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Winning Through Losing
As a kid, I was a loser. I don’t mean in a dorky, picked on, unliked sense — though I was that too — but rather that if there was a way to lose, I found it. My parents used to laugh and try to console me with singing “if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all”; imagine a life where when Rosencrantz from Tom Stoppard’s “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead” flips a coin and gets heads 92 times in a row, you called tails every time. That was me in every game of chance throughout childhood.
My win record didn’t improve much as I got older, though at least I could blame my own foolishness instead of Lady Luck. I bought into both the housing bubble and the legal education bubble. I passed up on valuable networking relationships and barely skated through my classes. I nearly destroyed my marriage, ignored friends, and alienated family members. In short, I managed to be a walking sign of what not to do.
But you know, something happens to you when life beats you down — you can learn. You can learn what you did wrong, where you went astray, and how to get back.
How to rebuild a marriage after a shocking breach of trust? I can tell you. What it’s like to have tax debt and the IRS seize your assets? I can tell you. The first-hand perspective on foreclosure, on crippling student loans, on job hunting with a useless history degree, having a spouse of which your family doesn’t approve, barrenness in the womb? Ask me.
And people do. When I can help two people overcome their hesitations and create a new beautiful relationship, I feel like I’ve won. When I can guide an undergrad unsure what he should do, I feel like I’ve won. When I can commiserate with a fellow sister in barrenness and help her cope, I feel like I’ve won. And it’s easy to forget that I ever was a loser.
Published in Group Writing
Amy. This is truly a winning post! Bless you.
Babe Ruth famously said each strike out prepared him for his next home run. Seems like you’re in your season of direct hits. Uplifting post; thanks for this!
I never would have cast you as a loser, Amy.
Don’t forget single handedly bringing down WoW Insider. That was some strong work.
Hey now! I have enough on my plate; don’t go assigning me blame for things that happened years after I was fired!
Amy, your posts sure seem like those of a winner. You’re definitely a winner if you have come back from all those setbacks. I don’t know if I could do it.
Hmm…. Now I must think of a new title for my own “winning” post ;-)
“Can’t win for losing”?
Well, sometimes winning is finally knowing what you’ve lost. I think I can work with that.
You’re certainly a winner when you can find a positive side to setbacks, as you have done.
Awesome! You are officially at the top of the podium. This is how you go through life happy, joyous, and free.
Well, I made many of the same mistakes you did, but I think my coin may have been quantum entangled with yours because mine kept coming up “tails.”
There used to be an add, I can’t remember the product or the cause, but it was Michael Jordan counting all the critical game winning shots he missed. There were lots of them. It was a great add because it’s a vital insight. We don’t learn much from success, but failure is critical.
This is a really beautiful post.
I continue to pray for you, for things to turn around, that a lifetime of bad luck was crammed into the first quarter of your life, that what you have given will come back to you.
And he didn’t make the team in high school!
http://www.newsweek.com/missing-cut-382954
Whether you are a loser or a winner depends on where you stop. Thomas Edison found 100 ways to not make an electric bulb (or so the story goes).
You, Amy, are still making progress, forging forwards, are on the move. Not a loser. Just finding ways not to do some things along the way to winning.
My daughter thinks your cosplay is incredible and is very eagerly anticipating your visit.
There’s a phrase I despise. I hear it too much. I try never say it to others.
I will make one exception for you: “Thank you for sharing.”
Haha I hate that too
If you’re not repeating the same mistakes over and over until you drop, then you’ve definitely won.
Now you’ve got me singing Frankie! . . . Here’s to the battle, whatever it’s for,
To ask the best of ourselves, then give much more.
Humans make mistakes. Machines make mistakes, ask any Six Sigma Black Belter. Even angels make mistakes, ask Satan. (He won’t admit it though.)
Mistakes are normal. Making lots of mistakes is normal. Making the same mistake over and over is stupid. For that, you need a sign.
Or, occasionally, just ignorant. Sometimes of something most everyone is ignorant of. I admit these are edge cases, of course.
Or just human. How many times do you hit your head on the low ceiling before you remember? How many times do you forget to appreciate someone before you get into the habit of paying attention to their generosity? How many times do you have to kick yourself for saying something stupid? A little forgiveness to oneself is sometimes in order. And thanks, Amy. Wonderful post.
Yes, learning by experience can be rough, but I’m increasingly learning that it’s better than avoiding experience. Thanks for the post!
This conversation is part of a Group Writing series with the theme “Winning”, planned for the whole month of May. If you follow this link, there’s more information about Group Writing. The schedule is updated to include links to the other conversations for the month as they are posted. June’s topic is up, please sign up to write about “School”!
As I’ve heard it put, “Some people learn from others’ mistakes. The rest of us are the others.”
“Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test first before presenting the lesson.”
— Vernon Law
Wow. Great (Winning!) post.
So I did. Thank you, Amy.