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Dear Ms. Machado, Prettiest Woman in the Universe…
Ms. Alicia Machado, you entered a beauty contest. The “Miss Universe” contest. Your claim was that there was no prettier woman alive within 90 billion light years, which is a yuuuuugggge area.
You won. Of course we don’t know if a prettier woman from the Andromeda Galaxy sent an objection for not being invited. Even at the speed of light, we won’t get her email for another two and half million years. So you won — you were the prettiest woman in the Universe in 1996.
To be brutally honest and at risk to your feelings, you “body-shamed” the whole Universe. That’s right. “Shaming.” The mortal sin of America’s sensitive new left.
Little girls all over Earth had to look in the mirror and say, “Alicia Machado is prettier than me. I am less than she. I feel ashamed.” Little Martian girls regretted their green skin. Venusian girls, blackened by protective pigment due to runaway global warming, instead of being proud of their dark skin, were told they should be white like you. Very sad.
You body-shamed every woman in the Universe. It was your goal; you competed for the right to do it.
I find out now (because it’s on all TV news stations as I write this) that Donald Trump shamed you. He said you were getting fat. He called you fat names like Miss Piggy. I find out now that Hillary Clinton’s campaign is making commercials about it.
Eat this, Miss Universe: You were in a business where your figure mattered. In most jobs, a woman’s figure doesn’t matter and criticism of it is impolite. You asked to have your figure judged. You put yourself in a swimsuit competition. You put yourself in an evening gown competition.
Donald Trump, as the patriarchal owner of your crown (I bet that hurts), had a vested interest in you staying svelte. He was in a competition with another pageant. What would happen if you did a joint appearance with Miss America? Shouldn’t the prettiest woman in the “whole Universe” look better than the prettiest woman from a small fruited plain on Earth? It wouldn’t be fair to Donald Trump if Miss America was standing next to you beautifully figured while you looked like two pounds of Venezuelan plantains stuffed in a one-pound bag.
There was one man in the world who had the right to criticize your weight and you consented to that when you accepted Donald Trump’s Miss Universe tiara.
Let me tell you something about your weight: You look much better now, heavier, than you did in 1996. I have this theory about the model/fashion/beauty queen industry: It is mostly run by men who sexually aren’t attracted to women, so all their models are straight and flat like the male form. If straight men ran those industries, you’d more likely win a beauty contest now than in 1996. Put your “then vs. now” pictures in an online poll and have men vote. The “now” you will win a landslide over the 1996 you.
So get over yourself and your phony claims to pain of being shamed by Donald Trump 20 years ago, while you were shaming every woman alive. You didn’t mind people judging you when you posed for Playboy in 2006.
Let me tell you something about the left, about radical feminists and Hillary Clinton who is using you now: They hate you. They always have; not personally, but everything you stand for. They despise beauty contests, accusing them of objectifying woman, of pandering to misogyny and contributing to some political point-scoring fantasy they concocted called “rape culture.” Yet they will hold you up, at risk to you, because you are useful at this moment.
Why do I say “at risk to you?” In an American presidential campaign, everything about you will now be in the news in an attempt to embarrass you. Hillary doesn’t care. You will have to publicly face every mistake you’ve made, like that time you tweeted calling the two Koreas “the two Chinas.” Or that time you threatened the life of a judge. Everyone has made mistakes. Hillary won’t care if you have to relive yours, so long as you can bring her one vote, which I imagine is yours, since you coincidentally became an American citizen this year.
Hillary won’t gain much more than that. It’s an odd political year – one where there is a backlash against political correctness. It’s been revealed thanks to this campaign that when a celebrity says something considered un-PC, and the news claims “people are outraged,” that no one but the news reader was actually outraged. People rolled their eyes and went to work.
Protect yourself, Alicia, and beg out of the news. America has real matters to consider and you are hurting your new country by distracting from these: Trade agreements, immigration, taxes, Sharia-inspired Islamic terror and more. We won’t figure out any of it from Lester Holt’s obsession over where Barack Obama was born, or watching Hillary pretend to care about you pretending your feelings were hurt 20 years ago. America doesn’t care about it either, Miss Irrelevancy.
Now shut up and look pretty. It’s your life’s work.
Published in General
I know not of this Machado of which you write. But I enjoyed your writing anyway.
Thank you friend!
Also Srta. Machado you forgot to mention:
Girl friend to various drug-traffickers, for some reason she is in the news today.
Beauty Pageant winner with a career impacting eating problem, who lost the weight instead of getting fired, was fat shamed by CNN, and then went on to do porn.
Sure glad I’m wearing boots today. It’s getting deep.
I’m glad I knew not of her!
Ms. Machado said she had an eating disorder even before she became Miss Venezuela. Now that leftist socialism has reached full fruition everyone in Venezuela has an eating disorder – it’s called starvation!
That’s all, they got him. Donald may as well drop out right now. I skimmed right by Megan Kelly last night. She was having fun attempting to shame Trump by giving this lady the spotlight on her show. Don’t worry, I checked…no blood that I could see.
BOOM.
A critical moment, the election may hinge on this.
Still Tommy prefers the rest of the universe for their good sense in avoiding yoga pants.
Good grief. “Miss Piggy” was not quite strong enough. Come to think of it, this does sound like the resume of someone with whom the Clintons would love to hang out. Perhaps the father of her child will even contribute to their little foundation.
This article is so cissexist and hurtful to the transgender community. Ms Machado was Miss Universe in 1996, but that does not mean she was the most beautiful woman in the universe. Ms Uruguay – Julia Serano (now known as Jose Silva) was crowned Ms Trans Universe 1996 and so was also able to lay claim to being the most beautiful woman in the universe in 1996.
The really question in this insane kerfuffle is, how is this woman now a US citizen?
Tommy De Seno, a true gentleman.
It was a compliment. Miss Piggy carried that no nothing Kermit for years with her raw animal something. She was smokin’. Don’t take my word. Roll the tape.
Mr. De Seno, this is an excellent point. Well done.
I can’t believe this is even a discussion in a presidential campaign. The USA has jumped the shark. I want to apologize to every signer of the Declaration of Independence. For this they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor?
I thought we had reached bottom when a certain former president happily responded to questions about the type of underwear he preferred. The 2016 election cycle has now plumbed even deeper depths. This is mind-numbing. Is there some small island I can retreat to for the next four years while our country completes its self-destruction?
The Miss Universe pageant is more humano-centric than the United Federation of Planets!
In all honesty, Miss Piggy was never fat. She was simply short. Normal, healthy proportions tend to look a little chunky on shorter gals.
Other white meat privilege?
Why is she permitted to be here? How did she become a citizen? What is WRONG with our country?
FIFY.
Those eyes. Miss Piggy has the cure that other women only dream about.
It’s nice to see that Feminists are finally in support of beauty pageants.