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An Open Letter to People Who Beat Dead Horses
Dear people who beat dead horses,
Please. Stop.
It’s inhumane!
Now, far be it from me to defend horses. I think they’re total jerks and probably deserve to be beaten to death, but no creature deserves to be beaten after death.
That horse is clearly not moving so why do you insist on continuing to take a bat after it?
I don’t understand your passion in sending the horse to the afterlife without a bone left intact. It’s just not right. Please stop trying to re-kill it, it’s already dead! You’re like a vulture, but instead of eating the corpse, you just keep beating it with a bat. Do you enjoy the squishing noises that spring up from every thwack? Are you trying to kill the flies that keep landing on it? What is going on in your head?!
This horse is no more! It is an ex-horse!
Please, I’m begging you, just step away from the horse.
Is that anything like Laotian Cobra Whiskey? The bottle must be colossal.
I could have bridled at that, but OK, you win ;-)
I rather see them beat their head against the wall.
I remember being in a weekly staff meeting once, where some of the guys were beating a dead horse. All I wanted to do was get back to my desk and go to work. Finally, I took my cell phone and called up a short clip of a man beating a dead horse. I showed it to the people next to me, and they cracked up. I passed the phone to our Deputy Project Director, who laughed and showed it to our Project Director.
She laughed, and ended the discussion right then and there.
I like a person who knows when he’s outflanked.
Think what we’re missing on this post is the wisdom of a Pastern or two. @katebraestrup ?
Yes; I have just barely enough horse sense to realize it!
That sound you are hearing is this joke flying over heads.
https://youtu.be/Oj8RIEQH7zA
Moderator Note:
This comment has been flagged by the "you're no fun anymore" police.Pun Police! Everyone up against the wall, hands spread apart with palms flat against the wall. You’re all going to jail.
Equine-imity.
Bada-BING! A well-deserved rimshot . . .
Neigh! Neigh, I say.
Take the bit between your teeth, and fight! That’s what a Palomin(o) once told me to do.
Dead-Horse beating is speech!
Therefore it’s protected.
Punning is also speech, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take a bat to punsters.
@juliesnapp, I plead guilty to succumbing to temptation – your most eloquent open letter has spawned another open letter.
Don’t you mean equineimity?
darn, beat me to it! ;)
“This horse is no more! It is an ex-horse!” reminded me of the Parrot sketch too.
That was exactly what was running through my head when I wrote this post. :)
It would be morally wrong to beat a live horse.
If the horse is already dead, beating it causes no further harm.
Furthermore, beating a dead horse potentially makes disposal easier. Once you beat it enough, you can then scoop it up with a shovel.
I mean, you’ve gotta do something with a dead horse. You can’t just leave it there to rot. That would be a health hazard.
Never dynamite a dead whale. There’s precedent for this one.
Doesn’t that rather depend on whether the horse wants to be beaten?
Maybe in addition to Secretary, we need Veterinary.
I thought the purpose of beating the horse was to get it to do the work you want it to do. Once it’s dead, it can’t do work, thus removing the need for beatings.
I don’t question your reasons for beating horses, and I feel I should be entitled to the same courtesy.
A 3rd opinion:
http://ricochet.com/487435/open-letter-from-a-closed-casket-the-dead-horse-speaks/
Quoi?
I caught it – I thought it came close to making the post a serious one though. I’m still not sure it isn’t
That will cost you extra.
Don’t tell me you’re still watching the NFL. Ingrates!
I mean them, not you, Gary.