Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Fire at Chappaqua Home: What Happened

 

This afternoon a small fire broke out in one of the bedrooms of Hillary Clinton’s home in Chappaqua, NY. Causes of the fire have not been made available to the public despite rumors that the brief blaze may have been doused by several bottles of Chardonnay. Others have speculated that Chardonnay may have been, in fact, the cause of the fire. Still others have speculated that an end table lamp may have been thrown against one of the bedroom walls accidentally starting the blaze.

A spokesperson for the Chappaqua Fire Department has stated that, after they were able to locate her and carefully decipher her speech, Mrs. Clinton appears to have been unharmed in the incident and that electronic equipment (computers, email servers, iPads, smartphones) as well as numerous State Department documents (and compromising photos of both Republican and Democrat colleagues and friends) were not damaged. The spokesperson also expressed concern that there seemed to be numerous smoking guns around the house that required further examination but that this would be beyond the scope of the Fire Department’s particular investigation and that some other law enforcement agencies may want to check them out.

The large home is said to be the residence of Bill and Hillary Clinton, though neighbors have rarely reported seeing the former president there.

One neighbor who asked not to be identified, stated:

“At first, I thought the fire was in the kitchen, as most fires tend to start there, and so, wondered if Ms. Clinton had finally taken up baking cookies, since her political career is pretty much over. I remember seeing the former president there once when Ms. Clinton was on her book tour. I think he said something about having a cookie while he was there.”

When asked to comment on the fire, former FBI Director, James Comey commented to the press that,

“It’s clear that Ms. Clinton had no intention of starting the fire at her home.”

It’s believed that more definitive information on the cause of the fire and Ms. Clinton’s condition will be made available at some point in the near future … or not.

(If you give a former president a cookie… The preceding may be satire…or not.)

There are 14 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. DocJay Inactive

    Well Chardonnez-moi.

    • #1
    • January 3, 2018, at 2:37 PM PST
    • 7 likes
  2. PHCheese Member

    That’s funny—- or not.

    • #2
    • January 3, 2018, at 2:49 PM PST
    • 4 likes
  3. Kay of MT Member

    Well stated Brian!

    • #3
    • January 3, 2018, at 2:59 PM PST
    • Like
  4. Gumby Mark (R-Meth Lab of Demo… Thatcher

    We didn’t start the fire

    It was always burning . . .

    • #4
    • January 3, 2018, at 3:33 PM PST
    • 6 likes
  5. Manny Member

    Bill burning the midnight oil?

    • #5
    • January 3, 2018, at 4:45 PM PST
    • 1 like
  6. SkipSul Coolidge
    SkipSulJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I heard that cookie he went for was named Brown Sugar.

    • #6
    • January 3, 2018, at 5:40 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  7. WI Con Member
    WI ConJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Liar, liar, pants suit on fire! (in the hamper, in that bathroom the server was in).

    • #7
    • January 3, 2018, at 6:03 PM PST
    • 2 likes
  8. Nanda Panjandrum Inactive

    I’m so glad “The Man In Lafayette Park” has graced this space again: Bravo, Brian!

    • #8
    • January 3, 2018, at 9:08 PM PST
    • 1 like
  9. Cyrano Inactive

    Brian Watt:Still others have speculated that an end table lamp may have been thrown against one of the bedroom walls accidentally starting the blaze.

    This is one of those situations in which the presence of a comma, and its placement, can be of great importance. Consider first:

    [A]n end table lamp may have been thrown against one of the bedroom walls, accidentally starting the blaze.

    Hillary always hated that table lamp and, in a fit of pique steely resolve, threw the ugly object against the wall to end its miserable and unlamented existence.

    Now consider:

    [A]n end table lamp may have been thrown against one of the bedroom walls accidentally, starting the blaze.

    Hillary threw the table lamp at Bill, and missed.

    • #9
    • January 4, 2018, at 6:13 AM PST
    • Like
  10. RyanFalcone Member

    “I don’t always put out fires but when I do, I use Chardonnay!”

    -the most uninteresting woman in the world.

    • #10
    • January 4, 2018, at 6:43 AM PST
    • 1 like
  11. Dr. Bastiat Member

    Perhaps she drank too much and left the portal to Hell open by mistake?

    • #11
    • January 5, 2018, at 6:58 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  12. Kay of MT Member

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    Perhaps she drank too much and left the portal to Hell open by mistake?

    Best reason yet!

    • #12
    • January 5, 2018, at 9:07 AM PST
    • 2 likes
  13. SkipSul Coolidge
    SkipSulJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Kay of MT (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    Perhaps she drank too much and left the portal to Hell open by mistake?

    Best reason yet!

    Not if she hasn’t closed it yet!

    • #13
    • January 5, 2018, at 9:14 AM PST
    • 3 likes
  14. Brian Watt Member
    Brian WattJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    SkipSul (View Comment):

    Kay of MT (View Comment):

    Dr. Bastiat (View Comment):
    Perhaps she drank too much and left the portal to Hell open by mistake?

    Best reason yet!

    Not if she hasn’t closed it yet!

    Of course, she’ll blame it on Bill. “He’s always leaving the portal open when he puts out the trash.”

    • #14
    • January 5, 2018, at 9:16 AM PST
    • 4 likes

Comments are closed because this post is more than six months old. Please write a new post if you would like to continue this conversation.