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This afternoon a small fire broke out in one of the bedrooms of Hillary Clinton’s home in Chappaqua, NY. Causes of the fire have not been made available to the public despite rumors that the brief blaze may have been doused by several bottles of Chardonnay. Others have speculated that Chardonnay may have been, in fact, the cause of the fire. Still others have speculated that an end table lamp may have been thrown against one of the bedroom walls accidentally starting the blaze.
A spokesperson for the Chappaqua Fire Department has stated that, after they were able to locate her and carefully decipher her speech, Mrs. Clinton appears to have been unharmed in the incident and that electronic equipment (computers, email servers, iPads, smartphones) as well as numerous State Department documents (and compromising photos of both Republican and Democrat colleagues and friends) were not damaged. The spokesperson also expressed concern that there seemed to be numerous smoking guns around the house that required further examination but that this would be beyond the scope of the Fire Department’s particular investigation and that some other law enforcement agencies may want to check them out.
The large home is said to be the residence of Bill and Hillary Clinton, though neighbors have rarely reported seeing the former president there.
One neighbor who asked not to be identified, stated:
“At first, I thought the fire was in the kitchen, as most fires tend to start there, and so, wondered if Ms. Clinton had finally taken up baking cookies, since her political career is pretty much over. I remember seeing the former president there once when Ms. Clinton was on her book tour. I think he said something about having a cookie while he was there.”
When asked to comment on the fire, former FBI Director, James Comey commented to the press that,
“It’s clear that Ms. Clinton had no intention of starting the fire at her home.”
It’s believed that more definitive information on the cause of the fire and Ms. Clinton’s condition will be made available at some point in the near future … or not.
(If you give a former president a cookie… The preceding may be satire…or not.)