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Her Name Was Janet
Janet Lardas. You knew her as Quilter.
She died yesterday. Cancer claimed her after a three-year fight.
She was my wife. She was also my closest friend, my lover, my confidant, my biggest cheerleader, and my most trusted advisor.
I loved her. Very much.
Now she is gone. I am bereft. I will miss her terribly.
We were married for over forty years. Over that time we had three sons and watched them grow into productive adults. We built a home together. With her support I built a career. She made things – everything from quilts to furniture.
Her guidance saved me from disaster on several occasions. She pulled me back to earth when my dreams went too high, but let me follow them when they were not folly. She understood the difference.
She was absolutely fearless, except for one thing. She was afraid of being noticed. I don’t know why, but she was. When we joined Ricochet we originally used our real names. That was okay because Ricochet was a forum behind a paywall. Then she saw our names turn up on a web search and asked me to use a handle. She suggested the names. I became Seawriter and she became Quilter. Then at her request Seawriter and Quilter became just Seawriter.
I tried to talk her into commenting. That was the reason I ended all my comments with Seawriter. When she commented she would end hers with Quilter. But she never commented. She did not want to be noticed. (I guess I can skip the Seawriter from now on.)
We met when she was fourteen and I was seventeen. We married when she was nineteen and I was twenty-one. We had a choice of wedding dates: the last weekend in April or the first in May. We married in May because that date was after her nineteenth birthday and her mother did not want her daughter to get married at eighteen.
They say May marriages are unlucky. They say marriages made when you are in your teens don’t last. They were right. Right on both counts. This marriage was far shorter than it should have been. We should have grown old together, but we got unlucky.
If you are married, do me a favor. Today give your spouse a hug, a kiss, and tell them you love them. For no particular reason – just because. You will never regret having done that. After you no longer can, you will regret every opportunity you passed up doing so. That hour might arrive sooner than you think.
I do not know what the future holds for me. If I avoid bad luck (or perhaps if I am unlucky enough – today I cannot decide) I could easily live another thirty years. My dad is in his nineties, and still going strong. My grandparents all reached their late eighties. But it will be a life without her.
Whatever the future holds I know this: there will always be a Janet-shaped hole in my heart.
Sorry beyond words, Seawriter. Just… so sorry. God bless you all.
Sincere condolences.
I’m so sorry, Mark. You have my sincere condolences.
Oh, @seawriter! No words, but a Panda Hug, prayers, and all the love your hearts can hold! (My Mom left us 3 years ago today, and you’re right: There’s a place in our hearts only the nearest and dearest can fill.)
I’m so sorry for your loss Seawriter.
What a beautifully written tribute to your wife and what she meant to you. I am so sorry to hear this news.
My condolences Seawriter, blessings to you and your family, Janet sounds like a wonderful woman.
Seawriter, we are all thinking of you and praying for you. How lucky you and your Quilter were to have one another.
How amazingly brave you were to love one another so much! How remarkable, to have been able to keep that impossible promise, made when you were both too young to know that “parted by death” wasn’t just a possibility; too young to know that this much pain was inevitable and nonetheless more than worth it.
I am so sorry for what you have lost, and so very glad for what you had.
The tragedy of days lost are more than compensated by the days you spent together. A life made together, a love made together is the greatest gift.
The days ahead will be harder but the love remains. Find comfort in your family because all that she was remains in them, too. May God bless you all.
For one who never wanted to be noticed I did get the impression that she was a rare and wonderful woman. I’m so sorry for your loss.
God bless, Mark. I’ll pray for you and the boys, for your family. Keep an eye to the shadows, you never know when you might see her there.
Deeply sorry for your loss.
“And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, ‘Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord,’ even so saith the Spirit, ‘for they rest from their labours.’”
“And God shall wipe every tear from their eyes.”
However inadequate it sounds and feels… you and your sons have my deepest condolences.
My sincerest condolences, Mark. May you and your boys draw strength and inspiration in the days to come whenever you remember her. Take care.
I am so sorry, Mark. Prayers for you and your family.
So sorry for your loss, my condolences.
This was a beautiful tribute. I know you’ll find comfort and support here.
Seawriter,
My condolences to you and your family. May Quilter’s soul rest in peace.
Jack
Our hearts break with yours, Mark. Condolences, and prayers for you.
My condolences, Mark.
May God’s peace be with you and your family in your time of grief.
I’m sorry for your loss. When you’ve been with someone that long they stop being something separate from you and become, in some magical way, a part of you. That’s why a loss after all this time is so hard. My prayers will be with you and Janet.
I will pray for your family, that all of you feel God’s grace and peace.
Amazing how even in death a good woman brings out the best to be found in a man. A wonderful tribute. Thanks for sharing the beauty of her life with us. Thanks for reminding me to treasure my wife. I am praying for you and your sons. May G_d grant you strength and comfort.
I’m so very sorry to hear about your wife’s death and so very touched by how much you loved her. You and your family will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
My sincere condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute to Janet.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May the souls of the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen.
Wishing you all the best. So sorry for your loss. And thank you for this wonderful post.
Remember that death is not an end, but merely a transition. Her suffering is over now; take comfort in that.
Seawriter, this is my greatest fear. My heart breaks that you now know it. May Janet/Quilter rest in peace. And may you find peace, love, and support in the coming days. You will certainly find them here with us.
Rick
So very sorry, Seawriter. God bless you both.