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When he was 33, Andrew Lovell, a British drummer in a ’90s band called M People, was thinking about marriage. He had been adopted as an infant in the 1960s by a white family, but his skin tone made it clear to him from his early days that his parentage was more African than the people he lived with. His adoption was rarely discussed.
Now a man, he wanted to know more about his birth family. The story he knew was that his parents adopted him five months after suffering a stillbirth. His parents finally sat him down and explained to him that his mother was his real mother. When he had been born, it was clear that his mom had had an affair and that he was not his father’s child.
His parents had told everyone that their infant had died, but several weeks after leaving him in the system at the hospital, his parents began to fight to adopt him. They told no one that the boy they wanted to adopt was really the son of his mother, so it came as a total surprise to the 33-year-old man.
At first, he was overcome with shock, and felt deeply distressed and alienated that his mother’s reaction was so filled with guilt and shame that she was unable to look at him. After a year or so of deep personal anguish, he went to her and told her so, and told her that he had hoped that her love for him would have overcome her shame and distress at that time.
She was remorseful and filled with love for him, so they were able to help each other heal, but Mr. Lovell explains that it actually took him some time to realize and appreciate the incredible sacrifice his father made for him in raising him with such love and tender care.
Holding his father’s hand at his bedside as he died, Mr. Lovell thought to himself, “Look what he’s done for everyone here. Look what he’s done for me. He’s done nothing but love me. What a beautiful man.”
Amen. From the Daily Mail.Published in