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Fashion and Its Healing Power
There are those who think fashion is frivolous or silly, but I know better. Only a couple of people on Ricochet know this, but I was sick last year. On May 20, 2016, my friend and neighbor threw me into the car and rushed me to the ER when I had a severe attack of abdominal pain. She knew I’d been having these for months because I’d missed parties and dinners, and this time she said, “Okay that’s it! We’re going to the ER.” I made her wait while I took a bath, washed my hair, shaved my legs, dried my hair, and put on makeup and an outfit. My reasoning was that if I showed up looking the way I was, they wouldn’t even try to save me.
When I got to the ER, they did a CT scan. A doctor came into the room and said, “We found a mass in your abdomen. You have cancer. We’re operating right now.” I barely had time to absorb this dire diagnosis because they knocked me out. Lucky for him, because I was about to give him a piece of my mind on the topic of bedside manner. I mean he wasn’t exactly DocJay.
He later told me that when I’d arrived at the ER, I was about six hours from death. My friend saved my life. And I had made her wait an hour while I took a bath, did my hair and makeup, and selected a chic outfit. No wonder they call vanity a Deadly Sin. But I couldn’t help it! One of my favorite quotes from a famous style icon and former editor of Vogue was running through my mind:
“I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity.” — Diana Vreeland
Thanks a lot, Diana! That’s the last time I listen to you.
But on to the healing power of fashion. I went through chemo from July 1 till the end of January. It was a mild course for lucky patients like me who are curable. The mass was contained, and they got it all plus 21 lymph nodes. The chemo was just to be on the safe side. I didn’t even go bald or throw up. I didn’t feel good though. It was pretty awful, but it could have been worse.
My last treatment was January 25. The week before it, I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and realized that I Iooked dreadful. My skin had aged 10 years since July, and there were little red blotches on my face. I couldn’t believe it. The doctor said, Well you were being poisoned for six months. She said I’d go back to normal. At the beginning they told me that, while I wouldn’t go bald, my hair would get thinner, and it did. And here I was at the end of it, alive but with a blotchy face and much thinner hair, looking like the Wrath of God. So what did I do? I accessorized.
I was determined to at least feel pretty even if I didn’t look it. Even though I work from home and some days never see another human, I got up each morning and put on something cute. And bracelets and a necklace. And perfume (Calèche by Hermès). I slick my hair back into a ponytail. I do this every day, and now that a few months have gone by, I’m starting to look normal again.
*An aside: Boss Mongo directed me to the Etsy shop of a family friend, and I bought some chokers from her. Her stuff is so cute! I wear them every day. Thanks, Boss! You didn’t even know why this was so important to me. Here’s a link: https://www.etsy.com/shop/LooshandCo?
Even when I didn’t look like I wanted to look yet, fashion and style made me feel better about everything. Frivolous and silly? Maybe. But during that awful time, I know it contributed to my recovery. Somehow I know that if I’d spent the last few months in sweatpants, I’d still be that blotchy person looking back at me in the bathroom mirror that day in January.
I had my last CT scan on February 20, and was declared cancer-free. You guys never knew it, but you saw me through one of the worst times of my life. Logging in here every day and laughing and reading all of you, it was almost as healing as clothes. Don’t get all cocky, I said almost.
And now for a few of my favorite fashion quotes:
“Your dresses should be tight enough to show you’re a woman and loose enough to show you’re a lady.” — Edith Head
“People will stare. Make it worth their while.” — Harry Winston
“Trendy is the last stage before tacky.” — Karl Lagerfeld
@docjay @bossmongo
Published in Humor
Ha. It was pathetic how long I lived on that episode.
Well, RA, there are only so many people in the world who can turn a cancer diagnosis and treatment into a humorous anecdote.
I see you are among that clique!
I am so glad you are well now.
Thanks, Jules!
Yep… Biggest reason I haven’t bothered with the biopsies on a problem that’s been bugging me off and on since 2013: what are the odds that the inflammation, if it’s indeed present, and the procedure will coincide?
RA, I’m so happy for your cancer-freeness! And I agree – a gal can at least temporarily put herself in the character of a non-sickie by dolling herself up.
RightAngles, would you object if I shared part of the PM exchange we had on the topic of your cancer? Specifically the part where you mentioned “The C word.”
I don’t mind! You were one of the three on Ricochet who knew. As I told you then, I just didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. But now nobody has to!
OK, so taking out some of the irrelevant parts:
RightAngles: At the moment, though, I’m going through chemotherapy and am too sick to do much. I’m very lucky in that it’s a new kind for people who don’t have a life-threatening situation, and I’m not going bald or even throwing up. I don’t want anyone on Ricochet to know because I hate for people to feel sorry for me, and anyway I have a good prognosis. I mean you can tell 6’2” that I’m sick so she won’t think I don’t want to meet her haha. But just don’t mention the C word.
Me: The C word, wow. Hey, your secret is safe with me, [redacted]. I wouldn’t dream of telling people you have chlamydia.
Hahaha I remember that! You totally cheered me up.
Not even time for whiskey and a cigar?
Glad you’re still kicking.
There’s nothing I can say that everyone else hasn’t already said. Ditto everyone else. We love you, RA, and we are blessed to have you as a Ricochet member and friend.
My advice to anyone who is unemployed for a long stretch is to be up and dressed by 9 am every day. It’s just psychological: you are in a different mental place when you force yourself to do that.
Glad that you are betterm RightAngles, and I wholeheartedky support your fashion-forward approach to healing.
Wow, RA, I had no idea! Good for you for maintaining composure and class during the whole time. Many people let themselves fall by the wayside when sick (I feel like crap, I don’t have the energy, etc, etc). You are a wonder. I am so glad that you are well.
Thanks, TRN! I appreciate that.
Thank you! Your first sentence is so important. When I first quit my office job to work my own business from home, I felt sort of cast adrift for a while. Suddenly there was no compelling, external reason to get up early and put on nice clothes. For a few months there, I had trouble organizing my time too. I finally realized that I DID have a reason to get dressed in the morning. When I ditched the sweatpants and started wearing makeup every day again, I found that the mental place it took me to caused me to feel like I was actually at work, and I was able to organize my days.
And I love you too! Thanks, RushBabe.
Me too! You’re a real inspiration RA.
Thanks, GWW!
It’s all of you that are the inspiration. You can’t imagine how many times all of you made me forget all the bad stuff. I had one boyfriend dump me when he saw what I look like at the moment. But the other three are sticking by me. Of course if they found out about each other, it might be a different story.
I saw this years ago, and it was the best advice I ever heard:
Never Ever Buy Sweatpants. :)
Unless you’re freezing/want to workout in them…They hafta say “MARINES” and have an Eagle, Globe, and Anchor on them, of course. :-)
Wait, there are others?! ?
You are a very funny person.
My mom was gorgeous and dated quite a bit while she was in college. She was once invited to the Army-Navy game as a date weekend. She had actually turned down one guy but subsequently accepted an invitation from another guy. She and a friend were staying in a hotel room together, and she discovered to her horror that her hotel mate was dating the guy my mom had turned down. Created some frosty moments over that glorious weekend in Manhattan! :)
Hahaha! Awkward! And it’s so cute that you thought I was kidding about the three boyfriends.
Oh, no. Not at all. I didn’t think you were kidding. I know you too well.
Just be careful out there. I’m picturing a fight like the cartoons where there’s fur flying everywhere when they all discover each other. :)
Don’t worry, I’ll win.
I was shocked when my prim-and-proper Southern genteel grandma told my little sister she needed to dump her steady high school boyfriend and date around before settling on a guy. I’m not sure if she would have frowned or applauded a girl playing that game ten years later. ;)
You are an inspiration. TY for this thread RA and I am so glad you are still with us.
Thanks, Sweezle! Hilarious picture!
I can see you think I’m a floozy.
Gee I guess I am honored to also be in such small clique; However I always knew you pull thru RA. You are just too sweet, and still have so much to share before you stand before our maker. I least now I have one less Rico secret to not worry about accidentally blurting out.
My wife hates when I do that…