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Click here to see the ab workout doctors and gyms Don’t want you to know!
Stop overpaying for expensive gym memberships and fad exercises that don’t work! See the hidden ancient new ab workout technique accidentally discovered by an out of shape middle-aged desk worker.
He got results fast, and you can too. Click here to find out all about it…
Ancient farmers had perfect abs and knew about this technique. Ancient horticulturalists had abs that could crush rocks, and they perfected it, performing it ritually ever spring and fall. But the athletic gym monopolists have worked to hide it. Why don’t they want you to know this easy home exercise? Simple.
So they can sell more overpriced gym memberships.
Doctors don’t want you to know this technique either because they have learned that perfect abs are the key to perfect health.
But a middle-aged desk worker discovered what they had been hiding, and he found it in the comfort and serenity of his own desk chair. And it’s so easy that anyone can master it!
So stop doing crunches! Stop pretending to be a plank of wood! Read on to find out this miracle route to perfect abs.
We are going to reveal today, just for you, the secret to a shredded six pack and bulging obliques.
The history of this exercise goes back to ancient Assyrian farmers, whose work in planting and harvesting fields exposed them to heritage non-GMO strains of healthy gluten pollens (HGPs) in the atmosphere. These HGPs entered their nostrils and started a healthful and natural reaction that resulted in the most perfect abdominal muscles. We’ll tell how that works later, but trust us when we say it will blow you away!
Of course, the phony food industry, in collusion with a cabal of fitness instructors, has seen to it that HGPs are now exceedingly rare and expensive, and only available through hard to find health food stores that the FDA doesn’t want you to know about. But our chemists have isolated the compounds in the HGPs and discovered exactly what they do and how they work. But more on that later.
Ancient archeologists, excavating the ruins of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, have discovered that the gardeners here too had the same perfect abs as the Assyrian farmers, even though they were not working as farmers? Was it coincidence, or was there something else at work? The national flower of Babylon was the dandelion, and it turns out that ancient dandelions contain a similar compound to HGPs, known as Hearty Flower Pollen (HFPs), and the FDA banned use of HFPs decades ago for their known side effects of hallucinations and seeing mysterious hands writing on walls. But we put 2 and 2 together and isolated the beneficial effects common to both.
How did we do this? First let’s take you back to our out-of-shape middle-aged office worker. Let’s call him Chet. Chet noticed that every spring and fall, some of his coworkers would be out sick for a few days, then come back with totally shredded abs. Now Chet himself never got sick, and his abs were practically non-existent. He had to find out why.
Chet noticed that all of his sick coworkers were covertly practicing a therapy called “sneezing” to help them shake their illness. Chet discovered that during a sneeze, the abdominal muscles can rapidly contract, and that when sneezes are made in quick succession the coworkers would describe a “sick burn” of the sort normally associated only with professional weightlifters and gym instructors. After 3 or 4 days, his coworkers had washboard abs, but the illness would quickly pass and they would stop the sneezing exercises, leaving them with same flab as before.
Clearly a more long term solution was needed.
That’s when Chet stumbled upon the research on HFPs and HGPs. As it turns out, in the correct dosages, these compounds can allow the body to enter the correct mode for sneezing, on command, and without having to randomly contract a short-lived virus first. The secret element to both compounds was distilled and isolated by Chet, and now it’s available to you in an easy to use powder form.
It’s so simple that you’ll wonder why more people aren’t using it. One dose, once per day in each nostril, and you’ll be doing sneeze crunches for 20 minutes. In 3 or 4 days you’ll be totally ripped! Just keep administering Chet’s Special Ab Spray, and you’ll maintain your abs forever. And the best part is, your first week is on us, all you need to pay is $39.95 in shipping and handling.
Try it today, and rediscover the secret to perfect abs!
If only it were true…
I laughed so hard I now have perfectly defined abs — along with added sexual stamina and spontaneous temporal hair growth. Even as I type this, my eyesight has improved, 80s-era super-models and Spuds Mckenzie are knocking at my door, and my intelligence has swelled to the omniscience of a Babylonian, pan-theistic deity.
Read this now to live forever!
(I almost lost my **** laughing at the name Chet Chet — this is magnificent)
So, abdominal muscles a bit sore after a sneezing fit or ten, Skip?
Workout worthy as written, @skipsul…A program even I can stick with! Thanks!
ugh.
Empathies and prayers, Skip!
Coincidentally, I saw a story about this yesterday:
Six pack? But I already have the whole keg.
I have great Abs, I just haven’t been able to see them for about 20 years.
gesundheit
Some low hanging fruit remains, said the urologist.
It’s terrible the way Big Gym has hidden this knowledge. Fortunately, the Rosicrucians preserved the secret and have passed it on to us through the secret “hand language” of hula dancers. It’s good to see a technological rationalist like Skipsul accept the profound truth in ancient lore.
And it’s good to see the Ricochet stock shot library has bare midriffs available.
I sneeze all the time so should have perfect abs, however, they seem to be covered by tummy puffy.
I’ve been looking at healthier eating lately, and I think you’re kind of light on the moral preening in this for it to be authentic.
Laughing works for this too.
So does coughing. The real secret is smoking heavily.
I just assumed it was a picture of RightAngles.
Truth, when I was younger (10-11 yrs old), there was a phase where I had some heavy-duty coughing spells. My brother said one night I coughed for 30 minutes straight. I attributed my great abs as a teenager to coughing and laughing…I still got it, albeit under a comforting layer of insulation…
Hahaha
so the woman, with that abs, so not attractive.
I was going to ask if the men thought that was pretty on a woman, because I don’t.
The thing is that to get abs like that you have to eliminate the extra layer of fat that makes women smooth and soft. I like smooth and soft.
Yep that’s the key. We like the opposite of ourselves (unless we’re gay haha) I know that just because I like hard and ripped doesn’t mean a man looks for that in a woman. Madonna has turned herself into an even worse version of that pic above. Her ex said sleeping with her was like sleeping with a bag full of doorknobs haha (funny but not very gallant).
Madonna has really ruined her body and now looks kinda stringy:
FTFY.
Or, I could save myself the shipping and handling fees and just go stick my head in a juniper…
You’ve made my day, Angel-doll… :-)
Ha. All I’d have to do is borrow the neighbor’s cat and have it sit in my lap.
Very witty as written. And as an allergy sufferer, I can certainly relate. However, you forgot to mention a crucial direction for usage for patients beyond a “certain” age – before taking HFPs and HGPs, empty bladder completely. Ripped abs and a wet pants are not a great combination!
Sneezing doesn’t seem very conservative. Conservatives cough.
That might kill me. Of course, the face-plant in a juniper probably would too, and then I wouldn’t care about my flabby abs.