Breaking: Obama Praises Himself

 

On Thursday, President Obama released an “exit memo” reviewing his eight years in office. Shockingly, he thought his presidential tenure was pretty much the best thing ever. I wrote about the brag sheet today for the New York Post:

Apparently, in 2008, America was a smoldering hellscape ravaged by bloodthirsty neocons, greedy banksters, and intolerance lurking behind every Bush. But then the clouds parted, a rainbow framed the warming sun, and the smartest, kindest, boldest leader ever rode into our imperial capital on a white gender-indeterminate unicorn.

In less than a decade, he fixed the economy, delivered health care, united Americans, granted peace to the world, and healed the planet itself. My name is Obamandias, President of Presidents; Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

You gotta hand it to the guy: He’s not encumbered with excess humility.

…For nearly 2,000 words and more than a dozen graphs, Obama presents a Potemkin America that stands astride the globe, citizens dance arm in arm, and paychecks fall from the sky. But this is a standard tactic of the progressive left — insisting that politicians can fix all ills and how horrible things were before their guiding hand.

Hopefully, the next four to eight years can reverse all the damage he has done.

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  1. Quietpi Member
    Quietpi
    @Quietpi

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Hopefully, the next four to eight years can reverse all the damage he has done.

    Not a chance.  Like the Clintons’ dismantling of our intelligence network, we’ll have no hint of  the extent of the damage for at least five decades, much like the actual scholarly studies of the Great Depressions that are only now being pursued.  And the actual damage will continue for at least a century.  There’s no turning back the clock.

    • #31
  2. Ontheleftcoast Inactive
    Ontheleftcoast
    @Ontheleftcoast

    Quietpi (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: Hopefully, the next four to eight years can reverse all the damage he has done.

    Not a chance. Like the Clintons’ dismantling of our intelligence network, we’ll have no hint of the extent of the damage for at least five decades, much like the actual scholarly studies of the Great Depressions that are only now being pursued. And the actual damage will continue for at least a century. There’s no turning back the clock.

    Just for starters, 16 of the last 24 years of civil service hires were made in Democrat administrations. Clinton’s tended to be partisan. Obama’s….

    DOJ is one small example.

    • #32
  3. Jan Bear Inactive
    Jan Bear
    @JanBear

    Ryan M(cPherson) (View Comment):
    There’s always the possibility that Obama moves to Hawaii and stays quiet.

     

    Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Good one, Ryan!

    • #33
  4. In Search of Moderate Islam Eggin McMuffin The Loch Ness Monster The Blue Yeti And Great Chinese Takeout Inactive
    In Search of Moderate Islam Eggin McMuffin The Loch Ness Monster The Blue Yeti And Great Chinese Takeout
    @Pseudodionysius

    I believe he launched a pre-emptive strike to avoid the New Yorker article :

    A SELECTION OF THE 30 MOST DISAPPOINTING UNDER 30

    Max Kaiserman, twenty-five
    Shared upward of two Bernie Sanders-related Facebook posts daily from March through July, then continued to post anti-Hillary articles after she secured the nomination.

    Bess Kalb, twenty-nine
    Kalb started a screenplay, talked about it to at least thirty friends and family members and two Uber drivers, and then never finished it.

    Muh feels.

    • #34
  5. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    In Search of Moderate Islam Eggin McMuffin The Loch Ness Monster The Blue Yeti And Great Chinese Takeout (View Comment):
    I believe he launched a pre-emptive strike to avoid the New Yorker article :

    A SELECTION OF THE 30 MOST DISAPPOINTING UNDER 30

    Max Kaiserman, twenty-five
    Shared upward of two Bernie Sanders-related Facebook posts daily from March through July, then continued to post anti-Hillary articles after she secured the nomination.

    Bess Kalb, twenty-nine
    Kalb started a screenplay, talked about it to at least thirty friends and family members and two Uber drivers, and then never finished it.

    Muh feels.

    That link is awesome!

     

    • #35
  6. Doctor Robert Member
    Doctor Robert
    @DoctorRobert

    bridget (View Comment):
    Does the man not understand the job he’s allegedly performed for the last eight years?

    He understands.  We don’t.

    What we don’t understand or refuse to admit is that his savaging of America has been deliberate.  Yes, despite the misleading graphs, things have gone his way.  The pity to him is that little of it was done through the legislature and is thus immediately correctable.

    This man’s treachery is only approached by his ego.

    • #36
  7. Doctor Robert Member
    Doctor Robert
    @DoctorRobert

    Admiral janeway (View Comment):
    I will miss having a president that can speak in full sentences and does not behave like a 10 year old on twitter every day.

    no offense to 10 year olds intended.

    Admiral, surely you jest.  Mr Obama is certainly not eloquent.  When not reading text off the teleprompter, he stutters and reverses.

    And since you are dissing Mr Trump for his grammar, consider that Mr Obama’s teleprompter, or a ten year old, would have known to use “who” when referring to a sentient person, rather than “that”.

    • #37
  8. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    In Search of Moderate Islam Eggin McMuffin The Loch Ness Monster The Blue Yeti And Great Chinese Takeout (View Comment):
    I believe he launched a pre-emptive strike to avoid the New Yorker article :

    A SELECTION OF THE 30 MOST DISAPPOINTING UNDER 30

    Max Kaiserman, twenty-five
    Shared upward of two Bernie Sanders-related Facebook posts daily from March through July, then continued to post anti-Hillary articles after she secured the nomination.

    Bess Kalb, twenty-nine
    Kalb started a screenplay, talked about it to at least thirty friends and family members and two Uber drivers, and then never finished it.

    Muh feels.

    Does anyone under 50 read The New Yorker?

    • #38
  9. Arahant Member
    Arahant
    @Arahant

    Doctor Robert (View Comment):
    And since you are dissing Mr Trump for his grammar, consider that Mr Obama’s teleprompter, or a ten year old, would have known to use “who” when referring to a sentient person, rather than “that”.

    Not to mention “corpseman.”

    • #39
  10. Isaac Smith Member
    Isaac Smith
    @

    Admiral janeway (View Comment):
    I will miss having a president that can speak in full sentences and does not behave like a 10 year old on twitter every day.

    no offense to 10 year olds intended.

    I will take the mangled speech and twitter musings over Obama’s insufferable arrogance any day.

    • #40
  11. Isaac Smith Member
    Isaac Smith
    @

    Percival (View Comment):
    Does anyone under 50 read The New Yorker?

    Does anyone over 50 read it either?

    • #41
  12. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Doctor Robert (View Comment):
    And since you are dissing Mr Trump for his grammar, consider that Mr Obama’s teleprompter, or a ten year old, would have known to use “who” when referring to a sentient person, rather than “that”.

    Not to mention “corpseman.”

    UK out of the Maldives.

    Austrians speaking Austrian.

    The Army needs more Arabic speakers in Afghanistan.

    That bright red line.

    ISIS is “the junior varsity.”

    • #42
  13. Nick Baldock Inactive
    Nick Baldock
    @NickBaldock

    Did the earth stop warming and sea-levels stop rising? Just wondering.

    There might be more jobs in solar, but (a) are they any use to anyone? and (b) if they can’t be outsourced, they’ll just disappear instead when they become redundant and/or uneconomic.

    Also, there ain’t no marriage equality for polygamists.

    • #43
  14. Elephas Americanus Member
    Elephas Americanus
    @ElephasAmericanus

    Admiral janeway (View Comment):
    I will miss having a president that can speak in full sentences and does not behave like a 10 year old on twitter every day.

    no offense to 10 year olds intended.

    I certainly won’t miss having a president who acts like a smug, snotty sixteen-year-old who just read Catcher in the Rye and suddenly thinks he knows everything about everything and never misses an opportunity to let everyone know as much at every opportunity in the most condescending, holier-than-thou way – and if anyone dares challenge him, he becomes petulant, haughty, and ridiculing to the point of downright nastiness. I also won’t miss having a president who does not realize that grace and class have almost nothing to do with proper elocution, having a well-tailored suit, or knowing a Bordeaux from a Burgundy. Good riddance to this horrible man.

    No offense to smug, snotty sixteen-year-olds intended.

    • #44
  15. Elephas Americanus Member
    Elephas Americanus
    @ElephasAmericanus

    Nick Baldock (View Comment):
    Did the earth stop warming and sea-levels stop rising? Just wondering.

    There might be more jobs in solar, but (a) are they any use to anyone? and (b) if they can’t be outsourced, they’ll just disappear instead when they become redundant and/or uneconomic.

    Also, there ain’t no marriage equality for polygamists.

    What about the marriage equality for incestuous couples? If a father wants to marry his own daughter – or son, or both – who are we to say their love is wrong?

    (And you can’t say, “But they could have weird inbred children.” The whole Prop 8 shebang that established gay marriage rested, in part, on the fact that reproduction can’t be taken into account in deciding who can or can’t get married…)

    • #45
  16. Miffed White Male Member
    Miffed White Male
    @MiffedWhiteMale

    Elephas Americanus (View Comment):
    I certainly won’t miss having a president who acts like a smug, snotty sixteen-year-old who just read Catcher in the Rye and suddenly thinks he knows everything about everything and never misses an opportunity to let everyone know as much at every opportunity in the most condescending, holier-than-thou way

    That’s an amazingly on-point description.

     

    • #46
  17. Jon Gabriel, Ed. Contributor
    Jon Gabriel, Ed.
    @jon

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: I wrote about the brag sheet today for the New York Post:

    Wait, in this line, are you praising yourself?

    No comment.

    • #47
  18. jonb60173 Member
    jonb60173
    @jonb60173

    the first President, by his own admission & omission, never made a mistake, and utilized Professor Hills “think” system to perfection.

    • #48
  19. James Gawron Inactive
    James Gawron
    @JamesGawron

    Admiral janeway (View Comment):
    I will miss having a president that can speak in full sentences and does not behave like a 10 year old on twitter every day.

    no offense to 10 year olds intended.

    Admiral,

    With all due respect to your rank, style isn’t everything. Also, only a 14-year-old could possibly believe that Obama’s Presidency was a success. Aside from grammar enthusiasts, those who wanted a job, health care, a social environment other than South Beach & The Castro, were less than impressed.

    I would say that almost every world’s government is absolutely thrilled to see Obama gone. They’ll deal with the late night tweeting. The ambivalence in the face of genocide, the stabbing in the back of allies, the corrupting of American military power, were more pressing issues.

    How surprising.

    Regards,

    Jim

    • #49
  20. Front Seat Cat Member
    Front Seat Cat
    @FrontSeatCat

    Very good story – I hope DeBlasio and O pick up a copy of the Post – I especially liked the unicorn line! It may take more than 8 years to clean up the mess, and he’s still making them…..

    • #50
  21. Roberto Inactive
    Roberto
    @Roberto

    Doctor Robert (View Comment):

    Admiral janeway (View Comment):
    I will miss having a president that can speak in full sentences and does not behave like a 10 year old on twitter every day.

    no offense to 10 year olds intended.

    Admiral, surely you jest. Mr Obama is certainly not eloquent. When not reading text off the teleprompter, he stutters and reverses.

    Well would we want this all the time?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulDv-hs5unI

    If Obama recognizes that he requires someone to write his thoughts for him well then kudos for such self awareness and for acting to address this blemish in the perfectly creased pant legged Lightbringer.

    I mean otherwise doubts could emerge as to his greatness, we cannot have that.

    • #51
  22. Quake Voter Inactive
    Quake Voter
    @QuakeVoter

    The most satisfying result of Trump’s election, Ryan’s skillful juggling of the House and McConnell grip on the Senate is the rapid and comprehensive deletion of the Obama section of future history books already entitled “The Age of Obama”.

    In one night, he went from the most transformational president in US History to the historical equivalent of Richie Cunningham’s older brother Chuck.

    Happy Days indeed.

    • #52
  23. Judge Mental Member
    Judge Mental
    @JudgeMental

    Quake Voter (View Comment):
    The most satisfying result of Trump’s election, Ryan’s skillful juggling of the House and McConnell grip on the Senate is the rapid and comprehensive deletion of the Obama section of future history books already entitled “The Age of Obama”.

    In one night, he went from the most transformational president in US History to the historical equivalent of Richie Cunningham’s older brother Chuck.

    Happy Days indeed.

    At least they didn’t replace Chuck with a new brother the way they did with Mike on My Three Sons.

    • #53
  24. Chris Campion Coolidge
    Chris Campion
    @ChrisCampion

    Arahant (View Comment):

    Jon Gabriel, Ed.: I wrote about the brag sheet today for the New York Post:

    Wait, in this line, are you praising yourself?

    An ironic black hole!

    We are reaching the Ricochet singularity.  Time will fold back in upon itself.  Or become a flat circle.  I forget which.
    Image result for the singularity

    • #54
  25. Elephas Americanus Member
    Elephas Americanus
    @ElephasAmericanus

    James Gawron (View Comment):
    With all due respect to your rank, style isn’t everything.

    And that’s why The New York Times‘ house “conservative” David Brooks will never write a mash note to you and your crispy-creased pants, Mr. Gawron. (Pauses to lean back further for even more dramatic gaze down nose…)

     

    Also, only a 14-year-old could possibly believe that Obama’s Presidency was a success.

    I think that’s offensive: Most fourteen-year-olds would be smart enough to know Barack Obama is an outrageous failure. It usually takes at least a bachelor’s-level college education to think the Obama administration was anything resembling a success.

    • #55
  26. WinterMute Coolidge
    WinterMute
    @NartFOpc

    Roberto (View Comment):
    If if if if if if if if if if if if Obama recognizes that he requires someone to write his thoughts for him well then kudos for such self awareness and for acting to address this blemish in the perfectly creased pant legged Lightbringer.

    Fixed that for you.

    • #56
  27. Isaac Smith Member
    Isaac Smith
    @

    Quake Voter (View Comment):
    The most satisfying result of Trump’s election, Ryan’s skillful juggling of the House and McConnell grip on the Senate is the rapid and comprehensive deletion of the Obama section of future history books already entitled “The Age of Obama”.

    In one night, he went from the most transformational president in US History to the historical equivalent of Richie Cunningham’s older brother Chuck.

    Happy Days indeed.

    Who?

    Oh.

    • #57
  28. Isaac Smith Member
    Isaac Smith
    @

    Elephas Americanus (View Comment):
    And that’s why The New York Times‘ house “conservative” David Brooks will never write a mash note to you and your crispy-creased pants, Mr. Gawron. (Pauses to lean back further for even more dramatic gaze down nose…)

    And an impressively long nose down which to gaze

    • #58
  29. Keith Preston Member
    Keith Preston
    @

    Ryan M(cPherson) (View Comment):

    DocJay (View Comment):
    If somehow the handover could be accompanied by a dueling narcissists banjo breakdown it would be even more awesome. Soon to be ex-President Obama will find being a vocal supporter against President Trump gets a little pushback that thin-skinned Obama isn’t going to like.

    There’s always the possibility that Obama moves to Hawaii and stays quiet.

    Right?

    Please?

    I know family who live near where supporters have bought him a mansion in Hawaii.  They hope he stays on the mainland.  Or they will never be able to go anywhere on an island that has most of its roads on the outskirts of the island.  It will be a hellhole if he moves there and they are not pleased.  (and you’ll never be able to play golf on a island that most retirees moved to so that they could play golf all year)

    • #59
  30. Keith Preston Member
    Keith Preston
    @

    Quake Voter (View Comment):
    The most satisfying result of Trump’s election, Ryan’s skillful juggling of the House and McConnell grip on the Senate is the rapid and comprehensive deletion of the Obama section of future history books already entitled “The Age of Obama”.

     

    this is more true than you know.  I started teaching AP US History in 2009 and the new text I bought that summer already had his ENTIRE inauguration speech in it (but not either of Lincoln’s, FDR’s or any other president).  What did they think they were…the Nobel Committee?

     

    • #60
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