Ricochet is the best place on the internet to discuss the issues of the day, either through commenting on posts or writing your own for our active and dynamic community in a fully moderated environment. In addition, the Ricochet Audio Network offers over 50 original podcasts with new episodes released every day.
After Israel, Final Thoughts: What Does it Mean to be a Jew?
I’m home in sunny Poinciana, FL, and so glad to be back with my husband! This trip was life-changing for me in many ways — in small ways and (I hope this won’t sound like an exaggeration) existential ways. All these outcomes have transformed the fabric of my life.
The smaller ways include the fact that I can travel alone and feel safe. The first part of my trip I traveled with friends, but after that time I made my way alone. When I got lost, people offered to help; when I couldn’t decide how to travel, people made suggestions. Even when there was no one around, I sought help and found it. I learned that when I travel, even when I feel most vulnerable, I can find my way.
I feel as if I’ve made friends for life. Alizah and Menashe in Beitar took me not only to significant religious places, but made sure I met other haredi Jews who were warm and friendly. The meetups with Ricochet writers was also so lovely: @richardharvester and his wonderful wife and family made room for me to stay with them in their small apartment, and I especially enjoyed the time I had to visit with Rebecca between her cooking and tending the children. @israelp, who told me about his amazing work with DNA and his life in Israel. @littlemy who showed me a beautiful botanical garden, where we were temporarily lost but found our way out, took me to her home at Moshav Mevo Modiin (see sculpture of Bernie Kussoy to the right) where one famous resident was Shlomo Carlebach. And finally @gilreich, who told me his story of hating Israel when he visited as a child, and fell in love with her and his wife 25 years ago. I feel these people, with their generosity and warmth, made my visit to Israel feel like one not just of sightseeing, but one of budding relationships, too.
But the most impactful outcome is the question that has emerged in a whole new way: what does it mean to be Jew? Some people believe they can most fully live as Jews in the Jewish homeland, Israel. They feel deeply connected to the land, to the history, to the faith and to their relationship with G-d. Their devotion touches me deeply, and in some ways saddens me, too. Although I feel that connection, it is more fragile, like a newly formed blossom that looks vital, but whose life is tenuous, nonetheless.
So what has this trip taught me? I know that my connection to G-d and Judaism is stronger than ever. I am motivated to dig even deeper into the history of the Jews, the traditions and practices. I want to make more of an effort to be observant, knowing that there are built-in limitations that I insist on honoring with my husband who is a gentile. At the same time I know, and was reassured by Rebecca and Richard Harvester (who are religious Jews), to honor that relationship in way that would never jeopardize it; finding that delicate balance of practicing with all my heart and respecting my husband’s feelings will always be a challenge.
At the same time, I realize that I don’t want to use my husband as an excuse to not do things. Rather than assume I shouldn’t pursue certain practices because they might disturb him, I need to ask him how he would feel about them. I want to follow practices that do not rise up between us, but those that I can do silently or mostly on my own time. And I have to trust that he will share his reactions, as he always has, if I choose to do anything that makes him uncomfortable.
So to me, the answers to the question of what it means to be a Jew require, more than anything, being honest with myself: to make choices that will bring me closer to G-d and result in my being a more loving and joyful wife; that I make time rather than excuses to do those practices that build my faith and deepen my spirit.
That will be the most I can do. I hope, in G-d’s eyes, it is enough.
Published in Religion & Philosophy
Beautiful piece! I seriously miss Israel… I’m happy you made such a priceless connection while there!
Such an interesting and courageous journey you’ve begun. It seems assured that your marriage will not be harmed given your devotion to your husband and the centrality of that relationship in your life. Now that my DNA study indicates that I’m genetically 7% European Jewish, your experiences are even more interesting to me. I really had no idea.
A fruitful and enjoyable visit, yes, SQ? So appreciate your bringing me/us along! Shalom!
Gosh, we might be related! ;-) Seriously, Trink, you and I do have a connection, and for that I’m grateful. I always appreciate your kind words.
Thanks, Nanda. And since I took my husband’s old laptop, I was able to stay in touch and felt you all were with me!
My DNA had me at 1 % Jewish. I do like bagels.
PH, that’s all the proof I need. Now the really important question: which kind??
One of the most bizarre conversations I’ve personally witnessed was on the topic whether Judaism was a religion or an ethnicity. I was living in Kazakhstan at the time. The “Judaism is a religion” proponent was a 6’5” bean-thin Texan wearing starched Wrangler jeans (with the crease just so). The “Judaism is an ethnicity”proponent was an atheist who grew up in the Soviet Union where religion was banned (this was less than a decade after the Soviet Union collapsed) and was the wife of a good friend of mine.
Her argument was, to summarize, “I can prove it is an ethnicity. Here is my passport. Under ethnicity, it says ‘Jew’”
I thought she had the better argument.
I loved your essay’s on your trip. It is important to have a longing for G-d. In a very real way you went home. My mom who was a convert to Catholicism once told me that if her Catholicism was taken away she would have to turn to Orthodox Judaism. I believe what she was saying that there has to be both a structure and history to faith, and more importantly a longing for G-d in our lives.
“I learned that when I travel, even when I feel most vulnerable, I can find my way.”
So beautifully and powerfully put, Susan. (And you know how much I identify with this.) In fact, as I read your evocative post, I found myself thinking “Maybe it is actually because I feel most vulnerable, I found my way.”
I think one of the chief pleasures of traveling alone is the consistent quiet time one has to reflect on the experience as it is happening; we listen more, we see more, and the dialogue we have is with ourselves. The vulnerable times are inevitable, but that can often usher in discoveries that might have eluded us had we been on a shared journey.
In any case, welcome home, and so happy the road yielded so many treasures!
A definition of ethnicity: a social group that shares a common and distinctive culture, religion, language, or the like. With the diaspora, however, and the number of Jews who are now secular, there isn’t a whole lot that binds us together. Then again, maybe the ethnic connection is the one thing we can point to. Thanks for that point, A-Squared.
Oddly enough, I came to believe that structure was very important for a deep spiritual life when I was practicing Zen Buddhism, Doug. So many people put together a mishmash practice that serves their lifestyle, but it is incoherent and inconsistent. Even though I’m not fully observant, it is the structure that I rely upon, that provides the framework to sustain my practice. Your mom was a wise woman.
I thought of you when I traveled, I.M., because you had shared your own experiences traveling alone, and your suggestions were very helpful. For one, in Tel Aviv I had favorite places for breakfast and dinner, and it was lovely walking in and feeling a connection with the people. I also found there was a leisure in taking my time, a freedom in deciding when to get up in the mornings, when to have meals, which places to visit–whatever suited me that particular day. Selfish, yes, but also very fulfilling. Thanks for your help!
Ashkenazi Jew, poppyseed bagel.
The USSR said a lot of things that weren’t true or were only half true.
One reasonably correct way to understand it is that Israel was a nation in exile that, in its various temporary residences, often governed itself to a fairly large extent. Judaism is its national religion – to the point that before the establishment of the State of Israel which has non-Jewish citizens, the only way to join this people and nation was religious conversion – which also has the connotations of becoming a citizen.
Since 1948, it has had a national territory which is also home to numerous non-Jews, and the linkage between conversion and citizenship has led to problems within the rabbinic establishment.
I’m Ashkenazi too, PH! Maybe you, Trink and I are all related! Cool! Poppyseed works for me! Although I love onion, too.
Man, that’s what I call a vacation!
Good for you, Susan, and welcome home.
Kent
Thanks for clarifying, otlc. I read the Jerusalem Post when I stayed in Tel Aviv. People think our politics here are messy? Ha! One evening while having dinner in a favorite restaurant, I commented to the restaurant owner on the crazy politics in Israel and in the U.S. He threw up his hands and said he’d stopped reading the newspaper, stopped listening to radio or watching TV–Israeli politics was too frustrating for him! Sounds familiar to many of us here in the US! The whole citizenship/conversion question is truly a dilemma; I’m glad I don’t have to rule on those issues.
Once you start realizing that other people may feel the same way, your conversion to the dark side will be complete.
Guru–sorry, I’m not clear on what you’re saying. Could you clarify?
It sounds like you had a wonderful trip. How nice to go to a new place where you already have friends. I’m so glad it went well.
Its to hot for Ricochet, and is a journey you have to take on your own.
Your expanded understanding of yourself will, if you are egalitarian minded, lead to a greater understanding of other people(s), and the incoherence of some parts of modern western ideology come into focus.
You will become what the kids call red pilled.
It sounds like a price worth paying, don’t you think?
G-d has a way of bringing together new friends at just the right time and place.
We’ll stay in touch, my friend.