God vs. Water Bears

 

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We’re told that only cockroaches will survive a nuclear war. That may be the case, but if cockroaches can survive a nuclear war, water bears can survive just about any apocalypse you can throw at it.

First, what are they? Water bears, also called tardigrades, are tiny micro animals. Other than hagfish, the water bear might be the worst creature God ever created. They’re about 0.02 inches long when fully grown. They have segmented bodies, eight legs, each with claws at the end, and a mouth. They look like this.

They can survive freezing cold (three decades at −4 °F and a few minutes at −458 °F) and boiling heat (several minutes at 300 °F), high pressure (more than 6,000 atmospheres) and low pressure, even the vacuum of space. They can even be dehydrated for a decade and reconstituted.

Knowing all this, some scientists at Harvard wondered what kind of apocalypse it would take to kill them. Nuclear war and severe global warming could kill humans, but water bears would easily survive. What about an asteroid? Of the 19 asteroids in the solar system big enough to possibly wipe them out, none are on course to hit earth. A supernova would do it, but it would need to be close (within 0.13 light years) and the closest is 147 light years away. A gamma ray burst? Yes, but they’re exceedingly rare.

That’s it then? These horrible little creatures will last forever? Well, no. In seven billion years the sun will grow into a red giant and probably engulf the Earth, or barring that, it’ll at least boil off all the water. (No water, no water bears.)

So you may think you’re tough now, water bears, but your days are numbered!

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  1. Aaron Miller Inactive
    Aaron Miller
    @AaronMiller

    EPA mascot?

    • #1
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