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Language, Please
Most of my pet peeves have to do with either grammar or unsignaled lane-changing; I’m not a man inclined to fuss. But there’s one particular annoyance that probably bothers me on a regular basis more than any other.
I don’t like casual obscenity in public. It bothers me that people, adults as well as young people, will casually swear in a crowd of strangers.
I don’t think it used to be this way. I remember the first time I saw someone with a grossly obscene tee-shirt (“[expletive] you, you [expletive]-ing [expletive]”). I remember the first time I heard the f-bomb playfully shouted across a busy parking lot. Now it seems you can’t go out for an evening without hearing it in a bar or restaurant.
At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, I think strangers shouldn’t be subjected to casual vulgarity. In fact, I’ll be even more outrageous: I think that strange women absolutely should not be subjected to it, and that men should in general be in the habit of not swearing around women.
I suppose it’s a small thing. But civilization is a collection of small things, and we should try to preserve some of the ones that lend it grace and dignity.
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Thanks, Henry, for an interesting post. I too cringe when I hear foul language in public, whether relatively mild or strong. I’m old enough, at 55, to have grown up at a time when swearing in front of women or strangers was looked down upon, and I just haven’t adjusted to the coarseness of our times. When I was growing up, my parents – especially my Mom – made it clear to me that speaking that way was a sign of being a low-life. Not wanting to be considered as such, I made a concerted effort at a young age not join in when my peers began to swear. I never picked up the habit as a result, and only use curse words when being deliberately ironic with them.
Often, I hear people using foul language in public without there being anything that they’re upset or excited about – the “F” word gets thrown around not out of emotion but as a form of punctuation, like a comma or in place of “uh”.
“Not a man inclined to fuss”? Well ok if you say so……making an issue of this seems the epitome of fussy to me.
I admit that with a couple of close friends and my husband, I occasionally swear. It’s pretty mild, old-fashioned swearing, but I guess it qualifies. But I don’t do it with anyone else, because I only swear out of exasperation (like hitting my thumb with a hammer). Otherwise, I rely on my limited use of colorful adjectives available to me in the English language. Or say darn.
I couldn’t disagree more. (But what else is new, right?)
I think it’s a symptom of profound cultural decline, and something we should be trying to fix.
All those people who talk about hitting back, about giving the left a taste of their own medicine, about maybe breaking some rules… here’s an easy one to take on.
I don’t think that vulgarity is required to take the above actions. I feel that way because vulgarity is sloppy, thoughtless and lazy. The user doesn’t consider the importance of language and its impact on others; that is, respecting the relationship is secondary to shocking another person or persons. If you want to shock me, show me passion, razor wit, facts and intellect. You don’t need to be crass.
Occasional swearing in conversation with people who know me well is an effective shorthand way to express exasperation. If I did it all the time it would be meaningless, but when I throw in a curse word every once in a while people get where it’s coming from.
I feel the same way about “impact”. When people used impact to suggest a sudden and dramatic effect, I was good with it. Now its a synonym for effect. Impact has lost its impact.
Oh, by the way, awesome post Henry.
Sister Bon Secours used to give us detention for thinking curse words.
I may not have been clear, Susan. (Or maybe I assume too much about what others have read of my other posts.)
I’m not saying we should use such language. Rather, I’m saying that those who really want to be bold and push back might consider asking people who are loudly profane in public to curb their language. Even that is difficult, because it feels discourteous or prudish to ask a stranger to please not swear so loudly. But, if one is talking about jumping up on stage and shutting down a performance, or shouting down a speaker, or otherwise using the tactics of the left, then this seems a less challenging start — and one that has the twin virtues of both encouraging graciousness and being entirely within the law.
I entirely agree with you on unsignaled lane changing. And I don’t care whether there is profanity or not, people who are loud in public are often just obnoxious.
HBO has by far the best television series and has for over a decade. I can’t imagine them without profanity. And it doesn’t bother me in the least.
I guess it’s OJ surfacing agian that made me think of an old SNL skit, from around the time of his murder trial and Fuhrman’s testimony, when reporters were constantly nervously talking about “the N-word”…
so it’s a cop arresting a perp, and he’s yelling:
“Up against the wall, you G-word d-word s-word of a b-word!,”
@henryracette – I’m with you, man: I hate those @#$%&^* fail-to-signal lane-changers!
Also – kidding aside –
In all seriousness, I’m with you 100% on this. When I hear this word used constantly for run-of-the-mill things or experiences, I think, “If this is what inspires awe in you, what do you do when you see something truly awe-inspiring?” Of course, the answer is they probably add the F word in front of the “awesome.”
Apparently I was the one who wasn’t clear, Henry. I agree with you. More simply, you don’t have to be vulgar to make a powerful point.
*snort*
The wearing of vulgarity as mottoes on clothing particularly upsets me. Patients who come to my office dressed in clothing with obscene mottoes are politely told that Dr Robert does not tolerate being cursed at by his patients and that they may reschedule. If they refuse, I dismiss them.
So you do something doubly difficult: you bear the social cost of appearing incivil, and you pay the financial cost of a missed appointment and, potentially, a lost customer.
Hat’s off to you, Doctor. We should all do as much.
“Freaking”?
As well, ‘stinking’ prefacing positives like ‘cute’, annoys me exceedingly…
Do you find yourself verbally sinking into the company you’re in?
I recently spent time with 30+ golfers. Known most of them for decades. Nice enough guys. No shrinking violets when it comes to swearing. No big deal.
But I even shocked myself in one of my reactions to one of them. I was sitting by myself in a beautiful venue looking down the 18th hole at St Andrews to watch my husband finish his round. My father-in-law was a teaching/touring pro and I was welling up thinking about how proud and happy he would be to be sitting with me.
An acquaintance of mine and fellow golfer of my husband approached me and told me to get away from the window. When I expressed confusion he explained that my husband was getting ready to hit a drive, therefore sitting by the window wasn’t safe.
I was responded with “eff you and eff your horse” (it’s something UCLA peeps say to USC peeps; it was the worse insult I could think of on the fly). I then pointed to the bar and commanded “march”.
We laughed about it later; I think he was as shocked as me. But I don’t regret it; he deserved it and I got to enjoy my moment.
I like to use RATS!! Double Rats! Triple Rats!
I’m known to use profanity on occasion ( particularly when exposed to unsignaled lane-changing!) and sometimes catch myself doing so in a public (or what my generation once called ‘mixed company’) setting. It always embarrasses me and I am ashamed.
Yet, when I hear strangers using blatant profanity in a public setting, especially when in the presence of my 80 year old mother or someone under aged, I’m disgusted, and usually consider saying something. However I fear that it will escalate to something physical, and it doesn’t seem worth it. So I just move along and let it pass.
I have also seen the profane T-shirts, in fact, have a very good friend who loves them. I have made it clear to him that I find it cheap and offensive. Sadly, clearly, that is why he likes them…
We have a new cafe in my town, and they have put a sign out front: “WTF: Where’s The Food”. <Edit: Sorry it actually says Where’s Terrific Food.> I was appalled. WTF, as most know, is a reference to a profanity. Why would a business owner take the chance of offending potential customers? It seems foolhardy…
In the end, it seems that this is just a side effect of the general lack of manners in society today. It is rude, and it is inconsiderate, and today that seems not to be a consideration to most.
Or maybe I’m just an old fashioned prude…
Interesting that this doesn’t go strictly along political/cultural lines. I know NPR listeners who talk like librarians. I know conservatives who think “The Big Lebowski” and “Pulp Fiction” are hilarious.
I’m really tired of the abbreviated profanity thing. I have never said “wtf” online or in a text because it isn’t something I would write out. I suppose it was funny to whoever the first person was to say that, but then of course they had to explain it. What bothers me aside from the vulgarity, is using abbreviations like that as a replacement for communicating using one’s own words.
I really don’t consider movies to be in the same class as public profanity. Moves have ratings to warn those who don’t wish to be exposed, and frankly, it doesn’t offend me. In fact, profanity itself doesn’t offend me, it only offends me when it is in front of women and children.
Is that patriarchal? I really don’t know anymore.
“Godfrey Daniels!”
I became acutely aware of this phenomenon in the National Guard. When I was on active duty I swore a lot, but still less than my peers so it didn’t seem that bad. When I got off active duty I pretty much stopped swearing – except for one weekend a month and two weeks a year. It was quite noticeable to me then. It also made me aware that it’s something deeper than just a common vernacular. It would start as soon as I put on the uniform, often hours before I encountered any other soldiers.
Funny story, at least it is now: The only time any of my kids ever heard me swear was the day I was in my two-year-old’s room cleaning the windows, and the storm window let loose and fell on eight of my fingers. My daughter thought the word “damn” was funny and said it frequently over the next three weeks. :)
I’m used to most swearing, but the two words I can’t get used to are the N word and the F word. To me, they are both threatening and violent. I realize that’s irrational thinking, at least that’s what my grown-up kids have told me. But I just can’t tolerate them.
Count me in that group. I don’t think swearing makes good dialog in general, but if it seems real I don’t find it off-putting. Pulp Fiction is a great example of a movie where it works for me. Scarface is one where it didn’t. It seemed like too much and at the wrong times. The swearing wasn’t just something the character did. It was supposed to tell us about the character. It didn’t feel genuine.
It is irrational, but those words are not intended to elicit rational responses. I say you’re entitled to your irrational reaction.
Once I became an honorary Angel Pup/Devil Dog, I was ‘awarded’ several suitable circumlocutions [see comment of mine, above.] As well, I was informed that, if a certain term were to be expressed in my presence, it meant I had ‘graduated’….An earned compliment.
I read something years ago by Meg Ryan – and I think Scott Adams said nearly the same thing. To them, it was all about the shoes. When Meg was in Courage Under Fire, her attitude and body language changed the minute she put on the army boots. For Scott Adams (if memory serves) it was when he put on the shoes he wore to dance lessons to get ready for his wedding.
I never miss an opportunity to wear heels – and it’s not just because they look better than the boots I wear to the shooting range.