What’s Up Your Nose?

 

I’m a guy. I know every word in Caddyshack. I like sports. I like beer. I like steak and potatoes. I actually like the coffee they serve where I get my car’s oil changed. I watch the Top Gear reruns with Jeremy Clarkson. The only movie that makes me cry is the ending to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (gets me every time). My blue jeans actually fit.

When I go to get a haircut, I want to read the newspaper and hear men talk about football.

My wife and I have a friend who works at one of these new men’s hair salons. Instead of going to the barbershop on the corner, I made the trip across town to the salon. Okay, they had televisions with the game on, but you couldn’t hear it over the classic rock. Instead of pictures of sports figures on the wall, they had some local artist’s paintings of a long-haired hippy guy playing a guitar. An entire wall was filled with different hair products and lotions. The decor looked just like the salon where my wife goes.

For goodness’ sake, not one car magazine or even a picture of a Ferrari on the wall. The whole place was designed to make women comfortable while they wait for their soccer-playing sons or their husbands and get their manicures. Oh, and the coffee from the fancy coffee maker in the reception area cost $.75.

But a haircut is a haircut, even if I can’t point to a picture of Bart Starr from 1960 and say, “I want my hair to look like that.” Not that my bald spot will ever let my hair look like that, but I can dream, can’t I?

Into the chair I went when it was my turn, trying to watch the Louisville-Duke basketball game between the shampooing, the hot towel, and the neck massage. That’s when I noticed on the sign of services offered, “nose waxing, $5.”

I asked my friend as she continued the massage, “Is nose waxing what I think it is?”

“Yes, I take a popsicle stick, put hot wax up your nose and pull the hair out.”

Somewhere in Guantanamo, some prisoner is being told, “It’s time for your nose waxing, Fayeed.” “No, no! I’ll talk! I know where we keep Hillary’s deleted emails!”

I imagine that the salon gives a free nose waxing to any customer who complains about being charged for coffee. After all, what kind of man volunteers to have the hairs pulled out of his nose en masse unless he’s guarding the last copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue from ISIS?

Don’t these boys with their ill-fitting pants and the multiple face piercings realize that you can buy a battery-operated nose-hair trimmer? That the process of removing nostril tree trunks is painless as long as the double-A battery works? When all else fails, scissors and a mirror have got to be preferable to paying $5 for medieval torture.

Since my hot towel and back massage were not interrupted by howls of pain from the next salon station, I am going to assume that the hot wax popsicle stick up the nose is not as popular as the herbal tea scalp treatment. But I have to ask, is there a safe word involved?

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  1. blank generation member Inactive
    blank generation member
    @blankgenerationmember

    Man that was close.  I thought this was going to be a 1980’s style confession.

    Sports Illustrated is not exactly untouchable these days.

    • #1
  2. PHCheese Inactive
    PHCheese
    @PHCheese

    Imagine if you wore speedos?

    • #2
  3. drlorentz Member
    drlorentz
    @drlorentz

    I was with you until you mentioned On Her Majesty’s Secret Service; I didn’t find it that touching. Too bad Jeremy Clarkson had to go though, huh?

    Yes, men and women are quite different. And no, most guys aren’t getting a nose waxing. Women are into the suffer for beauty thing. Despite all attempts to erase the differences between the sexes by our cultural betters, those differences are fundamental and here to stay.

    Can we assume you won’t be going back to that fru fru salon again?

    • #3
  4. Lidens Cheng Member
    Lidens Cheng
    @LidensCheng

    There’s no beauty without pain. And did you get your nails done along with that fancy haircut? That’s what I want to know.

    • #4
  5. Western Chauvinist Member
    Western Chauvinist
    @WesternChauvinist

    I waxed my leg — once. About a one-inch strip. Even I don’t relate to women who wax.

    Up the nose? Holy smokes, it takes summpin’ special to go for that treatment. Like a lack of pain receptors.

    It’s nothing a little tweezing won’t handle. C’mon.

    • #5
  6. BrentB67 Inactive
    BrentB67
    @BrentB67

    The only thing more weird than nose waxing is a guy that has been at Ricochet for 4 years, is clearly a very good, vivid writer just now putting up his first post.

    Great story. I went to one of those places and stopped going because the girl who was clearly putting herself through neurosurgery school working the front desk didn’t understand the concept of appointment.

    • #6
  7. H. Noggin Inactive
    H. Noggin
    @HNoggin

    Agree with Brent on this. I laughed out loud.
    Women’s salons are even more obnoxious, in my opinion. Especially the ones where they do a lot of young people’s hair, so if you want peace, you end up with hair like grandma.

    • #7
  8. wilber forge Inactive
    wilber forge
    @wilberforge

    So, is nose waxing a cheap rush for a fiver ? Any waxing for that matter one might surmise brings into question, who enjoys this transaction more ?

    Down here, the Salon’s do the Unisex thing and the only magazines are womens fashion and not a straight razor in sight.

    Perhaps Sweeny Todd never made it into translation. That would be far too troubling to consider.

    • #8
  9. Concretevol Thatcher
    Concretevol
    @Concretevol

    Man I thought i was in luxury because my barber shaves your neck with hot shaving cream and a straight razor!  I’ll have to ask about the nose waxing next time…….or maybe not

    • #9
  10. BrentB67 Inactive
    BrentB67
    @BrentB67

    CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    • #10
  11. Concretevol Thatcher
    Concretevol
    @Concretevol

    BrentB67:CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    Man I’m all about it.  Old school barber is all I go to….possibly because I don’t have enough hair to pay for a stylist!

    • #11
  12. The King Prawn Inactive
    The King Prawn
    @TheKingPrawn

    BrentB67:CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    Rumor has it there’s a place south of me that’s basically a cross between Hooters and a man’s hair salon. I can see some benefits to that business model.

    • #12
  13. BrentB67 Inactive
    BrentB67
    @BrentB67

    King Prawn, the men of Ricochet expect a through review with pictures!

    • #13
  14. rebark Inactive
    rebark
    @rebark

    I can sympathize with the mild exasperation such grooming practices elicit. But I’m generally inclined to live and let live on such matters.

    If I may misquote the Bible: “First take the pole out of your own hindquarters, and then you may be able to remove the stick from your brother’s nose.”

    • #14
  15. The King Prawn Inactive
    The King Prawn
    @TheKingPrawn

    BrentB67:King Prawn, the men of Ricochet expect a through review with pictures!

    I didn’t get the name and Google is failing me! Apparently “men’s hair salon with hot chicks” doesn’t get the results you’d expect.

    • #15
  16. James Wigderson Inactive
    James Wigderson
    @JamesWigderson

    BrentB67:The only thing more weird than nose waxing is a guy that has been at Ricochet for 4 years, is clearly a very good, vivid writer just now putting up his first post.

    Great story. I went to one of those places and stopped going because the girl who was clearly putting herself through neurosurgery school working the front desk didn’t understand the concept of appointment.

    What can I say? I’ve been busy.

    • #16
  17. Z in MT Member
    Z in MT
    @ZinMT

    The King Prawn:

    BrentB67:CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    Rumor has it there’s a place south of me that’s basically a cross between Hooters and a man’s hair salon. I can see some benefits to that business model.

    The best part is when they lean over your face to shampoo your hair.

    • #17
  18. Z in MT Member
    Z in MT
    @ZinMT

    Honestly though, I think traditional barber shops have made a comeback because of the Hipsters. About the only thing good that has come of the Hipster movement.

    • #18
  19. James Wigderson Inactive
    James Wigderson
    @JamesWigderson

    Lidens Cheng:There’s no beauty without pain. And did you get your nails done along with that fancy haircut? That’s what I want to know.

    No, no manicure for moi. Nail clippers are still less then five bucks. Besides, if they’re willing to stick hot wax up someone’s nose, what are they going to shove under my finger nails to make me talk?

    • #19
  20. Chris Campion Coolidge
    Chris Campion
    @ChrisCampion

    Concretevol:

    BrentB67:CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    Man I’m all about it. Old school barber is all I go to….possibly because I don’t have enough hair to pay for a stylist!

    Had a barber back in Vermont that did this as part of every haircut.  Hot shaving cream, straight razor, great clean look.  Harder to find than you might think.

    • #20
  21. Songwriter Inactive
    Songwriter
    @user_19450

    Great first post, JW. Look forward to more “manly” reports.

    • #21
  22. Jimmy Carter Member
    Jimmy Carter
    @JimmyCarter

    The King Prawn:

    BrentB67:CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    Rumor has it there’s a place south of me that’s basically a cross between Hooters and a man’s hair salon. I can see some benefits to that business model.

    Knockouts.

    And They have BEER.

    • #22
  23. Kate Braestrup Member
    Kate Braestrup
    @GrannyDude

    Like Western C., I once waxed about a square inch of leg…and instantly became a  feminist.

    Not really. I became a feminist because of Oppression, though the lower standard of grooming was a bonus. I married my husband-the-state-trooper without shaving my legs, which just shows what a little charmer I was in those days.

    A decade and four pregnancies later, finally done with being pregnant and/or lactating, and thus able to actually see my own legs, I started shaving again. In order to salve my feminist conscience (or what remains of it—remember, I spent a decade barefoot and pregnant) I do kind of a crappy job. My husband likes me anyway. (Still got it!)

    We all make our little accommodations with Beauty, James. Good call on the nose-waxing, though. (Laughed out loud at the Gitmo image!)

    • #23
  24. Kate Braestrup Member
    Kate Braestrup
    @GrannyDude

    Jimmy Carter:

    The King Prawn:

    BrentB67:CVol, how great is a hot towel and straight razor

    Rumor has it there’s a place south of me that’s basically a cross between Hooters and a man’s hair salon. I can see some benefits to that business model.

    Knockouts.

    And They have BEER.

    I want to go!

    • #24
  25. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    Kate Braestrup: I spent a decade barefoot and pregnant

    You’re husband let you hang out barefoot? How’d you take the trash out?

    • #25
  26. Boss Mongo Member
    Boss Mongo
    @BossMongo

    Chris Campion: Had a barber back in Vermont that did this as part of every haircut. Hot shaving cream, straight razor, great clean look. Harder to find than you might think.

    Nothin’ better after a straight razor haircut than the barber slapping the alcohol on.  Makes you feel ready to go!

    • #26
  27. Hang On Member
    Hang On
    @HangOn

    That was funny.

    Imagine if they did this up your nose. You’d have to be an even tougher hombre than with waxing.

    • #27
  28. Percival Thatcher
    Percival
    @Percival

    James Wigderson:

    Lidens Cheng:There’s no beauty without pain. And did you get your nails done along with that fancy haircut? That’s what I want to know.

    No, no manicure for moi. Nail clippers are still less then five bucks. Besides, if they’re willing to stick hot wax up someone’s nose, what are they going to shove under my finger nails to make me talk?

    Nail clippers? Nail clippers?! Doesn’t your Swiss Army knife have the scissors tool on it?

    • #28
  29. Basil Fawlty Member
    Basil Fawlty
    @BasilFawlty

    1968.  Fort Bragg.  They lined us up; a barber clipped my hair off down to the skull in less than a minute and charged me a dollar.  I hate barbers.

    • #29
  30. Boney Cole Member
    Boney Cole
    @BoneyCole

    Somewhat related. Had a friend who was going to go to dentistry school, then set up a tooth cleaning shop with very attractive dental technicians. He didn’t plan on doing any dentistry other than refer you if you had a problem. All the amenities, keep the customer happy etc.

    Too bad you can ‘t get your teeth professionally cleaned outside of a dentist office.

    • #30
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