Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. To (My) Roomba, with Love

 

Dear Roomba,

Okay sure, you roam around the house like Mr. Magoo, bumping into every single thing in the room. Yeah, you spend what seems to be an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom. What are you doing in there? And yes, it took you more than a week to find my bedroom, and truth be told, I had to chase you into the room the first time by blocking your way to go anywhere else. But you find it now.

It’s all good, even when you get stuck between the bathtub and the toilet, unable to back up on the shaggy throw rug. I don’t mind when you get a wheel stuck in a floor vent, and I have to rescue you. It’s kind of endearing, really. I understand that sometimes you just can’t remember where your home base is, and you’ll just go McGooing around the house until you run out of power. Don’t worry; I’ll carry you back home.

I even like the crazy quilt pattern of robot tracks that you leave everywhere you go.

No… the only thing that really bothers me is that with all the carpet pile standing straight up, I leave footprints wherever I go. Bare footprints, socked footprints, and when I very occasionally wear shoes, shoe footprints. And I don’t like the idea that people of ill intent could follow the tracks and know where I am.

So … all I’m asking is that you tighten up the track pattern a little. With a slightly denser pattern, my footprints would blend right in and my enemies will never find me.

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  1. Matt Balzer, Imperialist Claw Member

    Judge Mental:With a slightly denser pattern, my footprints would blend right in and my enemies will never find me.

    It can’t be that hard. I think I’ve got a pretty good idea from reading the PIT.

    • #1
    • January 20, 2018, at 10:09 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  2. Jules PA Member

    Funny. Thanks.

    • #2
    • January 20, 2018, at 10:16 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  3. JustmeinAZ Member

    Is he/she really worth $400?

    • #3
    • January 20, 2018, at 10:44 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  4. rico Inactive

    Two questions for you:

    1> Does it suck? I mean, c’mon. Footprint cover is nice, but what good is a vacuum cleaner if it doesn’t suck.

    2> If it does suck, where does it keep all the despicable detritus that extracts from the depths of your carpet? Does it drag a big bag behind it like Santa Claus? And can you program it to tell your wife to change the bag when it’s full?

    Okay, that was more than two questions.

    • #4
    • January 20, 2018, at 11:03 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  5. Arahant Member

    It’s all fun and games until the robot kills you in your sleep.


    This is an entry in our Group Writing Series. Our January theme is “An Open Letter…” and it probably is good to get in a letter to our future robot overlords. In February, our theme will be “We Need a Little Summer.” We will be sharing stories of summers past and scorching heat to melt the heart of winter. If you have a hot story to share, why not head over to our schedule and sign-up sheet and pick a day in February?

    • #5
    • January 21, 2018, at 2:27 AM PST
    • 8 likes
  6. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental

    rico (View Comment):
    Two questions for you:

    1> Does it suck? I mean, c’mon. Footprint cover is nice, but what good is a vacuum cleaner if it doesn’t suck.

    2> If it does suck, where does it keep all the despicable detritus that extracts from the depths of your carpet? Does it drag a big bag behind it like Santa Claus? And can you program it to tell your wife to change the bag when it’s full?

    Okay, that was more than two questions.

    It doesn’t have the same kind of power as a full size vacuum, so it doesn’t have the same kind of suction. But since it runs across the floor over and over and over and over, it does a totally decent job. It has a box for the dirt, which will dump some out if you’re not careful removing it.

    • #6
    • January 21, 2018, at 5:31 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  7. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):
    Is he/she really worth $400?

    I got it for Christmas, but my understanding was that between sale, discount and store cash it was about half that. Which is about what I paid getting one for my father back when they first came out. And they work a lot better now than then.

    • #7
    • January 21, 2018, at 5:34 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  8. Kay of MT Member

    This would get under my bird cages and clean up the bird seed and feathers? If only!

    • #8
    • January 21, 2018, at 7:10 AM PST
    • 6 likes
  9. Trink Coolidge
    TrinkJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Judge Mental: . . . I don’t like the idea that people of ill intent could follow the tracks and know where I am.

    You’re so blink’n funny I’d follow those tracks for sure :)

    • #9
    • January 21, 2018, at 2:10 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  10. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental

    Trink (View Comment):

    Judge Mental: . . . I don’t like the idea that people of ill intent could follow the tracks and know where I am.

    You’re so blink’n funny I’d follow those tracks for sure :)

    Thank you, ma’am.

    • #10
    • January 21, 2018, at 2:13 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  11. doulalady Member
    doulaladyJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I loved my roomba. First of all because it disciplined me into keeping my floors clear.

    I liked to start the roomba, fill and start the dishwasher, load and start the washing machine, and maybe also the dryer, maybe even put together a slow cooker meal, then head out to play in my garden all morning while all my household servants were working away on all the boring stuff .

    Alas it died, and the repair would have cost the same as a new one.

    • #11
    • January 21, 2018, at 5:19 PM PST
    • 3 likes
  12. JustmeinAZ Member

    doulalady (View Comment):
    Alas it died, and the repair would have cost the same as a new one.

    Ugh. How long did it last?

    • #12
    • January 21, 2018, at 5:46 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  13. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental

    doulalady (View Comment):
    I loved my roomba. First of all because it disciplined me into keeping my floors clear.

    This.

    • #13
    • January 21, 2018, at 8:05 PM PST
    • 1 like
  14. PHenry Member

    I have a Samsung Powerbot. It has a full strength vacuum, and rather than the random bump/turn pattern, it builds a map of the floor plan and runs a grid around the room, doing edges, under beds/tables, around legs, etc. It even senses things on the floor, like pets or toys, and moves around them.

    They range in price from $300 to > $1000. I paid around $400 for mine, and am quite satisfied. It saves me hours in vacuuming time and it puts a nice polish on my hardwood floors to boot.

    I have had mine a year now and highly recommend it. We call ours ‘Rosie’ after the maid on the Jetsons.

    • #14
    • January 22, 2018, at 6:19 AM PST
    • 4 likes
  15. Kay of MT Member

    @Phenry you wouldn’t have an extra $400 lying around would you? I really need to get the bird seed and feathers under control.

    • #15
    • January 22, 2018, at 6:34 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  16. Nick H Coolidge

    JustmeinAZ (View Comment):
    Is he/she really worth $400?

    Yes. But pay attention to sales and when new models get released (and thus older ones discounted). We got Rosie* (our iRobot Roomba 890) for considerably less than the list price, but now that we have her I see her value. Sure she sometimes wakes me up in the middle of the night running into the chairs or going over from the carpet to hardwood floors, and yes, I do have to spend an extra 5 or so minutes in the evening making sure all the kids’ toys are picked up off the floor, but it’s really nice to have clean floors all the time. I’m seriously considering getting a second one for upstairs.

    *Edit – @phenry – great minds think alike.

    • #16
    • January 22, 2018, at 7:47 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  17. PHenry Member

    Kay of MT (View Comment):
    @Phenry you wouldn’t have an extra $400 lying around would you? I really need to get the bird seed and feathers under control.

    No, nothing extra lying around, sorry! ;)

    When I got Rosie, I was looking at vacuum’s in general, and found the ‘cyclone’ style uprights were between $200 and $600 so when I found Rosie at $400 it made it easier to justify it. No, it isn’t cheap, by any means. But, being a generally poor housekeeper, it has made a huge difference in the usual level of cleanliness of my floors. I used to vacuum ‘as needed’- in other words, about once or twice a month when I got time. Now it runs a couple times a week, since it takes me <5 minutes to prepare the rooms and turn it on. It runs until the battery gets low, ( 3 or 4 rooms, usually) finds its way back ‘home’ to recharge, and starts back up where it left off. I can even set it to run while I’m at work. The new ones have internet connectivity, but I don’t even want that. I don’t need everything online! It is great on carpets as well as hardwood and tile, but I do have to remove any throw rugs with fringe, it catches on the brushes.

    Thus, for me, it has meant a noticeably cleaner house at far less effort, so it is well worth the initial investment, so far!

    Oh, and I should mention, it is sold as designed to pick up pet hairs, I’m sure it will work fine on the seed, but the feathers may cause some clogging issues- you would have to empty it more often. ( I empty mine after it does the whole house once, but it is never really full at that. )

    • #17
    • January 22, 2018, at 10:21 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  18. Kay of MT Member

    Shush, one go over in the bird room and I have to empty the vac canister. Let alone the rest of the apt. Big feathers I can pick up but all the rest of the little fuzzys line up against the baseboard under the cages. My family paid about that much for a Shark Swivel several years ago, will wait for it to tank.

    • #18
    • January 22, 2018, at 11:03 AM PST
    • 1 like

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