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We Just Create Our Own Family
At Thanksgiving time, we experience a hint of sadness in our home. Our parents have passed away; we have no relationship with my sister or brother or my husband’s daughter and grandchildren. We do have his brother in our lives and he was with us this Thanksgiving. Other family is scattered around the country in a way that discourages a shared holiday celebration.
But years ago, Jerry and I created our own family. We have an “open table” at Thanksgiving where people who don’t have someone to celebrate with are invited and they can bring friends. This year was extremely special. Except for Jerry’s brother (who helped us cook and clean up!) we had seven neighbors. At dinner this year, we declared ourselves “family.”
Gary and Connie joined us; these are two very hard-working people who run a horse breeding and boarding ranch in Idaho, working from early morning ‘til night. When they sold the ranch, they decided to come to Florida and are our next-door neighbors. Connie is sweet and funny and a cook extraordinaire. Gary has a dry wit, loves to crack a joke, and has a big heart.
Georgia became a widow this past year and was reluctant to come to dinner. We insisted, begged her, and she did. She had only one moment of tears, but she knew she could cry anytime the moment moved her. She was married to a delightful man and has no living relatives. We are so happy to be her family.
Diane and Frank live across the street; they’re the ones who allow us to dog-sit Amber, the little toy poodle I’ve talked about in other Ricochet posts (although Amber did stay home yesterday). Diane is a great friend with a sense of humor that perfectly matches mine; she is also a great cook. She and Jerry love to harass each other; she’s the sister Jerry never had. Frank is the tech guy and loves politics, so he has an opinion on everything but he’s gracious about it.
Then there’s Bill and Jana. Bill is a retired postmaster — smart, funny, and devoted to his wife, Jana, who copes with a number of health problems. But they are both troopers about handling whatever comes their way.
And finally, Don, who is Jerry’s brother. He comes the day before Thanksgiving and loves to cook, so those things we can prepare early are whipped up in no time. And then he stays to clean up on the big day! (We have special plates that fade in the dishwasher so they all need to be washed by hand.) He refuses to head out until every last dish is washed and put away.
These people are not only friends, but they make up a part of our family here in Poinciana, FL. We have other “family members” who had other commitments for Thanksgiving, but they were in our hearts on this day of gratitude. Some people have to tolerate “challenging” family members. We feel like we have the best of families and were truly blessed to have them with us.
It sounds extraordinary, Susan. I’d say that you are blessed to have such friends if I didn’t believe that you attract them automatically.
Beautiful!
I absolutely love Thanksgiving – the atmosphere and warmth and care… just splendid. As a Jew in America I am especially grateful for our host country, and we make a point of singing national anthems. One of our guests is a Venetian, so he had to add some Italian ones as well!
We had quite a few people over (including a number of Ricochetti!)… started at 5 and the last guest left after 11, I think. I got to bed at 1:30, and in an hour or so, all the dishes will be caught up once again. In time for Shabbos!
And she is so blessed to have friends like you.
I have no idea what you’re referring to here! ;P
Percival, that is so sweet of you. Thanks.
I remember seeing the pictures of your spread in the past–now that is awesome. It had to be just wonderful. You and Mrs. iWe are such wonderful hosts!
Happy Thanksgiving
Thanks, Bryan. I hope you and your family had a special time.
Just wonderful Susan. If I was your neighbor, with out a family, and you invited me over for Thanks Giving. I would cry, then accept.
Happy Thanks Giving Susan.
That is so sweet, Kevin. I should add (and maybe it’s obvious) that everyone had family, but they all lived in other states. It was so lovely to be able to open our home.
I love it that you do this.
I love that I do it, too, RA! ;-) Seriously, from the moment I begin to shop for ingredients, to doing the prep, to preparing each dish (I make a cranberry sauce to die for), until the guests arrive and then sit down to eat, it’s pure joy. And let me tell you, Jerry works as hard as I do, and loves it as much. And there was entertainment: as people were sitting down, someone asked, “Do we get any plates?” I totally spaced out putting dinner plates down!! I couldn’t stop laughing, then rushed to collect and set the plates. Such fun.
Truly what the idea of an “open table” means. Everyone should have a table that welcomes them at Thanksgiving. It’s so wonderful your table became that for your neighbors this year.
It’s a great tradition. One year when we lived on Bald Head Island NC we had what we called 28 Thanksgiving Orphans. One fellow owned an Italian wine importing co brought 4 cases of his better selections. We fried 2 turkey and baked two. A good time was had by all Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.
Wow, PH!! Now that is a fabulous Thanksgiving celebration!
What wonderful generosity. God bless.
Friends are family you chose yourself.
Happy Thanksgiving!
What a wonderful display of generosity! Thank you, Susan, for making the world a better place.
There was a couple in our previous parish who opened their home to any and all “orphans” at Thanksgiving. There were a number of years that we didn’t have any family members in the state, and so we went to their home – it was great fun. We will always remember their generosity – as will your guests.
We have a lot of family on my side – we clock in at 28. But the total is always in flux; nephews have girlfriends and nieces have boyfriends. Everyone is encouraged to bring along their inlaws. We rent a tent and 6 tables that seat 8; last night I think we actually had standing room only.
One guy spent the night on our couch and joined us at mass this am when my two grand daughters got baptized. How awkward is it I’m still not 100% sure who he is? He must be a friend of my son in law … I think.
BTW, his first gig out of college was working for H Weinstein as an intern. Man. He had a few stories …
Once particular niece I only see at the holidays as she lives in San Francisco. After a bottle (or two) of wine, when I kissed her goodnight, she said: oh Auntie Annie. I’ll be home soon for Thanksgiving.
I reminded her it was Thanksgiving, and maybe I’d see her at Christmas?
At which point she wished me a Merry Christmas and told me she would see me soon at Thanksgiving.
A great night was had by all.
We started misfits Thanksgiving about a decade ago. We have a small family with me and my wife and my mother. My brother was in a distant phase and celebrates his holidays by going to Mexico every year. We notice that a number of our friends were at odds because their families were distant or nonexistent. So Misfits Thanksgiving was born. It is open to people at odds and ends for what to do on Thanksgiving. This year it was up to 19 people and going strong. One year we had 29 people. It has become a looked forward to social event in people’s lives that used to dread Thanksgiving as a time of loneliness and exclusion (their words). My wife loves to cook and is very good at it. She tends to make trendy dish like you read in the paper and see on Pinterest. We end up with stuff like White Castle dressing (not bad) and cheese balls that look like turkeys. The interesting part is that it has grown so known to bring in distant family members such as 2nd and 3rd cousins from 500 miles away and my distant brother back from time to time. It has been one of my wife’s better ideas.
I love that JJ, ” Misfit Thanks Giving” . Good on you.
I am under pressure from the wife to change the name. It seems the word misfit has become derogatory in the decade or so since we started this tradition. There now seems to be a trend for something called Friendsgiving that is of a similar nature. I am resistant since from my point of view I predate the trend and think my word works better since my groups membership can include total strangers that somehow got caught up in the activity. There is usually one or more people I or the wife have never met before or only met in a brief way.
Fabulous, Annefy. What an awesome effort and act of love!
Wonderful gift that you and your wife are offering!
I like “Misfits Thanksgiving.” And it suits you—dour, but kind.
I grew up thinking that Thanksgiving was “open table for anyone who didn’t have a place to go.” My mom always did that, so I literally thought it was just part of the Thanksgiving tradition in America until … goodness, I didn’t realize that their were families that didn’t do that well into adulthood. I just thought that like Turkey and cranberries, that’s what Americans had done since the time of the Pilgrims.
That’s a wonderful way to grow up, @claire. My folks occasionally invited guests, including two fellows from a naval base one year, but it was not their natural inclination. Jerry actually suggested the open table to me (although his folks didn’t really have one either); in fact, every time we’ve been invited elsewhere (except for a couple of times we visited our cousin in Kentucky who has since passed away), we would decline; we’d instead invite them to join us and bring their friends! It’s definitely become a tradition, although so many of you have sweet stories of having a growing population of guests! That is so special and I honor all of you.
We’ve done something similar for Christmas Eve. For some reason our little family, my wife and two boys, have been alone more at Christmas than Thanksgiving. We usually host my parents for the latter but they are often visiting my sisters’ at Christmas.
We would host an open house Christmas Eve where friends can just drop in between say, 5 and 9pm, and we’d have out an assortment of hors d’oeuvres. Some would stay for 30 minutes, others for a couple hours. Christmas Eve is busy for some people, so there was never a set schedule, never a required time commitment; just come and go.