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A Glossary of 2016 Campaign Terms I Just Made Up
As hispandering (pandering to Hispanics) enters the American political lexicon, so too do a host of other terms whose meanings may not be immediately clear in the rapidly-changing landscape of the 2016 presidential campaign. Below is a glossary of some of the newest terms and their definitions.
Kasich–iness – Most often afflicting Democrat and establishment Republican governors, this condition results in the irresistible itch to expand your state’s roll in bankrupting the already insolvent Medicaid program. Scratching this itch usually only makes the condition worse.
Trump day – Similar to the workaday world’s hump day (Wednesday), Trump day refers to Sunday through Saturday, 24/7.
O’Malleycare – The former Maryland governor’s sweeping healthcare proposal would corral all Americans who require healthcare into Camden Yards until such time the streets of Baltimore are deemed safe, thus averting another PR disaster for a city that makes Chicago look like a meritocracy.
Chris ChrisTea–Party Favorite – The term Tea Party favorite has been robbed of all meaning since applied to Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio. Chris ChrisTea-party favorite is the term used to describe those Republicans who attempt to burnish their establishment credentials by promising to bring back the hugely unpopular and disastrous War on Drugs.
The Organ–donor class – Republican Jim Gilmore has been relying exclusively on the not-very-deep pockets of the organ donor class, i.e., those drivers whose licenses signify their willingness to donate their vital organs in the event they are killed in an automobile accident.
RubiObamacare – Exactly one page shorter than the Affordable Healthcare Act, RubiObamacare is the name of the Florida senator’s proposed healthcare overhaul. RubiObamacare is not to be confused with Obamaternity Leave, from which the Florida senator has distanced himself after providing the legislation’s clinching vote.
Published in General, Humor, Politics
Hilarious.
Derrogotype: a photograph designed to make a candidate look depraved or stupid, offered in the absence of a coherent argument.
And, someone obviously likes your humor, David. Promoted again.
Really great wordsmithery, David.
You make me laugh.
Arrahant: This is a nice way to find out! I’m on a cruise ship at sea and can’t easily learn this stuff.
“American”
For some politicians this means anyone who has managed to get past the border.
America’s “undocumented immigrants” now exceed 6 billion.
“Trump Bump”: A rise in the polls after saying something that in all previous election cycles in recorded history would have been fatal to a candidacy.
“Hillaryous”: Description of a joke that is so unfunny that you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Followed by blood-curdling cackle.
Example: “Did you wipe the server?” “You mean like with a cloth or something?”
Usually triggers a cackle.
Klondike-Cackling-Clackers: Hillary Clinton in a brass bra.
Bush-eoisie: the donor class who subsidize a candidate so feckless his campaign materials require a meaningless “!” in an attempt to convince you that he really, really wants to be president.
Epic dig. See? It’s not the same!
Love it.