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All of ’em.
I suspect I would be the first one many of my past coworkers would mention.
I discovered my antisocial tendencies young: over the last 30 years, the largest firm have worked for had six people. Now I am down to just me. It is a love-hate relationship, but I get by.
In 2000, I was working a contract at AT&T in NJ. Someone in that complex would, two or three times a week, microwave their lunch – fish.
Being an Engineer, I didn’t have as many irritating co-workers that I can remember.
But there was one, who after he coughed up some phlegm, would spit it in a jar. Understandable, but he never emptied the jar nor cleaned it.
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I agree with this sentiment on two levels: about myself, and about you.
Had a guy who boasted how he never took sick days, just popped ibuprofen whenever he had a fever. Then he gave us all the flu one year. This was the same guy who would use the same coffee cup all week, and use that cup to fill up the water reservoir on the Keurig.
Had another who loved fish, and we had to ban her from using the microwave. This same lady, when on the shop floor, had a personal radio that she listened to all day, but would set it on her workbench instead of keeping it in her pocket, and thus drag it to the floor and smash it when she forgot to take off her headphones and stood up. She “solved” this by getting a 20ft headphone cord, but then she also remembered to drop the radio into her pocket. As she dragged that cord, trailing behind her, she snagged it on a piece of equipment, and her headphones, looney tunes style, garotted her, making her fall over backwards onto the floor. I had to leave the building as I was laughing so hard.
Had another who was, I suspect, a sociopath, and believed fervently that any worker worth anything didn’t need written work instructions, so she would go around destroying employees’ personal notes on how to build product, as well as removing instruction tags and cards from equipment, then would harass and belittle her coworkers for even minor mistakes.
My current coworkers are two cats:
They can be annoying, but not as bad as humans.
Ok, here’s a horror story – in both directions.
In 2009, I was working IT for a now defunct cable company. One of my coworkers was a nice enough guy, but tended to complain a lot.
One day, I forget how, he discovered that I spent my lunch break in my car listening to Rush Limbaugh. When I returned to my desk, he confronted me about it in a ha-ha-only-serious manner. I responded that, because I write satire, to not listen to Limbaugh would be foolish.
You would think that that would be the end of it. But, no. A few weeks beforehand, the IT department was moved into the HR area.
The next day, I was called into the COO’s office – the COO’s office! – where I was lectured by the COO that I was “talking too loudly at my desk.” My interpretation: someone in HR overheard the Rush conversation and wanted to whack a conservative.
So, later that day, using my Rush 24/7 subscription, I wrote to Team Rush, explained what had happened, and asked for a signed photo for my desk. They overnighted one to me.
So, the next day, with a change to my computer desktop wallpaper, here’s what my desk looked like.
Nothing was ever said to me again – except for my coworker who had to be assured that I didn’t know Rush personally. In the end, he actually gained some respect for Rush that he was so responsive to his listener base.
I’m laughing just thinking about it. Ouch.
Oh god, the microwaving of the fish. I had another coworker at my last job. He was a total sweetheart, but he was super into body building, so he would have stints where he would microwave some kind of foul smelling fish and rice dish, leaving the rest of the office to suffer.
These stories are great! Keep ’em coming!
The guy who could never let well enough alone, or accept that a decision had been made. He’d come back to my office again and again, re-hashing the same ground we had discussed and on which I had made a decision (I was the “decider”). Two times in that period of about 5 years, I had to go full Mt. St. Helens on him, to the extent that the ladies in the office next door peeked in later and asked if I was all right.
To his credit, he apologized both times, but it never stopped him from doing it every time.
J.D., the only thing all those annoying coworkers have in common is … you.
[ducks]
My annoying co-worker is one of our programmers. His code is perfect as it comes from his keyboard in draft #1. When asked if he tested it, well of course. When I test it…broken. Again and again. Once I got so frustrated i asked him, “What about fix this are you not understanding?”
I’m sure I’m that annoying employee to him. :)
In a previous job at a state agency, I was once written up by my manager because I had supposedly glared at one of my coworkers. I told her I didn’t remember glaring at anyone. She wouldn’t tell me who had made the complaint, or give me any other clues, but expected me to tell her why I had done it. I do not miss working with government employees.
Ack, gross!! [Cleanse brain, cleanse brain.]
I used to share a trailer with this guy who had long hair, and I would always be sweeping up long hairs off the floor. I mostly only resented it because of my baldness, but just the same.
? When ya got it, flaunt it!
I work at a carpet store and among other things, I do most of the carpet cutting. As you might suspect there are tools I need to do this function. After getting tired of not being able to find a knife when I need one, I bought each salesman their own personal knife to keep on them. Yeah, I’ve got my own, too. I bought them each a tape measure and put their name on it. If you’re a salesman you probably need a pen several times throughout the day so maybe you ought to just carry one all day every day. Sigh. [Expletive] no. They’re not going to do it. So I have to waste time every week looking all over for a tape measure, stretch wrap, shipping tape, Sharpies, and office tape. Do you have any idea how many dad-blasted tape dispensers there are in this store? Not enough apparently, because they have to keep stealing the one from the cut table. Part of the problem is that the tape rolls are not infinite and apparently it takes an act of genius to replace the empty tape roll with a fresh one. So better to just go take another tape dispenser from somewhere else.
And here’s a bonus gripe. If you can’t use the bathroom without leaving a large puddle in front of the toilet, maybe it’s time to admit defeat and just sit down. Or get yourself a funnel and hose, maybe. Or if you think this time you’ll get lucky but you turn out to miss yet again, maybe clean up your own pee instead of leaving it for the next person.
There’s a guy here who always leaves just 1 damn square on the TP roll. He will never change it, even though fresh rolls are within easy reach.
I have to clean his hair up all over the house, so I feel your pain. ;P
I think it’s my fault that this passive aggressive comic strip got posted into the best bathroom stall….. I can never manhandle the metal holder thing hard enough to replace the roll, so if a roll is out, I’ll just set the new one on top of the dispenser like a heathen….
i’m going to barf now.
I worked in the development office at a business college in a large university. One of the college’s deans had a completely dysfunctional office of needy co-dependent ladies. Who always ate microwaved popcorn for lunch. The microwave was across the hall from our office, but in a different wing from their office. So it always stank of microwave popcorn outside my office, because that smell gets in the microwave and every time someone uses it the smell comes out again.
Who eats that for lunch every day? Totally gross. And so needy. Always on my way somewhere when I saw them. Avoid avoid avoid.
Now my husband and I are the business. Our executive board meetings are always fun, and it is only clients, not co-workers, who drive us batty.
I work mostly by myself, so no great stories except to complain I can never find a pen that works, scotch tape or scissors. Because I never remember where the heck I put them.
Sometimes when I am talking to a particularly stupid customer – or reading stories like these – I wonder that anything ever gets accomplished
(And I don’t use “stupid” lightly. I got a call yesterday from a guy who wanted to know what part he needed. He didn’t know what model saw he had – he didn’t buy it from me – nor what was wrong with it. I also got a call from someone who bought the wrong part on Amazon and wanted me to issue him a credit.)
What I hate most about microwave popcorn is that someone inevitably burns it and that smell is almost as bad as microwaved fish!
Oh gosh, I could fill pages with stories from problematic customers.
Speaking of toilet paper, has it become unfashionable to use the last few feet of TP on a roll? I suspect this is a customer rather than co-worker thing, but I’ve noticed several times that someone will unwrap a new roll when there are still several wraps on the old roll. It’s like many people have seen a TV show (Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Phil?) warning them never to use the end of a roll or something.
Please do.