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Language, Please
Most of my pet peeves have to do with either grammar or unsignaled lane-changing; I’m not a man inclined to fuss. But there’s one particular annoyance that probably bothers me on a regular basis more than any other.
I don’t like casual obscenity in public. It bothers me that people, adults as well as young people, will casually swear in a crowd of strangers.
I don’t think it used to be this way. I remember the first time I saw someone with a grossly obscene tee-shirt (“[expletive] you, you [expletive]-ing [expletive]”). I remember the first time I heard the f-bomb playfully shouted across a busy parking lot. Now it seems you can’t go out for an evening without hearing it in a bar or restaurant.
At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, I think strangers shouldn’t be subjected to casual vulgarity. In fact, I’ll be even more outrageous: I think that strange women absolutely should not be subjected to it, and that men should in general be in the habit of not swearing around women.
I suppose it’s a small thing. But civilization is a collection of small things, and we should try to preserve some of the ones that lend it grace and dignity.
Published in Culture
Despite being guilty of having done this, I completely agree. I have seriously tried to ensure that I live up to this standard, especially since having a child. But sometimes I drop the ball. You’re right though, a civil society should not be subject to such vulgarity. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank liberals for “defining deviancy down”. Rush did a whole monologue about how liberals’ main goal is the re-definition of “normal”. Vulgar behavior used to be frowned-upon. Now, it is normal.
It really is a startling change in culture. My wife works for a construction company and had a man come in to apply for a job wearing an obscene t-shirt. I’m sure he gave no thought at all to what was written on his chest. (He didn’t get the job.)
I seem to remember an article, or maybe an interview, by William F. Buckley discussing the casual use of profanity. His argument wasn’t that it coarsens the culture, or any of the other typical complaints, but that it robs us of the ability to express extreme emotions.
If you hit your thumb with a hammer, letting loose with a string of obscenities you wouldn’t normally use acts as an emotional release. If there are no obscenities you normally wouldn’t use (because you use them all, all the time) what do you do? Throw the hammer instead? Now you’ve substituted violence for swearing.
It was an interesting take on the subject that I’ve not seen elsewhere, and it has stuck with me for 20-something years.
I am fine with men cursing in bars and football games and places away from polite society. Jay Nordlinger made a nice comment awhile ago, it used to be that there was locker room lock and it was fun and interesting. Now locker room talk is ever present in the public sphere and you can’t get away from it. It follows you like a Hare Krishna.
I agree with you Henry. Being a warehouse man, I am quite familiar with just about every curse word/phrase both in English and Spanish yet I reserve those words for only the most extreme times. My children are 28 and 30 know, but I had to stop taking them to professional sporting events when they were younger because of what could be heard from the fans all around them. The language being used would rarely be heard on the dock let alone at games I attended when I was young.
Just another example of how we’re not going to hell in a breadbasket, but on a bullet train.
I was going to make this point (but didn’t know that Buckley had made it before) but you made it before me. I suppose profanity will continue, but the f-word will be replaced with something else.
There are two “s-words” that have gone from verboten to acceptable in casual use in about 20 years (a guess). The more accepted of the two has been sufficiently normalized that young kids use it regularly, while the other is gaining ground. The f-bomb, while still somewhat unacceptable, is on its way to acceptability. It’s crass.
I know:
Swearing and vulgarities are everywhere lately. I comment to my girls about it, because I don’t understand where it’s coming from.
I work with younger (late 20’s, early 30’s) professionals, and they use the f bomb continuously. I don’t know what they would say if they wanted to REALLY swear. Often the women are as bad as the men.
Thank you for your ruminations. I think I have been guilty of this and you have caused me pause. I will work to correct.
There’s a female comedian with a special on Netflix, which i haven’t seen. She is described as “cutting edge”. And I wondered, the cutting edge of what? If the show was G rated, I think I would agree.
Racist language has become the new obsenity. If you really want to shake people up, use the “N” word. Some young people have discovered this. This is not progress.
I think that, when the happy warriors of the sexual revolution staged their cultural coup, in their naiveté and hubris they discarded things they didn’t understand.
Men and women are different, and each pays a different price for coarseness. Back in the days of masculinity and femininity, both men and women understood this. Men edited their speech, and women appreciated (and, in their way, demanded) that.
Today, many people live in a post-masculine/post-feminine world, in the world of frat boys, where the level sexual playing field serves the juvenile males well — but the young ladies, not so much.
And when the adult population no longer believes that it is divided in terms of its vulnerability to coarseness, there’s no need or reason to monitor one’s speech and practice rudimentary situational awareness.
When my Dad was in a fraternity he and his frat brothers had a repertoire of drinking songs they called the “After Ones.” They were called this because they were the songs you saved for after 1am, after the sorority sisters went home.
And then there’s this “AF” thing! I’d seen it here and there: “The meal was good AF”, “I’m tired AF”. I had to look it up. And sure enough, it meant what I thought it meant. Sad that so many speakers of the richest, most-vibrant, most descriptive language in the world can’t even swear without abbreviating. They’ve taken laziness to new heights (or a new low.)
Looking at what I just wrote: it really seems anachronistic in so many different ways. Wow. Dad was in college in the ’70s!
I’ve never heard that from anybody else before, but I’ve said it myself many times. I’m not a habitual swearer, but when I get frustrated, far more frequently with inanimate objects than with people, it comes out. It’s not an inability to express myself articulately. It’s venting. That said, I’m ashamed of those rare, but still too frequent, occasions when I do it in public. I’m also ashamed of how easily I get frustrated. It’s my most disappointing character flaw – and that’s saying something.
I don’t mind this as much in adult-only spaces, but I am always appalled when children are anywhere within earshot. I used to be the “rugby” mom, and I’d police the boys at games because little boys and girls were always there, always in earshot, and bigger boys have to be taught how to act like gentlemen. Our culture certainly doesn’t set any limits when it comes to basic obscenities.
Ruth roh, this was the subject of the homily this morning. Mostly for comic effect it’s my besetting weakness, and like all bad habits it’s going to be tricky because after a while it becomes so casual one honestly doesn’t even realize when it’s happening. So I’m resolved to put a stop to it. Wish me luck.
I feel so out of touch. I go at least a week on average before I hear the “F” word. In my industry strong language is considered highly unprofessional, and in my community even the word “pissed” is considered highly inappropriate.
I have workers at my home now, building a foundation and masonry, etc. Normal people. I have not heard an obscenity yet.
I clearly live in a bubble. But it is a nice bubble.
My mother stopped going to college soccer games where her son was coaching for the same reason.
Well. I have two Marine Corps sons and their language reflects it. A few good swift kicks to the shin during Sunday dinner usually turns it off.
My husband and I were watching Patriots Day last night and my first comment was: Man, when it comes to bad language Mark Wahlberg is a natural. (two thumbs up on the movie BTW, but language warning)
This is how I explained it to my kids, and have offered it to “my” wardens too.
Doshgarn it, @henryracette, you’ve hit that blessed nail on the head! (With thanks to @simontemplar for introducing me to: “Doshgarn!”) :-)
One funny thing I’ve noticed: sometimes the very roughest, toughest of men deliberately avoid those words in a comic show of euphemism. Like referring to the B-52 as the “Big Ugly Fellow” (the third word in BUF is not “fellow”), or saying, “That radio operator definitely had his Sierra together”. Another example was ensuring that every man in the unit, whatever his occupational specialty, was a marksman ready for combat: ” I want to see every swinging Richard in the outfit carrying a rifle”.
Teacher, teacher, @buckpasser said H – E double toothpicks!
That’s a good point, Terry. I’ve often made a similar comment about the overuse of the word “awesome.” Once one has conferred that adjective upon a cheeseburger, the choices appropriate for the Grand Canyon, Horsehead Nebula, or G-d become somewhat limited.
Kate, speaking of children, we tried to teach ours (successfully, I think) that *any* uncontrolled verbal outburst was something to be avoided if possible. I explained to them that losing control of speech was like losing control of a vehicle, and that every time they said something reflexively, it was like running into the curb. So we never substituted amusing faux-expletives to replace the real ones.
If you hit your thumb with a hammer, something unfortunate is likely to be voiced. I’d expect that of my kids, and I can live with that. But I don’t think I’d hear the same thing if they discovered that we were out of milk, for example. And that was the goal.
Maybe we should have a national swear-jar and use it to pay down the deficit.