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Traveling, Alone
I am not only taking a momentous trip abroad by myself, but there is an aloneness that will accompany it. I’m still processing that idea as my travel time approaches.
It’s not like I never travel alone. But when I was young, my international travel was with others. Since I’ve been married, I have traveled alone for week-long retreats. My husband and I have always traveled together, although I threatened to go to the U.K. without him, because he couldn’t make up his mind about going. But even then, I had family over there. And he decided to accompany me after all.
This time I am going to Israel. For two weeks. I’ve made all the appropriate plans, have all the documentation I need, and even have Ricochet meet-ups planned. I also will be staying the first two-thirds of the trip with my Torah study partner and also with a friend. But I still feel like I’m traveling alone.
In exploring my reactions, I’m finally recognizing how this trip will be a first for me: it will be the longest time away from my husband, where I’m the one who has left. When we’ve been apart in the past, he was traveling for work and would sometimes be gone for two, even four weeks, at a time. This time I’m leaving him behind, not for work, but for many other significant reasons.
Israel represents for me an important aspiration in Judaism: teshuvah. One of its meanings is “to return”; the last two years have been a slow turning around, returning, turning back, to my roots. And those roots took hold over 2,000 years ago in the Promised Land. I will walk the paths of my ancestors, see the places where they fought, prayed, struggled and grew, as I have grown myself most recently. In a sense Israel is my home, the home of my faith and my people.
This trip will also be a stark reminder of the choice I made 43 years ago to marry a wonderful man who is a gentile. As much as we love each other, and as much as he honors my faith choice, he will never understand, from his heart, the way I am moved when I see the Western Wall, or hear the Kol Nidre, or hear the shofar blown. No matter how much or how well I explain my experience, his understanding will be respectful but intellectual. He will only be able to share the depth of my love of G-d from a distance. In some ways, that distance has always been there, between us, just like any married couple has “distances” that separate them, but some of those gaps can appear unbidden as part of the territory. Ours was chosen, not knowing that a gap would become evident. And yet I know how deeply I am blessed to live my life with this man.
For that reason, I know that I will profoundly enjoy this trip, be enriched by it, and learn from it. I will also miss not sharing that experience from moment to moment with the man I love most in the world. Fortunately I will leave knowing that his love is always with me, and in more ways than one, I will not be alone.
Published in General
I just wanted to grab this before it was corrected. It’s too good not to see.
Pleasant journey, Susan.
I can’t tell you how this post resonates with my, Susan.
Lately I’ve been looking at satellite images of the Wailing Wall, the Temple Mount . .
I understand how great your anticipation is. What a wonderful, wonderful experience. I know we’ll all enjoy your recounting of this unique and spiritual trip.
Godspeed, Susan Quinn!
I am so happy for you.
Have a wonderful trip, and please take lots of pictures. :)
Thank you for the PM, too!! I am still laughing!!! What’s really hysterical is that I read the sentence 3 times and only saw the problem in your comment! And I kept missing “talk” which should have been “walk.” This was too funny not to include for others. This has been one of those days . . . ;-)
I am so very happy for you, Susan. I’m sure you will have a wonderful journey.
There is simply something powerfully special about the land of Israel. My first time there was as a volunteer on a kibbutz in 1978 after my junior of college. I was fortunate to spend two years at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem in the early 1980s. Those two years were some of the best years of my life. Every day was an adventure. I’ve been finding ways to get back there ever since. I can’t explain it, but every time I go to Israel, it feels as though I too am returning home.
Your moving comments on your marriage reminded me of a thoughtful discussion between Jonathan Silver and Catholic theologian R.R. Reno about Reno’s essay, Faith in the Flesh, based on his marriage to a Jewish woman. https://tikvahfund.org/library/r-r-reno-on-faith-in-the-flesh/
I look forward to your posts about your journey.I envy you the trip!
I have the opposite situation from yours: I’m the gentile wife. But I was raised on the Old Testament, and Israel means as much to me as to my husband. And certainly, it means much more to me than to many American Jews I know.
The Lord bless you and keep you on the journey.
The essay sounds lovely, James. I’ll read it over. I was in Israel 47 years ago for a year at Tel Aviv University. It was life-changing for me, too. I think it will be a very different experience this time. I will have a chance to spend time with a Ricochet member who lives on a moshav and will show me around, in addition to our spending other time together. I hope she lets me tell all of you a little about her and about my experience!
Of that I’m certain, Hypatia. Thanks for your good wishes!
Extremely moving post, Susan. I wish you the best on your journey.
Darn. My advice for any American is to never travel abroad alone-especially not in this day and age.
A very lovely post, Susan. Thank you. I also frequently travel alone internationally, and have come to appreciate many of the unique opportunities “flying solo” often offers. I hope you encounter many of the same experiences.
By the way, I just finished a blog entry (for a personal travel site I’ll be launching in the near future) on how to survive eating all those meals in restaurants by yourself. (For me, that’s the hardest part of traveling alone!) If you’re at all interested, I’d be happy to send it to you privately; just tell me how.
Safe and happy travels!
Thanks, HO. That means a lot.
Don’t worry, Stad. Israel is a western country. I’ll be with people a lot, and we’ll be in safe areas. I appreciate your concern.
Sounds great! I’ve PM’d my email address. If anyone else is interested in IM’s blog, you can PM her, too. If you have any suggestions before I leave on Weds, you don’t have to send a ton–just a basic major hint will do–I will consider it, because I may have a number of meals by myself. Thanks!
I’m also inspired to hear from a woman who has traveled alone! That’s very helpful.
Have a safe and rewarding trip! I’m looking forward to your post about it on your return. Lots of pictures, please.?
Ditto.
Such a beautiful post!
youre a brave soul for following your heart… I can barely go to the bathroom by myself let alone travel anywhere (overseas or from one side of LA to the other) by myself!
That said, the short amount of time I spent in Israel 3 years ago (although with a group & to meet up with a fellow Butler University alumni) reminded me that wherever we go- as long as we have kindness & love in our hearts- that is who we will meet! I met so many kind *strangers* on my Israeli travels- I will never forget being made to feel at home wherever I roamed.
Such a special energy Israel has! I look forward to reading your posts ! Your fellow Ricocheti will be traveling with you in spirit!
You are so kind, Lisa. Thank you! I don’t feel like I’m going to a “foreign country,” and will see people I am fond of and look forward to meeting. In many ways, it’s not just about the history of the land, but about the people I’ll be with. I’m excited!
Jerusalem here, @susanquinn. I have not heard of any meet-ups planned for your trip. If you message me, I might well show up.
Check your PMs, Israel. I have some suggestions. It would be great to meet you!
Safe trip Susan.
Thanks, Dave. I appreciate it. And now I’m offline for the Sabbath.