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Unisex Maternity Pants and Twerky Turkeys – Perverting Thanksgiving in Style
R> members have observed that large corporations have no compunctions about selling out to the gender-fluid crowd. Well, it’s happened again. The commercialization of wholesome Thanksgiving stuffing is now an excuse to market maternity wear for men – yes, unisex maternity wear. Moreover, the company responsible for this has the temerity to make their sales pitch adorably corny, selling the feminizing clothing as “Thanksgiving dinner pants”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypa6rP5T9qU
First women started wearing pants. Then stretchy pants. Then pregnant women had the impudence to demand stretchy pants that would stay on a pregnant form. Now those same stretchy maternity pants are being marketed to men as well. They’re like yoga pants with a built-in cummerbund. If you hate yoga pants, you should hate “eating pants” (i.e., unisex maternity pants), too. And if you’re any kind of man whatsoever, you cannot allow yourself to be caught dead in maternity-style yoga pants just because their cummerbund has a humorous stuffing theme. Does manhood mean nothing anymore?
And yet Stove Top Stuffing’s eating pants are now sold out. They say supply creates its own demand – supply Americans with complementarity-destroying clothing, and dadgummit if Americans don’t start demanding it! The only thing that could possibly make the perversion of Thanksgiving worse is if turkeys started twerking.
Oh, wait…
We are doomed. Happy Thanksgiving!
Published in Humor
That turkey is giving me nightmares. Confusing nightmares. I feel guilty about using stuffing now.
If Ziploc were to market clothing with built-in plastic bags for guests at cocktail parties to surreptitiously steal hors d’oeuvres, I’d strongly consider buying ’em.
Were you perchance thinking of… yoga pants... with built-in zip-top baggies? (We should note Stove Top’s Thanksgiving pants, despite being basically yoga-style, do come with generous pockets, though they’re not baggie-lined.)
If so, my advice if you feel about to keel over is to take those pants off, pronto! We wouldn’t want their descent into hell to accidentally take you with ’em.
On the other hand, the much-maligned pleated pants might make more convincing camouflage for baggies stuffed with goodies.
No, I was thinking of business suits priced so that underpaid interns could afford ’em. Quite a few of the kids around here subsist on the calories they get from hors d’oeuvres tables. They’d starve otherwise.
When elaborate codpieces were all the rage, guests used to use them to store what they stole from their hosts. Have you considered bringing back the codpiece?
Although codpieces becoming standard for hors d’oeuvres storage would mean either that female interns starve, or that they wear codpieces, too, further eroding complementarity. Decisions, decisions.
Commodious brasiers and corsets would work for the ladies.
And I’m guessing you’ve not seen the stories of women shoveling Red Lobster cheese biscuits into their purses.
Women sneaking food in their purses, I’m familiar with. But from Red Lobster? That is absolutely shocking!
Better the bread than the lobsters. Those things pinch!
Actually, better the lobsters than women coming home from Red Lobster with crabs.
Indeed they do. (So do vacuum cleaners, apparently) –
I know this is off topic, but is there a Thanksgiving recipe thread going on anywhere? I’d like to check it out.
There have been some recipes exchanged here and there, but not a dedicated thread as far as I know. (Was there and I missed it?)
If there’s not a recipe thread, you should start one!
@merrijane – I’ve asked around and there appears to be no Thanksgiving recipe thread yet, so if you’re in the mood to start one, have at it! :-)
Too funny!!! As a poor starving graduate student, after a particularly good hors d’oeuvre haul at a department reception for some notable or other, all I needed was wine. So off to the liquor store with a few crumpled one dollar bills and a fist full of change. I found some embarrassingly cheap, giant gallon jug of something vile. I think the label proclaimed “From the vineyards of Philadelphia”. Perfect! I was waiting in line at the checkout with this thing clutched to my chest when I heard from behind me “Good evening Ekosj”. Behind me, with two bottles of Cristal, was our urbane Department Chairman with the notable guest in tow. The look on his face when he spied my gallon of Philly’s finest was priceless.
The Daily Shot is running a daily recipe. I know that’s not much, but it might be a start.
This kind of stuff isn’t funny to me anymore. G-r-r-r-rr-… How about we eat reasonably and don’t overdo it??? I know, I’m a party pooper . . . . ;-(
Wait, I’m not done. It’s bad enough that they are sliming Thanksgiving with transgender stuff (making it silly so people don’t send them nasty letters), but to make overeating some kind of holiday sport. Oh yuck. Okay, now I’m done. . . .
I’ve got my own style:
Before my Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis, and the subsequent 50 lb weight loss, those pants would have been a blessing… just sayin…
Yeah, I’m not wild about the notion of maternity pants being sold as unisex items …
But, let’s face it — there are plenty of guys who would do well to have stomach supporting girdles built into their pants. A drooping panniculus looks good on no one.
Congrats on the weight loss!
I typed out this little rant with tongue fairly firmly in cheek.
Like Melvin P Thorpe? OK, it wasn’t built into his pants, but it did help him fit into ’em. (And did you notice the sock?) The cummerbund on maternity pants built in the Stove-Top style isn’t terribly constricting, alas.