Youth Minister Caught in Compromising Position

 

Maryville, TN — A newly-hired youth minister found, not his credentials, but his faith questioned when it was revealed he could not actually play guitar.

While Drew Campbell, youth minister at Grace Grove Bible Church, was preparing gear for the teen Seekers’ annual spring-break camping retreat, he was discovered in the church basement awkwardly fondling a guitar, muttering to himself, “So, how do you play this thing?”

Campbell, who quit the prestigious music program at Northwestern University because he felt called to youth ministry instead, was a “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet. Seekers’ parents report that, until Campbell was discovered in the compromising position with the guitar, he had repeatedly wowed the congregation with his excellent sense of rhythm and his competence as a keyboardist and singer, while occasionally adding color to the worship team with “some pretty wicked licks” on his horn. There are no keyboards in the wilderness, though, and as Campbell himself admits, “Neither voice nor horn is, on its own, sufficient to lead youth in worship.”

Said the steering committee who hired him, “It never occurred to us that a Christian this musically gifted wouldn’t also know how to play the guitar. Since his musical talent is undeniable, we’re afraid that calls his faith into question.”

Said Campbell, “I’m sure I can learn to play guitar. I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet,” citing the hectic practice schedule he had juggling three non-guitar competencies, and the extra work he had to do to get caught up on matters like theology and pastoral management when he was called to ministry instead.

For now, Campbell still has permission to attend the wilderness retreat, but only under the supervision of a trio of steering-committee members, who will be the retreat’s official leaders. Two of them are tone-deaf. But the third is not, and knows how to play guitar.

— With apologies to the Babylon Bee. Happy April 1!

There are 26 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. Titus Techera Contributor
    Titus Techera
    @TitusTechera

    Huzzah!

    • #1
  2. skipsul Inactive
    skipsul
    @skipsul

    Well done!  I am snorffling over this.

    • #2
  3. Gary McVey Contributor
    Gary McVey
    @GaryMcVey

    Unchain Midge, and you get jokes! Who knew?

    • #3
  4. Randy Webster Member
    Randy Webster
    @RandyWebster

    You probably don’t know that it’s pronounced “Murrivul.”  Just like the town I work in is Louisville, essentially a suburb of Maryville, pronounced “Lewisville.”  We don’t care how they do it in Kentucky.

    • #4
  5. JLock Inactive
    JLock
    @CrazyHorse

    Ohh man. Its funny because its so true in its not-trueness.

    My absolute favorite, I fell out:

    “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet.

    • #5
  6. RightAngles Member
    RightAngles
    @RightAngles

    Hilarious!

    • #6
  7. Titus Techera Contributor
    Titus Techera
    @TitusTechera

    Gary McVey (View Comment):
    Unchain Midge, and you get jokes! Who knew?

    Me never shoulda took the chance!

    • #7
  8. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    JLock (View Comment):
    Ohh man. Its funny because its so true in its not-trueness.

    My absolute favorite, I fell out:

    “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet.

    I first heard the phrase used to describe Samuel Barber – for Barber, it was piano, voice, and composition (I qualify as a triple nonthreat in those same areas).

    • #8
  9. JLock Inactive
    JLock
    @CrazyHorse

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    JLock (View Comment):
    Ohh man. Its funny because its so true in its not-trueness.

    My absolute favorite, I fell out:

    “triple threat” in the musical world, mastering percussion, voice, and trumpet.

    I first heard the phrase used to describe Samuel Barber – for Barber, it was piano, voice, and composition (I qualify as a triple nonthreat in those same areas).

    I think every music-associated art probably has a “triple-threat” joke to mock people.

    For me, its usually for Drummers: “He’s a triple-threat: Loud, Obnoxious, Owns a PA” or going the full-monty to complain about cymbals: “He’s a triple-threat: On the ride, hats, and crash”

    • #9
  10. Susan Quinn Contributor
    Susan Quinn
    @SusanQuinn

    Seriously? I’ll bet one of the teens knows guitar. Did anyone check??

    Edit: Yesterday was the Sabbath for me–sheesh–forgot it was Apr.1. That’s my excuse and I’m stickin’ to it!

    • #10
  11. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    Reverend Tim Tom!

     

    • #11
  12. Nanda Panjandrum Member
    Nanda Panjandrum
    @

    :-D

    • #12
  13. Ryan M(cPherson) Member
    Ryan M(cPherson)
    @RyanM

    (nothing to add, but this made me laugh)

    • #13
  14. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    If this wasn’t on the main thread I’d tell the true story of what happened when it was discovered that I, a Lutheran school teacher, was not an organist and couldn’t even play the instrument.

    • #14
  15. Duane Oyen Member
    Duane Oyen
    @DuaneOyen

    Since I am a keyboard guy who is pretty irritated by the current dominance of Christian music by guitar-centric rock, and only guitar-centric rock (which means that every great Christian melody such as Hyfrydol is ignored because guitars sound ridiculous trying to play them), I’ll ignore the very good joke and remind everyone that a Privia is 25 lb, has a built-in amplifier, and not-bad action (not like an acoustic, but a reasonably good 3rd generation weighted keys try at it).

    And Jim Alfredson, the reigning guru of Hammond/Leslie performance, brings a Privia PX-330 (like mine) to his live touring work leading Janiva Magness’ jazz back-up band.

    • #15
  16. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    For Catholics and those afflicted with Dan Schutte drivel (and his ilk) receive their proper dues, guitar-ified, no less

    The sooner this scourge passes, the better.

    • #16
  17. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):
    For Catholics and those afflicted with Dan Schutte drivel (and his ilk) receive their proper dues, guitar-ified, no less

    What wondrous love is this! Thanks, Fred.

    • #17
  18. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    The Reticulator (View Comment):
    If this wasn’t on the main thread I’d tell the true story of what happened when it was discovered that I, a Lutheran school teacher, was not an organist and couldn’t even play the instrument.

    OP on Member Feed – marked Do Not Promote. Inquiring minds want to know!

    • #18
  19. Z in MT Member
    Z in MT
    @ZinMT

    These types of stories are always my favorite in The Onion.

    • #19
  20. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Z in MT (View Comment):
    These types of stories are always my favorite in The Onion.

    Do you read the Babylon Bee as well, @zinmt? If not, try it!

    • #20
  21. Nanda Panjandrum Member
    Nanda Panjandrum
    @

    Fred Houstan (View Comment):
    For Catholics and those afflicted with Dan Schutte drivel (and his ilk) receive their proper dues, guitar-ified, no less

    The sooner this scourge passes, the better.

    “Gather Us In” isn’t Dan Schutte, it’s Marty Haugan FIFY (Tom Conry’s “Anthem” is another teeth-gnashing example.)  Both are cross-pollinated theology.  Dan Schutte, and the SLJs [in the pre-PC language revision days], at least used Scripture for lyrics and well-played guitars, horns, flutes, professional choristers, it must be noted. :-)

     

    • #21
  22. Midget Faded Rattlesnake Contributor
    Midget Faded Rattlesnake
    @Midge

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    it’s Marty Haugan.

    Oh. Him.

    Does Lutherans having given the world Bach make up for Haugen, ya suppose? ;-P

    • #22
  23. Nanda Panjandrum Member
    Nanda Panjandrum
    @

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    it’s Marty Haugan.

    Oh. Him.

    Does Lutherans having given the world Bach make up for Haugen, ya suppose? ;-P

    Maybe…But it’d be a tough call.  :-)

    • #23
  24. The Reticulator Member
    The Reticulator
    @TheReticulator

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):

    Midget Faded Rattlesnake (View Comment):

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    it’s Marty Haugan.

    Oh. Him.

    Does Lutherans having given the world Bach make up for Haugen, ya suppose? ;-P

    Maybe…But it’d be a tough call. ?

    I had to google Marty Haugen.  Now I see what you mean.

    • #24
  25. Fred Houstan Member
    Fred Houstan
    @FredHoustan

    Nanda Panjandrum (View Comment):
    “Gather Us In” isn’t Dan Schutte, it’s Marty Haugan FIFY (Tom Conry’s “Anthem” is another teeth-gnashing example.) Both are cross-pollinated theology. Dan Schutte, and the SLJs [in the pre-PC language revision days], at least used Scripture for lyrics and well-played guitars, horns, flutes, professional choristers, it must be noted. ?

    • #25
  26. Nanda Panjandrum Member
    Nanda Panjandrum
    @

    Okaay, Fred!

    • #26

Comments are closed because this post is more than six months old. Please write a new post if you would like to continue this conversation.