Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Have I got a (INSERT HERE) for you!

 
At Home
The author at home on most nights when he’s not busy commenting on Ricochet.

Have you often looked at a guy surrounded by beautiful women and said to yourself, “Self, that’s not fair. He really should share the wealth.” Well, get aboard the Progressive Train, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, wait. Can’t say that. That’s too gender specific — and violent.

The theory, according to Josefin Hedlund, a PhD researcher at Kings College London, “If you are only attracted to able, ‘mentally well,’ successful (by society’s standards), cisgender, normatively beautiful, slim people, from class privileged backgrounds, then you are also upholding violent norms.” (Emphasis mine.) In a February article on opendemocracy.net, Hedlund — who demands not to be called a “she,” naturally –goes on to say that we need “to think about how to mitigate for society’s uneven distribution of power in our intimate relationships.”

You see, allowing people to marry for love, says, uh, “them,” is just as bad as having an arranged marriage. Ideally, you would revert to some feral state in which you had the uncontrollable desire to shag everyone equally, from the most beautiful film star to the flea-bitten homeless guy muttering to himself on the street corner.

Marriage has to be the worst. The marital contract is an “extreme expression” of the ideology of capitalism. “Most of the rules revolve around being obedient, suppressing immature and selfish desires, and working on the relationship.” Oooo. As bad as all that? No, worse. “This sounds awfully like how to be a good patriotic individual in a neoliberal capitalistic society.” Later, we learn that rejecting love as we know it allows us to “fight the tyranny of capitalism, the national social contract, and the work ethic.”

“Them” doesn’t quite say how we’re going to get to this state of nirvana and overturn millions of years of human evolution. And since “them” sees all voluntary love as bad as arranged marriage, then I guess we can expect a massive government bureaucracy to regulate the love lives of straight people. (Obviously if you’re already in a non-traditional relationship within the same sex or you’re really on the cutting edge inter-species wise, you get an exemption.)

Think of the joy you can experience when your 15-year old daughter comes home from her first visit to The Department of Intercourse and Relationships, introducing you to “Tommi,” a transgender with multiple personalities and an incurable skin condition. And if that’s not enough, your 13-year old son gets next dibs on him.

“That’s not only disgusting,” says you, “That’s unconstitutional!”

“Not according to the three justices appointed by President Hillary Clinton,” says I. “That’s a 7-2 majority opinion.”

Until we reach this Marxist Utopia, please allow me to indulge you with a couple of requests. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, and in the words of Josefin Hedlund, “Let’s see love for the revolutionary potential that it has.”

Tip of the fedora to Small Dead Animals.

There are 35 comments.

Become a member to join the conversation. Or sign in if you're already a member.
  1. Paul Erickson Inactive

    Wish I had your excuse for not commenting more.

    • #1
    • August 2, 2016, at 9:59 AM PDT
    • Like
  2. Taras Bulbous Inactive

    Somehow Josefin Hedlund is NOT a morbidly obese cat-lady. She’s almost a “would.” I nearly fell out of my chair.

    The disparity in attractiveness and sexual access will never be mitigated. This is the ultimate hurdle for Marxism, and it’s a doozy of a hurdle.

    • #2
    • August 2, 2016, at 10:19 AM PDT
    • Like
  3. Fred Hadra Podcaster

    “Looks” is the last acceptable form of discrimination.

    • #3
    • August 2, 2016, at 11:29 AM PDT
    • Like
  4. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Fred Hadra: “Looks” is the last acceptable form of discrimination

    Says the man with a platypus bill on his face.

    • #4
    • August 2, 2016, at 11:36 AM PDT
    • Like
  5. Fred Hadra Podcaster

    EJHill:

    Fred Hadra: “Looks” is the last acceptable form of discrimination

    Says the man with a platypus bill on his face.

    Says the man to blame for the platypus bill on my face.

    • #5
    • August 2, 2016, at 11:38 AM PDT
    • Like
  6. SkipSul Coolidge
    SkipSul Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    EJHill: Have you often looked at a guy surrounded by beautiful women and said to yourself, “Self, that’s not fair. He really should share the wealth.”

    Ricochet has many beautiful women, I consider myself blessed already.

    • #6
    • August 2, 2016, at 1:07 PM PDT
    • Like
  7. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    skipsul : Ricochet has many beautiful women, I consider myself blessed already.

    Been a moderator for less than 24 hours and already in the tank.

    • #7
    • August 2, 2016, at 1:14 PM PDT
    • Like
  8. SkipSul Coolidge
    SkipSul Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    EJHill:

    skipsul : Ricochet has many beautiful women, I consider myself blessed already.

    Been a moderator for less than 24 hours and already in the tank.

    Not really – so far none of them are schmoozing me, but @jasonrudert won’t stop schmoozing me.

    • #8
    • August 2, 2016, at 1:32 PM PDT
    • Like
  9. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    skipsul Not really – so far none of them are schmoozing me, but @jasonrudert won’t stop schmoozing me.

    That’s alright. Under the principles outlined in the original post you’ll make a lovely couple.

    • #9
    • August 2, 2016, at 1:40 PM PDT
    • Like
  10. Guruforhire Member

    Those chicks look kinda rapey. I am sure ol’ bing was just traumatized.

    • #10
    • August 2, 2016, at 4:09 PM PDT
    • Like
  11. Matt Upton Coolidge

    EJHill: “fight the tyranny of capitalism, the national social contract, and the work ethic.”

    So the “living like feral beasts” thing will apply to our economic conditions as well as our sexuality.

    • #11
    • August 3, 2016, at 7:16 AM PDT
    • Like
  12. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life . . .

    • #12
    • August 3, 2016, at 7:26 AM PDT
    • Like
  13. Lockdowns are Precious Inactive
    Lockdowns are Precious Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    That picture is 68 virgins short.

    • #13
    • August 3, 2016, at 7:32 AM PDT
    • Like
  14. Marion Evans Inactive

    Where is Trump when we need him for a killer comment?

    • #14
    • August 3, 2016, at 7:37 AM PDT
    • Like
  15. Marion Evans Inactive

    Pseudodionysius:That picture is 68 virgins short.

    My guess is it’s 72 short.

    • #15
    • August 3, 2016, at 7:38 AM PDT
    • Like
  16. JimGoneWild Coolidge

    EJHill: Think of the joy you can experience when your 15-year old daughter comes home from her first visit to The Department of Intercourse and Relationships, introducing you to “Tommi,” a transgender with multiple personalities and an incurable skin condition. And if that’s not enough, your 13-year old son gets next dibs on him

    .. Oh, and you have to pay for all this, as well, because they live with at home.

    • #16
    • August 3, 2016, at 7:54 AM PDT
    • Like
  17. Tenacious D Inactive

    EJHill: The Department of Intercourse and Relationships

    Surely it should be the Department of Intercourse and Relationship Equality.

    Editted to add: The departmental seal would bear an image of Quasimodo and the motto “To Each According To Their Needs”.

    • #17
    • August 3, 2016, at 8:04 AM PDT
    • Like
  18. PsychLynne Inactive

    Marion Evans:

    Pseudodionysius:That picture is 68 virgins short.

    My guess is it’s 72 short.

    I read this about 5 minutes ago and my kids came in the office asking what was so funny? I told them it was a work email. Thanks for the big laugh, Marion!

    • #18
    • August 3, 2016, at 8:32 AM PDT
    • Like
  19. drlorentz Member
    drlorentz Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
    – Robertson Davies

    We are in the grip of many mad notions. Presumably, Prof. Hedlund would be OK with the mad woman. Not sure how she’d feel about that mad dog.

    • #19
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:02 AM PDT
    • Like
  20. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk and Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    EJHill: Have you often looked at a guy surrounded by beautiful women and said to yourself, “Self, that’s not fair. He really should share the wealth.”

    Well, no, because a genuine progressive doesn’t think of romantic partners as property.

    • #20
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:06 AM PDT
    • Like
  21. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk and Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    EJHill: Ideally, you would revert to some feral state in which you had the uncontrollable desire to shag everyone equally, from the most beautiful film star to the flea-bitten homeless guy muttering to himself on the street corner.

    What animal shags indiscriminately? There is always a selection process of some sort.

    • #21
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:10 AM PDT
    • Like
  22. Lash LaRoche Inactive

    More proof that liberalism is a mental disorder.

    • #22
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:12 AM PDT
    • Like
  23. La Tapada Member

    Feral beasts probably have differing levels of attraction based on something else. Female animals probably have differing levels of pheromones, making some more alluring than others.

    • #23
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:23 AM PDT
    • Like
  24. La Tapada Member

    If my husband or I (or both of us) are overweight do we get an exemption?

    • #24
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:25 AM PDT
    • Like
  25. EJHill Podcaster
    EJHill Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Misthiocracy: What animal shags indiscriminately? There is always a selection process of some sort.

    I don’t know. I once had a dog that never saw a human leg he didn’t like.

    As to Hedlund’s way of thinking, Pretty Woman would be the ultimate chick flick if only the hooker had been played by Rosie O’Donnell – or maybe Ru Paul.

    I don’t know how you retrain that sense of aesthetics.

    • #25
    • August 3, 2016, at 9:36 AM PDT
    • Like
  26. Guruforhire Member

    Misthiocracy:

    EJHill: Have you often looked at a guy surrounded by beautiful women and said to yourself, “Self, that’s not fair. He really should share the wealth.”

    Well, no, because a genuine progressive doesn’t think of romantic partners as property.

    Aren’t the many social injunctions against polygamy nothing more than nookie communism?

    Hell, there is no new testament disavowal of the practice of concubinage. So getting yourself a concubine is bible approved. Now to tell the missus…. should go over well.

    • #26
    • August 3, 2016, at 10:28 AM PDT
    • Like
  27. Metalheaddoc Member
    Metalheaddoc Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    [snip]

    I deleted this post. It was is poor taste, even for me.

    • #27
    • August 3, 2016, at 12:38 PM PDT
    • Like
  28. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk and Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Guruforhire:

    Misthiocracy:

    EJHill: Have you often looked at a guy surrounded by beautiful women and said to yourself, “Self, that’s not fair. He really should share the wealth.”

    Well, no, because a genuine progressive doesn’t think of romantic partners as property.

    Aren’t the many social injunctions against polygamy nothing more than nookie communism?

    Hell, there is no new testament disavowal of the practice of concubinage. So getting yourself a concubine is bible approved. Now to tell the missus…. should go over well.

    Strictly-speaking, concubines aren’t illegal. If you wanna have a live-in girlfriend in addition to your wife, and your wife doesn’t object, and the girlfriend agrees, then I don’t believe there’s any law saying you can’t do it. Not even in Utah (anymore).

    • #28
    • August 3, 2016, at 1:12 PM PDT
    • Like
  29. Misthiocracy got drunk and Member
    Misthiocracy got drunk and Joined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    EJHill:

    Misthiocracy: What animal shags indiscriminately? There is always a selection process of some sort.

    I don’t know. I once had a dog that never saw a human leg he didn’t like.

    a) The law of the jungle doesn’t apply to enslaved domesticated animals.

    b) Maybe the dog was smart enough to know that human legs don’t produce puppies. Was the dog named Onan?

    • #29
    • August 3, 2016, at 1:16 PM PDT
    • Like
  30. Profile Photo Member

    Guruforhire:

    Misthiocracy:

    EJHill: Have you often looked at a guy surrounded by beautiful women and said to yourself, “Self, that’s not fair. He really should share the wealth.”

    Well, no, because a genuine progressive doesn’t think of romantic partners as property.

    Aren’t the many social injunctions against polygamy nothing more than nookie communism?

    Hell, there is no new testament disavowal of the practice of concubinage. So getting yourself a concubine is bible approved. Now to tell the missus…. should go over well.

    It takes some effort to read the New Testament that way.

    • #30
    • August 3, 2016, at 1:18 PM PDT
    • Like

Comments are closed because this post is more than six months old. Please write a new post if you would like to continue this conversation.