Traditional Gender Roles, a Garbage Disposal, and a Sexy Husband

 

I put lime peels in the garbage disposal and flipped the switch. In less than a minute the machine’s hungry growl had turned into an angry bark, had turned into a chastised whine, had turned into complete silence. I looked bemused at the water that was already backing up, the water that was tinged with the red of tomato pulp scraped from plates after a spaghetti dinner.

I’d clearly murdered the appliance.

What happened next?

I could tell you that I whipped out a ratchet wrench to start the process of resurrection. I certainly have girlfriends who are as competent with tools as any grease monkey in a garage. I am personally quite capable of looking up how-to videos on You Tube and fixing my own problems.

But that is not what happened.

Rather, I asked my husband to stop drinking a nightcap of bourbon and restore the disposal to working order.

It seemed a fair request to me. He actually likes mechanical things, you see, whereas I think little about them.

Is this because of some weird gender conditioning? The traditional feminine box in which I’m forever trapped like a helpless human rabbit? I had been, after all, cleaning up the kitchen. Barefoot.

Yet I didn’t feel like a subordinate when taking directions to put towels under the sink. Without resentment, I found a requested flashlight, while that man of mine flipped switches and pushed buttons and looked at the broken contraption while studiously biting his bottom lip.

At some point, the disposal was on the floor and a dime was pulled out. I looked at the face of FDR and smiled when I realized a person with different chromosomes had been the source of my garbage grinding problems.  The dead bastard.

But when my husband made the disposal purr again like a happy kitten, I also remembered why I’ve never liked the general attacks levied against traditional gender roles by so many feminists.

I mean, I could have figured out how to fix the problem, I’m sure, but the fact that my partner in life did so without much effort? The reality that my husband knows how to do those pragmatic sorts of things we most often gender as masculine? The quick demonstration that those tools in the closet aren’t just for show even though his job is a very white collar one?

All that makes my husband a sexy beast, let me tell you.

As backwards as it might make me sound, I love being married to a man’s man.

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  1. Ralphie Inactive
    Ralphie
    @Ralphie

    My husband is the same way.  And he doesn’t complain.  We are a team.

    • #1
  2. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Ralphie (View Comment):
    My husband is the same way. And he doesn’t complain. We are a team.

    Amen, sis-tah.  I bet you’re good partners.

    • #2
  3. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Thank G-d for talented husbands, who don’t mind putting their hands down in icky garbage disposals (when the power is off). I’m totally sexist with those kinds of things!

    • #3
  4. PHCheese Inactive
    PHCheese
    @PHCheese

    Did you let him keep the dime for his trouble?

    • #4
  5. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    PHCheese (View Comment):
    Did you let him keep the dime for his trouble?

    Well, that would certainly have still been cheaper than a plumber.  :)

    • #5
  6. Mike-K Member
    Mike-K
    @

    We had a garbage disposal die about two years ago. I have trouble getting under the sink anymore at my age so we just called a plumber. He showed up and gave her a quote for a new appliance. By that time I was elsewhere. She told me the story later with a tone of triumph in her voice. He said it would be $200 to replace the disposal. She said “I won’t pay that!” He went out to his truck and came back with a much lower quote, which she accepted. By the time I got home she was still reveling in her power.

    • #6
  7. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Lois Lane: I mean, I could have figured out how to fix the problem, I’m sure, but the fact that my partner in life did so without much effort?

    In our household, I’m the mechanically-inclined one, but there’s tons of other “manly” stuff he’s better at than me. Like opening jars, getting assertive with customer service (when being nice to ’em – which often works – has obviously failed)…

    My mom once overheard this dialog between my husband and me:

    Dear, could you open this jar?
    Here. (Opens jar.)
    Thanks, darling – that’s why I married you!

    After which, my mom privately took my dear hubs aside to assure him that’s not the only reason I married him – that he was far more than a jar-opener. We’re still amused she took the affectionate joke between us so seriously!

    I like being married to a manly man, too.

    • #7
  8. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):
    In our household, I’m the mechanically-inclined one, but there’s tons of manly stuff he’s better at than me. Like opening jars…

    Sure.  We should never get so married to gender roles that we neglect capitalizing on our innate talents.  However, the jar thing seems pretty universal.  Men really (typically) do have stronger hands, and I like a man’s hands to feel like a man’s hands.

    This sounds horribly superficial and maybe even a bit sexist, but I remember a boy took me out once when I was in college.  He was a very nice sort, and he was trying to impress.  We went out for a nice dinner, and he held the door of his newly cleaned car open for me.  He could not have been more of a gentleman, but at some point, he made the move and grabbed my hand while we were walking.

    Turns out his hand was smaller and softer than mine, and… Well…

    I don’t remember exactly what flashed through my twenty year old brain, but I think it could very well have been related to some innate understanding that this dude might not be able to open the pickles for the next twenty years, and that was definitely a problem for me.

    I mean, to this day I recall knowing that the relationship was doomed from the moment our hands touched.

    I suppose that makes me shallow, so I hope that guy got some cosmic revenge, became something like a rich surgeon, and married a super model.  :D

    • #8
  9. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Lois Lane: I had been, after all, cleaning up the kitchen. Barefoot.

    But were you pregnant?  That’s the question

    • #9
  10. Blondie Thatcher
    Blondie
    @Blondie

    My husband comes from a family of brick masons. He decided after high school that wasn’t for him and now works in IT. He gets teased every time we go home about his “doctor’s hands” but he can still open a pickle jar and do other “manly” things. He just doesn’t want to arm wrestle his brothers or 78 year old dad.

    • #10
  11. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    Lois Lane: I had been, after all, cleaning up the kitchen. Barefoot.

    But were you pregnant? That’s the question

    Our little nest has been empty for several years now, so if that was the case, I’m not sure my poor husband would have stopped drinking his bourbon….  :D

    • #11
  12. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Lois Lane (View Comment):
    However, the jar thing seems pretty universal. Men really (typically) do have stronger hands, and I like a man’s hands to feel like a man’s hands.

    In my teens, even the guys in our family gave me jars to open (not necessarily so impressive in context). But premature arthritis… I am surprised at how difficult it has become!

    I mean, to this day I recall knowing that the relationship was doomed from the moment our hands touched.

    Hey, chemistry matters.

    • #12
  13. Bob Thompson Member
    Bob Thompson
    @BobThompson

    Lois Lane: I love being married to a man’s man

    Susan Quinn (View Comment):
    I’m totally sexist with those kinds of things!

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):
    In our household, I’m the mechanically-inclined one, but there’s tons of other “manly” stuff he’s better at than me. Like opening jars, getting assertive with customer service (when being nice to ’em – which often works – has obviously failed)…

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):
    I like being married to a manly man, too.

    Lois Lane (View Comment):
    Men really (typically) do have stronger hands, and I like a man’s hands to feel like a man’s hands.

    This sounds horribly superficial and maybe even a bit sexist

    Isn’t this exactly what is meant to be the distinction between the terms equity feminism and gender feminism? Gender feminism doesn’t leave much room for what is described above where equity feminism does.

    Tell me because I’m no expert in this.

     

    • #13
  14. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Lois Lane (View Comment):
    However, the jar thing seems pretty universal. Men really (typically) do have stronger hands, and I like a man’s hands to feel like a man’s hands.

    In my teens, even the guys in our family gave me jars to open (not necessarily so impressive in context). But premature arthritis… I am surprised at how difficult it has become!

    I mean, to this day I recall knowing that the relationship was doomed from the moment our hands touched.

    Hey, chemistry matters.

    I’ve always thought that holding hands is more intimate than kissing.

    • #14
  15. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Bob Thompson (View Comment):
    Isn’t this exactly what is meant to be the distinction between the terms equity feminism and gender feminism? Gender feminism doesn’t leave much room for what is described above where equity feminism does.

    You’re right, but gender feminism has the loudest voice these days and has always seemed to have the louder voice since I’ve been involved in higher education.

    I have a good friend who identifies herself as a feminist.  She’s much more progressive than I am, though she’s not so far left as to be unreasonable.  She tells me all the time that I’m a feminist, but I still reject the label because the term has become so blurred.  I am also very pro-life, and we girls aren’t typically allowed in the F club.  ;)

    • #15
  16. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    My wife’s only complaint about my skills with a wrench is that I may be a little too good at it.  There is a stove in the kitchen my wife would dearly like changed out to a different model.  I promised she could get what she wanted once the current one is past fixing.  The promise was made 15 years ago and she is still waiting.  The stove is still going strong 20 years in, with minor fixes.

    • #16
  17. Fake John/Jane Galt Coolidge
    Fake John/Jane Galt
    @FakeJohnJaneGalt

    Blondie (View Comment):
    My husband comes from a family of brick masons. He decided after high school that wasn’t for him and now works in IT. He gets teased every time we go home about his “doctor’s hands” but he can still open a pickle jar and do other “manly” things. He just doesn’t want to arm wrestle his brothers or 78 year old dad.

    I can relate.  My family is out of construction.  I am a black sheep and went into IT.  Growing up I learned to build / fix many things.  It was just a part of life.  At first I got a lot of push from the hard labor part of the family about my office going ways.  Now not so much since many times they need to call on my skills to help them fix their tools.  It is surprising how much tech the normal construction worker needs nowadays to survive.

    • #17
  18. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Randy Webster (View Comment):
    I’ve always thought that holding hands is more intimate than kissing.

    It can be.  I think it all depends.

    In our society today, actual sex no longer seems to me to be that much of an intimate act.  At least, not always.  It’s certainly not treated that way by our culture.

    For this reason, it’s interesting to think about how we actually get “naked” with other people outside the realms of physical contact…  how we connect with partners and fall past lust into love…  At the least, I think our society promotes some very distorted ideas about what makes “relationships,” which leads people to be more lonely than they once were when dating, and I’m often glad I’m not a young, single adult.

    Wait… I’m getting way too serious here.  Let’s go back to talking about pickle jars.

    • #18
  19. She Member
    She
    @She

    Lois Lane:I put lime peels in the garbage disposal and flipped the switch. In less than a minute the machine’s hungry growl had turned into an angry bark, had turned into a chastised whine, had turned into complete silence. I looked bemused at the water that was already backing up, the water that was tinged with the red of tomato pulp scraped from plates after a spaghetti dinner.

    I’d clearly murdered the appliance.

    What happened next?

    I could tell you that I whipped out a ratchet wrench to start the process of resurrection. I certainly have girlfriends who are as competent with tools as any grease monkey in a garage. I am personally quite capable of looking up how-to videos on You Tube and fixing my own problems.

    But that is not what happened.

    Rather, I asked my husband to stop drinking a nightcap of bourbon and restore the disposal to working order.

    It seemed a fair request to me. He actually likes mechanical things, you see, whereas I think little about them.

    Is this because of some weird gender conditioning? The traditional feminine box in which I’m forever trapped like a helpless human rabbit? I had been, after all, cleaning up the kitchen. Barefoot.

    What?  You switched on an electrical appliance?  In an area where there’s often running water?  Barefoot?  Yikes.

    I have to confess that I love, and know how to put to good use, most power tools, I enjoy home construction, (some) appliance repair (most of them are just computers now, after all, and boy howdy, I know how to fix computers), and a lot of outdoor stuff.

    I hate any sort of electrical work though, and avoid it whenever possible (it’s not always), because I mistrust anything I can’t see that has the power to kill me, instantly and invisibly, if I make a small mistake.  The sense of relief, at the completion of a project, when I flip the main breaker back to the “on” position without smoke or flames shooting out of the box, is always so great it’s palpable.

    So far, so good . . . stay tuned.

    • #19
  20. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    She (View Comment):

    Lois Lane:I put lime peels in the garbage disposal and flipped the switch. In less than a minute the machine’s hungry growl had turned into an angry bark, had turned into a chastised whine, had turned into complete silence. I looked bemused at the water that was already backing up, the water that was tinged with the red of tomato pulp scraped from plates after a spaghetti dinner.

    I’d clearly murdered the appliance.

    What happened next?

    I could tell you that I whipped out a ratchet wrench to start the process of resurrection. I certainly have girlfriends who are as competent with tools as any grease monkey in a garage. I am personally quite capable of looking up how-to videos on You Tube and fixing my own problems.

    But that is not what happened.

    Rather, I asked my husband to stop drinking a nightcap of bourbon and restore the disposal to working order.

    It seemed a fair request to me. He actually likes mechanical things, you see, whereas I think little about them.

    Is this because of some weird gender conditioning? The traditional feminine box in which I’m forever trapped like a helpless human rabbit? I had been, after all, cleaning up the kitchen. Barefoot.

    What? You switched on an electrical appliance? In an area where there’s often running water? Barefoot? Yikes.

    I have to confess that I love, and know how to put to good use, most power tools, I enjoy home construction, (some) appliance repair (most of them are just computers now, after all, and boy howdy, I know how to fix computers), and a lot of outdoor stuff.

    I hate any sort of electrical work though, and avoid it whenever possible (it’s not always), because I mistrust anything I can’t see that has the power to kill me, instantly and invisibly, if I make a small mistake. The sense of relief, at the completion of a project, when I flip the main breaker back to the “on” position without smoke or flames shooting out of the box, is always so great it’s palpable.

    So far, so good . . . stay tuned.

    I usually work on them hot.  Comes from my long years of construction, I guess.  Switch legs confuse me anyway.

    • #20
  21. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    She (View Comment):
    What? You switched on an electrical appliance? In an area where there’s often running water? Barefoot?

    @she, I’m such an idiot about such things that I listen to my I-Phone–often Ricochet podcasts–which I balance on a shelf a few feet away from me when taking a shower.  :D

    I do not, however, use it–or toasters–while taking baths…

    • #21
  22. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Member
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Lois Lane (View Comment):
    I do not, however, use it–or toasters–while taking baths…

    Places to never set your electric eel –

    • #22
  23. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    Lois Lane:the water that was tinged with the red of tomato pulp scraped from plates after a spaghetti dinner.

    I’d clearly murdered the appliance.

    Remember to sweep up the chalk outline when the vacuum bites the dust.

    • #23
  24. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    A few years ago our garbage disposal died and I went and bought a new one and put it in.  That went just fine. But now that one hasn’t worked for months and I confess I haven’t worked up the ambition to take it out and look at it. Working under a sink is awkward and unpleasant. I may just pay someone to do it this time around.

    • #24
  25. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Matt Bartle (View Comment):
    A few years ago our garbage disposal died and I went and bought a new one and put it in. That went just fine. But now that one hasn’t worked for months and I confess I haven’t worked up the ambition to take it out and look at it. Working under a sink is awkward and unpleasant. I may just pay someone to do it this time around.

    No shame in being able but choosing to make some other poor sap get under the sink.  That there is a different kind of progress.  ;)

    • #25
  26. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    When I worked at Home Depot, there was a day when I had to cover 3 departments alone, including plumbing. The plumber told me all I needed to know is “[Stuff] runs downhill.”

    • #26
  27. Matt Bartle Member
    Matt Bartle
    @MattBartle

    Speaking of traditional gender roles, this is all over Twitter today:

    • #27
  28. Lois Lane Coolidge
    Lois Lane
    @LoisLane

    Matt Bartle (View Comment):
    Speaking of traditional gender roles, this is all over Twitter today:

    Well, who wouldn’t love that?  Holy cow.  I bet he has strong hands!!!  :)

    • #28
  29. Randy Webster Inactive
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    Aaron Miller (View Comment):
    When I worked at Home Depot, there was a day when I had to cover 3 departments alone, including plumbing. The plumber told me all I needed to know is “[Stuff] runs downhill.”

    You forgot the “hot on the left, cold on the right and the boss is an *sshole” parts.

    • #29
  30. OkieSailor Member
    OkieSailor
    @OkieSailor

    Randy Webster (View Comment):

    She (View Comment):

    Lois Lane:I put lime peels in the garbage disposal and flipped the switch. In less than a minute the machine’s hungry growl had turned into an angry bark, had turned into a chastised whine, had turned into complete silence. I looked bemused at the water that was already backing up, the water that was tinged with the red of tomato pulp scraped from plates after a spaghetti dinner.

    I’d clearly murdered the appliance.

    What happened next?

    I could tell you that I whipped out a ratchet wrench to start the process of resurrection. I certainly have girlfriends who are as competent with tools as any grease monkey in a garage. I am personally quite capable of looking up how-to videos on You Tube and fixing my own problems.

    But that is not what happened.

    Rather, I asked my husband to stop drinking a nightcap of bourbon and restore the disposal to working order.

    It seemed a fair request to me. He actually likes mechanical things, you see, whereas I think little about them.

    Is this because of some weird gender conditioning? The traditional feminine box in which I’m forever trapped like a helpless human rabbit? I had been, after all, cleaning up the kitchen. Barefoot.

    What? You switched on an electrical appliance? In an area where there’s often running water? Barefoot? Yikes.

    I have to confess that I love, and know how to put to good use, most power tools, I enjoy home construction, (some) appliance repair (most of them are just computers now, after all, and boy howdy, I know how to fix computers), and a lot of outdoor stuff.

    I hate any sort of electrical work though, and avoid it whenever possible (it’s not always), because I mistrust anything I can’t see that has the power to kill me, instantly and invisibly, if I make a small mistake. The sense of relief, at the completion of a project, when I flip the main breaker back to the “on” position without smoke or flames shooting out of the box, is always so great it’s palpable.

    So far, so good . . . stay tuned.

    I usually work on them hot. Comes from my long years of construction, I guess. Switch legs confuse me anyway.

    Simple, B to B (Black wire to Brass screw). The rest is obvious after that.

    • #30
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