, I’m totally not posting this compliment because my Illuminati masters told me to do so. It has nothing to do with their annoyance at having one of their subsidiaries revealing secrets in a marketing campaign and wanting to send a signal to the Bell by supporting your ranting.

    Oh, totally not ;-)

    And “Bell” totally doesn’t begin with “B”, either ;-)

    We’re all living in a New World ‘ell.

    Very good.

    It’s all falling into place now, isn’t it?

    • #10
  11. GLDIII Reagan
    GLDIII
    @GLDIII

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake Post author

    Finally, can you deny the Bell logo is a giant reptilian eye, and that our Reptilian overlords cover up their presence on earth by grinding the corpses of their deceased into cheap taco meat?

    Leave it to the resident reptile to blow the cover off her alien brethren.

    Reptiles ….  they have no extraterrestrial species loyalty. Guess that is good for us.

    • #11
  12. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    GLDIII (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake Post author

    Finally, can you deny the Bell logo is a giant reptilian eye, and that our Reptilian overlords cover up their presence on earth by grinding the corpses of their deceased into cheap taco meat?

    Leave it to the resident reptile to blow the cover off her alien brethren.

    Reptiles …. they have no extraterrestrial species loyalty. Guess that is good for us.

    Traitor or redoubled agent?… So many choices…

    • #12
  13. Matt Balzer Member
    Matt Balzer
    @MattBalzer

    I mean, they’re all right, but I still prefer the Fry-lateral Commission. Or possibly Build-a-burger. Maybe even Knights Tempura or Opus Deli.

    • #13
  14. Matt Balzer Member
    Matt Balzer
    @MattBalzer

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    GLDIII (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake Post author

    Finally, can you deny the Bell logo is a giant reptilian eye, and that our Reptilian overlords cover up their presence on earth by grinding the corpses of their deceased into cheap taco meat?

    Leave it to the resident reptile to blow the cover off her alien brethren.

    Reptiles …. they have no extraterrestrial species loyalty. Guess that is good for us.

    Traitor or redoubled agent?… So many choices…

    You mean you’re not from the hollow earth?

    • #14
  15. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Matt Balzer (View Comment):
    Knights Tempura

    Mmm.

    • #15
  16. Al French Moderator
    Al French
    @AlFrench

    You’re on a roll, Midge.

    • #16
  17. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Al French (View Comment):
    You’re on a roll, Midge.

    French? Onion? Some other type?

    • #17
  18. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Alex Jones has probably already dispatched a courier to deliver a marriage proposal to you, Midge.

    • #18
  19. SkipSul Inactive
    SkipSul
    @skipsul

    Matt Balzer (View Comment):
    I mean, they’re all right, but I still prefer the Fry-lateral Commission. Or possibly Build-a-burger. Maybe even Knights Tempura or Opus Deli.

    You’re forgetting Burgher König, SubalternWay, Whyte Castle (obvious royalists), and Panda Express.

    • #19
  20. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Al French (View Comment):
    You’re on a roll, Midge.

    French? Onion? Some other type?

    Barm cake!

    • #20
  21. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Al French (View Comment):
    You’re on a roll, Midge.

    French? Onion? Some other type?

    Kaiser.

    • #21
  22. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Al French (View Comment):
    You’re on a roll, Midge.

    French? Onion? Some other type?

    Barm cake!

    Ah, it is obvious, isn’t it.

    • #22
  23. Frank Soto Contributor
    Frank Soto
    @FrankSoto

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”?

    Slow clap.

     

    • #23
  24. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Frank Soto (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”?

    Slow clap.

    For some reason, this was a puzzle-piece others exposing the Belluminati deception completely missed.

    • #24
  25. Matt Balzer Member
    Matt Balzer
    @MattBalzer

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Frank Soto (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”?

    Slow clap.

    For some reason, this was a puzzle-piece others exposing the Belluminati deception completely missed.

    Mostly because of situations related to the second comment.

    • #25
  26. SkipSul Inactive
    SkipSul
    @skipsul

    Matt Balzer (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Frank Soto (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”?

    Slow clap.

    For some reason, this was a puzzle-piece others exposing the Belluminati deception completely missed.

    Mostly because of situations related to the second comment.

    Now now, let’s not make fun of the slow.

    • #26
  27. Matt Balzer Member
    Matt Balzer
    @MattBalzer

    SkipSul (View Comment):

    Matt Balzer (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Frank Soto (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: Can you deny that “Run for the Border” is short for “Run for the New World Order”?

    Slow clap.

    For some reason, this was a puzzle-piece others exposing the Belluminati deception completely missed.

    Mostly because of situations related to the second comment.

    Now now, let’s not make fun of the slow.

    I hope they’re not slow, or there’s going to be a heck of a mess to clean up.

    • #27
  28. Joe P Member
    Joe P
    @JoeP

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake: won’t rest until every American consumer is “of the body”

    That happens to be my favorite episode of TOS. Well done.

    • #28
  29. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Oh, I almost forgot – a singalong!

    • #29

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