The European Cut – A Real Conspiracy

 

I have uncovered evidence of a vast left-wing conspiracy designed to emasculate conservative men: The European Cut Men’s Suit.

I know everyone’s talking about the Paul Manafort indictment filed Monday morning. WaPo and NYT and every other mainstream media outlet hyperventilated about it in pieces prepared over the weekend after Robert “Ferris” Mueller or his minions leaked on Friday to CNN. I read the breathless MSM pieces, then I read the actual 31-page indictment.

Guess what? The indictment has nothing to do with Big D or his campaign. In fact, Big D and his campaign are not even mentioned. The bill of indictment charges that Manafort and his partner Richard Gates laundered money for Ukranian interests from 2006 through 2015, and filed misleading federal reports to cover it up.

I think Manafort should have been indicted because he looks so sleazy. He makes Jack Abramoff look like an Hasidic choirboy, if there is such a thing.

What rich irony. The federal government would not have uncovered Manafort’s misdeeds without his involvement in Big D’s campaign. Mueller should give Big D an attaboy for helping uncover the crimes.

And by the way, Ukraine and Russia are at war in eastern Ukraine. Anything Manafort did to help Ukranians would be antithetical to the Russians. The headline should read: Manafort Indicted for Colluding with Russia’s Enemies.

But none of this Manafort stuff is important. What is critical is this: the European Cut Suit poses a significant danger to the republic.

The last conservative stylist or designer in show biz retired when Lorne Greene sold the Ponderosa. Lib designers imposed the European Cut last year in a brazen effort to embarrass men with muscle mass, causing them to look like overstuffed sausages — picture the late Chris Farley wearing a sport coat.

I watched a talking head stand up on his show the other day, and his tight European Cut pants rode up his calf, making it appear he was wearing Capri pants with hideous, multi-colored socks. The arms of his suit coat were stretched so tight over his biceps I thought they would surely rip like David Banner’s clothing when he started turning green.

It’s not enough that the European Cut makes men look silly unless they are built like the late David Bowie or other rock stars like Anderson Cooper, Mia’s son Ronan Sparrow, and the diminutive Geraldo Riviera. The Cut stops blood flow, causing muscle shrinkage, and shrinkage elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

I’ve heard that some muscular conservatives have begun taking Human Shrinkage Hormone, resulting in their producing slender-built spermatozoa, swishing their way through uteri in search of a nice ecru-shaded ova with puddled draperies.

If this timely warning preserves the reproductive rights of just one conservative man with muscles, then I will proudly say, like former person George Bush XXXXIII: Mission Accomplished.

Published in Humor
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  1. Ekosj Member
    Ekosj
    @Ekosj

    • #1
  2. Nick H Coolidge
    Nick H
    @NickH

    MichaelHenry: And by the way, Ukraine and Russia are at war in eastern Ukraine. Anything Manafort did to help Ukranians would be antithetical to the Russians. The headline should read: Manafort Indicted for Colluding with Russia’s Enemies.

    Except for the fact that Manafort was not helping the Ukrainians. He was helping the Russian backed politicians who were promoting Russian interests in the Ukraine until they were thrown out. Yes they were Ukrainians, but they were definitely not “Russia’s Enemies”.

    • #2
  3. MLH Inactive
    MLH
    @MLH

    Nick H (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: And by the way, Ukraine and Russia are at war in eastern Ukraine. Anything Manafort did to help Ukranians would be antithetical to the Russians. The headline should read: Manafort Indicted for Colluding with Russia’s Enemies.

    Except for the fact that Manafort was not helping the Ukrainians. He was helping the Russian backed politicians who were promoting Russian interests in the Ukraine until they were thrown out. Yes they were Ukrainians, but they were definitely not “Russia’s Enemies”.

    Lighten up. It’s about clothes.

    • #3
  4. Valiuth Inactive
    Valiuth
    @Valiuth

    I think the question to ask ourselves is what went wrong in the 19th century when high male fashion in the 18th and 17th century were so much more gay and colorful. Where are the wigs, the silken hoes, and pantaloons, with high heeled boots and plenty of rouge and white foundation make up? Then along comes the dreary Victorian age with its browns and blacks and straight lines. Men used to have so much more. We used to have lace and silk and patterns!  I say it is time we go back to a time before the taint and moral decay of modernity to a time of high spirits and higher fashions! I say the European cut is just another half hearted attempt to get back men’s true fashion.

    • #4
  5. Salvatore Padula Inactive
    Salvatore Padula
    @SalvatorePadula

    MLH (View Comment):

    Nick H (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry: And by the way, Ukraine and Russia are at war in eastern Ukraine. Anything Manafort did to help Ukranians would be antithetical to the Russians. The headline should read: Manafort Indicted for Colluding with Russia’s Enemies.

    Except for the fact that Manafort was not helping the Ukrainians. He was helping the Russian backed politicians who were promoting Russian interests in the Ukraine until they were thrown out. Yes they were Ukrainians, but they were definitely not “Russia’s Enemies”.

    Lighten up. It’s about clothes.

    But the author is even more misguided on the subject of clothing than  he is on Russo-Ukrainian relations.  As a preliminary matter, there is no such thing as a “European cut” for men’s suits.  There are two major cuts: English and Italian (three if you count French) and they are distinctly different from one another. Beyond that, unless your  goal is to look like a sack, the American cut suit leaves much to be desired.

    • #5
  6. MichaelHenry Member
    MichaelHenry
    @MichaelHenry

    https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-uomo-mens-european-cut-slim-fit-suits-3-piece

     

     

    • #6
  7. Salvatore Padula Inactive
    Salvatore Padula
    @SalvatorePadula

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):
    https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-uomo-mens-european-cut-slim-fit-suits-3-piece

    I’m not saying that there aren’t lots of unscrupulous outfits who advertise their wares as “European cut.”   It’s just that it’s a meaningless phrase lacking concrete substance. Much like the term “all natural“ it doesn’t signify anything.

    • #7
  8. Salvatore Padula Inactive
    Salvatore Padula
    @SalvatorePadula

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):
    https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-uomo-mens-european-cut-slim-fit-suits-3-piece

    At the risk of coming across as snobbish, elitist, and/or condescending, I would suggest that a company that sells a “European cut“ three-piece suit for $79 should probably not be considered authoritative on any matter relating to men’s tailoring.

    • #8
  9. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    We used to have lace and silk and patterns!

    Used to? Speak for yourself, Valiuth.

    • #9
  10. Ekosj Member
    Ekosj
    @Ekosj

    There is tailoring and then there is this.   … I believe the author is describing the current  phenomenon I think of as “wearing your little brother’s suit”  or TTTS suit -“two sizes too small”

    • #10
  11. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Salvatore Padula (View Comment):
    But the author is even more misguided on the subject of clothing than he is on Russo-Ukrainian relations. As a preliminary matter, there is no such thing as a “European cut” for men’s suits. There are two major cuts: English and Italian (three if you count French) and they are distinctly different from one another. Beyond that, unless your goal is to look like a sack, the American cut suit leaves much to be desired.

    Sal, Sal, Sal. He’s simply saying that these new fashions make men look like douchey, little lawyers. You know America doesn’t need too much competition in that area. ;^D

    • #11
  12. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    And, as a more general statement, always glad to see you, Michael.

    • #12
  13. Ekosj Member
    Ekosj
    @Ekosj

    The TTTS suit is in the middle and I see it on young guys all over NY.

     

    • #13
  14. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Manafort was helping The Ukraine against the Russians? Now that’s an interesting story.

    • #14
  15. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):
    Manafort was helping The Ukraine against the Russians? Now that’s an interesting story.

    Right. He was helping a Russian-aligned Ukrainian faction.

    • #15
  16. MLH Inactive
    MLH
    @MLH

    Front Seat Cat (View Comment):
    Manafort was helping The Ukraine against the Russians? Now that’s an interesting story.

    FIFY

    • #16
  17. Kay of MT Inactive
    Kay of MT
    @KayofMT

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):
    https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-uomo-mens-european-cut-slim-fit-suits-3-piece

    Gads! Those are ugly suits. Don’t they worry about circulations being cut off and getting blood clots?

    • #17
  18. Steve C. Member
    Steve C.
    @user_531302

    I have been an acolyte of John Molloy since the 70s.

    https://www.amazon.com/Dress-success-John-T-Molloy/dp/0883260786/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=BJ9V3NQ68QTZ2JTBPX4V

    • #18
  19. MLH Inactive
    MLH
    @MLH

    Kay of MT (View Comment):

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):
    https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-uomo-mens-european-cut-slim-fit-suits-3-piece

    Gads! Those are ugly suits. Don’t they worry about circulations being cut off and getting blood clots?

    This @nickh is what the post is about.

    • #19
  20. MLH Inactive
    MLH
    @MLH

    Steve C. (View Comment):
    I have been an acolyte of John Molloy since the 70s.

    https://www.amazon.com/Dress-success-John-T-Molloy/dp/0883260786/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=BJ9V3NQ68QTZ2JTBPX4V

    Edith Head did one of those books:

    • #20
  21. I Walton Member
    I Walton
    @IWalton

    The thing that works so well for such biting funny satire is that it’s based on real truth.

    • #21
  22. Kay of MT Inactive
    Kay of MT
    @KayofMT

    I was just thinking, wearing a suit like that would effect the reproduction process and cut down on the abortion rates.

    • #22
  23. Nick H Coolidge
    Nick H
    @NickH

    MLH (View Comment):
    This @nickh is what the post is about.

    Yes, I gathered from your replies in comments #3, #16, and now #19 that you’re really much more invested in the fashion aspect of this thread than defending the misrepresentation of Manafort’s activities.

    I think it’s safe to say that if you’re using a groupon to buy a suit, then you probably shouldn’t expect the fit to be the most flattering possible for your body style.

    • #23
  24. MLH Inactive
    MLH
    @MLH

    Nick H (View Comment):
    more invested in the fashion aspect of this thread than defending the misrepresentation of Manafort’s activities.

    I’m sure that somewhere on the site there at threads addressing the latter.

    • #24
  25. Salvatore Padula Inactive
    Salvatore Padula
    @SalvatorePadula

    MLH (View Comment):

    Nick H (View Comment):
    more invested in the fashion aspect of this thread than defending the misrepresentation of Manafort’s activities.

    I’m sure that somewhere on the site there at threads addressing the latter.

    Guys, let me attempt to mediate here. It is true that the bulk of this post is about men’s fashion. I happen to agree with MLH  that it is the more interesting part of the post.  It is also absolutely true that there are other threads on the site devoted to issues of Manafort, indictments, Russia, and Ukraine.

    On the other hand, it’s not at all fair to say that Nick is derailing the thread by addressing the inaccurate characterization of Russo-Ukrainian relations.  While the bulk of the post is about suits, the first three substantive paragraphs are about Manafort Russia and Ukraine.

    • #25
  26. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy Weivoda
    @RandyWeivoda

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    We used to have lace and silk and patterns!

    Used to? Speak for yourself, Valiuth.

    Who was that masked man?

    • #26
  27. MichaelHenry Member
    MichaelHenry
    @MichaelHenry

    Ricochetti: I was merely trying to write a brief satirical piece about the slim cut suits that are so ridiculous looking. I threw in the comments about Ukraine/Manafort merely because t.v. was on and the MSM were hyperventilating about the Mueller indictments, which seemed even more stupid to me than “European Cut” suits. Yes, the Ukraine comment was wrong. I didn’t fact check it. But, I swear, everyone I talk to refers to the slim cut suits as “European Cut” but I really don’t give a (expletive) what anyone calls them. There were some good gag lines in there, e.g., “George Bush XXXXIII”, “slender-built spermatozoa, swishing their way through uteri in search of a nice ecru-shaded ova with puddled draperies”, and the comparison to Capri pants. Nobody commented on these because the humor was hijacked by the (expletive)ing pig trails involving Ukraine(which was my fault) and “European Cut”(which is just plain stupid). Some of you need to get some rest. Michael Henry

    • #27
  28. Salvatore Padula Inactive
    Salvatore Padula
    @SalvatorePadula

    Michael,

    Just out of curiosity, how did you expect the discussion of your post to go?

    • #28
  29. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    MichaelHenry (View Comment):
    There were some good gag lines in there

    Yes, there were.

    • #29
  30. MLH Inactive
    MLH
    @MLH

    Valiuth (View Comment):
    I think the question to ask ourselves is what went wrong in the 19th century when high male fashion in the 18th and 17th century were so much more gay and colorful. Where are the wigs, the silken hoes, and pantaloons, with high heeled boots and plenty of rouge and white foundation make up? Then along comes the dreary Victorian age with its browns and blacks and straight lines. Men used to have so much more. We used to have lace and silk and patterns! I say it is time we go back to a time before the taint and moral decay of modernity to a time of high spirits and higher fashions! I say the European cut is just another half hearted attempt to get back men’s true fashion.

    It’s coming. Needs more color, though (H/t to Abby Schachter at accultured.com)

    • #30
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